So, random thing, based on a mood I keep having: How many people here are more into the less ero* side of things? Or not as into the BDSM aspects with it? I’m curious, mainly because it fits me pretty well and I like to think I’m not the only one out there with that view.
*I’m horrible at defining it, but let’s say it means that while hypno is a bit ero for you, you prefer the more funny/not as ero side of things.
This is a topic of much debate – @tennfan2, @soundshypnotic, and I occasionally “teach a class” themed around it. (I use “teach a class” because really it’s more like “put on a show”.)
And my role in said class is (as in real life) the guy whose heart is just about always in the hypnosis-for-hypnosis’-sake camp.
To be clear, it’s still very hot to me; hypnosis (depending on the context) is both a nerdy hobby and a kink, but adding the BDSM (for me) doesn’t necessarily amp up the hotness.
I mean, to me, hypnosis is almost always erotic on some level? there are a few *people* who are exceptions, but that’s mostly because of the nature of my friendship with those people…
As most of my EH pals know, and as I’ve talked with @jonsmisu about in private in the past, this is a HUGE topic for me–not so much on trying to parse the varying types of personal erotic interest, but in how our EH community makes itself fun and welcoming to all types, not just BDSM folks,
I’m personally not a “hypnosis for hypnosis’ sake” guy–I’m much more into using hypnosis as a tool to get at other mind-control or transformation erotic fantasies. That said, I do dabble in BDSM when it’s hot for a partner (which makes it hot for me!), and I absolutely know that most of my fetishes center around a power exchange of some sort and often a certain type of mental sadism. (Yes, all sadism is probably mental on some level – everything we do is mental on some level – I just mean my sadism tends to lean more toward doing nasty, mean, cruel things to someone’s mind and will, rather than physically to their body.)
So I’m definitely into hypnotism for the Ero part of Erotic Hypnotism.
However, I’ve often warned that our growing EH community needs to keep reminding itself that not everyone is into BDSM; not everyone has a D/s relationship with their partners; not everyone wants collars or to use terms like “pet,” “slave,” “Mistress/Master,” “Sir/Miss;” not everyone is into rope or floggers or canes. And while I put myself firmly on the Erotic side of things, I also have to remember that there are folks whose idea and definition of “erotic” is very different from mine—just as there may be folks who are into erotic hypnosis who have ZERO interest in a power exchange or control of another.
We have a very lovely, welcoming, friendly community, but as I’ve written at length before, the BDSM side of things still tends to dominate the community (no pun intended) for several reasons, including the fact that many EH groups and events are created in conjunction with an existing BDSM kink community or local dungeon, so not only do information about and invites to events disseminate through that BDSM community first and foremost, but also people already comfortable with being in a kink group and attending in-person events tend to be more likely to hear about and come out to attend an Erotic Hypnosis event.
In the past year, I’ve met so many more EH people like myself, or Smisu, or others here who are NOT necessarily into the formal BDSM side of things, and that’s been very encouraging and wonderful. And at the same time, I’ve done some of exploring myself of types of play that involve more elements of BDSM, with mixed but always fascinating results.
I hate having to repeat this over and over, but someone ALWAYS misses the point: I am NOT saying BDSM is bad or that it shouldn’t be part of the EH community. I am NOT suggesting we further sub-divide and Balkanize our EH community. I love my BDSM-lovin’ friends and play partners, I love talking to them, learning from them, and playing with them. I have NOTHING against BDSM and have always appreciated my own explorations of it. What I am repeatedly saying is that our larger community needs to be aware that not everyone is into BDSM and should keep our events and discussions as open and friendly as possible for folks curious about or into erotic hypnosis from different, non-BDSM angles.
But still, especially here on Tumblr, depending on how you curate your feed, you can find your daily dashboard filled with an overwhelming amount of BDSM images and discussions—much of it from your close friends in the EH community. And there are times when that feels overwhelming and alienating—it can make you feel like an outsider in the very EH community you were hoping to finally find fellowship in. You discover the EH community and think, “Oh yes, finally! My people!” and then you look around and go, “Oh wait… hmmm… Are you my people? Am I your person? Do I really belong here?”
