His name is KOGA and he is an HONORABLE WARRIOR of the kitchen. He started his business as a competitive chef, and his family has long since worked in food procurement/services. He’s from a long and noble line of chefs and hunters, they have served emperors and traveled along war-ridden lines to deliver much-needed food!
He has five children, who live on Quo’nos and four of them are also chefs (his youngest daughter is a true warrior) and his operates his restaurant with his wife and some cousins, as well as young klingons training to be NOBLE CHEFS.
He likes getting competitive with other restaurants, and he has a fierce aggression towards a vulcan restaurant nearby. They go back and forth, but secretly will totally get take-out so that they can enjoy Klingon/Vulcan food.
“Why do you express surprise that a Klingon has chosen the path of fine cuisine? Why are you so shocked at my cultured palate?
“Warriors must eat, and a warrior who has eaten well will fight all the better for it. A true Klingon chef knows that any meal he prepares may be the last meal that a warrior may ever eat. Does not every fine warrior deserve to go into battle with a good meal in his belly? Should not a chef do his utmost to ensure that every nuance of that meal is prepared to perfection?
“My grandfather was chef to Admiral Koros. A fine warrior, the Admiral, a man who loved fine food. My grandfather was there when the Admiral died. He was there for the songs sung in the mess hall on the eve of battle against the Romulans. When the battle began, my grandfather put down apron and knife and took up his duty as damage control officer.
“Long did the battle rage. Many Klingon and Romulan ships burned in the void of space. In the end, the sons of Kahless were victorious, but at great cost to ships and men.
“My grandfather was one of the men who found the Admiral on the bridge of his ship, surrounded by his dead and dying men, half of his body burned in disruptor fire. The Admiral spoke of glory, and honor, and expressed no regret for his own death. And yet, the Admiral said, he would have liked one more taste of my grandfather’s Rokheg Blood Pie.
“My grandfather returned to his kitchen. Among the wreckage of his burned ingredients and damaged stoves, he gathered together what few supplies remained unspoiled. Using all of his skill and strength, he prepared, with his hands, one last small Rokheg Blood Pie, as the Admiral lay dying
“The men served their admiral one last meal. They put the fork to his mouth. The Admiral tasted my grandfather’s Rokheg Blood Pie and smiled. And, without another word, the Admiral went to Sto’Vo’Kor.
“This story is memorable, not not unusual. Countless such stories have been written down in my family history. I come from over two dozen generations of chefs who have served great warriors, and all of us have given their all to provide the best meals possible to these men, always knowing it may be their last.
“SO I WILL KNOW IF YOU EVER ATTEMPT TO PASS OFF CARDASSIAN LILY STAMENS AS GENUINE Q’ONOS SAFFRON AGAIN, AND IF YOU EVER ATTEMPT SUCH TREACHERY, I SHALL GUT YOU WITH MY CHEF’S KNIFE AND USE YOUR INTESTINES AS SAUSAGE CASINGS!”
“LOOKS LIKE MEAT’S BACK ON THE MENU, BOYS“ bellows the Orc to his Orc friends. Orcs know what menus are. Orcs know what restaurants are. are there bistros in Mordor? these are the questions i need answering
I read “the sea serpent had eyes the colour of NyQuil” and imagined them as being sky blue. When I got to the moss-troll bit, I thought “ah, so moss-troll ichor is light blue then”. It wasn’t until finishing the article that I remembered: I have no idea what NyQuil looks like.
This is probably some meaningful statement on metaphors in itself, but I’m not quite sure what.
so i never play flight rising anymore. but i have had an account for forever, thought itd be fun to do a giveaway!! this would be wasting away in my account anyways, id rather it go to someone who plays more often than me
ok rules:
only reblogging counts (not likes, bc thats hard to keep track of)
dont have to follow me
ill roll for the winner in one week (march 3rd)
if you have any questions send me an ask!!
when march 3rd rolls around please have your ask up, if you win i’ll send an ask for your username + ID
Hello I’ll be auditioning for the part of Kronk and I’ll be singing Poison by Beyoncé. The song Poison, created specifically for Beyoncé to sing. Beyoncé’s Poison.
Tags:
#audition meme #The Emperor’s New Groove #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog
if you turn off all the lights, stand in front of a mirror, and say “leonard mccoy” three times, he won’t appear because he’s a doctor, damnit, not an urban legend
i almost never play video games, but when i do it is a roguelike of some sort
right now i am playing Super Lots Added Stuff Hack – Extended Magic aka slashem
it is pretty fun, i am trying to be a monk doppelganger neutral lady
Doppelganger Wizard for the Win. Not literally for the win; I’ve only ever ascended in vanilla Nethack rather than SLASH’EM, but you know what I mean.
Oh hey, more people play NetHack! It’s on my list of ways to kill a…week…if I ever happen to have no obligations.
I’M PLAYING SLASH’EM AGAIN BECAUSE OF THIS POST THIS IS A TERRIBLE IDEA.
Decided that I’d start off by winning, since I haven’t played in a while, so I rolled up a doppelganger Wizard, and what should I start with but a ring of polymorph control. This is a very promising turn zero.
Sounds good. Doppelgangers are fun, from what I recall of Slash’em. I mostly stuck to vanilla Nethack, though, and I haven’t even played that in quite a while. I go to Crawl for my roguelike fix these days.
I’ve never technically ascended in Nethack (I have ascended once in Crawl, as a Spriggan Enchanter), but I do have a Wizard that is basically omnipotent and could pretty much win any time I wanted. I wanted to do it extinctionist, because small-child me loved reading Nethack guides (probably even more than she loved playing it) and that challenge sounded like one to try. I’m mostly there, but I got bored, drifted away, and…dear gods, I think that was two computers ago. That’s at least three and a half years. (I copied the savefile from the old computer, and copied it again when I moved to this one on the off chance I ever decide to pick it up again. I figure it’s not savescumming if you’re only messing with the savefile to cheat out-of-universe virtual death.)
I’m rusty enough that I’d probably have to play some other Nethack games before going back to that one, to reduce the chances of forgetting some detail or other and making a fatal mistake. I still love reading game guides, but I haven’t read any Nethack ones lately.
#home of the brave #brings back memories of every road trip I’ve taken since I moved to Canada #(we keep meaning to do a *Canadian* road trip sometime) #(but we always end up in New York) #(with rest stop stores filled with I Heart NY trinkets) #also #language
Brinens and Things 