You’re just not ready. At no point in this video when he says the next thing are you ready.
original transcription by @psychopompsglomps but edited by me for small corrections
[Video ID: TikTok video from user luke.kidgell, a stand-up comedian, two and a half minutes in length. The video is entirely trained on Luke, standing at a comedy club stage presumably, as he is taken on a large tangent after asking a question to the audience. Implied NSFW (mention of fetish). The dialogue shows up color coded (blue for luke, green for the main audience member responding who is a clown, and yellow for her daughter who responds very briefly) in the video. Transcript below under readmore for length. End ID]
Luke asks “Has anyone else also stumbled across, like, a weird fetish online before?”
Audience member, soon identified as a Clown, shouts out “Looners!”
Luke: “What’s that?” Clown: “They’re into balloons.”
Luke: “Ohhh, yes of course, like rubbing it, like-like the feel of that-”
Clown: “No-no-no, they sit on them, they offer a lot of money just to blow them up in front of them.”
Luke: “I hate blowing up balloons. (It) scares the shit out of me. (Audience laughs) Does that not fuckin’ terrify people, when you’re blowing it up and it’s getting big and you see it thinning, and you’re like, ‘that’s lost its colour, it’s gonna fucking go right in my face?’ Imagine that but like, it explodes (gestures in front of his face) and then so do you (gestures vaguely near his crotch). Do you know anyone who has it [the fetish] or just see it on the internet?”
Clown: “No no, I’m a, a clown for a living and I get lots of offers, every week.”
Luke: “Oh do you get asked to do it?”
Clown: “Yes, I do.”
Luke: “Oh my god. So, have you ever done it, for cash?”
Clown: “No but I (cracking up a little) pass it on to a friend of mine who does do it.”
Luke: “Ohhhhh. Do you get like a, referral kickback?”
Clown: “Do I get a bit of kickpack? Yes I do.”
Luke: “Oh you do! Fuck yes. That is awesome.”
Clown: “I’m sitting next to my daughter, so, sorry.”
Luke: “Oh you’re sitting- you’re sitting next to your daughter, she just found out her mum’s a clown pimp. (Laughing, camera cuts out a bit) Did she know that?”
Clown’s daughter yells back, beleaguered, “No I didn’t know!”
Luke: “Oh, that’s awesome. Fuck, were you a bit worried then when I asked ‘have you done it,’ you just like, looked at your mum like, ‘Don’t, even if you did, shut the fuck up or I’ll be on fuckin’ tiktok.’ (Takes a breath, camera cuts between angles again) Bein’ a clown’s very interesting, so d’you, are you a clown at a circus?”
Clown: “No, I’m a children’s entertainer, so I dress as a clown, and (trails off)”
Luke: “And at, hang on, is this how it goes, so at- at the party, I imagine it’s like a, a 5th birthday party, all the parents are standing around, you’re doing some balloon stuff, the classics (wobbles and gestures out) aw slipped right, I don’t know, right, I’m sure your act’s much better than that, then, the parents kind of watch from the back, and is it.. The afterwards bit, you know, a couple of beers flowing around the barbeque where like the uncle steps in and goes, (here Luke starts waving his body about a little to represent an uncle trying to be smooth as he steps up to the clown), ‘Do you do any uhh, extra work? You got a thing for those balloons, you made that little fuckin’ snake before, and umm, it reminded me of mine.’ Uhhhh! Is that how it goes??”
Clown, voice sounding of morbid laughter: “I wish you were fucking joking.”
Luke breaks up laughing fully and turns from the camera, slapping his leg. Right before the video cuts out he quips that “It’s always the fuckin’ uncle isn’t it!”
End Transcript]
Tags:
#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #sexuality and lack thereof #nsfw text #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what #embarrassment squick? #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
gfkjldghfd okay first of all I’m sorry for the confusion, if you’re not finding anything on the phrase it’s because I made it up and absolutely nobody but me ever uses it, but I haven’t found a better way to express what I’m trying to say so I keep using it. but now you’ve given me an excuse to ramble on about some shit that is only relevant to me and my deeply inefficient way of talking and by god I’m going to take it.
SO. the way diegetic and non-diegetic are normally used is to talk about music and sound design in movies/tv shows. in case you aren’t familiar with that concept, here’s a rundown:
diegetic sound is sound that happens within the world of the movie/show and can be acknowledged by the characters, like a song playing on the stereo during a driving scene, or sung on stage in Phantom of the Opera. it’s also most other sounds that happen in a movie, like the sounds of traffic in a city scene, or a thunderclap, or a marching band passing by. or one of the three stock horse sounds they use in every movie with a horse in it even though horses don’t really vocalize much in real life, but that’s beside the point, the horse is supposed to be actually making that noise within the movie’s world and the characters can hear it whinnying.
