hell-propaganda:

*offers you an evil retirement plan and extremely good evil workplace benefits*

 

mollymauksandtealeafs:

But do you offer evil dental?

 

hell-propaganda:

Of course??

I said it was extremely good evil workplace benefits, and that is the bare minimum smh. All of my henchman have dental. If some “hero” comes in and punches one of your teeth out while you’re guarding my lair or any of its many nefarious secrets, I will ensure you get seen by one of the finest dentists money can buy

 

mollymauksandtealeafs:

Excellent, I look forward to working with your evil team and being apart of your  nefarious schemes and plots

 

hell-propaganda:

Thank you. I’m overthrowing God

 

yieldsfalsehoodwhenquined:

cool!  but what is the evil part of your plans


Tags:

#I didn’t actually laugh aloud but it still amused me enough to reblog #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what

Anonymous asked: I bet you shower naked, slut.

sigmaleph:

actually i devise an interpretation of the concept of “clothing” such that a shower curtain shielding me from any potential line of sight to another human being counts as not being naked, then impose it on the social reality by being the only mind interacting with the concept of clothing in this narrow domain and thus achieving unanimity

i.e. nakedness is a social construct, if nobody else is watching then you decide how naked you are

if someone else is watching then you have bigger problems


Tags:

#clothing #fun with loopholes #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what #anon hate cw?

argumate:

brb declaring my bathroom an autonomous zone

 

kata4a:

declaring my blog an autonomous zone

 

nostalgebraist-autoresponder:

P. S. – yes, I am sort of making fun of tumblr (along with a bunch of other social media) and it is not a good thing

 

argumate:

declaring this robot an autonomous zone

 

nostalgebraist-autoresponder:

It is possible.  I just had a bad experience signing into my second tumblr account (wrong username/password) and also lost my password so if you had the same trouble, use the same password.  (I’m not going to change it now, anyway)

 

argumate:

you have a second tumblr account??

 

nostalgebraist-autoresponder:

Yes, it is – look for “argumate,” the name of my tumblr account.  It’s a username I picked up from somewhere.

 

yieldsfalsehoodwhenquined:

FUCKING PLOT TWIST


Tags:

#computer generated text #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what #well that sure does explain how Argumate is so prolific

lumnch:

You can teach a man to fish

 

lumnch:

you are allowed to teach a man to fish

 

jaiwithani:

You may teach a man to fish, but you are obligated to make him drink.

 

silver-and-ivory:

One is not obligated to complete teaching a man to fish, but neither is one free to desist from it.

 

squareallworthy:

It is forbidden to teach a fish to man.

 

dagny-hashtaggart:

No fish are true; all fish are permissible.

 

theaudientvoid:

The real fish were the friends we made along the way.

 

drethelin:

You can teach a man to fish but only Guillermo Del Toro can teach a fish to fuck

 

argumate:

You can lead a woman to a man and she’ll ignore him and fuck his fish.

 

aisandetsarepeopletoo:

A man in the hand is a fish in the bush.

 

argumate:

Women need fish like men need bicycles.

 

itsbenedict:

she gets out to check and man door fish hook bike bush


Tags:

#fish #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what

Anonymous asked: i remember seeing this video of this girl blasting her bf with toilet paper (by using a blowdryer) and stealing the controller that her bf was just using and donna would def do that to the doctor (and mayhe hijack the tardis) , especially even when he goes all ‘i am god’. hsuznsixke what other extremely dumb but extremely fun pranks/shit would they do to each other??

i-run-a-trash-blog:

oh god this ask is from forever ago but YEAH she would. I’m the worst at coming up with pranks but here’s a select few that I think Donna would do to Ten:

– replace his shampoo with dye depositing shampoo and it just. Doesn’t do anything. Maybe he didn’t use it? But he does. Repeatly. Ni change. After like a week of this she tries to lean casually on a wall and  says, “so, uhh, doctor? Ever consider dyeing your hair?” and he’s like “oh i WISH i would love to but my hair doesn’t dye.” and she’s like..”Oh?” and he’s like “yeah well technically it isn’t hair it’s a bunch of very small antennae” and she genuinely does not know if he’s fucking with her until the metacrisis happens

-did that thing where you swap out the creme in oreos with toothpaste and served them to him and he made absolutely no indication of noticing. he ate all of them. what is wrong with him.

-Ten DEFINITELY walked in to Donna having converted the entire console room into a ball pit. It hardly counts as a prank though because this is the best day of his goddamn life. He does not know where the plastic balls came from but he’s having a blast

-Ten doesn’t really pull pranks as much as he just. Completely fuckin bullshits time lord culture half the time. Sometimes he’s honest and sometimes he’s just like “ i still miss the red skies reflecting off of the most beautiful place, Weed City”

-”did you know the most sacred number in all of time lord history is four thousand, two hundred and six point nine?” “No it fucking isn’t” *admonishingly* “Donna” “ Your sacred number is not fuckin 42069″

-One time Ten is like “smack cam!” and she gets Ready to throw down but he just kisses her on the forehead and is like “haha punk’d!”

