You’ve been sentenced to 400 years for multiple murders. It’s been 399 years and your jailers are starting to get nervous.

I was twenty… twenty-five, I think?… when I was sentenced. Four hundred years was a length of time I couldn’t even imagine. It was a length of time I don’t think anyone could imagine, even the judge. It was just a big showy number that let everyone know I’d never see the light of day again. The mages who cast the spells were dramatic about it, practically shouting the part about ‘until death claims you, or four hundred years hath passed, forsooth, thou shalt be imprisoned here’. They don’t waste that kind of magic on most prisoners, but I was special.

The Slayer, they called me then. The Monster of Sentan. I’d killed nineteen people… I remember that number because I was so furious that they stopped me so close to my goal of twenty-one. And I didn’t just kill ordinary people, no, but the Chosen of the Gods. The Great and Good. They were terrified of me. So they locked me away, to die forgotten.

It had been a little less than a hundred years when the king died without heir, and a civil war tore the country apart. When the fighting was all over, the losers were dragged down to the deepest cells under the castle, and the new king and his soldiers stopped and stared at me. “Who… who is this?” he asked, frowning. “Some victim of the usurper?”

People like cooks and jailers and scrubbers don’t change as easily as kings. The same man who’d been bringing me my meals since there was still brown in his hair and beard shuffled forward, hunched and grey now. “No, yer majesty,” he said humbly. “That be a special prisoner, from before the old king died.”

“Special? Special how?” He frowned, moving closer to my cell. “The old king died more than ten years ago. This woman must have been a child then. What could she have done to – “

“Don’t get too close, yer majesty,” the old man said sharply. “That’s the Monster of Sentan… an’ she bites.”

That was true. I do bite.

Keep reading


#storytime #death tw #murder cw #prison cw


counterintuitive to me that, even with the high rates of immigration and the quality of translation technology, I’m so insulated from the Chinese internet. I don’t know what discourse they have. I read about crazy intense doxxing and harassment incidents in books about China (like Age of Ambition) but that’s like being a Chinese person who kinda knows what Twitter is like from the Justine Sacco incident. I want to… oh, get their jokes, be in some actually good Discord servers, know whatever arbitrary sexual acts or dynamics are taboo in their culture. (There was a really good tumblr thread on Chinese fandom is totally okay with… was it incest? Something that US fandom feels weird about? but is not okay with poly or even multi-shipping? I loved that thread.)

Would be so amazing if there was a blog run by a normal Terminally Online person in China who just happened to speak very good English and was willing to post 1 screenshot a day of something that was on their feed, translating and explaining everything to me. God, I’d fund that Patreon


#yes this #China

{{next post in sequence}}



I love band drama because most of the time the answer to “what happened to group X and why do they sound so bland now?” is “they had one good idea, used it on their first album, and it’s all been downhill from there”, but every so often you’ll run into one where it’s like “they had an acrimonious falling-out when it was revealed that the bassist was embezzling money from the touring budget to feed his thousand-dollar-a-day Funko Pop habit, and the drummer knew about it but didn’t say anything out of misplaced loyalty to a version of their friendship that no longer existed, ultimately leading to the guitarist quitting the music industry in disgust and moving to Canada to become a lumberjack, so now the lead vocalist – having obtained the exclusive rights to the name and discography of the now-defunct group in a piece of legal chicanery that may have involved Russian mob connections – is the only remaining member of the original lineup, and it turns out that he’s an idiot”.

every day i learn new things about the beatles


#music #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what



everyone has to put their username in this and show what they got please and thank you :•)


not too surprising. but!


don’t talk to me or my son ever again


Huh. Not what I expected.

(Maybe “Bell Way” sounds like a suburban street name? *shrug*)

Using a space instead of a hyphen gets essentially the same result, as does capitalisation, but leaving out the separator gets:



#memes #computer generated images