non-diegetic sound is any sound that doesn’t exist in the world of the movie/show and can’t be perceived by the characters. this includes things like laugh tracks and most soundtrack music. when Duel of Fates plays in Star Wars during the lightsaber fight for dramatic effect, that’s non-diegetic. it exists to the audience, but the characters don’t know their fight is being backed by sick ass music and, sadly, can’t hear it.
the lines can get blurry between the two, you’ve probably seen the film trope where the clearly non-diegetic music in the title sequence fades out to the same music, now diegetic and playing from the character’s car stereo. and then there are things like Phantom of the Opera as mentioned above, where the soundtrack is also part of the plot, but Phantom of the Opera does also have segments of non-diegetic music: the Phantom probably does not have an entire orchestra and some guy with an electric guitar hiding down in his sewer just waiting for someone to break into song, but both of those show up in the songs they sing down there.
now, on to how I apply this to bdsm in fiction.
if I’m referring to diegetic bdsm what I mean is that the bdsm is acknowledged for what it is in-world. the characters themselves are roleplaying whatever scenarios their scenes involve and are operating with knowledge of real life rules/safety practices. if there’s cnc depicted, it will be apparent at some point, usually right away, that both characters actually are fully consenting and it’s all just a planned scene, and you’ll often see on-screen negotiation and aftercare, and elements of the story may involve the kink community wherever the characters are. Love and Leashes is a great example of this, 50 Shades and Bonding are terrible examples of this, but they all feature characters that know they’re doing bdsm and are intentional about it.
if I’m talking about non-diegetic bdsm, I’m referring to a story that portrays certain kinks without the direct acknowledgement that the characters are doing bdsm. this would be something like Captive Prince, or Phantom of the Opera again, or the vast majority of bodice ripper type stories where an innocent woman is kidnapped by a pirate king or something and totally doesn’t want to be ravished but then it turns out he’s so cool and sexy and good at ravishing that she decides she’s into it and becomes his pirate consort or whatever it is that happens at the end of those books. the characters don’t know they’re playing out a cnc or D/s fantasy, and in-universe it’s often straight up noncon or dubcon rather than cnc at all. the thing about entirely non-diegetic bdsm is that it’s almost always Problematic™ in some way if you’re not willing to meet the story where it’s at, but as long as you’re not judging it by the standards of diegetic bdsm, it’s just providing the reader the same thing that a partner in a scene would: the illusion of whatever risk or taboo floats your boat, sometimes to extremes that can’t be replicated in real life due to safety, practicality, physics, the law, vampires not being real, etc. it’s consensual by default because it’s already pretend; the characters are vehicles for the story and not actually people who can be hurt, and the reader chose to pick up the book and is aware that nothing in it is real, so it’s all good.
this difference is where people tend to get hung up in the discourse, from what I’ve observed. which is why I started using this phrasing, because I think it’s very crucial to be able to differentiate which one you’re talking about if you try to have a conversation with someone about the portrayal of bdsm in media. it would also, frankly, be useful for tagging, because sometimes when you’re in the mood for non-diegetic bodice ripper shit you’d call the police over in real life, it can get really annoying to read paragraphs of negotiation and check-ins that break the illusion of the scene and so on, and the opposite can be jarring too.
it’s very possible to blur these together the same way Phantom of the Opera blurs its diegetic and non-diegetic music as well. this leaves you even more open to being misunderstood by people reading in bad faith, but it can also be really fun to play with. @not-poignant writes fantastic fanfic, novels, and original serials on ao3 that pull this off really well, if you’re okay with some dark shit in your fiction I would highly recommend their work. some of it does get really fucking dark in places though, just like. be advised. read the tags and all that.
but yeah, spontaneous writer plug aside, that’s what I mean.
(have been using bdsm(canonical) and bdsm(material) instead as in this narrative acknowledges bdsm as something happening in the story vs this is not bdsm in universe but it is bdsm related and just like, stuff to feed your fantasies, rules and morals do not apply because nobody is trying to portray real situations, these narratives are shallow as they are merely tools.) But I guess both the descriptions have slight differences.
