A partner program update


After experimenting with different approaches and formats for the last year or so, we’re putting an indefinite pause on the partner program that we announced last summer. We’re still excited by the possibilities of the project, and may revisit it in the future, but we haven’t quite figured out the best way to deliver on our goal.

For the time being, we’ve also taken down all the ads that were appearing on individual blogs across Tumblr while we determine how to deliver the best overall experience for both our users and our advertisers.

Thanks for being a part of all this, and we greatly appreciate your patience.  

❤️ Tumblr


#The Great Tumblr Apocalypse #the more you know






there’s an educational trivia game at the citadel on the exhibits on different planets called “Dog or Not?” that shows pictures of various four legged mammals and asks if they’re a breed of dog.

it was mainly for kids to learn about the diversity of earth’s flora and fauna but it became popular with adult aliens too and had to be shut down after almost causing no less than three diplomatic incidents.

they brought it to the nexus and it’s caused two more so far

“That’s definitely a dog.” “Incorrect. This is actually an animal called a ‘raccoon’” “What? No! It’s got the ears and the tail!”

“Okay, okay, I got this. That’s not a dog. It’s way too big it’s uhhh I think humans call them bears.” “Incorrect. This is a dog breed called a ‘newfoundland’” 

And when it becomes such a cultural obsession that they run tournaments and the final rounds are displayed live on the worldswide hologram system …

Somewhat cocky contestant (who heckles the others for wrong answers) looks at the hologram on display: “I’ve read up on a lot of Earth animals, even visited the Earth zoo, so you can’t fool me.  It’s a picture on a farm so that’s the first clue.  It’s white, fluffy, got a sloping forehead and no distinct… muzzle.. if I do remember the term correctly.  It’s most definitely a sheep.”  

Trivia host (attempting to hide their joy at finally being able to tell the contestant they’re wrong):  “I’m sorry, that is a dog called a Bedlington Terrier.  It is actually bred to look like a sheep, but notice the lack of keratinized tissue coverings on the extremities that make contact with the ground.  You missed quite an obvious difference there.”  (after the contestant stutters a bit and protests about dogs made specifically to look like not-dogs) “Let’s take it to the judges then” (after consulting small podium-top hologram of judging panel, now grinning and dripping with sarcasm) “Awwww…unfortunately it is a dog and rules of the game do not allow us to award partial credit… toooooo baaaaaad” (super cheerfully) “aaand… next image please!” 

Shepard loves “Dog or Not?”. The human crew never misses a tournament airing. They get it on a vid screen in the mess hall and all crowd around. Some people bring blankets and pillows. Some make snacks to share. Eventually it becomes like a Superbowl party.

Dog or Not becomes a sort of inside joke on the Normandy, one that the non-human crew members still kind of get – they’re always invited to the viewing parties and sometimes sit in – but don’t really understand. Tali especially doesn’t understand when a snickering Shepard elbows her and, pointing to a varren being taken for a walk, asks, “Hey, Tali – dog or not?”

“That’s…that’s a varren, Shepard,” Tali responds, bemused. “You know what a varren is.”

Shepard is still giggling, and Kaidan, who heard the exchange, joins in.

Liara, Ashley, and Shepard go to recover the lost data drive at Admiral Hackett’s request. They eventually find themselves surrounded by the strange monkey-looking organisms.

With a straight face, Ashley comments, “Wow, sure are a lot of dogs on this planet.”

Shepard doubles over. Liara isn’t sure whether or not to laugh. She’s watched “Dog or Not?” before, so she knows these creatures aren’t dogs…right?

Garrus accidentally joins in on the fun after they discover a new species on a fog-covered planet. They’re bright red, they have carapaces, and they breathe fire. The team is examining one’s corpse when Garrus asks hesitantly, “So…is that a dog?”

Shepard’s head whips up and they stare at him for a full five seconds before breaking down. Garrus has to half-carry a wheezing, crying Shepard back to the shuttle. Jack’s eyelashes are wet from her own mirth.

They’re driving full speed over the scorching desert of Tuchanka. They’ve just called Kalros, the mother of all thresher maws, to deal with the Reaper destroyer in their way. All faces are pressed to the windows to see the fight.

