Concept: a D&D campaign where the players start out by creating high-level characters and jump straight into a final boss fight with an evil chronomancer. Whether they win or lose, they’re just barely too late to prevent an apocalyptic ritual that unravels the timestream.

Once the prologue is complete, they level their characters down by one level and play out the adventure immediately preceding the fatal confrontation. The next session, they level down again and play out the adventure before that, and so forth, with each adventure successively further back. No separation between player and character knowledge is enforced, effectively affording the player characters knowledge of future events (i.e., the “previous” adventures they’ve already played); exploiting this knowledge is encouraged.

Armed this this information, the player characters are able to make changes to history. They can’t prevent their final confrontation with the chronomancer without causing all sorts of nasty paradoxes, but due to the vortex of Time Fuckery™ surrounding it, the battle itself is exempt – i.e., they’re allowed change history in ways that give themselves advantages in the fight. Changes “close” to the event (i.e., only a couple of sessions in) confer only modest advantages, while changes further back in history (i.e., many sessions into the campaign) are more influential.

Every adventure ends with a flash-forward to the final battle with circumstances revised to reflect whatever changes to history the player characters just made. The campaign ends when they successfully prevent the chronomancer from blowing up the space-time continuum, thereby locking in the new timeline.

(If they manage to get all the way to level one without stopping the chronomancer, their “first” adventure has them bumping into a random NPC who they now realise is a low level, not-yet-evil version of that same chronomancer. The same no-preventing-the-final-battle rule applies, so they can’t just kill the poor schmuck, but now they’ve got an opportunity to really throw a wrench into the works!)

Every single D&D party I think I’ve ever been in would adopt him into the party.

Every single one.

You can absolutely do that, if you end up getting that far, but the Power of Friendship isn’t exempt from the no-preventing-the-final-battle rule, so all befriending the chronomancer’s past self gets you is an Anakin-versus-Obi-Wan “how could you do this, we were friends!” moment in the final battle.

(Of course, you could totally exploit that for tactical advantage, if you were bastardly enough!)


#time travel #story ideas I will never write #D&D


The NYT Opinion page goes on and on about Intellectual Diversity, yet they only ever have smug liberals, Enlightened Centrists, and #NeverTrump Catholic Republicans.

Given that the NYT’s high water mark of intellectual diversity was when it published the Unabomber Manifesto, I propose this lineup for their Opinion section:

One anarcho-primitivist;

One Christian Dominionist;

One jaded Singaporean technocrat;

One incel;

One TikTok Witch;

One editor each from the People’s Daily and the Epoch Times;

One monarchist;

One normie (control group).


#politics cw #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(”one editor each from the People’s Daily and the Epoch Times”) #((the Epoch Times keeps trying to convince us to subscribe and we are kind of weirded out tbh))



Item: Bowtie of Charging, a failed experimental charging device created by an eccentric artificer. Initially was designed to charge electrical devices by physical contact, but proved too unpredictable for large-scale manufacture, occasionally even sapping energy away to charge itself. Tie it around an electrical device and roll d100 to determine what the device’s battery percentage will be once you take the bowtie off.

If wrapped around anything else, including a character trying it on as a normal bowtie, roll d10 for every round worn.

2-10: no effect

1: d10 Lightning damage


#””failed”” #I mean yeah it’s not *ideal* but as long as you understand its limitations that sounds very useful #clothing #101 Uses for Infrastructureless Computers #pretty things

Umineko characters as dril tweets


Beatrice: THERAPIST your problem is, that youre perfect, and everyone is jealous of your good posts, and that makes you rightfully upset.

ME I agree


Maria: i regret being tasked the emotional burden of maintaining the final bastion of morality and NIce manners in this endless ocean of human SHIT

Shannon: if you’re ever wondering if im some other guy, the answer is yes, im him, unless it’s bad to be him, then im not him, im a different person.

Ange: im actualy, probably, the most superbly relatable and normal person in this jail cell as of right NOw

Erika: christ.. ive done it again.. ive posted the absolute good truth shit that every1 has been waiting to hear in this sea of lying crap nonsense

Lion: “This Whole Thing Smacks Of Gender,” i holler as i overturn my uncle’s barbeque grill and turn the Fourth of July into the Fourth of Shit

Eva: the first step to becoming a Millionare is to acquire one hundred dollars

Gaap: i feel truly blessed ,knowing that everyone who has spoken ill of my brand is eating bugs in a cold prison cell

Virgilia: every woman ivr ever spoken to would describe our correspondence as “Graceful”

Bernkastel: i will tell you this right now: I’m from hell. Im highly fucked up. Ive been known to say rude things and watch the carnage unfold brutally


#Umineko #(which I finally got a chance to finish) #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #text quote posts #(close enough)


I googled “how to become a fossil” because I’ve been reading about what archaeology and genetic analysis tells us about ancient humans from their remains, and I feel left out. I, too, wish to be dug up, admired, and analyzed by people unimaginably different from me.  While looking into this I hit the motherlode of good science articles re: informativeness and tone on this topic.

However, if you want your remains to become a fossil that lasts for millions of years, then you really want minerals to seep through your bones and replace them with harder substances. This process, known as ‘permineralisation’, is what typically creates a fully-fledged fossil. It can take millions of years.

As a result, you might skip the coffin. Bones permineralise most rapidly when mineral-rich water can flow through them, imbuing them with things like iron and calcium. A coffin might keep the skeleton nicely together, but it would interfere with this process.

There is a way a coffin might work, though. Mike Archer, a palaeontologist at the University of New South Wales, suggests burial in a concrete coffin filled with sand and with hundreds of 5mm holes drilled into the sides. This then needs to be buried deep enough that groundwater can pass through.

Archer even suggests getting buried with copper strips and nickel pellets if you fancy fossilised bones and teeth with a nice blue-green colour to them.

I love all the scientists interviewed for this piece.

5. Get discovered

Now you need to think about the potential for rediscovery.

If you want somebody to chance upon your carefully preserved fossil one day, you need to plan for burial in a spot that currently is low enough to accumulate the necessary sediments for deep burial – but that will eventually be pushed up again. In other words, you need a place with uplift where weathering and erosion will eventually scour off the surface layers, exposing you.

One good spot might be the Mediterranean Sea, Syme says; it’s getting shallower as Africa is pushed towards Europe. Other small, inland seas that will fill with sediment are good bets, too.

“Perhaps the Dead Sea,” she says. “The high salt would preserve and pickle you.”


#death tw #interesting #the more you know



I often wonder what my pets have named me. Humans are a visual species and like to name our pets based on their aspect or colour, so I think my dog with his smell-based worldview would come up with a smell name. I imagine something cute and cheerful and a little over the top in a dog way, like Applefriend Cake, because my laundry product gives my clothes a sweet, slightly apple-y smell which might remind Pandolf of happy memories of tasting cake crumbs. Unless he was feeling serious the day he named me, and basing himself on the fact that I read a lot and my hands often smell like book pages when I pet him, and went with something more decorous that translates to Paperdust Pal. Cat naming conventions are more enigmatic since they are less preoccupied with human affairs. My catgiven name was probably the result of a secret ballot vote among my cats, who decided upon something that resonates with cat history and heritage—a dated, unfashionable name if they felt a duty to honour one of their ancestors or if I’m lucky, a mythological figure from cat lore.

this is such a good post now i want to know what the cat i live with calls me


#names #cats #dogs