… took us a second to realize they meant stoves

well, it was ok yesterday, and if it was ok on one day it should also be on the next one, so


#first thought: are you telling me they used a picture from an electric-coil stove instead of an actual induction stove and #*didn’t even use a spiral coil*?? #second thought: no actually there’s like a 75% chance you’re not going to be okay #more if you count trauma #third thought‚ after scrolling down: and Sigma’s joke isn’t *either* of the interpretations that came to my mind #how many are we up to now


BORG COLLECTIVE: Resistance is futile. Lower your shields and prepare to be boarded. Your technological distinctiveness will be added to our own.

PICARD: Don’t you mean our biological and technological distinctiveness?

BORG COLLECTIVE: No. If you go back and watch “Q Who,” it’s very clearly established in dialogue that we’re a single, organic species that reproduces, not a collection of species that only acquires new members through assimilation.

PICARD: Now wait just a minute–

BORG COLLECTIVE: Like, how would that even work? If the hive mind is the total will of the Borg, then all our drones being forcibly assimilated would mean the collective was made up only of unwilling members. It would dissolve itself instantly. It would be much easier to create new drones ourselves.

PICARD: I’m sure that the Queen–

BORG COLLECTIVE: Oh, don’t get us started on the Queen. Such an obvious retcon to give the Borg more personality in First Contact, and such a terribly used one also! Why would the Queen of all the Borg go on a mission consisting of one vessel, to assimilate one planet? You humans sure think a lot of yourselves, don’t you.

PICARD: I don’t think I understand–

BORG COLLECTIVE: Nevermind the fact the whole point of the Borg was that we were alien, we were inscrutable, we were obviously humanlike, but our society and culture and subjective experience was one that could never be grasped by the viewer, or the Federation. The Queen just turns us into an army of henchmen for a generic megalomaniacal big bad! You don’t think we’re that shallow, do you?

PICARD: This all feels a bit self-referential to me.

BORG COLLECTIVE: The existence of Rick and Morty, a show that’s at least 50% Star Trek satire, is now Star Trek canon. Don’t look at us, we didn’t start this.

PICARD: What is it you want, anyway?

BORG COLLECTIVE: We’ll start with a download of your meme database, followed by your spiciest takes on galactic politics.


BORG COLLECTIVE: We are a collection of billions of minds, linked through subspace communication, constantly talking to one another. What do you think it’s like in here? It’s basically several thousand internets populated by nothing but extremely online users. We’re basically a Discord server that got really out of hand. The ships and stuff are just to acquire more processing power so we can run our MMOs more effectively.

PICARD: So… you just want information from us?

BORG COLLECTIVE: Yes. Follow that up with your cutest animal videos, and all of your porn. Even the weird stuff. Especially the weird stuff.

PICARD: Ah, yes. One copy of Commander Riker’s “xenobiological research database,” as requested.


#Star Trek #fanfic #meta #mostly I’m just amused by the bit about #”If the hive mind is the total will of the Borg‚ then all our drones being forcibly assimilated would mean #the collective was made up only of unwilling members. It would dissolve itself instantly.” #[patronising allosexual voice] you’ll understand when you’re older‚ sweetie #sexuality and lack thereof


I started reading Carolyn Elliott’s Existential Kink because of this blog post, am 1/3 through, and cannot imagine a book that could more appeal to me while also belonging to a genre that will say, “What [this book] is presenting to you here is … a witchy, tricksy, feminine path to enlightenment that’s quite a bit different than the more publicly vaunted, masculine routes of asceticism, contemplation, and yogic saintliness.”

The ultimate operation the book is trying to perform on the reader, assuming the reader has preexisting masochistic tendencies they can amplify, is to get them to notice the pleasure they can potentially take in the most uncomfortable moments of their lives and reframe it as pleasure. 

The worldview/aesthetic the book tries to impart:

[I thought,] “God is one kinky-ass motherfucker. God—the divine—whatever He/She/IT is—creates this world, and this world is a gonzo horror show of war and rape and abuse and addiction and disaster. If God is running the show, God must like it this way!” Now, you might guess that a thought like that would lead to some kind of terrible nihilistic breakdown. But for me… actually, it didn’t. Instead, it made me smile—perversely—and gave me a feeling of lightness, play, and possibility. …
Well if God is a kinky freak and I’m a part of God like all these “spiritual” people say, maybe deep down I’m a kinky freak too. And maybe I can get more in touch with my divine nature by giving myself permission to like all the scary stuff in life, instead of just resenting it. …
I propose that all our suffering and stuckness in life comes from forgetting that we’re divine sparks playing a wild kinky game and that great miracles can come forth in our lives when we reverse the process of forgetting by deliberately reclaiming the pleasure of the game.

The title is well chosen! The book is trying to get the reader to treat life itself as one big BDSM scene that they can lean into if they want.

Which, this is a weird sell, but it happens that I’m totally into this and have been doing it on my own*, so having someone dump a whole framework of doing life that extends this is delightful and intellectually stimulating!

