turns out you’re wrong, sherlock holmes. i don’t do any kind of farming or professionally take care of dogs or anything you said. i threw on all this shit to see which and how many wild assumptions you’d make about me from one random glance, like an asshole. and you did. you made so many assumptions about my life just by taking one look, you asshole. here’s an assumption for you: sherlock holmes is a huge jackass

this is exactly what an arthur conan doyle self insert would look like


#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #yes this


id wreak mayhem for a really good scifi where sight was considered as exotic and numinous as telepathy by the protag species



#everybody else uses sonar or long whiskers and that thing with the sensing electrical impulses#meanwhile: humans can ‘see’ which is a thing which is like and yet unlike ordinary perception#it would also only ever come into play in the same frivolous ‘VULCAN STRENGTH’ sort of way as Spock’s extra attributes#for maximum effect vision would be faithfully written as 100% an asspull in the best way


what the fuck dude this is awesome i want this too now



Okay, but what about those deep sea fish that produce light at a wavelength that *only they can see.* Predators that can somehow sense you in a completely undectable and unfathomable manner to you; they might as well be psychic.



YES, EXACTLY–vision is SUCH an asspull?? Sometimes it’s “”dark”“ and we can’t see anything. And also we’re impaired for plot reasons! Sometimes ALIEN WEAPONRY or otherwise-innocuous ship components are ”“too bright”“ and we yell and try to hide, subject to some sort of obscure, tortuous imperative. The rest of the time we can UNERRINGLY tell when anyone is trying to play pranks on us, the names and emotional/physical status of EVERY SINGLE BEING IN THE ROOM (or, when outside civilized warrens, ”“line of sight”“)–and yes, of course, can’t forget about our nigh-mythical fighting arts revolving around insane dodging skills.

And SNIPING. And also, god, fuck–don’t forget about completely arbitrary “”””atmospheric disturbances””” (fog, smoke–the new “ionic interference”) ALSO plottasatically rendering our abilities moot.



Plus, some people have more powerful Vision than others, but some people have a very short effective range of Vision. However, humans have come up with devices that “change the angles of refraction” of the “light” so that the naturally impaired have their skills enhanced–but they can always be knocked off their faces or be broken.

Also some people are terrible at normal Vision work, but have excellent night vision and are skilled at working under adverse conditions.

Oooh, and human art is almost entirely Vision based. Think about non-seeing aliens trying to access the majority of human art!



IM!!! SCREAMING!!! GLASSES. Glasses are SUCH another great Weird Alien Gimmick. God–you get all used to your Human friend and their bizarre abilities, you just start to really trust in and rely on them in tight places and problem-solving a little bit, then you get fucken marooned on a fucken planetoid somewhere and they just in this very small little voice, after you have pulled them from the wreckage and sat down to go over your options, inform you that they’ve lost their glasses.



Oh my god and an episode where we’re up against Evil Humans and our heros turn to their humans like ‘you can see them, right, you can tell when they’re near? you can counter them?’ and our hero is genuinely shaken and worried— they’ve got high-tech military mechanical enhancers, the devices strapped to their heads let them see anywhere, they can operate in near-absolute ‘darkness’, they can operate in near-lethal ‘brightness’, they can see through walls— not doors, not glass, but walls

Then we have a heroic scene where the crew’s human is the scrappy, desperate underdog for once instead of the cool and collected superbeing. It is super cool. The human and the captain probably mack wildly on one another in medbay after this. Roll credits. 



Person 1:  I dunno, dude.  This ‘light’ stuff sounds like a bunch of mumbo jumbo to me.  I mean, how do we know it’s even real?

Person 2:  Seriously, how can something be a wave and a particle?  That doesn’t even make sense.

Mysterious Human: Even if you cannot perceive the light, you can feel its warmth–

Person 1: Oh my god, please shut it with the mystical hoo-hah.  You’re insufferable.



