that purple in the middle is not the right saturation, it doesn’t fit with the other two colors and it drives me crazy.

all right, I think I got this, I’ve got dual citizenship and I have another flag we can borrow from:

step 1


step 2


step 3


This is true bi/ace solidarity.


#bisexuality #asexuality #flags #I love the illustrations and the description as ”dual citizenship”

Asexual Sex Toy Review: Tenga Egg, Asexual Activities Annex

{{Title link: http://annex.asexualactivities.com/solo-activities/sex-toys/reviews/asexual-sex-toy-review-tenga-egg/ }}


This review was Too Hot For Tumblr™, so here it is, brought back from the dead.

Also, looking for more feedback/thoughts about the way the pictures and video are handled here, as they’re a bit more involved (and graphic, although no actual nudity is involved) than the earlier examples.

I like the three-tier description/filter/original system for the images. I think it fulfils both halves of the dual purpose of content warnings very well: giving [people who don’t want to see it at all] an opportunity to back out, and giving [people who are okay with choosing to see it but don’t want it to take them by surprise] a heads-up.

The descriptions are good both at giving a chance for informed consent and at letting you know what’s going on (if you choose not to look); the filtered images are definitely less in-your-face than the originals, offering both a way to see what’s happening and a way to prepare yourself before moving on to the originals.

I find the tabbed display intuitive and easy to use, though to be fair I’ve only tried it on a laptop and not on mobile.


#reply via reblog #sexuality and lack thereof #asexuality #The Last Tumblr Apocalypse #nsfw text

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so like I have no idea where I’m going with this but

people whose lived experience is close enough to harmful tropes that they feel uncomfortable talking about it

like “you’re not asexual you’re just repressed” well as it happened I was not asexual and I was repressed as hell (I was/am aromantic and had it super thoroughly drilled into me that sexual attraction without romantic attraction… wasn’t really attraction or something? idk every time I try to figure out my upbringing it gets weirder)

or like I have an oc who’s demi (or in one ‘verse he’s demi, AUs man) but he IDed as ace for like twenty years before the “I am now sexually attracted to my life partner” kicked in and so I feel reeeeeally awkward about writing that ‘verse because I have no idea how I’d keep it from being “you just haven’t met the right person yet” without, like, actively stopping the story to write a screed about it ;P

but like does anyone else have this problem? what (if anything) do you do about it? commiserate with me! ;S

Ah, that old double-bind. The one where, for instance, some people don’t have a right person to find, and also who cares if there is a right person they’re still ace for intents and purposes now, but you only have the chance to say one of those things and whichever wrong you correct you’re implicitly condoning the other. It is especially difficult when you personally do happen to fit the narrative.

I look kind of like I fit the first one, since I did formerly ID as repressed, but I don’t think I actually do fit it. Nevertheless, when I encounter that one (which I almost never do directly; I hang out in pretty ace-friendly spaces) I always tackle the “so what if I am?” aspect over the “I’m not” aspect. I figure I’m more believable on that one, plus the “I’m not” aspect is generally tackled more often.

I do have a narrative that I both disagree with and fit, and that’s “rape fetishism isn’t an inherent/valid* part of a fetishist’s sexuality; they’re just into it because Society doesn’t give them any better options. If they were in a culture where consent was an established Thing, the fetish would fall away.”

This is bullshit on multiple levels. It also happened to me. I was rather annoyed when I realised, partly because do you know how hard it is to find consensual hypnosis porn (well, obviously it would have to be difficult or this wouldn’t have happened in the first place) and partly because I resented supporting the pro-narrative argument by existing.

I haven’t tried to respond to that narrative since it happened. Any one thing I say would be undermining the others, and–unlike the repression one–I have no clue where to place my focus.

*In a culture with heavy reliance on “born this way” messages, these two words are treated as interchangeable, which is a big chunk (but not the entirety) of the problem.


#(June 2015) #I ran into a harmful trope today and I am feeling this feel again so much #the [models in my head of various assholes I have known] are being *so smug* and I *hate* it #our roads may be golden or broken or lost #asexuality #sexuality and lack thereof #venting #rape tw?

Anonymous asked; I’m ace (and libido-less) but the whole aces with kinks/fetishes thing has always been hard for me to wrap my brain around. Is it just a sex drive/libido thing? Is it more of a fascination/appreciation? I’d enjoy a topic on that so I could learn and better support my fellow aces!

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One way I’ve heard it explained is that it’s not necessarily about sex at all. It’s often more about the power dynamics, the role play, things like that.

However, I personally have no experience with any of that, so would anyone who is more involved care to field this one?


I had an anon ask me a very similar question a few years back. Here’s what I told them.