Kalros bursts from the sands with an unearthly screech and tackles the Reaper. The two grapple in the sands, both representing the might of organic and synthetic, respectively.

“Garrus,” Shepard says in a low, awed voice.

Garrus has been around Shepard for too long not to know when they’re about to make a joke. “Shepard, I swear on all the spirits of Palaven – “

“That’s the biggest dog I’ve ever seen.”

Garrus quietly regrets all his choices that led him to this moment, then sighs. “Which one?” he returns.

I have never played a Mass Effect game, yet this was very amusing.



#Mass Effect #fanfic #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog


checked the label on my breakfast four times today before I could bring myself to eat it

reciting each bit carefully in my head, reassuring myself

I knew, I knew there was no Voan stuff in it

but there’s always that little voice going “are you sure


#Amenta RP #Amenta #this contribution is mine #normally roleplaying’s not really my thing except as a lurker #but tbh this barely qualifies as roleplaying I basically wrote it straight from RL experience #in which Brin has a food poisoning phobia #(it isn’t always this bad but sometimes it is)

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I’ve really been feeling my lack of networking lately.

  • I don’t know anyone in my neighbourhood, so I have nobody to team up with on Pokemon Go raids. (At my current strength (level 24, in an area where Geodudes and Machops pretty much never spawn outside events and I get a Dratini every couple of weeks), this effectively limits me to tier-1 raids unless I’m lucky enough to happen to show up at the same time as a stranger, and it’s impossible to *ever* do a tier-4 raid without a *minimum* of one other person, no matter how high-level you are.)
  • I don’t know any Canadians who both have TV service and would trust me with their TV-service login credentials. (We recently cancelled our TV service because we can’t afford it anymore, which means I can’t watch Daily Planet on TV. I can’t even pirate it, because it’s not popular enough for black-market providers to consider it worth stealing. Discovery Channel has an online streaming service, but you need TV-service login credentials for them to let you in.)
  • I don’t know anyone who I can both trust-trade my excess Amazon credits with and who wants to buy them. (Menial Internet labour for poor people, much like charity for poor people, usually fails to follow the “just give them money, rather than goods they’ll have to sell at a discount to buy the things they *actually* needed” guideline. They make excuses about how Amazon credit is basically the same thing as money because you can buy ~everything~ there, but in fact the list of things I want that Amazon has is fairly limited, and I end up getting credits (both USD credits and CAD credits) faster than I can spend them.)

This is clearly a problem (or a collection of related problems), but I don’t know what to do about it.


#oh look an original post #rants #(sort of) #in which Brin learns to speak Pokemon #tag rambles #traditionally when you don’t have money you’re supposed to trade favours amongst your network of personal contacts to pick up the slack #but I don’t *have* a network strong enough to trade favours with #so when I can’t solve logistical problems with money they don’t get solved at all #and as my finances continue the slow deterioration they’ve been doing for half my life #I increasingly can’t solve logistical problems with money #my normal approach to friendship is #to stumble into relationships with people I don’t know well enough yet to know what terrible people they are #and about two years later I know enough of their terribleness that I can’t take it anymore and leave #occasionally I stumble into relationships with people who *don’t* turn out to be terrible but this happens too rarely to compose a network #(and besides even then I sometimes lose contact with them anyway) #I don’t know how to deliberately make friends #and I don’t know how to filter in advance so that a good fraction of new friends remain likeable after >2 years #and I *especially* don’t know how to do any of this in the Hard Mode of being poor #and therefore a noticeable portion of my motivation for befriending them being necessarily mercenary #(even when it’s a mutually-beneficial kind of mercenary I’m told people tend to find that sort of thing offputting) #(or they use it to take advantage of you) #(which is probably why the first group finds it offputting) #at least I’ll probably be strong enough to solo tier-2 raids before too long #that’s something #(the following category tag was added retroactively:) #adventures in human capitalism

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Ennen Horoscopes


There are 20 months in the Ennen year, each one 18 days long, for an overall year of 360 days. Each month is paired with a member of the pantheon – it’s said that the deity you’re born under influences your personality. (Side note, Ennen’s calendar identifies months by number, rather than name.)

