if u make clark kent say soda you are grossly mischaracterizing him and i wont stand for it


the real reason no one thinks clark is superman is bc they’re all east coasters who constantly mock clark’s usage of “pop” so they never connect mr. “soda” superman to mr. clark “pop” kent


#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(I moved from the East Coast to the Great Lakes) #(and often I will say pop just to keep people from giving me That Look) #(you can’t just say ”soda” without it being a Statement) #(and I’m not here to make Statements I’m just trying to ring up your food) #our home and cherished land #food #in which Brin has a job #Superman


On a lighter note.

The main reason I ever wanted to write a Hungarian mythology-based urban fantasy is that I needed to see someone do Bread Magic in a mundane modern setting.

Bread Magic shows up in a variety in Hungarian fairytales. It works like this: when someone evil, usually the devil, sometimes a dragon, wants to come into your house and hurt you, usually by taking your children, what you do is put a loaf of bread on the windowsill. It will speak for you.

When evil demands admission, the bread will say: First, they buried me under the ground, and I survived. When I sprouted, they cruelly cut me down with sickles, and I survived. They threshed me with their flails and I survived. They ground me to flour with their millstones and I survived. They put me in a bowl and kneaded me, then they put me in a hot oven to bake me, and I survived. Have you done all these things? Until you do all these things and survive, you have no power here.

This is pretty powerful magic I think, and it makes sense in a country where wheat is the staple crop and bread is the staple food. If you have bread, you are alive, if you have no bread, you are dead, therefore bread is life. It was customary to refer to wheat as “life” well into the twentieth century, and not in high literary circles either: rural seasonal workers negotiated their wages in so and so many sacks of life.

And I totally want someone to do bread magic with a shitty store-bought muffin.



There was a similar Greek fairy tale where narrating the torments of the flax was used as a delay tactic. Like, the parents would be out working in the field and the ogre would come to take the child away, and the clever grandma would say “sure, BUT FIRST, you must let me tell you the passions of the flax”. (As in “the passions of Christ”, meaning the sufferings.) Making cloth out of flax is a hell of a job with many many stages, you dunk it in water for days, you dry it, you shred it, all sorts of things (I don’t actually know what things, I’m a city kid…), so grandma would start droning very slowly and very sadly “they taaaaaaaaake the flaaaaaaaaax, they drowwwwwwn it in waaaaaaaater” and the imagery was out of a medieval torture manual and it sounded like a funeral dirge and it went on for ages, until the ogre couldn’t stand it any more and went “fuck this, I’m out, keep your damn child”.

Folk tales have some Good Takes, such as “brains over brawn” (that’s why they’re so fundamentally roguish – once in a while you’ll get a mighty warrior bashing things, but mostly it’s common peasants tricking the powerful with nothing but wits and sheer nerve), “storytelling will get you a long way”, and “grandmas are awesome”. Which may be a little self-serving (I mean, grandmas tell the tales…), but still: they earned it.

For the torments of anthropomorphised plants see also: John Barleycorn.

There were three men came out of the west,
their fortunes for to try
And these three men made a solemn vow
John Barleycorn must die

They’ve ploughed, they’ve sown, they’ve harrowed him in
Threw clods upon his head
And these three men made a solemn vow
John Barleycorn was dead

They’ve let him lie for a very long time,
‘til the rains from heaven did fall
And little Sir John sprung up his head
and so amazed them all

They’ve let him stand ‘til Midsummer’s Day
‘til he looked both pale and wan
And little Sir John’s grown a long long beard
and so become a man

They’ve hired men with their scythes so sharp
to cut him off at the knee
They’ve rolled him and tied him by the waist
serving him most barbarously

They’ve hired men with their sharp pitchforks
who’ve pricked him to the heart
And the loader he has served him worse than that
For he’s bound him to the cart

They’ve wheeled him around and around a field
‘til they came unto a barn
And there they made a solemn oath
on poor John Barleycorn

They’ve hired men with their crabtree sticks
to cut him skin from bone
And the miller he has served him worse than that
For he’s ground him between two stones

And little Sir John and the nut brown bowl
and his brandy in the glass
And little Sir John and the nut brown bowl
proved the strongest man at last

The huntsman he can’t hunt the fox
nor so loudly to blow his horn
And the tinker he can’t mend kettle or pots
without a little barleycorn




@we-are-rogue Where can I find this marvel?



I HAVE NO IDEA, I remember vaguely the story from when I was a kid, but I can’t remember where I read it (or heard it?), and I didn’t find it online. ‘Cause I searched.

It’s also an expression in greek, though it’s a bit outdated, you can say “that poor man has gone through the passions of the flax”, meaning he’s had a very hard life. Or, if you’re a drama queen, you can say something like “fucking bureaucracy! I went through the torments of the flax to get that bloody permit!”. This makes searching for the fairy tale all the more difficult. I’m sorry. :(



@wearebeguiler this sounds like your kind of mischief.



In Swedish, two of the steps in working with flax are called “arguing with the flax” (bråka lin) and “heckling the flax” (häckla lin). That says something about how the fiber is treated…



Etymology! Fairytales! Folk Music! Bread magic!

This post has everything!


#long post #food #death tw #history #music #story ideas I will never write

{{previous post in sequence}}



The Evening World, New York, March 24, 1904



Has anyone tried this? I feel compelled to at least take the idea seriously



The trouble with *holding* it upside-down is that gravity works against you, and some or all of the butter may fall off.

I generally compromise by holding it butter-side-up, then using my tongue to flip each bite over inside my mouth.

