The 4 approaches to “orphaned etymology” problems in fiction

1. Obviously we can’t call it French toast if there’s no France so we’re just gonna replace it with something else.

2. The word abattoir sounds too French so it wouldn’t make sense for it to be here without a France. Even though we use English without there being an England.

3. This is called a Ming vase because when you tap it it makes a “Ming!” sound.

4. I am JRR Tolkien and every single word I write has a fictional etymology attached to it that I am translating into English for your convenience.


#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(approach number 3) #language #writing




I’m going to show you a book cover I’ve been staring at for ten minutes with the disclaimer that this isn’t anywhere close to the wildest book cover I’ve ever seen. It simply compels me. It haunts me. It makes me want to go back to the library to check it out.


Anyway it was nearly crazy enough. It was just a competently yet blandly written romance between an Amish single father and a woman with a troubled past, BUT at one point the villain gives his name as Pete Peterson and then 70 pages later someone’s finally like “so that’s probably a fake name” and then the villain’s real name? Phil Phillipson. I’ll bump the book up to a C+ for that alone.



#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #names


in superman adventures #19, there’s a villain named multi-face who can convincingly disguise himself as anyone, even tricking dna tests and x-ray vision. Superman initially can’t stop him


and the only reason he gets caught is because multiface decides to disguise himself as, of all people, CLARK KENT i’m screaming




why do villains always mess up so badly


Clark Kent attending Bruce Wayne’s yacht party where Bruce told Clark to wear his clothes and……




Sard borken


This bullshit needs to get into the movies, not edgy-grimdark shit


I especially love the fact that, in many depictions, Bruce Wayne somehow ended up looking similar enough to the one Kryptonian on Earth that they can Parent Trap people


*Deathstroke bursts into the Legion of Doom headquarters* “Guys, you won’t believe this, but I think Bruce Wayne is Superman!“


today I learned that Clark Kent is sloppy drunk and I am in eternal gratitude for that


I’ve seen this post go around a couple of times and I’ve never seen anyone add the time that Clark somehow got high.



i say “somebody’s making brownies in North Dakota” whenever my irl bizarrely strong sense of smell is bugging me plz reblog so ppl will get the reference thx


There’s an episode of the Superman animated series where Superman goes to Gotham because he hears it’s suddenly full of crime, as Batman has vanished. He teams up with Robin and dressed up as Batman to get crime back under control, while searching for him.

It turns out Bruce Wayne got mind-controlled by Brainiac who went after him just because he’s a billionaire, and is using his money to build a giant rocket. He doesn’t even know he was mind controlling Batman.

So Superman learns all this (while dressed as Batman, remember?) , and Brainiac is like “Well, Batman is only a human. Time to die” and blasts him with a big laser.

Since it’s Superman, this just damages his mask a bit, revealing that he’s actually Superman. And Brainiac goes “Kal-El? This development was highly improbable.”

Understatement of the century, bud. The chances of Batman and Superman being the same guy? Pretty fucking low!


#Batman #Superman #comics #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #drugs cw #embarrassment squick #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once


We got in a transport today from our rural shelter partners (history: pups abandoned on person’s property) and one was a 9 week old puppy with “a swollen face and unable to use his legs.” They thought she was sick with something.

The face is because she is a shar-pei mix


Though I admit she does look like she ate a spicy sky raisin, but she’s been like this for a week. It’s just her face.

The legs however…

I palpated one limb and felt a very thickened, broken femur, and on the other the femur as a whole had gone walkabout so I thought dislocated.

Vet agreed with me so we took rads.


I mean, that left leg is *technically* not dislocated. Technically. The break on the right is so old there’s nothing we can do.

Puppy is going to foster for a month to build muscle in the right leg to, and I quote my vet, “to give her a leg to stand on” since we will be amputating the left.

Also, how long do you think it will take the algorithm to incorrectly flag this?


She… she fucking rebuilt her femurs??? The one floating off into nowhere, the dog built a whole new femur and even a whole new greater trochanter????


Original rad on the left, most recent on the right.

Our vet sent the rads to her orthopedic surgery mentor and he responded with “ I believe in God now”

If you look closely, you can see that this dog is currently in possession of 3 whole femurs like a goddamned overachiever


@talesfromtreatment so what’re you gonna do with the extra femur? remove it?


Her body is actually already working at removing it via a process called remodeling. That’s why it has a more ‘ghostly’ appearance than the new femur that she built. In a few more months it will be gone entirely.


