on the ableism thing: kink can also be appealing to neurodiverse people and trauma survivors. For example ND people could find relationships in which they are taken care of and controlled to be reassuring if they are bad with self control and responsibility, for autistic people it can be a sensation thing, for people bad with intuitive social cues there’s the fact that there are strictly defined safewords and “codes” of ethics, etc. But radfems would say this proves it’s bad…
1000000% agree
Kink is often for people who can’t do relationships and sex in the supposed standard way. Radfems also want something nonstandard, but THIS IS THE PROPER NONSTANDARD THING, I TELL YOU
and I just sit here and facepalm sadly
“Kink is often for people who can’t do relationships and sex in the supposed standard way” yes yes yes yes
#also has anyone noticed that the line between what’s a kink and what’s a sexuality is very very blurry #and that sexualities are usually classed as kinks before they become Accepted Sexualities #but seriously #what is the political difference between ‘i’m only emotionally and sexually fulfilled in a relationship with another woman’ #and ‘i’m only emotionally and sexually fulfilled in a relationship with someone who will perform this role with me’ #it seems like it’s a sexuality if it involves a gender or sex of person and anything else is a kink #but that seems pretty arbitrary? #like i know that same gender love is what’s most visible and thus what gets the most hate but #whether something is a sexuality or a kink shouldn’t be defined by whether people are oppressed over it? #and people really do act like you can’t change your sexuality but you can change or give up your kinks #that your kinks are a secondary part of your sexuality #even though they may be obligate #even though they may change the entire way you relate to someone (lizardywizard)
Yes, this.
I’ve occasionally encountered people who want to reserve the word “kink” for things that are secondary parts of a person’s sexuality, and use “fetish” or sometimes “paraphilia” for the core stuff. (I’ve also met a few people–there might have been some overlap, I’m not sure–who view androsexuality and gynesexuality as being clusters of fetishes* that appear very commonly and often together, rather than putting them on a higher plane of “sexual orientation”.)
Neither group really seems to have taken off, though.
*For example, the gynesexuality cluster includes vulva fetishes, fetishes for various physical traits that estrogen causes, whatever hard-to-define thing the people with identity-based attractions to women are using, and so on.
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#reply via reblog #sexuality and lack thereof
Brinens and Things 