#asexuality #reply via reblog #sexuality and lack thereof #nsfw text? #is the blue I see the same as the blue you see

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Question for the mind control fetishist community that is inexplicably over-represented among my followers:

I’ve recently become curious about the theory I’ve heard that asexual people who have kinks often have an autophilic sexuality. That is, their primary sexual interest is tied to them achieving some specific state. They’d have the same range of sexual response as allosexuals, but in response to achieving their preferred state to varyingly precise degrees.

For example, some asexuals are into amputation, or depictions of amputees. They often are more interested in being amputees themselves than in other people who are amputees. Often they’ll enjoy fantasising about being amputees, and further prefer situations where they can pretend to be amputees, and sometimes even desire actual amputation.

And I just remembered that lots of people who follow this blog are part of the mind control kink community! Which always surprises me, because I don’t think I post any mind control related content, and am honestly really sexually boring. But, like, I’ll totally give you guys more shout outs if you can help me learn about this.

My question is: Are asexual mind control fetishists more interested in being mentally controlled/impaired or in controlling others / the mental impairments of other? The autosexuality theory implies that asexuals should overwhelmingly prefer to be controlled/impaired, or be most aroused by the thought of their own altered mental state.

Also, autosexualities are in general correlated with being transgender. Are asexuals in the mind control kink community more likely to be transgender or feel gender dysphoric?

Right now I’m just curious about whether there’s any anecdotal support for this random thought, in case it’s worth doing a survey of. Would anyone be willing to tell me if their personal impression of the community supports or debunks this hypothesis? @acemindbreaker, @brin-bellway, @bannableoffense, @enscenic and anyone else who might have an opinion on this.

Here you go, a sample size of one!

I consider myself asexual (I get squicked by sexual things despite sometimes being sexually active), mind control/hypnosis fetish from a very young age (like a paraphilia, I need to think stuff about it to get off), and somewhat gender wonky in some indeterminate way.

Before puberty and probably before age 18 of so, I was solely “autosexual” in the way you describe it: my sexuality was entirely about hypnosis or mind control and how “deep” I would go into it would theoretically correspond with level of arousal and sexual enjoyment.

I figured, since I had an interest in kink as well and was sexually active, that this meant that I was solely a submissive.

As I got older I started experimenting with switching roles (hypnotic and not) and for the most part it was a service top type thing for a long time, until cc and I really got going.

I discovered a love for dominance, especially ownership and most importantly for this, objectification.

When I hypnotize cc, I am objectifying her in that I’m using her as porn and that’s part of what turns me on. I’ve always liked looking at porn of hypnotized or mind controlled subjects (as we do) and for a long time I sort of thought it was because I was projecting myself into their place.

Not always, I think. Definitely used to be that way. But then I discovered enjoyment of just seeing it as third party porn and getting off to it in that way, separating it from myself.

I still consider myself a bottom-leaning switch, and there is nothing quite like being hypnotized, but there is a different intensity in hypnotizing someone else that I’ve grown to love as well.

In terms of gender, I’m still figuring it out. I questioned being trans as a teenager. I’m pretty comfy in my AFAB body nowadays but not always and I’ve never felt like a strong pull towards the concept of gender one way or another, or a tendency to fluctuate.

Gender of my partners doesn’t matter to me, it’s the D/s vibe I get. (I’ll admit I tend to prefer male dominants and female submissives, just as a matter of looking at numbers.)


#(April 2018) #this one doesn’t really count as an aglet but it’s interesting #sexuality and lack thereof #nsfw text #asexuality #gender

Anonymous asked: would be good if individuals could just easily adjust their own sex drives up or down as wanted, really. I mean, I know there are medications with either effect, but I don’t mean like that, I mean like you’d adjust a setting in a piece of software.

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it would indeed be very handy!

I think like most emotions it would be kind of self-reinforcing, in that once you’re at one end of the scale the other end seems unappealing, but it would still be good to have the option available.

…do people normally find a given level of libido self-reinforcing?

Only middling-libido!mes want to stay that way long-term; I get sick of high libido after ~1 day and of low libido after ~1 week. (Unless I’m too distracted by other things to notice the vague sense of being incomplete that happens when my libido is too low for too long, which is how I spent the month of April. But even that is more “being sufficiently fucked up that your damage-assessment mechanism is also damaged”, rather than actually being okay with it.)

Mind you, when I see other people complaining of loss of libido, they’re almost always talking about practical effects and not the inherent badness of having an ego-syntonic part of your psyche go missing, which makes me wonder if maybe ego-neutral libidos are more common than typical-minding would lead me to believe.

Kind of my feeling is that I often get the feeling of IQ reduced by 25% around hot woman + weird effects on inhibitions (both reduced and increased. Which is sort of self-reinforcing. 

But is also why I agree with the anon that I don’t really like a lot of my sex drive. 

