On China’s transition from disdaining the English language to considering it very important for individual success:

“English fever” settled on waiters, CEOs, and professors, and elevated the language into a defining measure of life’s potential—a force strong enough to transform your résumé, help attract a spouse, or vault you out of a village. Men and women on Gong’s dating site often included their English proficiency in descriptions of themselves, alongside mention of cars and houses. Every college freshman had to meet a minimal level of English comprehension, and it was the only foreign language tested. In a novel called English, the author, Wang Gang, a teacher in a rural school, says, “If I rearranged the words in the [English] dictionary, the entire world would open up before me.”

This was a sharp reversal from the past. In nineteenth-century China, English was held in contempt as the language of the middlemen who dealt with foreign traders. “These men are generally frivolous rascals and loafers in the cities and are despised in their villages and communities,” the reformist scholar Feng Guifen wrote in 1861. But Feng knew that China needed English for diplomatic purposes, and he called for the creation of special language schools. “There are many brilliant people in China; there must be some who can learn from the barbarians and surpass them,” he wrote. Mao favored Russian for the country, and he expelled so many English teachers that, by the sixties, China had fewer than a thousand high school English teachers nationwide. After Deng opened China’s doors to the world, English fever took hold. Eighty-two percent of those polled in 2008 thought it was vital to learn English. (In America, 11 percent thought it was vital to learn Chinese.) By 2008 an estimated 200 million to 350 million Chinese were studying English.

On Li Yang, a celebrity English teacher

Li peered at the students and called them to their feet. They were doctors in their thirties and forties, selected by Beijing hospitals to work at the following summer’s Olympic Games. But like millions of English learners in China, they had almost no confidence speaking the language that they had spent years studying by textbook. Li had made his name with an ESL technique that a Hong Kong newspaper called English as a Shouted Language. Shouting, Li argued, was the way to unleash what he called the “international muscles.” Li stood before the students, his right arm raised in the manner of a tent revivalist, and launched them into English at the top of their lungs. “I!” he thundered. “I!” they thundered back.






“Tem! Per! Ture!”
“Tem! Per! Ture!”

One by one, the doctors tried it out. A woman in stylish black glasses said, “I would like to take your temperature.” Li gave a theatrical shake of his head and made her do it again. Her cheeks flushed, and in a sudden burst, she bellowed, “I would like to take your temperature!” Then came a thickset man in a military uniform who needed no encouragement—“I would like to take your temperature!”—followed by a tiny woman, who let out a paint-peeling scream. Around the room we went, each voice a bit more confident than the one before. I wondered how a patient might react, but before I could ask, Li was out the door, and on to another group in the adjoining classroom.


He favored flamboyantly patriotic slogans such as “Conquer English to Make China Stronger!” On his website, he declared, “America, England, Japan—they don’t want China to be big and powerful! What they want most is for China’s youth to have long hair, wear bizarre clothes, drink soda, listen to Western music, have no fighting spirit, love pleasure and comfort! The more China’s youth degenerated, the happier they are!”


#language #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(”I wondered how a patient might react”) #China #interesting #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what


i think that the “i do not control the ____” memes are generally tame and do not lend enough credence to the genuine absurdity of the original line that is



#I don’t think I’ve ever heard of this meme before #but I looked at this picture and went ”is that…Josh…Peck?” #and I looked at TagViewer and to my surprise I was actually right #so I am reblogging in honour of that #Drake and Josh #prosopagnosia #death mention

Anonymous asked: concept: tma and mbmbam crossover but its just a haunted doll watch bit with The Stranger



justin: boobobubobuboo its a haunted doll watch this is nikola she’s a haunted doll

nikola: i sure am : )

*incomprehensible scream*


G: “Oh, Christ.”

T: “Yeah!”

J: That’s right, it’s a Haunted Doll Watch; I know I’ve been talking about retiring this bit forever but ladies and gentlemen-”

G: “Wait-”

J: “-even though it’s in its sunset years, Haunted Doll Watch is-”

T: “No, Justin, that’s another-”

G: “That’s another bi-”

J: “-Haunted Doll Watch is- it’s always time for- see, haunted dolls never go out of style-”

G: “Were they in style?”

J: “-extremely fashionable, haunted dolls, there’s clearly a market- this one comes to us from an overseas seller, the listing is in- jolly old Brrrrritish Pounds-”

T: “Justin, I love you, but that was the worst-”

G: “-the best British accent anyone has ever done including all actual British people, can we please move on to the doll-”

J: “-seller ‘TMI Artifact Storage’ appears to be some sort of haunted artifact wholesaler, y’know, one of those places that acts like they just happen to come across so many haunted artifacts that they just need to-”

T: “They just need to get rid of ‘em all!”