Month 1: Dirata. Caring and nurturing, but can be dependent and a little smothering.
Month 2: Tzarth. Loners who do what they love and are efficient at it. The brutally honest type.
Month 3: Kless. Wildly creative, with hair-trigger tempers. Very convincing when they want to be.
Month 4: Ithria. Capricious and fun-loving. The lives of the party. Dosn’t like focusing on one thing at a time.
Month 5: Breza. Zealous types who do everything they do 110%. Rough around the edges, but great wingmen.

Month 6: Mihtas. Calm and good-natured, but tend to miss the joke. They do the job in front of them.
Month 7: Thale. They like company, but can be prickly and sarcastic. Hold grudges.
Month 8: Takren. Serious and tough to get along with, but incredibly loyal and perceptive.
Month 9: Asanema. Dependable people who will shoulder every burden and won’t ask for help, even when they need it.
Month 10: Meion. Studious and eager to learn, with a tendency to get absorbed in their work.

Month 11: Espoi. Enjoy the company of very few people. Handy and attentive to detail.
Month 12: Optrian. Very logically-minded, in all facets of life. Not in touch with their emotions.
Month 13: Krytikas. Quiet types who keep their cards close. Will keep every secret told to them.
Month 14: Diza. Justice-minded people who believe in punishing the guilty. They’re easily annoyed and think that everyone should just listen to them once in a while.
Month 15: Dia. Justice-minded people who believe in protecting the innocent. They’re generally cheerful, but riling others up is a guilty pleasure of theirs.

Month 16: Sunthe. Shy, anxious, and easily cowed, but incredibly knowledgeable about their favorite topics and very artsy.
Month 17: Alpani. Passionate people who enjoy the finer things in life, even if they go overboard sometimes.
Month 18: Duximas. Sharp and quick-witted people, with a tendency towards risk-taking. Love trying new things.
Month 19: Alagi. People who are always the center of attention, for better or for worse, though they tend to be overly tough on themselves.
Month 20: Tukha. Jovial people who love jokes and stories. They love making people laugh, but can come off as facetious.

(tag yourself, I’m Meion)


#Ennen #tag yourself #according to the time of year (going by seasonal cycle) I was born: somewhere around the Takren/Asanema border #which is a lot like my Western-zodiac sign #in that the later of the two I could be argued to have fits *less* badly than the earlier but they both kind of suck #according to what fits me best: probably Espoi

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Today’s answer to “am I ovulating, or am I sleep-deprived?” is “both”.


#*flop* #*muffled ”ugggghhh”* #I am so fucking tired #in my case I don’t think this is an Amenta-induced problem #(that would be the part of me that cringed when Mom said my hair gets a red tint to it in the summer) #I am fortunate enough to have an incredibly incompetent reproductive drive #like #from what I’ve been able to figure out #this feeling (or the ovulatory component of it rather) was ~supposed~ to be about wanting babies #but that was multiple rounds of intra-brain Telephone ago #and by the time it actually becomes a quale it’s mangled enough to have completely lost sight of its evolutionary purpose #(which suits me just fine thank you) #(at least compared to the alternatives) #(*knocks on wood*) #tag rambles #people who can distinguish between their drive for sleep and drive for sex fascinate me #sexuality and lack thereof #nsfw? #oh look an original post

Anonymous asked: I genuinely want to try to avoid using caste to refer to strangers but my language doesn’t have a singular caste-neutral pronoun, is there a standardized solution for this that I don’t know about or do I just have to deal with it?

{{deleted blog, username unknown}}:

You either have to deal with it or adopt colourless neopronouns. If your language doesn’t have an established colour-neutral pronoun, the constructed ones will probably be clunky and unnatural.

But even if I were writing to a monolingual audience, the core of my point wouldn’t be “don’t use coloured pronouns”. They’re a problem, but the problem isn’t one that’s fixed merely by adopting orthodox language. It takes some mindfulness to notice yourself rounding someone off to an instance of their caste, and to bring to mind other, unrelated things about them – but that’s really the core of it, the central tendency of what I miss in social justice.