I would kind of like it if I could turn off my feelings of sexual and romantic attraction 2/3rds of the time. And thats a lot of the reason. I often don’t like a lot of the effect that it has on me.

And I also wish I could shut off a lot of inappropriate times I’m attracted to someone or a lot of the feelings of unrequited crushes and such.

…okay, in hindsight I guess I should have figured my other divergences would imply divergence here as well. I had…kind of forgotten that sex drives could have interpersonal effects, since mine doesn’t really.

(I wish you good luck and good coping.)


For me its very difficult to separate any feeling of sex drive from attraction to particular people that I find hot.

While I haven’t actually had sex yet, even when jerking off, its pretty difficult to separate the feeling of sex from individual attraction. Its pretty much inseparable from fantasizing about the people I find attractive.


#(October 2017) #conversational aglets #sexuality and lack thereof #nsfw text #is the blue I see the same as the blue you see #asexuality

30 Days of Hypnosis Kink: Day 7

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Day 7: Are you a trance junkie (short term) or do you prefer a one hypnotist relationship (long term)? Why or why not?

I’m just gonna


and really take apart that term.

“trance junkie”

Really? Someone who likes getting tranced a lot and doesn’t have consistent partners for that… that’s what you call them? A “trance junkie”? 

what a loaded question, comparing people without consistent partners to…


you know what, I’ll be blunt. I don’t have consistent trance partners. I’ve never had that, unless my partner was a subject and I played the hypnotist role. So I find enjoyment where I can, when I can, with whom I can, and as time and my schedule permits. I have friends I play with more than others, but, for the most part, that comes down to me, myself, and my tumblr account.

Would I like a long-term relationship with a hypnotist? Of course! It would be absolutely wonderful, for rather self-evident reasons; trust, rapport, and learning are all established with repetition, time spent, and getting to know what the other likes and enjoys and working with that, exploring that. Hell, like I see so many people do here on Tumblr. Why wouldn’t I want something like that?

“trance junkie”

good god…

The usage of “trance junkie” is really weird here- I’ve heard the term thrown around in non-kinky hypnosis communities but only as a slightly self-effacing way to say you really enjoy being hypnotized. So, like, 95% of my tumblr feed (myself included) would qualify. I’ve never heard it used as a way to describe someone who doesn’t have a long-term partner- that doesn’t even really make sense outside of kink and, as @bannableoffense pointed out, is kind of judgemental.  

The first time I encountered the term “trance junkie”–and I wish I could remember who wrote this blog post so I could go check if it’s as bad as I remember; all I know is that it was some Blogspot or maybe WordPress I didn’t read regularly, and I sure wasn’t going to start reading regularly after that–it was…well. There’s “complaining about people who use you for sex and show no indication that they give a shit about whether you enjoy it too”, and then there’s “kinkshaming people who are into hypnosis for the sensations and don’t have control or intimacy kinks”, and it seemed to me they were skirting dangerously far into the latter.

Even if you seem on the surface to share a kink with someone, even if you seem on the surface to like complementary roles, you can still be sexually incompatible on that axis. Furthermore, some people’s kinks are best fulfilled solo, and not all such people have figured that out about themselves yet. I note that from what I’ve seen, it’s fairly common for asexuals who like sex but don’t get anything extra out of it being partnered sex (as opposed to masturbation) to have a troubled sexual relationship in which they find this out the hard way, and the thing that causes them to break up is usually that one or both partners feel like the allosexual is being “used” by the asexual.

And you know what? I was lucky enough to hang out in the asexual community, to hear about that story being played out over and over by different people, before ever having sex myself. Which means if I ever try partnered kink, I get to go into it knowing there’s a chance that partnering might not be for me, and that that’s a valid form of sexuality that wouldn’t mean there’s anything wrong with me, and it wouldn’t make me evil. Not everyone gets that advantage.

So yeah, even without getting into the addiction comparison, I flinch at that term too.

@ellaenchanting replied to this post with:

Brin- This all makes sense to me. I also think people can have needs met in a relationship even if the kinks are different if they’re compatible- for example I have a top who has a huge control kink and I have a huge intimacy kink but we’re both hypnofetishists and somehow it works! :) BUt also- lots of talking.


#(May 2016) #conversational aglets #sexuality and lack thereof #asexuality #nsfw text?

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[This post is a submission.]

So I’ve been (very slowly, I know) thinking over the post asking for recommendations to share. Yesterday it occurred to me how many trials and tribulations I had in learning to masturbate, and I wondered if maybe I could help people in my past selves’ situations skip over some of that shit.

But honestly, the main takeaway I got from the learning process (other than the outcome) was that the whole thing is a complete mess and it’s a goddamn miracle anyone ever manages to find a technique that works for them.