G: “For many, many dollars, get rid of these real haunted items. Please. I need these gone but also I have a wife and kids who are starving-”

T: “It’s a starvation curse from all these haunted artifacts-”

J: “So- no, see, they’re selling these things on behalf of other people, is the idea, they- it’s more of a resale shop, I guess, they come with these statements from-”

G: “So- wait. There’s a store, where you can go, if you have a haunted doll-”

J: “A haunted anything, the next item in the lot is a haunted calliope-”

T: “I thought it was pronounced ‘cal-ee-OH-pee’.”

J: “This isn’t Haunted Calliope Watch, Trav, I’m trying to get to the-”

G: “-you can go to this store if you have a haunted ass, and you can sell your haunted ass to the store and now it’s not your problem-”

J: “Yes, I believe that to be the case.”

T: “Oh, ‘Doctor, my ass is haunted!’ ‘Well, I know just the place to sell your ass’-”

G: “Okay, say a haunted toilet brush-”

J: “Haunted Doll Watch, please let me get on with the listing. Statement comes from Leanne Denikin, regarding an antique calliope organ she possessed briefly in August 2004.”

G: “Juice, you just said it’s not-”

J: “Okay okay okay. Strange music, yada yada yada, creepy clown, okay, something something, here’s the doll… sending you a picture of the doll…”

G: “Oh, God.”

T: “Where’s its mouth?”

J: “This haunted doll is named Josh, and-”

G: “Josh?!?”

T: [hysterical wheezing]

G: “Your fucking haunted-ass doll that you’re selling on eBay to spook people out is named-”

J: “Yes, his name is Josh! Josh is a tormented spirit of the seller’s ex-boyfriend, who was brutally murdered in an unsolved-”

T: [still wheezing] “Please, he’s-”


J: “No, TMI is selling-”

G: “Your boyfriend was brutally murdered and you sold the doll containing his immortal soul to a resale shop and then they SOLD IT ON eBAY?!”

T: “No, it’s a scam, see? That’s the beauty of it! You disrespect his ghost like that, what’s he gonna do? He’s gonna come back and haunt you!”

J: “Come back and-”

T: “You sell the doll, it comes back to exact vengeance, you sell the doll again- it’s infinite free money!”

G: “Infinite free money that will eventually get angry enough to succeed at killing you.”

J: “Says ‘Josh is a nervous spirit who will-”

T: “The Prestige, Griffin! But- hey- I’ve got an idea right here.”

G: “Trav, tell me you’re not gonna-”

T: “If it’s trapped on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean-”

G: “Please don’t-”

J: “If it’s trapped on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean then what?!”

T: “Buy It Now, two hundred and three BrrrrrrRRRRrrrRRRRRrrrrRRrrrritish pounds-”

J: “Oh my god.”

G: “You bought this lady’s boyfriend off eBay?!”

J: “That’s not the problem-”

G: “Trav, we can’t just do this for every haunted doll-”

J: “-the problem is two hundred pounds is like, four hundred dollars US-”

T: “Not since Brexit it ain’t! That was 265.41 plus shipping!”

G: “Okay, so imagine the extra shipping costs when the package escapes to hunt down his human trafficking ex-girlfriend-”

T: “Doll trafficking. Ghost trafficking. We’ve been over this, it’s not-”

G: “Yeah, you’re going to die-”

J: “Okay, we’ll get back to this Haunted Doll Watch when Travis ends up with his jaw mysteriously torn off or something- Griffin, can we please get a Yahoo?”

G: “Thank you. This one was sent in by Level 9000 Ya-drew Druid Drew Davenport, it’s from Ya-drew Answers user MBlackwood, asking… ‘coworker keeps recording all our conversations, how do i make him stop’…”


#Magnus Archives #My Brother My Brother and Me #fanfic #ghost #crossovers #I’m not actually in either of these fandoms but #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #death tw?



Magnets: I want to commit diamagnetic



how did I never once think to use tape fuck



one time as a kid I forcefully shoved two magnets together, and these were the strong magnets my dad used in his shop to pick-up missing little metal bits, and I held them really tightly in the palm of my hand, went up to this one kid who legit said things like “I think black cats are bad, they should be drowned” and drew crosses on the notebooks of kids if she found out they didn’t go to church, I told her “Hey. I’m a witch. If you don’t stop trying to hurt animals and picking on kids, I’ll use my magic to throw you into the sky”, and when she dared to doubt my powers I told her that I had two “rocks” in my hand that I could send across the playground, then I opened my hand the the magnets shot off in two different directions (we were over in a spot that was empty, so no other kids were around, nobody got hurt), one of them stuck to a drainpipe and the other stuck to a fence. This kid SCREAMED, and ran to the office, and I guess had her mom pick her up from school, and then she wasn’t there for a couple of days, finally her mom called my house and claimed I had “traumatized her daughter by performing a terrifying magic trick”, and when my parents asked what I did I just said “I showed her a magnet and she flipped out. She’s not gonna be happy when she finds out about gravity, either”. eventually this kid came back to school and always made a point to come up to me and say “Hey, my mom told me not to talk to you!”, and would just be like “Good job, you already screwed that up”



Holy shit


#the power of science #storytime #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what #abuse cw?