If you’re describing a thing as being the size of another thing and you need to qualify the size of the thing in order to convey the size of the thing, it’s a bad thing to compare the thing to. “It was the size of a small—” no. Find a thing that’s the same size as the thing.

“Listen Dale, I’m telling you this thing was the size of a goddamn house! I mean, not like a big house, not mansion-sized, but definitely a modest single-family bungalow… okay fine, yeah Bill, maybe more like a large garden shed, but come on, that’s a pretty big garden shed dude. Stop trying to steal my thunder man. Let’s go with… a small garage. Single car, but with a little extra space for the lawn mower.”

“It was the size of a small cement mixer. Not like the truck, I mean the little ones with the handcart bases. But, you know, that’s still well outside the realm of okay sizes for a spider.”

“The blast affected an area the size of a small country… no, not the Vatican City, smartass. Or one of those really tiny island countries. Not a little city state, I mean big enough to be called a country out of more than courtesy. But one of those small countries that the news always compares to Rhode Island if it ever gets mentioned.

…Why don’t I just compare it to Rhode Island? Because Rhode Islands aren’t a SI unit of area measurement, that’s why! I’m trying to combat Americentrism here!”

“It was about as big as a small freight train. Not a short regular-gauge freight train, mind you. A narrow-gauge freight train. Maybe like 2 ft gauge, 2 ft-6? I dunno, I ain’t no railroad expert, or a giant death worm expert for that matter.

“It was about as big as a small freight train. HO Scale to be precise.”

“It was about as long as a small breadbox. I’m talkin’ a one-loafer max, Joey, no baguettes. You’d have to saw a baguette in half to fit it in the damn thing.”

“It was as long as a short yardstick. Whaddya mean what’s a short yardstick, you went to Catholic School too didn’t ya? After the nun smacks ya with it enough you got a short yardstick!”

“It was the size of a small bobcat. No, no, I mean the animal, not the piece of construction equipment. Jesus, can you even imagine that? I’m telling you if it were the size of a skid-steer loader I wouldn’t be standing here arguing with you about it.”

“It was the size of a small moose. But you know, moose are a lot bigger than most people think they are. So picture about how big you think an average moose is, and you’ll be pretty close.”

“It was the size of what $1200 a month gets you in New York these days.”


#I didn’t actually laugh aloud but it still amused me enough to reblog #fun with loopholes #overly literal interpretations #spiders





The trick is to not let people know how really weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.

Absolutely the frak not, the trick is to immediately let people know how weird you are so you scare off the weak ones. The ones who stay because they like how weird you are? Those are the ones you want.

Post 1: workplace

Post 2: everywhere else

… you know what, codicil accepted


#yeah pretty much #(me showing up to a job interview last summer in a dry-clean-only dress‚ a purse‚ and a university-branded cloth mask: #hello yes I am a perfectly normal member of the office-worker class in the year 2021) #((fortunately I don’t think I’ll ever have to go *quite* that far again)) #((we have a pack of KF94s now‚ which can pass for normie while offering much better protection)) #((Good Manner: for the normie in *your* life)) #in which Brin has a job #clothing #recs


“Every friend group needs a mom friend” no, absolutely incorrect. What every friend group needs is that one person who “just happens” to have a traffic cone on hand.


#I don’t have a *traffic* cone #but if you’re looking for vaguely cone-shaped items I do have a collapsible shot glass on hand #no I don’t drink why do you ask