Mysterious, somewhat exasperated Human: the ‘light’ enters the sensitive paired apertures in our faces, passing through biological lenses and chambers to stimulate specific nerves we call ‘rods’ and ‘cones’. one set of nerves tells us the volume of light we’re perceiving, while the other estimates the wavelength frequency. the total input creates in our mind a continuous sonarscape of immense complexity, where we can perceive ‘textures’ that are impossible to understand with mere sound or touch. this is why my people’s communication devices are small, flat, silent boards: we ‘read’ the patterns of light they emit as language and ‘watch’ the patterns of light they emit as sonarscapes.

Captain: okay…. sounds fake, but okay…



And they just keep on making up new bullshit rules for how light works, like

Navigator: Warp drive engaged.  We are approaching 90% of the Lorentz limit.

Human:  What now?

Navigator:  Oh, uh, it’s really complex, but lemme try.  So, matter can only move so fast through space, right?  Like absolutely, nothing can ever ever possibly go faster than like about 3 hundred million meters per second–

Human: Ah yes.  The speed of light.

Navigator:  …oh for fuck’s sake.



Captain: My god! Time! Has… frozen! 

Human: Fuuuuuuuuck. 

Captain: What?

Human: Remember how light is a wave and a particle?

Captain: Yes, we mention this every episode. 

Human: Yeah, light’s frozen along with everything else. I can’t see shit. 

Captain: My god! Our sonar doesn’t work either! The soundwaves— they can’t propagate through this frozen air! We’ll have to use just our whiskers!

Human: Fuuuuuuuuck. 



The fanfiction for this show has to be amazing.

“Shh. Don’t try to hide your needs, Captain,” Hue Mann soothed.  “My sight has told me all about your traumatic memories of the war.”

“What?” Captain gasped.  “But…how…?”

“The light knows all,” explained Hue.  “Time slows down at the speed of light.  It sees all of the past..and all of the future.”

“And what is it telling you now?” questioned the Captain.

Hue leaned in close. “It tells me, ‘Mate with them now, you lovestruck fool!”

“Damn you, Hue Mann.  Damn you and your penetrating ‘eyes.’”

“Oh,” breathed Hue, voice husky and sexual.  “That’s not all my eyes can…penetrate.” 


#story ideas I will never write





How does one explain how important a special interest is to neurotypicals?

Fuck if I know, but I’ll signal boost in the hope that maybe someone else does.

An attempt: Imagine if the only thing people around you were genuinely interested in was the shade of white wallpaper. You’d learn to think about wallpaper in a complex way, hold down cobversations about eggshell versus alabaster, but ultimately, in your own time, you won’t spend a huge amount of time researching wallpaper, you’ll be learning about physics or celebrity gossip or whatever tickles your fancy, even though there’s been a hundred thousand times more ink spilled over wallpaper than anything else.And people will look at you funny for your obsession with non-wallpaper, but you’d just shrug and say “it’s what I’m into.”
And whenever the conversation shifted to a topic you knew something about, you’d go on and on about it, and the people you’re talking to might humor you or ignore you but ultimately they’d just want to get back to wallpaper.
Now imagine non-wallpaper is star wars or trains or whatever

it’s like falling in love with something that isn’t a person. 

The nice thing about the falling-in-love comparison is that it also works the other direction, should you ever be attempting to explain limerence to an autistic aromantic.

(This is a large part of why, as an autistic aromantic, I’m not really worried about missing out on the experience of limerence.)


#autism #aromanticism


Lots of you earned one of these badge last night! 

Wich one did you earn?


#thank you for this comforting badge #fucking clouds #(I’ve seen *a* supermoon) #(just not an eclipse-y one) #(in the non-eclipse case I didn’t get what all the fuss was about) #(the effect was barely noticeable to the point that I might have been imagining it) #lunar eclipse


Flowing Water On Mars

NASA scientists announced today that they’ve assembled strong evidence that liquid water flows on the Martian surface. There isn’t any indication that this means there’s life on Mars, but when you keep in mind that everywhere we find water on Earth we find living things, it’s exciting stuff.

