So, I think I might actually start a secondary blog about some of the things that have been getting discussed this weekend. I think it’s a topic worth being openly talked about, and I think it would be good to have a space specifically for that, so that people can stop worrying if what they’re talking about is appropriate and just say what they have to say.
(I also think it would be good to get the conversation off my main blog, because while I find it interesting, I’m sure it’s making a number of my followers uncomfortable.)
A couple of thoughts:
- For aces, by aces, about aces.
- Topics would definitely include masturbation/sex toys, including reviews/how-tos.
- Additional topics can potentially include BDSM gear, partnered activities, talking about porn/erotic materials, and general sexual health/sex ed/anatomy, etc. Basically anything ace people are curious about or want to discuss, but don’t feel comfortable doing it in regular ace circles. Any other topics that should be explicitly called out?
- Matter of fact and open, with a sense of “Yes, this is normal, yes, it’s okay to feel like that, it’s okay to do this” in most answers. Non-judgmental and inclusive (at least inclusive of ace-ID’d people).
- Clinical where it needs to be, fun where it needs to be.
- Deliberately not wankfodder. This isn’t Letters to Penthouse.
- Open to questions from non-ace people about ace people, within limits. This will attempt to be a safe space for aces (at least as much as it can be on this site), so anyone disrespectful, etc., will be shown the door.
- Anon submissions/asks would be on. 18+
- Toy pictures allowed (including anatomically accurate models), but images of toy usage/porn not allowed (including pornographic images on packaging). Maybe use another toy as a demonstration stand in?
- Maybe a discussion prompt once in a while?
- I would probably need co-moderators. Any volunteers?
A couple of concerns:
- As I’ve learned from my “An Asexual’s Guide To …” series, any time someone talks about topics like this, you will get a lot of non-ace people wandering by and offering their, um, “thoughts”.
- I’d like it to be findable by aces who are interested in it, but I don’t want to be intrusive to those who are not. Are there good ways to do this?
So there it is. Thoughts?
I’d probably read it. I might participate, depending on which topics and how far the inclusivity goes. (When it comes to conversations about sex, I always feel like I’m being Too Weird and making people uncomfortable, even in places with relatively high Weird levels. The only place I didn’t feel like I was being intrusive was Ace Fet, which vanished off the face of the Internet a couple years ago without a trace.)
I think some sort of “Safe, Legal, Respectful” principle might be a good guideline as to what’s allowed. (Although, strictly speaking, “Legal” would probably be a bit flexible, as there are some places that outlaw the sale of “any device designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs”, for instance. Not to mention the countries that still have enforceable sodomy laws. Things like that.) And maybe a “Don’t yuck my yum” principle. (The big problem is that you can’t control the audience response on Tumblr. You can encourage and cultivate the first readers to be respectful, but after that, the “Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory” applies. And I don’t know how to fix that.)
I think, in general, that this place would have to work against the idea that something is “weird” or “icky” or whatever. I mean, for many people, masturbation itself is too icky to talk about. Many people think sex toys are weird. And that’s okay. What’s not okay is turning that “This is not for me” into “No, you can’t have it either”. If it’s not your thing, skip to the next post. If none of the posts are your thing, unfollow or even block.
I think it would be good to have some of those “Too Weird” things talked about in a place that’s a safe environment, presented in a way that says “This is out there. If you’re interested, great. If not, maybe the next topic will be more your style.” Sort of like a sexualized asexual 60 Minutes. (If that makes any sense.)
@katakacat replied to this thread with:
“good idea, but what part about this is 18+??? if there’s going to be a large piece of sexual health and sex ed happening, i think it would be most effective if it’s safe for minors, the people who would be most in need of sex ed? i think? i’m not sure what you meant by 18+ but that sounds like the worst idea, the rest sounds pretty great”
Okay, so I was angry about this at first, but upon reflection I think it simply demonstrates a rift in people’s understanding of what this project is supposed to do.
See, sex ed is broad. It deals in generalities: it can, say, tell you that pornography is a thing that exists, but it won’t recommend specific pieces of erotica. (And indeed, any sex ed trying to be available to minors wouldn’t dare make such recommendations.)
I know many people who advocate for “inclusive” sex ed, but there is no such thing. Don’t get me wrong, some sex ed is less exclusive than others, but every sex education resource has to draw the line somewhere. They might discuss only the most common form of sexuality, or the top two, or the top several, but people with rare manifestations of sexuality will always be sacrificed on the altar of the greatest good for the greatest number.
I can’t contribute to a sex ed blog. When it comes to sex education, I am not and never will be a participant: I’m collateral damage. And maybe that’s worth it, but that is the price you’d be paying if you go the sex ed route.
I, on the other hand, interpreted this idea as being about a space for asexuals to discuss their sexualities. (I was going to say “the presences, rather than the absences”, but apparently some people conceive of their asexuality as a presence?) Such a space is not inherently exclusive of me. The risk is high, as I mentioned in my previous post on this reblog chain, but it could have a place for me.
@katakacat, tagging you to make sure you get the whole post. I didn’t want to add this as an edit because then people who have already read the original might miss it.
I swear I’m going back to studying after this, but it occurred to me I didn’t make it all that clear why the non-18+ thing in particular bothered me.
IME, obscenity rules are enforced more strictly the weirder you are. Something can be considered fine when a vanilla person says it, but someone saying the analogous thing about a kink gets smacked down as inappropriate.
At my level of out-there, there is very little I would dare say in an environment trying to be safe for minors. Almost any statement, no matter how innocuous the normal-person analogue would be, risks censure and penalties.
Tags:
#reply via reblog #sexuality and lack thereof #asexuality #oh look an update #I hope I haven’t crossposted
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