asexuality

Asexual Activities

~ Brin ~ 1 Comment

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asexualactivities:

(This is a bit of a soft launch, because I won’t have time to devote to this for the next week or two, but I want to get it started anyway…)

Last weekend, there was a bit of a conversation about sex toys and asexuality, so I wanted to create a collaborative space to explore those topics and more.  And, well, here it is.

This is a place for aces, graces, and demis to talk about those things that you might feel uncomfortable bringing up in other ace circles.  Masturbation.  Kink.  Sex toys.  Partnered sex as an ace.  Things sex ed didn’t teach you, but you’re curious about.  Sexual activities, non-sexual intimacies, and so on.  If it’s inappropriate somewhere else, it’s probably appropriate here.

This space is for aces, by aces, and about aces.  There are other places on the Internet that talk about these topics, but very few that explore them from an asexual perspective, in language that makes sense to aces.  If you’re not ace, you’re welcome to read what’s here, and may respectfully ask questions or engage in conversations, but always keep in mind that this place is not about you.  If you’re disrespectful, intrusive, invasive, or offensive, we will show you the door.

Leave your shame and embarrassment and judgement at the door.  No question too weird, no topic too icky.  We’ll talk about anything that’s safe and respectful.

That means some of these topics might be outside of your comfort zone.  And that’s okay.  If it’s not your thing, it’s not your thing, but maybe the next topic will be more your speed.  We have a “Don’t yuck my yum” policy around here.  That means that it’s uncool to slam someone else for liking something you don’t like.  If you don’t like it, you don’t have to say anything about it.  You might think some of these things are “weird”, but keep in mind that someone else probably thinks something you like to do is “weird”, too.

We accept submissions and asks (Including anonymous), so if you want to share what you do, how you do it and why you do it, or if you’re just curious about something, please feel free to write in.  I see this space as mostly submission driven.  It’s about what YOU want to talk about and what YOU want to know.  A few ground rules, though:

  • 18+ only for submissions and asks.  If you’re under 18, someplace like Scarleteen would be a much better place to discuss these issues (Scarleteen is ace-friendly, too!).
  • This is not an advice site. We can answer general questions about general things, but I really can’t help with your specific scenario.
  • This is not a doctor’s office.  If you have a genuine, pressing medical concern, talk to someone qualified about it.  I’m not even pretending to play a doctor on the Internet, so what would I know?
  • Be open, be truthful, don’t be embarrassed or ashamed.
  • Assume positive intent.  If someone says something offensive or exclusionary or otherwise troublesome, assume it wasn’t done maliciously.  Correct them gently instead of launching a thermonuclear flame war.
  • No wankfodder.  You can certainly be explicit (In fact, you’re encouraged to be as open and direct as you want), but avoid being deliberately pornographic for prurience sake.   You can talk about porn, but don’t be porn.  This isn’t Letters to Penthouse or the Lemon tag of AO3.
  • Content warnings would be appreciated!  They allow you to get as detailed as you like without worrying about who’s reading, while at the same time, give people who aren’t interested a chance to turn away.

And so, with that, the ask box is ready for your questions and the submission box is ready for your posts!

 

(And one final note, if you are not comfortable with the topics which are being discussed here, I have flagged the entire blog as NSFW and I encourage you to block this so it won’t show up at all (I won’t be offended!).  I will try to put appropriate content tags in the posts, and put potentially objectionable images behind a Read More.)

Tags:

#asexuality #sexuality and lack thereof #oh look an update

Image ~ ~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

justice-turtle:

seraphvulture:

decaheda:

tag urself i’m neutral bi

Asexual Alignment Chart

hopefully this sets things right

somebody do an aro one

I wasn’t going to reblog this, but it’s the first tag-yourself meme I’ve seen that’s actually accurate. (Which is saying something, considering how many tag-yourself memes I’ve seen.)

Tags:

#lawful/neutral ace #I have no idea where I would even *get* flamingo feathers but other than that #asexuality #meme #there is probably some warning tag I should put on this but I am not sure what #homophobia?

~ Brin ~ 4 Comments

{{previous post in sequence}}

brin-bellway:

redbeardace:

brin-bellway:

redbeardace:

So, I think I might actually start a secondary blog about some of the things that have been getting discussed this weekend.  I think it’s a topic worth being openly talked about, and I think it would be good to have a space specifically for that, so that people can stop worrying if what they’re talking about is appropriate and just say what they have to say.

(I also think it would be good to get the conversation off my main blog, because while I find it interesting, I’m sure it’s making a number of my followers uncomfortable.)

A couple of thoughts:

  • For aces, by aces, about aces.
  • Topics would definitely include masturbation/sex toys, including reviews/how-tos.
  • Additional topics can potentially include BDSM gear, partnered activities, talking about porn/erotic materials, and general sexual health/sex ed/anatomy, etc.  Basically anything ace people are curious about or want to discuss, but don’t feel comfortable doing it in regular ace circles.  Any other topics that should be explicitly called out?
  • Matter of fact and open, with a sense of “Yes, this is normal, yes, it’s okay to feel like that, it’s okay to do this” in most answers.  Non-judgmental and inclusive (at least inclusive of ace-ID’d people).
  • Clinical where it needs to be, fun where it needs to be.
  • Deliberately not wankfodder.  This isn’t Letters to Penthouse.
  • Open to questions from non-ace people about ace people, within limits.  This will attempt to be a safe space for aces (at least as much as it can be on this site), so anyone disrespectful, etc., will be shown the door.
  • Anon submissions/asks would be on.  18+
  • Toy pictures allowed (including anatomically accurate models), but images of toy usage/porn not allowed (including pornographic images on packaging).  Maybe use another toy as a demonstration stand in?
  • Maybe a discussion prompt once in a while?
  • I would probably need co-moderators.  Any volunteers?

A couple of concerns:

  • As I’ve learned from my “An Asexual’s Guide To …” series, any time someone talks about topics like this, you will get a lot of non-ace people wandering by and offering their, um, “thoughts”.
  • I’d like it to be findable by aces who are interested in it, but I don’t want to be intrusive to those who are not.  Are there good ways to do this?

So there it is.  Thoughts?

I’d probably read it. I might participate, depending on which topics and how far the inclusivity goes. (When it comes to conversations about sex, I always feel like I’m being Too Weird and making people uncomfortable, even in places with relatively high Weird levels. The only place I didn’t feel like I was being intrusive was Ace Fet, which vanished off the face of the Internet a couple years ago without a trace.)

I think some sort of “Safe, Legal, Respectful” principle might be a good guideline as to what’s allowed.  (Although, strictly speaking, “Legal” would probably be a bit flexible, as there are some places that outlaw the sale of “any device designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs”, for instance.  Not to mention the countries that still have enforceable sodomy laws.  Things like that.)  And maybe a “Don’t yuck my yum” principle.  (The big problem is that you can’t control the audience response on Tumblr.  You can encourage and cultivate the first readers to be respectful, but after that, the “Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory” applies.  And I don’t know how to fix that.)

I think, in general, that this place would have to work against the idea that something is “weird” or “icky” or whatever.  I mean, for many people, masturbation itself is too icky to talk about.  Many people think sex toys are weird.  And that’s okay.  What’s not okay is turning that “This is not for me” into “No, you can’t have it either”.  If it’s not your thing, skip to the next post.  If none of the posts are your thing, unfollow or even block.

I think it would be good to have some of those “Too Weird” things talked about in a place that’s a safe environment, presented in a way that says “This is out there.  If you’re interested, great.  If not, maybe the next topic will be more your style.”  Sort of like a sexualized asexual 60 Minutes.  (If that makes any sense.)

@katakacat replied to this thread with:

“good idea, but what part about this is 18+??? if there’s going to be a large piece of sexual health and sex ed happening, i think it would be most effective if it’s safe for minors, the people who would be most in need of sex ed? i think? i’m not sure what you meant by 18+ but that sounds like the worst idea, the rest sounds pretty great”

Okay, so I was angry about this at first, but upon reflection I think it simply demonstrates a rift in people’s understanding of what this project is supposed to do.

See, sex ed is broad. It deals in generalities: it can, say, tell you that pornography is a thing that exists, but it won’t recommend specific pieces of erotica. (And indeed, any sex ed trying to be available to minors wouldn’t dare make such recommendations.)

I know many people who advocate for “inclusive” sex ed, but there is no such thing. Don’t get me wrong, some sex ed is less exclusive than others, but every sex education resource has to draw the line somewhere. They might discuss only the most common form of sexuality, or the top two, or the top several, but people with rare manifestations of sexuality will always be sacrificed on the altar of the greatest good for the greatest number.

I can’t contribute to a sex ed blog. When it comes to sex education, I am not and never will be a participant: I’m collateral damage. And maybe that’s worth it, but that is the price you’d be paying if you go the sex ed route.

I, on the other hand, interpreted this idea as being about a space for asexuals to discuss their sexualities. (I was going to say “the presences, rather than the absences”, but apparently some people conceive of their asexuality as a presence?) Such a space is not inherently exclusive of me. The risk is high, as I mentioned in my previous post on this reblog chain, but it could have a place for me.

@katakacat​, tagging you to make sure you get the whole post. I didn’t want to add this as an edit because then people who have already read the original might miss it.

I swear I’m going back to studying after this, but it occurred to me I didn’t make it all that clear why the non-18+ thing in particular bothered me.

IME, obscenity rules are enforced more strictly the weirder you are. Something can be considered fine when a vanilla person says it, but someone saying the analogous thing about a kink gets smacked down as inappropriate.

At my level of out-there, there is very little I would dare say in an environment trying to be safe for minors. Almost any statement, no matter how innocuous the normal-person analogue would be, risks censure and penalties.

Tags:

#reply via reblog #sexuality and lack thereof #asexuality #oh look an update #I hope I haven’t crossposted

{{next post in sequence}}

~ Brin ~ 2 Comments

{{previous post in sequence}}

redbeardace:

brin-bellway:

redbeardace:

So, I think I might actually start a secondary blog about some of the things that have been getting discussed this weekend.  I think it’s a topic worth being openly talked about, and I think it would be good to have a space specifically for that, so that people can stop worrying if what they’re talking about is appropriate and just say what they have to say.

(I also think it would be good to get the conversation off my main blog, because while I find it interesting, I’m sure it’s making a number of my followers uncomfortable.)

A couple of thoughts:

  • For aces, by aces, about aces.
  • Topics would definitely include masturbation/sex toys, including reviews/how-tos.
  • Additional topics can potentially include BDSM gear, partnered activities, talking about porn/erotic materials, and general sexual health/sex ed/anatomy, etc.  Basically anything ace people are curious about or want to discuss, but don’t feel comfortable doing it in regular ace circles.  Any other topics that should be explicitly called out?
  • Matter of fact and open, with a sense of “Yes, this is normal, yes, it’s okay to feel like that, it’s okay to do this” in most answers.  Non-judgmental and inclusive (at least inclusive of ace-ID’d people).
  • Clinical where it needs to be, fun where it needs to be.
  • Deliberately not wankfodder.  This isn’t Letters to Penthouse.
  • Open to questions from non-ace people about ace people, within limits.  This will attempt to be a safe space for aces (at least as much as it can be on this site), so anyone disrespectful, etc., will be shown the door.
  • Anon submissions/asks would be on.  18+
  • Toy pictures allowed (including anatomically accurate models), but images of toy usage/porn not allowed (including pornographic images on packaging).  Maybe use another toy as a demonstration stand in?
  • Maybe a discussion prompt once in a while?
  • I would probably need co-moderators.  Any volunteers?

A couple of concerns:

  • As I’ve learned from my “An Asexual’s Guide To …” series, any time someone talks about topics like this, you will get a lot of non-ace people wandering by and offering their, um, “thoughts”.
  • I’d like it to be findable by aces who are interested in it, but I don’t want to be intrusive to those who are not.  Are there good ways to do this?

So there it is.  Thoughts?

I’d probably read it. I might participate, depending on which topics and how far the inclusivity goes. (When it comes to conversations about sex, I always feel like I’m being Too Weird and making people uncomfortable, even in places with relatively high Weird levels. The only place I didn’t feel like I was being intrusive was Ace Fet, which vanished off the face of the Internet a couple years ago without a trace.)

I think some sort of “Safe, Legal, Respectful” principle might be a good guideline as to what’s allowed.  (Although, strictly speaking, “Legal” would probably be a bit flexible, as there are some places that outlaw the sale of “any device designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs”, for instance.  Not to mention the countries that still have enforceable sodomy laws.  Things like that.)  And maybe a “Don’t yuck my yum” principle.  (The big problem is that you can’t control the audience response on Tumblr.  You can encourage and cultivate the first readers to be respectful, but after that, the “Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory” applies.  And I don’t know how to fix that.)

I think, in general, that this place would have to work against the idea that something is “weird” or “icky” or whatever.  I mean, for many people, masturbation itself is too icky to talk about.  Many people think sex toys are weird.  And that’s okay.  What’s not okay is turning that “This is not for me” into “No, you can’t have it either”.  If it’s not your thing, skip to the next post.  If none of the posts are your thing, unfollow or even block.

I think it would be good to have some of those “Too Weird” things talked about in a place that’s a safe environment, presented in a way that says “This is out there.  If you’re interested, great.  If not, maybe the next topic will be more your style.”  Sort of like a sexualized asexual 60 Minutes.  (If that makes any sense.)

@katakacat replied to this thread with:

“good idea, but what part about this is 18+??? if there’s going to be a large piece of sexual health and sex ed happening, i think it would be most effective if it’s safe for minors, the people who would be most in need of sex ed? i think? i’m not sure what you meant by 18+ but that sounds like the worst idea, the rest sounds pretty great”

Okay, so I was angry about this at first, but upon reflection I think it simply demonstrates a rift in people’s understanding of what this project is supposed to do.

See, sex ed is broad. It deals in generalities: it can, say, tell you that pornography is a thing that exists, but it won’t recommend specific pieces of erotica. (And indeed, any sex ed trying to be available to minors wouldn’t dare make such recommendations.)

I know many people who advocate for “inclusive” sex ed, but there is no such thing. Don’t get me wrong, some sex ed is less exclusive than others, but every sex education resource has to draw the line somewhere. They might discuss only the most common form of sexuality, or the top two, or the top several, but people with rare manifestations of sexuality will always be sacrificed on the altar of the greatest good for the greatest number.

I can’t contribute to a sex ed blog. When it comes to sex education, I am not and never will be a participant: I’m collateral damage. And maybe that’s worth it, but that is the price you’d be paying if you go the sex ed route.

I, on the other hand, interpreted this idea as being about a space for asexuals to discuss their sexualities. (I was going to say “the presences, rather than the absences”, but apparently some people conceive of their asexuality as a presence?) Such a space is not inherently exclusive of me. The risk is high, as I mentioned in my previous post on this reblog chain, but it could have a place for me.

[addendum here]

Tags:

#reply via reblog #sexuality and lack thereof #asexuality

{{next post in sequence}}

~ Brin ~ 1 Comment

redbeardace:

So, I think I might actually start a secondary blog about some of the things that have been getting discussed this weekend.  I think it’s a topic worth being openly talked about, and I think it would be good to have a space specifically for that, so that people can stop worrying if what they’re talking about is appropriate and just say what they have to say.

(I also think it would be good to get the conversation off my main blog, because while I find it interesting, I’m sure it’s making a number of my followers uncomfortable.)

A couple of thoughts:

  • For aces, by aces, about aces.
  • Topics would definitely include masturbation/sex toys, including reviews/how-tos.
  • Additional topics can potentially include BDSM gear, partnered activities, talking about porn/erotic materials, and general sexual health/sex ed/anatomy, etc.  Basically anything ace people are curious about or want to discuss, but don’t feel comfortable doing it in regular ace circles.  Any other topics that should be explicitly called out?
  • Matter of fact and open, with a sense of “Yes, this is normal, yes, it’s okay to feel like that, it’s okay to do this” in most answers.  Non-judgmental and inclusive (at least inclusive of ace-ID’d people).
  • Clinical where it needs to be, fun where it needs to be.
  • Deliberately not wankfodder.  This isn’t Letters to Penthouse.
  • Open to questions from non-ace people about ace people, within limits.  This will attempt to be a safe space for aces (at least as much as it can be on this site), so anyone disrespectful, etc., will be shown the door.
  • Anon submissions/asks would be on.  18+
  • Toy pictures allowed (including anatomically accurate models), but images of toy usage/porn not allowed (including pornographic images on packaging).  Maybe use another toy as a demonstration stand in?
  • Maybe a discussion prompt once in a while?
  • I would probably need co-moderators.  Any volunteers?

A couple of concerns:

  • As I’ve learned from my “An Asexual’s Guide To …” series, any time someone talks about topics like this, you will get a lot of non-ace people wandering by and offering their, um, “thoughts”.
  • I’d like it to be findable by aces who are interested in it, but I don’t want to be intrusive to those who are not.  Are there good ways to do this?

So there it is.  Thoughts?

I’d probably read it. I might participate, depending on which topics and how far the inclusivity goes. (When it comes to conversations about sex, I always feel like I’m being Too Weird and making people uncomfortable, even in places with relatively high Weird levels. The only place I didn’t feel like I was being intrusive was Ace Fet, which vanished off the face of the Internet a couple years ago without a trace.)

Tags:

#sexuality and lack thereof #reply via reblog #asexuality

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30 Days of Hypnosis Kink: Day 7

~ Brin ~ 1 Comment

ellaenchanting:

bannableoffense:

Day 7: Are you a trance junkie (short term) or do you prefer a one hypnotist relationship (long term)? Why or why not?

I’m just gonna

stop

and really take apart that term.

“trance junkie”

Really? Someone who likes getting tranced a lot and doesn’t have consistent partners for that… that’s what you call them? A “trance junkie”?

what a loaded question, comparing people without consistent partners to…

well

you know what, I’ll be blunt. I don’t have consistent trance partners. I’ve never had that, unless my partner was a subject and I played the hypnotist role. So I find enjoyment where I can, when I can, with whom I can, and as time and my schedule permits. I have friends I play with more than others, but, for the most part, that comes down to me, myself, and my tumblr account.

Would I like a long-term relationship with a hypnotist? Of course! It would be absolutely wonderful, for rather self-evident reasons; trust, rapport, and learning are all established with repetition, time spent, and getting to know what the other likes and enjoys and working with that, exploring that. Hell, like I see so many people do here on Tumblr. Why wouldn’t I want something like that?

“trance junkie”

good god…

The usage of “trance junkie” is really weird here- I’ve heard the term thrown around in non-kinky hypnosis communities but only as a slightly self-effacing way to say you really enjoy being hypnotized. So, like, 95% of my tumblr feed (myself included) would qualify. I’ve never heard it used as a way to describe someone who doesn’t have a long-term partner- that doesn’t even really make sense outside of kink and, as @bannableoffense pointed out, is kind of judgemental. 

The first time I encountered the term “trance junkie”–and I wish I could remember who wrote this blog post so I could go check if it’s as bad as I remember; all I know is that it was some Blogspot or maybe WordPress I didn’t read regularly, and I sure wasn’t going to start reading regularly after that–it was…well. There’s “complaining about people who use you for sex and show no indication that they give a shit about whether you enjoy it too”, and then there’s “kinkshaming people who are into hypnosis for the sensations and don’t have control or intimacy kinks”, and it seemed to me they were skirting dangerously far into the latter.

Even if you seem on the surface to share a kink with someone, even if you seem on the surface to like complementary roles, you can still be sexually incompatible on that axis. Furthermore, some people’s kinks are best fulfilled solo, and not all such people have figured that out about themselves yet. I note that from what I’ve seen, it’s fairly common for asexuals who like sex but don’t get anything extra out of it being partnered sex (as opposed to masturbation) to have a troubled sexual relationship in which they find this out the hard way, and the thing that causes them to break up is usually that one or both partners feel like the allosexual is being “used” by the asexual.

And you know what? I was lucky enough to hang out in the asexual community, to hear about that story being played out over and over by different people, before ever having sex myself. Which means if I ever try partnered kink, I get to go into it knowing there’s a chance that partnering might not be for me, and that that’s a valid form of sexuality that wouldn’t mean there’s anything wrong with me, and it wouldn’t make me evil. Not everyone gets that advantage.

So yeah, even without getting into the addiction comparison, I flinch at that term too.

Tags:

#asexuality #reply via reblog #sexuality and lack thereof

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~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

lethriloth:

sinesalvatorem:

madeofpatterns:

madeofpatterns:

The A stands for ally *because the LGBTQA community decided it did* decades ago. 

It’s not something straight people wanting to be cool are asserting for themselves. It’s something the community decided. A long time ago. For important reasons. 

Like, when I was in high school, this is what we meant when we used the A to mean allies:

  • the straight couple who regularly took in kids who’d been kicked out of their families for being gay or trans
  • the straight adults who were brave enough to give rides to scared gay kids with violently homophobic parents
  • etc, etc

The A was also there meaning allies to protect people who were LGBTQ but weren’t out:

  • people who were probably gay or trans, but needed space to think about it, and needed to be in LGBTQA space without pressure to self-identity while they were figuring it out
  • people who couldn’t afford be be out, and needed to be able to say “I’m an ally; you don’t have to be gay to go to GSA; I’m just there to support my friends”

I think all the reasons it was important when I was a teenager are still important now.

And like, yeah, having a concept of allies means tolerating a certain amount of obnoxiousness from straight people who want to feel cool. But I think that’s a lot better than only being welcoming of people who are willing to shout from the rooftops how queer they are. Because that excludes some of the most vulnerable people.

(Like – if we want to talk about the problem of queer youth homelessness – it’s important to acknowledge that one thing that protects vulnerable queer kids is having access to spaces that are affirming of their gender and attraction, *and* rigorously careful to avoid outing people. Because people who have access to enough community to sustain them have a much, much better chance of being able to stay alive and stay closeted until they’ve managed to safely move away from dangerous parents.)

My country is super homophobic and this matters a lot. Last year I volunteered as part of an organisation dedicated to combating homophobia. All the members officially described themselves as allies. Yet, this is the first conversation I had when attempting to join them:

Me: *fills out application form while leaving the ‘gender’ section blank*

Secretary: So, are you transgender?

Me: …Yes. But, like, I’m not committing that to writing, or anything.

Secretary: Of course. Totally fine. I’m bisexual. Everyone else here is queer some way or another. I don’t think a straight person has ever joined.

Me: So, the reason you all list yourselves as allies is because…

Secretary: Because homosexuality is illegal.

Me: Thought so.

I am torn on this issue: on the one hand, it’s very important to be welcoming to allies, and not just because often ally==closeted, but for strategic reasons as well. On the other hand, the LGBTetc. acronym does not seem the place for that?    LGBTetc. groups should pretty much be always open to allies in my opinion, but… I don’t think there are many closeted folks going around saying “I’m LGBTQA! I’m the ‘A’, it’s for ‘Allies’!”

Of course, I might also just be bitter because I (an ace-ish-kinda person) don’t ever see “A is for Allies AND Asexuals”, only ever “A is for Allies”. And I saw “A is for allies!” at around the same time I saw a lot of “Asexuals are not a part of the LGBTQ community”.

Tags:

#oh good somebody else wrote about the ace thing #it was bugging me but I couldn’t quite figure out how to put it #asexuality

Anonymous asked: i didn’t ship you with nonternary, i’m curious about how you can be ace and have a hypnosis fetish?

~ Brin ~ 3 Comments

{{previous post in sequence}}

Ah, I’m guessing you read a reblog-chain involving this.

Okay, let me see if I can explain this without being either oversimplified or too dense with ace community jargon.

Often when people first encounter the word “asexual”, they think it means “lacking in sexuality”. It’s an easy mistake to make: it kind of looks like it ought to mean that.

Thing is, “asexual”, in the sense used in the modern day in this culture, actually has a meaning analogous to words like “heterosexual”, “homosexual”, “bisexual”. It denotes the types of people that the person in question can generally experience sexual attraction towards: in this case, no types.

Sexual attraction is just one aspect of sexuality. There are others: libido, various fetishes, capacity for orgasm, just to name a few. A person can have these aspects in any combination, or none of them.

Basically nothing is hard-and-fast when it comes to identity labels, but as a general rule, “asexuality” refers only to the absence of sexual attraction. An asexual may have any or all other aspects while still being asexual. (They can also have none, of course.)

Note: many kinky asexuals, if asked how they can be both, would respond that their kinks aren’t sexual: they’re non-sexual fascinations that bear enough resemblance to “kinks” in the sexual sense to make it useful for them to call themselves “kinky”. I am not one of those people: I do consider it a sexual thing, though it tends to look very different from “normal” sexuality due to the particular set of aspects and experiences and (especially) other quirks of brain wiring that went into shaping it, and someone else in a similar situation might have a different view on whether their kink is sexual. Still, I thought I should mention that this is by no means a universal or even necessarily the most common view among asexuals with kinks and/or fetishes.

Wait, I probably shouldn’t leave that ’looks very different from “normal” sexuality due to the particular set of aspects and experiences and (especially) other quirks of brain wiring that went into shaping it‘ bit buried in the middle of a sentence. See, just because, for example, asexuals can have libidoes, it doesn’t mean that their experiences of libido will be the same as those of non-aces. A given aspect of sexuality tends to manifest differently depending on what other aspects are around for it to interact with, as well as what the rest of the person’s mind is like. (Really, given that I tend to dislike overwhelming emotion in general (even the supposedly positive emotions), it makes a certain amount of sense that to me, the most satisfying form of pleasure would not be orgasmic ecstasy but rather calm contentment.) “Hypno-fetishist” is close enough to the truth to be useful, but I often find I approach things differently than other hypno-fetishists do.

I hope this helped. While I do have significant quantities of contact with the asexual community, I’m not an activist and don’t have much practice at explaining the intricacies of asexuality. Feel free to ask for clarification or more information.

Tags:

#tales from the askbox #sexuality and lack thereof #(that actually used to be my asexuality tag) #(in the early days of my blog) #(but these days it’s settled into being a kink tag instead) #asexuality #Anonymous

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