I used to resent Scarleteen for telling me “masturbation usually doesn’t work the first few times you try it; keep trying, it gets better with practice” and sending me off on a wild goose chase for a while in my late teens. But it turns out that, in a way, they weren’t wrong: while the genital-focused methods they recommended have never done much for me, the method that *is* right for me *also* didn’t work at first and got better with practice.

(Trouble was, I had so much learned helplessness built up around masturbation from previous wild goose chases that for a long while I hardly ever practised. You know how long it took me to reach a skill level where I could reliably achieve effects that were, not just “neat” or “better than nothing”, but actually *satisfying*? *Three years*! And almost all of that time was in making “you know, I *could* masturbate, *that* might help with the sexual frustration” an available thought (instead of reverting to my old habits of distraction and waiting it out); if I hadn’t had to deal with that, I suspect I could have reached a sufficient skill level in a month or three.)

I guess the best I have for actionable advice is to focus your practice on methods with a high prior probability of working (things that are a good fit with what you already know about your sexuality, things that have worked for a lot of other people, or ideally both), and on things that are at least *somewhat* enjoyable even when they don’t satisfy your libido. That second part helps with cultivating a lower-pressure mindset: it’s easier to get the motivation to practice if there’s something pleasant to it (rather than just a gamble at it becoming pleasant *eventually*), and that also makes it easier not to get frustrated and give up too soon. (Although, unfortunately, I still have no idea how to tell how soon is too soon to give up. Hell, for all I know, there’s some trick to making genital-based masturbation work for me that I just never worked out, or never practised that particular trick long enough.)

I wish I could tell you that it gets better, but I know there’s no guarantee that a given person will have *any* method that works for them. Maybe try to make your peace with that idea in addition to the above practising; no individual is capable of the full range of possible pleasures, we’re all missing some stuff. Don’t get me wrong, masturbation *is* a very useful tool to have, and it’s worth trying to obtain that tool, but stressing out about whether you’re ever going to find something won’t help anything and might very well make it more difficult (by loading practice with negative associations).

(this is all assuming you even *have* a libido; I’m not sure which parts are different if you don’t, but I’m guessing it’s probably easier for you to be lower-pressure about it)

I don’t know if it gets better for you; all I can say for sure is, it got better for me. Lately I kind of want to go back, give my twenty-year-old self a hug, tell her it’s gonna be okay, and hand her a guide to self-hypnosis.

Very good points.

“Just keep trying!” is something my advice is often guilty of, as well.  I wish there was a clear distinction between “You just haven’t gotten the hang of it, but you will with a slight modification” and “That just ain’t gonna work, try something completely different”.  Maybe the advice should be more like “Try lots of different things lots of different ways, lots of different times!”

The line “no individual is capable of the full range of possible pleasures, we’re all missing some stuff“ is something important to keep in mind.  I know what works for me and I know some of what works for other people.  When I try what works for other people, it’s a mixed bag.  Sometimes it works for me, but other things work better.  Sometimes it doesn’t work at all and I don’t understand how anyone can do it that way because wow that’s just uncomfortable and I’m going to stop now.  And sometimes it will be so close and maybe it would be great if I can just work out the one missing piece but nope that didn’t work after all but will it ever work and should I keep trying or not.  Maybe the advice needs to suggest all of those things as options.  But that can never catch all of the things that might work, and maybe none of the things suggested will, but something else might.

And so often, “Try something else” assumes that you’re in the right town to begin with, and you just need to find the right street.  But as you found, maybe the ticket to success isn’t in Genitalville, but it’s in the next town over or maybe even on a different continent entirely.  The standard guidebooks fall apart in that kind of scenario.

So, to readers out there:  Do you have any suggestions for telling the difference between “You haven’t gotten the hang of it” and “That ain’t gonna work”?  And how would you recommend finding what works, if what works isn’t remotely close to what everyone suggests?  Ask | Submit


#I realised last night that I never reblogged the moderator’s response to my submitted OP back in March #and therefore it isn’t in any of my copious backups #since I often go read it when re-reading my blog #and I’m a bit surprised asexualactivities hasn’t *already* been purged #I figured I’d better fix that ASAP #sexuality and lack thereof #nsfw text #asexuality #101 Uses for Infrastructureless Computers #The Great Tumblr Apocalypse #The Last Tumblr Apocalypse #(the following category tag was added retroactively:) #conversational aglets



It’s Asexual Awareness Week and this is your chance to ask your NSFW questions about asexuality.  In particular, this week, we’re welcoming questions from non-asexual people.  So, if you have a burning question about how or why ace people experience sex, masturbation, kink, or some other sexual activity, this is your chance to ask!  (And, as always, ace people are welcome to ask questions or talk about what’s on their mind, as well!)

The ask box is open and we accept anonymous questions!  Step right up, don’t be shy!

(And here’s what Asexual Activities is all about, if you’re interested.)


#signal boost #asexuality #nsfw text?