“colourless pronouns”

have you ever heard of a more green idea



#this makes me furious and I’m just gonna go to sleep now #shitpost #amenta#not sure this is even rp #linguistics inside joke #language


#Amenta RP #(OP is roleplaying; I’m not) #Amenta #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #high context jokes #oh my god #language #(there’s at least one other post in my ”language” tag) #(where the punchline is ”colourless green ideas sleep furiously”) #(here’s another one for the collection)

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autie-stereotype-crime-noir story



i like clues because they make sense, unlike people, who have legs that go on for days. how can a leg go on for days? i don’t know. help



i got the call late at night: “there’s been a murder on the orient express.” i knew i had to take the case immediately, because that is a TRAIN



i have been told i am “gritty” and “hardboiled”, maybe because i eat so many eggs and crunch the bits of shell between my teeth



“he’s the killer!” i said. “wait, no he’s not. wait, all these people look the same, which one is which again?”



i’m a straight shooter who plays by my own rules, all 376 of them that I have in this annotated binder



i’m a lose cannon, in fact, i have been institutionalized for erratic behavior



my job as a detective is made harder by the fact that i am physically incapable of telling a lie or bluffing but made easier by the fact that i have no emotions about anything but trains. once a train was murdered, and i couldn’t stop crying



she had curves in all the right places. i like curves, because they make sense, unlike people



i like my liquor hard, and my social interactions harder



i’m the best detective around, but my fees are high, and i only take payment in trains



she had curves in all the right places. she was a graph i was making about trains. in the other room, my dad was crying because i wouldn’t make eye contact with him



“you will tell me what i want.” i said. “everyone tells me what i want. i’m tough as nails, and i’m not afraid to display aggressive behavior”



i got into this job because one time in fifth grade i asked my special teacher why people don’t like me, and she told me to be a detective and figure it out. i took that completely literally, and here we are today



maybe i should throw away all my detective memorabilia so that i can hug my dad for the first time



“i know you’re a detective,” my mom sniffled, “but sometimes i feel like the real detective, trying to figure out how to finally help you”



the only mystery i cannot solve is the mystery of why these nice ladies keep making me play with special blocks. i have literally no theories about why this is happening



“i didn’t solve the case, and i let a second train get murdered!” i cried. “i’m a bad detective!” “oh, honey, no,” my mom soothed, “you’re not a bad detective, you’re just special, and sometimes that means things are a little bit harder for you”



he handed me the pictures of the suspects. i crossed out their eyes so i could look at their faces.



i got the call late at night. “TEXT ME” i shouted into the phone



“there’s been a terrible murder.” “that makes 231,” i said, twirling my hair. i like numbers.



she had curves that went on for legs. i reminded myself to make eye contact, like my special teacher told me



“ain’t she a beauty?” i asked. my special teacher had been working with me on saying “isn’t.” “a genuine Horse .75. i got her 12 years and 37 days ago and she weighs exactly 14 ounces. i call her Melissa, after my special teacher. she’s almost as good as a train.”



i took out my bottle of whiskey, and started to read the label aloud



i’m a private eye. that means i think eyes should be private. why do people have to look at each other’s eyes all the time?



the ceiling fan moved slowly in my grimy office, slowly like someone about to give up on the world. i stared up, up, up at it, distracted from my obsessive cleaning. it had curves in all the right places



the whole world seemed black and white, like an old film, or my thinking



i took my gun out of the pocket of my trench coat, which i was wearing because of my sensory issues



with my gun smashed​ to pieces on the floor and the criminal’s gun pointed right at me, it seemed like just about the right time to elope



this is the best thing in the world



#(it took me a while to understand that last one though) #(I think the joke is that the protagonist is using “elope” to mean “run away”) #(oblivious to the specifically marriage-related meaning it has in practice?)

That term is actually often used to describe “autistics wandering off”, do a web search for “elopement autism” or something.

Ah, okay. I don’t think I’ve heard that usage before. (Or maybe I just haven’t heard it in ages: most of my experience with autism-blogging was in the late 00′s.)


#reply via reblog #oh look an update #the more you know #autism