Watsonian BDSM is when Irene Adler and Sherlock have a talk about safe words, Doylist BDSM is when Harry Houdini gets an urgent telegram: HOW TO GET OUT OF HANDCUFS STOP NOT A HYPOTHETICAL STOP MISTAKES WERE MADE STOP I’LL ADMIT THR FAIRY PHOTOS WERE FAKE IF YOU GET HERE IN A QUARTER HOUR STOP
Tags:
#yes this #sexuality and lack thereof #I’ve been thinking about this sort of thing lately as I try my hand at writing pornography #I like diegetic porn better but have been writing non-diegetic because the setup’s easier #I aspire to write diegetic porn someday #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
do you ever have a conversation and think “I am not heterosexual enough for this”
Tags:
#relatable #sexuality and lack thereof #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
#oh my fucking god #PopCap: ”at long last‚ we have created the Torment Nexus from classic story It Would Be Terrible Yet Hot to Create the Torment Nexus” #I would like to trade in this world’s genre and get a better one‚ thank you #sexuality and lack thereof #disappointed permanent resident of The Future #games #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
I’m glad Tumblr is mostly lesbians nowadays cause I wouldn’t be able to stand another year of people trying to convince me this miles edgeworth looking mfer is attractive
You what
Tags:
#oh is *that* what that guy they’ve been writing porn about looks like? #sexuality and lack thereof #I didn’t actually laugh aloud but it still amused me enough to reblog #Hades #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
the “oh. oh.” moment in fan fic but instead of a character realizing they’re in love it’s them discovering they have a specific kink at the worst possible moment
#A Rental Car Takes a Left Down Rake Street and Disappears #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #sexuality and lack thereof #rape tw #murder cw? #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
they’re always bringing experts or activists on the news to agitate about porn and there’s a standard script for this that’s like “I think sex education is important, I’m not anti-sex, but so much of this porn is violent and misogynistic if not outright illegal, and it’s far too accessible to our children”
I want to see someone finally be brave enough to say that the government should just make its own porn for teenagers that accords with community values, so they don’t have to go to these shady places to get it. I think the government porn would probably be pretty bad but I would be so eager to hear about the process of designing it. there would be so many stakeholders and consultations. in canada it would have to be bilingual
BILINGUAL CANADIAN PORN NOW
how would they do it? just subtitles? or do the actors need to say the french line immediately followed by the english line and vice versa? or will there be a voiceover? will it be published twice, with the second having been dubbed?
Tags:
#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #sexuality and lack thereof #our home and cherished land #politics cw? #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
#love the decor fandom #I am giving in to the temptation to tag this: #sexuality and lack thereof #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
a bumbling furry world osha inspector who keeps going to various kink setups like a transformation goop plant or a drone factory and, through a series of comedic coincidences, constantly narrowly dodges the universe’s attempts to do something horny to him
his name is Yakov Carl Hurley btw
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#story ideas I will never write #probably #sexuality and lack thereof #nsfw text? #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
Not even joking, y’all, Scarleteen is an amazing resource that deserves attention and (if you’ve got the cash for it) donations so they can keep providing thorough education about sex, consent, relationships, etc to folks of all ages who need it.
Here’s a rundown of their general policy, from literally the first article I clicked on just now:
As you might be getting from that, they’re pretty intersex inclusive, too. Here’s a sample of something that’s a little more directly about sex-specific stuff in case you’re thinking “well but they said that was just about pleasure tho”:
They have a lot of sections on their site, but number two is Gender:
“That’s probably just like hetero gender dynamics stuff tho…” Nay nay! Here’s a few of the articles from the first page of their “Gender” section:
Scarleteen was a huge help to me as a trans person. They have a live chat that has sex-ed type folks giving real-time answers, and even just the staff+volunteers who happened to be attending to the live chat were able to help me with weird niche trans problems – a decade ago, when trans people, it seemed, damn near didn’t exist. They are EFFING AWESOME and want to help you!!!!
They have a disabled section with stuff for chronic pain. There was a link about navigating consent with non-verbal partners. This is an awesome resource, I’ve never felt so included.
As a parent this is an invaluable resource because lets be real. No matter how close you are to your parents sine things are UncomfortableTM to talk about with your them
So acknowledging that and telling my kid “You can ask me anything but if you’re too embarrassed to ask me something this is a trusted source you can go to” is super important
Yeah, honestly I don’t even think it’s embarrassment as much as just… boundaries and privacy, that means teens don’t want to walk up to their parents like, “Dad, what should I keep in mind if I want to give oral sex to my partner?”
Sexuality is one of those areas where kids should be developing the ability to figure out their own tastes and preferences beyond what their parents have defined for them. it’s also part of them building relationships outside the family home, and generally learning to operate autonomously. It’s great if kids have a good base of support to fall back on, but honestly it’s healthier for parents and caregivers to say, “I’m going to give you the tools and resources you need to explore this on your own, so you can practice independence, though you can come to me any time you want.”
Like, this whole process of forcing kids to rely 100% on their parents for knowledge about how their bodies work and what sexual pleasure is like is in itself really unhealthy and creepy. It commonly forces kids to secretly go to sources of dubious reliability or trustworthiness, which makes them really vulnerable, especially if telling their parents about any problems they encounter means they need to confess that they broke the rules. It is so much safer to let kids know where the good resources are, and that they’re allowed to access them.
Tags:
#endorsed with two caveats: #(1) it’s been around a decade since I was there and things may have changed #and (2) I viscerally hate Scarleteen #I wouldn’t say that I actually *blame* them #they held themselves to an impossible standard: of course they failed to meet it #they’re correct that said standard is worth asymptotically approaching #but the more someone emphasises that they do their uttermost to be inclusive of everyone #the more it hurts when it inevitably turns out that they don’t mean you #sexuality and lack thereof #recs #people who can distinguish between their drive for sleep and drive for sex fascinate me #nsfw text #venting cw #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
Brinens and Things 