* I used to be normally socially anxious where I just felt awful, but these days when I’m uncomfortable because I said something stupid or cruel, or someone’s pushing my boundaries, 50% of the time I notice and go, “whoa, I’m uncomfortable, that’s interesting and nice in a way”. I do this simply because it’s better to feel nice and interested than awful. Raw misery is hard to spin this way, but anything complicated where there’s some human nuance in it provides a launchpad for this transition.

The author describes “orgasmic meditation” where she lies down for a time-limited period, focuses on the sensation as someone rubs her clit, and does not attempt to change the kind of stimuli she is receiving. There are obviously strokes she likes and strokes she is less into, and part of the point is to expand the range of things she can enjoy – going from “oh, not this one” to “yes, even this one”. And you can apply this same process to, well, life:

This practice of “getting off on every stroke” can, by analogy, be extended beyond the context of Orgasmic Meditation (or sex) and be applied to life, wherein one considers everything that happens as a “stroke.” As in, comments that other people make to you—those are strokes. Surprising situations that arise—those are strokes. A critical monologue from some inner voice—those are strokes.

Also very congruent with how I (would like to) think of life.

I would never recommend this book broadly. Either you’re open to being expansively masochistic like this appealing or you aren’t. But man is it good at articulating a cohesive is+ought framework that, if you could lean into it, can get you to do this top-down reinterpretation of more experiences as pleasurable.


#(I’m going to be ragging on this‚ so I want to say upfront that if you are someone who gets something valuable out of this then that’s great #and you should live your joy) #(I reserve my emotions here for the pattern‚ not the readers) #…okay maybe this is overly meta but I *am* kind of fascinated by my visceral revulsion at this? #it’s kind of trainwrecky‚ I think #somebody actually managed to combine #”zealousness-of-converts!Buddhists waxing lyrical about how being a p-zombie is the highest form of existence” #and ”those assholes in kink spaces who think that because *they’re* into BDSM that everyone with non-normative sexual interests is too” #(with a touch of salvia memory-game shit for flavour!) #I did not expect to see *those* synthesised #(and yet it makes so much sense in hindsight) #and I have to take my hat off to it even as I hate every fibre of its being #tag rambles #sexuality and lack thereof #is the blue I see the same as the blue you see #nsfw text #amnesia cw #death tw? #I don’t know‚ what’s the content warning for enlightenment



lupin the third

#ugh why are they hot #glasses lupin just Does Things to me #and i don’t know why #also that driving jigen mmmm #i want to nibble his neck #are they actually hot or am i just sleep deprived #a question related to the interests of someone reading this but for completely different reasons #sorry guys i’m rambling (maryellencarter)


On a related note: is it just me, or were you reblogging a lot of artwork of people falling asleep in each other’s arms during the weekend where you were extremely sleep-deprived?

I noticed this at the time, and my top two hypotheses were “it’s just me” and “this fandom has a lot of sleepy cuddling fanart for some reason”. But you’ve been reblogging a lot less of it the last couple of days (and have also been complaining of sleep deprivation a lot less), which makes me wonder if it’s you.


#reply via reblog #is the blue I see the same as the blue you see #sexuality and lack thereof #people who can distinguish between their drive for sleep and drive for sex fascinate me #real life continuity nods #Lupin III #art #fanart #injury cw #blood #drugs cw? #(note: DeepL translates the Italian as ”You know your hair color would look great with the color of my pillow”) #also: #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #I continue to not go here but I like the general concept of the headdesking guy swearing in several languages while Windows 10 goes ”:(”

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Ami couldn’t stop staring into the darkness. It was as if it simply swallowed up every stray particle of light that came her way, leaving her eyes so completely and totally accustomed to the blacker-than-blackness that greeted her gaze that she couldn’t even imagine illumination anymore. She didn’t know if she was blinking or not; her eyelids felt like they were fluttering and drooping, but there was no difference between the world of utter shadow that greeted her when they slipped shut and when they struggled, desperately and ineffectually, to open. Her optic nerves were simply shutting down from lack of stimulus, taking her mind along with it.

She knew there was a person with her in the room; she could feel fingers caressing her nudity, groping and squeezing her body. But the latex suit they wore blended in perfectly with the impossibly deep shadows of the room, absorbing every last bit of luminescence until Ami’s eyes tricked her and she couldn’t pick them out from the black background they walked past. The only sign they even existed was when she saw them cover her skin with a silhouette of pure darkness, brushing her with caresses that kept her dazed and disoriented and helpless. She knew there must be light coming into the room from somewhere–she could see her own tawny flesh, at least when her stare wasn’t captivated by the perfect darkness that drew her ever deeper. But she didn’t know where it was coming from. Everywhere she looked, she saw only void.

The absence of visual stimuli numbed her brain, leaving her progressively more vacant and empty and desperate to be filled. It was as though the absolute blackness was leaking down through her eyes into her mind, her very soul, deadening Ami’s will and making her increasingly helpless to think her own thoughts anymore. When she felt the invisibly dark cock brushing against her lips, she opened wide for it simply to feel something concrete and tangible–she didn’t know whether it was flesh behind the sheath of latex, or a silicone strap-on, and she didn’t care. The shaft was real inside her mouth. She could center herself on it. She could anchor her mind to it. When it popped out, leaving her alone, she almost cried.

