People who act like TTRPG players all used to be self-serious hardcore roleplayers who were super into the statistics of fights and playing everything straight clearly never read 2525 things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG, which includes such gems as:

65. There is no Summon Bimbo spell.
349. Power Word: Beer Me is not a real spell.
579. “Pimp my Death Star” is not a real show, and I’d better believe Grand Moff Tarkin knows this.
687. I cannot backstab anybody with a Buick Skylark.
941. In the middle of a black ops I cannot make an educational video.
1141. In the middle of a Black Ops I will not look at the target’s HR files to see if they have better benefits.
1362. The cleric is not tax exempt.
1658. The words “Rock Opera” will not appear in any of my wishes.
1901. Even if my Jedi has a Scottish accent, can’t have a plaid lightsaber.
2218. We don’t have to consult a neurologist every time somebody fails a paralysis save.
2413. The barbarian can still berserk even if he hasn’t had his morning coffee.
2520.  At no point in the ritual do I get to ask Siri to read the rest of the exorcism for me.

Oh wow, he wrote more in 2019! I thought he stopped at 2,500! Thanks for the tip!

…oh wow, he’s *still* writing more, with a new (currently small) update so recent that it postdates OP [link].


#reply via reblog #recs #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog

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