neornithes:

also can we take a moment to think of solok, baby vulcan cadet at Starfleet Academy, who tried to study illogical human bonding rituals and somehow got into a twenty-year academically documented feud with sisko? he was probably doing an assignment for his vulcan professor of xenocultural studies. “go and study human bonding rituals”, they told him. “you will be spending a great deal of time with humans, it is necessary to understand the illogical ways in which they function”. that’s logical, cadet solok thinks. i will go to the human establishment called “bar” and attempt to study human bonding rituals.

the next day he hands in his assignment: “human cadets became hostile when told the goal of our study. they had imbibed large quantities of poisonous psychoactive liquids and had poor coordination and diction. cadet sisko challenged me to a wrestling match. when it was pointed out that i had no cause to fight him, and am physiologically superior to humans, he responded ‘suck it’. request for clarification was met with obscenity. in the interest of cultural understanding, i agreed to fight him, and defeated him fairly. when it was pointed out to him that i had foreseen this result, he responded with uncorroborated insults to my parental units. i believe this was a human bonding ritual. it is possible we are now bonded; further studies to follow.”

solok has been studying sisko for twenty years, he’s written a dozen papers. he probably got a grant from the vulcan science academy to show up at DS9 and piss sisko off as much as possible and document the results. his work is probably mandatory reading for first-year vulcans at starfleet academy. “The Effect of Chemical Intoxicants on Human Hostility: When Avoiding A Bar Fight Becomes Impossible” is the most-accessed study in vulcan psychological literature. “human refused to stop trying to fight me” is a recognized mitigating circumstance in disciplinary hearings for vulcan cadets. solok is considered a xenocultural pioneer. he hopes one day sisko will punch him in the face; what a fascinating data point that would make. 


Tags:

#I didn’t actually laugh aloud but it still amused me enough to reblog #Star Trek #DS9 #headcanons #violence cw

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