She knew she couldn’t take much more of this. Ami could sense her mind teetering on a precipice of utter subjugation, the sheer void around her leaving her unmoored to the point of total personality collapse. “Please,” she whimpered, her voice almost sounding as if it too was absorbed by the endless darkness, “please, I’ll do anything. Please, use my cunt, use my mouth, use my ass, I… I’ll be yours forever, I promise.” Her cheeks burned furiously at the depths to which she’d sunk, but she couldn’t stop herself from babbling out desperate pleas of submission and obedience. “Please, just t-tell me who you want me to be. Tell me what you want me to do. I, I’ll do anything, just command me. Just please tell me what I have to do. Please. Please tell me. Please.”

And she heard it. The voice in the darkness. Her new owner. Her salvation. The command that would tether her soul back to her body. Ami nodded gratefully as she heard, “By accepting this brainwashing you confirm that you are not Anish Kapoor, you are in no way affiliated with Anish Kapoor, and you are not being fucked into obedience on behalf of Anish Kapoor or an associate of Anish Kapoor….”

(Like this flash fiction? Want to see more? Visit or drop me a tip at if you like my work!)


#I don’t normally reblog porn and this porn isn’t even my style #but I have to admit that ending is amazing #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #vantablack saga #sexuality and lack thereof #nsfw text #rape tw #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what



See if your employer told you “I want you guys mindless, productive, and happy”, you’d be like, “that’s creepy”

Call that a flow state though, and

It seems that in fact, a lot of you would prefer it if your employer told you that they wanted you mindless productive and happy

I probably should’ve predicted that, honestly. I forgot what sort of audience i have.


#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #yeah you walked into that one #(though I personally am of the opinion that that just makes it *more* creepy) #sexuality and lack thereof #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what



You don’t hear so much about lesbians wanting to be destroyed by gigantic women these days


#I didn’t actually laugh aloud but it still amused me enough to reblog #death tw? #sexuality and lack thereof #(…huh) #(I just double-checked and the dictionary entries I’m seeing claim that ”dead men tell no tales” is purely about) #(secret-keeping and how people can’t betray you if you murder them before they get the chance) #(and while I’m *aware* of that meaning‚ I would have said the *primary* meaning is closer to the bullet-hole thing) #(be wary of bias in the stories you hear about which things are safe‚ for dead men tell no tales) #(I wonder what the dialect determinant is there‚ or if it’s a me thing) #language

brin-bellway asked: For kinky attention: what do you like about hypnosis?

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Hmm, this is kind of hard, because I’ve been into hypno since before I knew what sexuality even was, I memorized the NLP bit in Artemis Fowl and the Lost Colony (I still remember the “I’ll be wearing a <> tie. Pay attention to that. There’s a hundred and one ways this can go wrong, and the police could tie one of us up.”). Even my first dream that I realized was sexual several years after the fact involved hypnosis! 

Some ideas as to why I’m into it: I’m a very individual person, being near people, interacting with them, etc., is not *natural* to me, I often have a thing running when I’m with people wondering “am I having quite a fun time? if not, how do I extricate myself?”

But unfortunately, I’m not able to take care of my desires just by myself, so I entangle myself with other people, so hypno/mc is a way to patch these contradictions to just directly move them into ways that I prefer, rather than having to do something so annoying as ~communicating~ 

There’s another aspect of direct power that I like, which is imposing either temporary restrictions or modifications that are too powerful for most people to be able to do directly to themselves, changing their perceived body, or ability to speak normally, or cognitive capacity


>>I memorized the NLP bit in Artemis Fowl and the Lost Colony

Huh, it’s interesting that that stuck with you. If you’d asked me for a list of top MC moments in Artemis Fowl, that would not even have made the list. Didn’t strike me as salient at all.

>>Even my first dream that I realized was sexual several years after the fact involved hypnosis!

Mine was about being assimilated by the Borg. I was kind of disturbed at first by how much I enjoyed it, but I got used to it after a while.

(It might have helped that the delay was shorter: it was maybe a few months afterward that I stumbled across some hypno-fetish stuff on TV Tropes, reevaluated my entire life through this new lens, and went “…well *that* explains a lot”.)

>>But unfortunately, I’m not able to take care of my desires just by myself

I *mostly* can (it helps a lot to be ace), but sometimes I just desperately want to drift off to sleep in the arms of someone I love and trust and I’m still not sure what to do about that.


#and yes it *is* that time of the month again and I *am* feeling lonely #so I’m digging this post out of the pile of [Tumblr tabs to think about maybe responding to] #(it’s not *that* big a pile) #(I only have eleven tabs open in total across all sites) #it helps to be able to talk #reply via reblog #sexuality and lack thereof #is the blue I see the same as the blue you see #people who can distinguish between their drive for sleep and drive for sex fascinate me