*looks up “voluble”* Wait, hang on, is this a joke about oiling your tongue in order to make your speech-producing mechanisms work better? I thought we were talking about how to best enjoy the flavour.



So having tried this, here are my findings:

1) I didn’t have any trouble with the butter coming off, it was all pretty well into the bread. If you used a lot more butter than I did though perhaps that could become a problem?

2) The flavor profile is definitely a little different. I get the butter first and then later the flip side (my test was performed with end pieces of a wonderbread style loaf, I do have some dough rising so maybe I’ll see with some normal bread).

3) However the butter flavor is still very available eating it butter side up. It’s more of an accent though. I didn’t find it made a big difference, although if you wanted to maximize the butter flavor (to skimp on butter, maybe, or if you just really love butter) butter side down might be worthwhile.

4) The actual inconvenience to me was that I had to hold my slice in a nonstandard configuration.

My conclusion is that this approach is probably not, generally speaking, for me, but I think it’s a reasonable preference.



It may be worth noting that in many cases my buttered bread has room-temperature bread, and butter partway between refrigerator-temperature and room-temperature. In these cases the butter does not melt into the bread at all, and is often not even that firmly attached.

(I *try* to bring butter up to room temperature before spreading it, but I don’t always get enough advance notice.)



Ah, my butter is almost always up to room temperature (which is relatively easy for me, since the only other person to regularly use my butter is my girlfriend, who is, of all the people in the world, uniquely willing to my opinions on butter handling). And also if it was not quite room temperature I would almost definitely toast the bread in question.

Cold butter on cool bread would be less amenable.

#I don’t know exactly how long butter takes to go bad at room temperature but it really does take a while  #I keep mine in a small airtight container and I’ve never had it go bad even if the temperature cycles up to over 90f most days  #well it did go bad when I was out of town for six weeks but I don’t think it’s ever taken me more than three to use a stick of butter  #if warm butter but is reaching it’s EOL I bake with it  #measuring butter that’s never deformed is much easier though

Might also be relevant that most Canadian butter is sold in blocks the size of four sticks. (Usually with markings along the side of the (paper-lined foil) wrapper to indicate things like “slice here to get ¼ cup”.)

(I used to think it was *all* Canadian butter, but I recently discovered that President’s Choice brand butter is in stick format.)


#reply via reblog #food #our home and cherished land

{{next post in sequence}}




#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #high context jokes #(in addition to the backslash thing adzolotl was also just talking about the Crusades) #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what


Today’s aesthetic: constructing “X is the Y of Z” analogies using incommensurable categories; e.g., “Quinoa is the Homestuck of comestible grains.”


#everyone loves it or hates it or often both at once #except you #you tried it once‚ couldn’t really get into it‚ and wandered off a few minutes later #you are vaguely glad that people are having fun with it #food #Homestuck



Y’all ever mess up putting your phone charger in your phone completely sober just to flex on sherlock holmes

It’s crazy how BBC Sherlock had such active and profound contempt for people in general and yet all of Sherlock’s convoluted deductions never factored in how we just do dumb shit sometimes


#Sherlock #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #this reminds me of that ”here’s an assumption for you: Sherlock Holmes is a huge jackass” post


One backslash: \
Two backslashes: \
Three: \
Four: \
Five: \

…but pages work completely differently and will never display multiple backslashes in a row.

EDIT: oh my god. The escape sequence for a backslash in a tumblr post is \, but just \ will work fine if you only need one. The escape sequence for a backslash in a tumblr page is anywhere from one to four backslashes, parsed greedily. If you want to display \ in a page you need to input .

 What I just typed into this input box was “If you want to display \ in a page you need to input \.”

Also: every time you edit a page it reduces the length of each string of backslashes by a factor of two.





Alice wants her About page to say “Double \ backslashes are fun!”

The canonical way to do this:

* Type “Double \ backslashes are fun!” into the edit box.
* Hit “Update Preview”. It will show “Double \ backslashes are fun!”; ignore it, it’s wrong. But now there’s a Save button!
* Save. Go view your About page, which says “Double \ backslashes are fun!”. Yay!
* Never edit your About page again.

If you do make the mistake of editing your About page, you will see “Double \ backslashes are fun!” in the edit box and also in the preview. Be sure to correct \ to \; if you don’t, then the next time you save, your About page will look like “Double \ backslashes are fun!” and the next time you edit you’ll see “Double \ backslashes are fun!” in the preview and so on until you give up and make a Dreamwidth account.

Post previews are broken, but in the opposite direction; instead of underinterpreting backslashes twice over, they overinterpret them a single time. If I hit “Preview” right now, this is what I see:


Fortunately, I think posts are stable and don’t mess up your backslashes when you edit them.



Quick update: every time you reblog it parses the previous posts an extra time, so if you have a long reblog chain, the OP will eventually be stripped of all but one backslash in each sequence.

Reblog to destroy the backslashes! I’ll start by typing 64 of them: \\\\\\\\



To clarify: if you go to my Tumblr and view the reblog immediately above this one, you see this:


But if you view that same reblog in your feed, you see this:


This is an exciting new discovery: Tumblr has a “first one’s free” policy on reblogs viewed from the feed; only the SECOND reblog will start cutting into your backslashes. But at least on my theme+browser+OS+bloodtype combination, this policy does not apply to someone’s Tumblr viewed directly.

If I’m wrong about how any of this works, shame on you for bothering to check.


#Tumblr: a User’s Guide #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(”until you give up and make a Dreamwidth account”) #((…how the fuck am I going to archive this)) #((I guess I’ll just treat however it appears in my tumblr-utils scrape as the canonical version)) #((that’s usually where I pull from when adding new posts to the WordPress))