After studying years worth of images collected by the Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter, a particular feature jumped out (tour the gorgeous HiRise image library at beautifulmars). Dark streaks called Recurring Slope Lineae (RSL) appeared on a seasonal basis, coinciding with conditions that could support liquid water in the form of salty brines.

Animation of seasonal flows in Hale Crater:

Think of these RSL streaks (visible in the image gallery up top) like water flowing downhill through sand, causing it to change color as the wet stuff seeps toward the valleys below. If you’re picturing rushing rapids, it’s really more like a wet sponge. These brines, made of chlorate and perchlorate minerals, are much saltier than our own seas, which allows this water to remain liquid in Mars’ frigid climate. Saltwater is especially intriguing for astrobiologists, as salty stuff has higher odds than freshwater for supporting biological chemistry.

NASA billed this report of liquid saltwater as “major”, but this isn’t the first news of water on Mars. Martian hydrology has a long, exciting history. As far back as Mariner 9, dry river and lake beds suggested that the red planet was once much wetter, and later missions told of an ocean-covered Mars several billion years ago. As recently as April 2015, the Mars Curiosity rover found similar brines near the surface at night. We’ve also known for a while that the Mars of today is home to significant amounts of frozen water ice, enough to cover the planet in a thin, wet, puddle if it melted. 

What makes today’s announcement so interesting isn’t that water exists on Mars, but that it still flows near the surface on a seasonal basis. Mars super-thin atmosphere led many to believe that any liquid water near the surface would boil away, and the dynamic nature of the wet stuff means that we’ve got a lot to learn about our planetary neighbor.

Read more at The Atlantic, The New York Times, and io9.


#Mars #the power of science #the more you know


It’s really cloudy tonight so, while the clouds had a reddish tint, I didn’t see the moon :(

*nod* Fucking clouds.

The worst part is, in my case it might not have just been the clouds. When I finally got a glimpse of the moon at 12:20, about ten minutes before the last of the shadow left, I found it was much higher in the sky than I expected it to be. Specifically, it was high enough that the angle I had been using to check the sky out my window that evening would not have seen it. How long was it up that high? How long?

Fucking clouds. Fucking irregular-relative-to-day/night-cycle moonrises. Fucking sleep schedules.

(Also, I like that “tiny adventure club” tag you used. Looks like the space-less version (”tinyadventureclub”) is more active, though.)


#reply via reblog #commiseration #how come nobody ever took me out meteor-watching when I was a kid and went to bed at 2 – 3 AM #now it’s too late #(in multiple senses of ‘too late’) #lunar eclipse




[1200×912] Map of cryptozoological creatures for most of America’s regions

You should all move to the Midwest! We’re certified monster free!

DC: Congress.


#home of the brave #so basically a lot of humans and plesiosaurs is what I’m getting from this #and also that I have still not forgiven my fellow Girl Scouts for ignoring me when I asked to be brought up to speed on this ‘Jersey Devil’ #instead just continuing on with their at best semi-penetrable conversation #about how we were in a cabin in the middle of the Pine Barrens and *anything* could *happen* #anything except learning what the fucking Jersey Devil is







Remus Lupin: Sirius you did what.

Inspired by this post and others by lotstradamus

#i want the 50k story of facepalming remus and panicked sirius with kidnapped baby harry on the run from dumbledore (via meh-guh)


Ok but hasn’t it been shown that a single stupefy wouldn’t be enough to have an effect on hagrid due to his giant blood?

clearly this means that hagrid pretended that the stupefy knocked him out, gently laid down on the ground so the baby wasn’t jostled, and pretended to snore while sirius ran the fuck away

possibly interrupting himself mid-snore to offer advice

*Hagrid sits up*


*lies down*

*Sirius climbs on motorbike*

*Hagrid sits up again*


*Motorbike zooms off*

*Hagrid sits up, cups hands and yells*


*lies down again for another five minutes for good measure*


#Harry Potter #comic #fanart #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog