The A stands for ally *because the LGBTQA community decided it did* decades ago.
It’s not something straight people wanting to be cool are asserting for themselves. It’s something the community decided. A long time ago. For important reasons.
Like, when I was in high school, this is what we meant when we used the A to mean allies:
- the straight couple who regularly took in kids who’d been kicked out of their families for being gay or trans
- the straight adults who were brave enough to give rides to scared gay kids with violently homophobic parents
- etc, etc
The A was also there meaning allies to protect people who were LGBTQ but weren’t out:
- people who were probably gay or trans, but needed space to think about it, and needed to be in LGBTQA space without pressure to self-identity while they were figuring it out
- people who couldn’t afford be be out, and needed to be able to say “I’m an ally; you don’t have to be gay to go to GSA; I’m just there to support my friends”
I think all the reasons it was important when I was a teenager are still important now.
And like, yeah, having a concept of allies means tolerating a certain amount of obnoxiousness from straight people who want to feel cool. But I think that’s a lot better than only being welcoming of people who are willing to shout from the rooftops how queer they are. Because that excludes some of the most vulnerable people.
(Like – if we want to talk about the problem of queer youth homelessness – it’s important to acknowledge that one thing that protects vulnerable queer kids is having access to spaces that are affirming of their gender and attraction, *and* rigorously careful to avoid outing people. Because people who have access to enough community to sustain them have a much, much better chance of being able to stay alive and stay closeted until they’ve managed to safely move away from dangerous parents.)
My country is super homophobic and this matters a lot. Last year I volunteered as part of an organisation dedicated to combating homophobia. All the members officially described themselves as allies. Yet, this is the first conversation I had when attempting to join them:
Me: *fills out application form while leaving the ‘gender’ section blank*
Secretary: So, are you transgender?
Me: …Yes. But, like, I’m not committing that to writing, or anything.
Secretary: Of course. Totally fine. I’m bisexual. Everyone else here is queer some way or another. I don’t think a straight person has ever joined.
Me: So, the reason you all list yourselves as allies is because…
Secretary: Because homosexuality is illegal.
Me: Thought so.
I am torn on this issue: on the one hand, it’s very important to be welcoming to allies, and not just because often ally==closeted, but for strategic reasons as well. On the other hand, the LGBTetc. acronym does not seem the place for that? LGBTetc. groups should pretty much be always open to allies in my opinion, but… I don’t think there are many closeted folks going around saying “I’m LGBTQA! I’m the ‘A’, it’s for ‘Allies’!”
Of course, I might also just be bitter because I (an ace-ish-kinda person) don’t ever see “A is for Allies AND Asexuals”, only ever “A is for Allies”. And I saw “A is for allies!” at around the same time I saw a lot of “Asexuals are not a part of the LGBTQ community”.
Tags:
#oh good somebody else wrote about the ace thing #it was bugging me but I couldn’t quite figure out how to put it #asexuality
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