A collection of my favorite tags on this fabulous little creature and what a good job she did with her three (3) femurs.



#dogs #fun with loopholes #body horror #animal abuse cw? #aging cw? #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(”isnt this what happened w the tenth doctor”) #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once


One of my favorite gags from contemporary SCP was from this article about a pointlessly dangerous extradimensional convenience store with layer upon layer of fatal death traps installed at every stage in the shopping process, one of which is a pit full of poisonous snakes below the checkout line. And then there’s a footnote saying that rather than being a confusion of terms between “venomous” and “poisonous” the snakes themselves are actually fangless and completely docile but anyone who falls into the pit and sees the snakes comes under a compulsion to start stuffing the snakes in their mouth


#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #overly literal interpretations #SCP Foundation #snakes #poison cw #death tw #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once





Who is solving the Kira murders the fastest? The time to beat is 6-ish years.


Please reblog to increase data size. Please also add how long you think it would take and why.

Phoenix Wright literally has a three day time limit

Benoit Blanc is onto Light’s shit IMMEDIATELY, but may not be able to work out the HOW. Fortunately, he also doesn’t necessarily care about solving things Legally. I give him about a month, during which Light totally fails to spell his name correctly.

BBC Sherlock has to loudly announce his name and get in everyone’s face. He’s dead within the hour.

Shawn Spencer wouldn’t solve the Mystery, but he and Light will somehow get involved in Kooky Hijinks and Shawn makes Light realize that he’s being a twerp, and the murders stop. Time Elapsed: 2-3 days.

The Mystery Gang hits Ryuk with the van and on the way to the hospital (this is the first time they haven’t been able to pull of a mask and it’s REALLY worrying them), Shaggy, Scooby and Ryuk have a Powerful Supernatural Entity Heart-to-Heart and Ryuk realizes he has more and better options to entertain himself. Time Elapsed: Negative Six days.

I don’t know Waver Velvet enough to make a guess.

L Lawliet is too busy playing Gay Autism headgames with Light to figure out the Mystery. Does Not Solve it.

The reason we never see Columbo’s Wife is that he himself possesses a Deathnote- His Wife gave it to him after he gave her eternal existence meaning, and they’ve been happily married with a collection of basset hounds since. He knows what’s up immediately. but unlike Blanc, needs to trick Kira into offering proof admissible in a court of Law. Time Elapsed: 3 days to a week.

Dr. Gregory House is arrested at the airport for carrying drugs. Does Not Solve The Mystery.

Phoenix Wright will solve this mystery and prove it in court in three days, but he’s bound by narrative convention to use EVERY LAST SECOND. Time Elapsed: 3 days

Winner: Scooby Doo, by Genre Upset.

Waver is a mage who only works within the mage community. His MO is explaining how examining the murder method is a complete waste of time because the answer is always “it’s magecraft” and then proceeding to solve the case by analyzing the culprit’s motive. Unfortunately, the motive in the Kira murders is that Light is an edgy teen from a privileged cop household, which doesn’t narrow things down nearly enough. Does Not Solve The Mystery.


#Death Note #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(”during which Light totally fails to spell his name correctly”) #murder cw #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once



Just the gang up to their old hijinks


#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #art #fanart #Lupin III #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once



Tumblr’s favourite types of Guy*:

  1. Guy with improbably specialised skills that just happen to be exactly what’s needed
  2. Guy who knows a guy
  3. Guy who’s normal about things about which it’s not normal to be normal
  4. Guy who has no frame of reference
  5. Guy who should technically be dead, and it’s honestly an excellent question why he’s not
  6. Guy who’s a big fan of substances
  7. Guy who puts together sequences of words that have never been heard before and should never be heard again
  8. Guy who’s inexplicably always damp
  9. Guy who’s the most annoying human being you’ve ever met, but like in a sexy way
  10. Guy with no kids who somehow has single father energy
  11. Guy who’s competent, collected, and thoroughly put together, and who also has one extremely specific thing wrong with him
  12. Guy with fat fucking tits

* Note: a Guy is not necessarily a guy, though it helps

1. Seventeen, Twenty-Seven

2. Eleven

3. Grant

4. The Whole-Thing

5. Lucifer Vance, but also Grant if you think about it.

6. Grant

7. Azad

8. O(3) Shade [nonverbal scratching noise]

9. Hector Stein

10. Lucifer

11. Michael, Hector

12. Cordelia


#Almost Nowhere #high context jokes #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(I agree with Benedict‚ the Azad bit is great) #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once