The short, easy answer is always YES, of course you belong here—when you tune out all the BDSM imagery on Tumblr, we’re still left with a growing and varied community of great folks who welcome everyone, whatever they’re into to whatever degree. The issue isn’t how nice and welcoming and diverse the EH community is, it’s just how some of us sometimes perceive it, based on some of its most overt BDSM imagery and topics.
We meet cool, fun, awesome new friends, and then sometimes there’s that feeling of, “Oh, but they’re into so many things I’m not.” That can sometimes leave you feeling lonely and left out again. When you’re trying to find play partners to do the hypno things you want to do, but it seems like everyone is into all kinds of things you’re not, and you despair of ever finding a play partner who’s into YOUR thing or your particular level and definition of eroticism.
Jon Smisu, I’m sure your idea of and interest in “erotic hypnosis” is different from mine, and I know mine is different from @tennfan2’s or @daja-the-hypnokitten’s or @enscenic’s. Heck, I know my fetishes don’t even line up exactly with the play partners I do lots of fun things with—almost all of them have other kinks or fetish interests that fall outside my usual realm of play. Some of those things I explore with them, some of them I shrug and leave be.
All of which is to say, hang in there – keep exploring and defining your hypnosis interests for yourself; maybe try some new things, if only to figure out what you’re not into; but most of all, just know that you are far, far from alone in all this. Maybe all our kinks and fetishes and definitions of “erotic” don’t always match, but many of us have felt exactly that mood you’re describing. And meanwhile, our community needs to keep reminding ourselves of that—that not everyone seeking shelter under the umbrella of “erotic hypnosis” is looking for or excited by the same things.
(This post is somewhere between “direct reply” and “using previous posts as jumping-off points”.)
Yeah, my relationship with erotic hypnosis is…complicated, and full of approximations: “this isn’t quite right, but it’ll have to do”.
jonsmisu: you prefer the more funny/not as ero side of things.
Well, I definitely wouldn’t say I prefer the “funny” side of things, because that seems to generally mean embarrassment humour, and I hate embarrassment humour.
sebsteerpike: And while I put myself firmly on the Erotic side of things, I also have to remember that there are folks whose idea and definition of “erotic” is very different from mine
I think of my fetish as sexual, but I often have more in common with people calling themselves “nonsexual kinksters”. I could easily see someone with the same sexuality as me but a different outlook on it using the term “nonsexual kinkster” too.
just as there may be folks who are into erotic hypnosis who have ZERO interest in a power exchange or control of another.
Yeah, the thing where BDSM is treated as the be-all-end-all of kink tripped me up in my late teens. I called myself submissive for a while because I didn’t really know you could be a kinky bottom without being submissive.
(And…this isn’t quite the same thing as conflation with BDSM, but the assumption that a person will be into a wide variety of things is also tricky. Here I am with just the one paraphilia: a few different aspects, but in essence one thing. Being kinky doesn’t make me ~adventurous~. Hell, I’m not even into genitals.)
You discover the EH community and think, “Oh yes, finally! My people!” and then you look around and go, “Oh wait… hmmm… Are you my people? Am I your person? Do I really belong here?”
The short, easy answer is always YES, of course you belong here
I’m not convinced that I do, but I do think there’s something to be gained by hanging out with people who are only almost My People. It’s good for its own sake, and it’s additionally good because places like this are my best chance at running into someone who is My People.
but it seems like everyone is into all kinds of things you’re not, and you despair of ever finding a play partner who’s into YOUR thing or your particular level and definition of eroticism.
Yep. Not even anyone to play with, necessarily, just somebody to talk to.
(I’ve been feeling lonely this week, because on Tuesday it was time for a round of “Am I Ovulating, Or Just Sleep-Deprived?*”. And I knew that if I complained about it on Tumblr, I might get a few people commiserating as best they could, but there would be nobody to nod and say “I know that feel”, because none of them did know that feel.)
*I suspect the answer was “sleep-deprived”, because the next day I slept better but felt worse. Ovulatory libido spikes don’t have a ramping-up period like that (at least for me), so I think I was sleep-deprived on Tuesday but ovulating on Wednesday.
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#reply via reblog #sexuality and lack thereof #people who can distinguish between their drive for sleep and drive for sex fascinate me #long post #nsfw text
Brinens and Things 