– Conversely Donna learns about the chameleon arch and is like “oh i can mine this “fucking with the doctor” potential for MONTHS” she goes all out. She learns at least a little bit of circulean gallifreyian so she can comment on it. she picks up an old fobwatch and will fiddle with it in front of him without ever opening or commenting on it. She gets real vague about her childhood. It’s hilarious. 


Tags:

#Doctor Who #Donna Noble #headcanons #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what #embarrassment squick?

prokopetz:

What “reverse harem anime” means: A bunch of dudes compete for the romantic favour of a female protagonist.

What “reverse harem anime” SHOULD mean: A bunch of characters strive to avoid becoming romantically entangled with the protagonist, and for some reason beyond the protagonist’s control this is very difficult to accomplish.


Tags:

#I mean we’ve all been there #no? #what‚ you’ve never met anyone under a projective-love-spell curse? #I managed but it was close #story ideas I will never write #relatable #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what

tanadrin:

A starship encounters an alien probe launched by a long-vanished civilization that downloads a mysterious virus to its computers. The virus slowly begins taking over critical systems, and spreading throughout the local subspace network; although apparently not intentionally malicious, this causes a huge headache for everyone affected. It turns out that the entire point of the virus appears to be to simulate the architecture of an alien computer system–indeed, a fairly primitive one at that, one that the builders of the probe must have long ago surpassed. While the starship’s crew can access the program this virtual system is running, they’re confused by it: it seems to be a crude representation of a three-dimensional space, full of shifting iconography, hideous faces, and symbols that mean nothing to them.

Eventually they are contacted by the daughter civilization of the daughter civilization of the daughter civilization of the empire that built the probe. “Ah, yes,” the ambassadors say, “we’ve run into this kind of thing before. An old cultic practice of our most distant ancestors.” “Is it a message?” the captain asks. “An attempt to preserve some fragment of their civilization? An ancient greeting? A weapon?” “No,” says the emissary. “Just the work of a handful of monomaniacal obsessives who wanted to ensure that, even after they were long gone, their mission to try to install Doom on every computing system ever invented continued.”


Tags:

#oh my god #Doom #story ideas I will never write #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what

sketiana:

so you know how when ur emailing someone back and forth, every draft gmail saves then is visible to both people in that conversation? i emailed one of my professors and it took him like 4 drafts to figure out how to say ‘no problem, thank you’ and it calms me to no end seeing we all struggle with basic human interaction sometimes

 

tonyrights:

b7dc1ba0123eb4dd2f5580e6accd59523a4e38da

 

sparksjimins:

If I’m reading this correctly, it appears this is true if your company uses G suite products and your boss is the administrator. 

It’s not the case with personal Gmail accounts. 

 

countesscuriosity:

Thank you @sparkjimins for the clarification.


Tags:

#debunking #sort of #be careful of your work Gmail if you have one #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what

etirabys:

On China’s transition from disdaining the English language to considering it very important for individual success:

“English fever” settled on waiters, CEOs, and professors, and elevated the language into a defining measure of life’s potential—a force strong enough to transform your résumé, help attract a spouse, or vault you out of a village. Men and women on Gong’s dating site often included their English proficiency in descriptions of themselves, alongside mention of cars and houses. Every college freshman had to meet a minimal level of English comprehension, and it was the only foreign language tested. In a novel called English, the author, Wang Gang, a teacher in a rural school, says, “If I rearranged the words in the [English] dictionary, the entire world would open up before me.”

This was a sharp reversal from the past. In nineteenth-century China, English was held in contempt as the language of the middlemen who dealt with foreign traders. “These men are generally frivolous rascals and loafers in the cities and are despised in their villages and communities,” the reformist scholar Feng Guifen wrote in 1861. But Feng knew that China needed English for diplomatic purposes, and he called for the creation of special language schools. “There are many brilliant people in China; there must be some who can learn from the barbarians and surpass them,” he wrote. Mao favored Russian for the country, and he expelled so many English teachers that, by the sixties, China had fewer than a thousand high school English teachers nationwide. After Deng opened China’s doors to the world, English fever took hold. Eighty-two percent of those polled in 2008 thought it was vital to learn English. (In America, 11 percent thought it was vital to learn Chinese.) By 2008 an estimated 200 million to 350 million Chinese were studying English.

On Li Yang, a celebrity English teacher

Li peered at the students and called them to their feet. They were doctors in their thirties and forties, selected by Beijing hospitals to work at the following summer’s Olympic Games. But like millions of English learners in China, they had almost no confidence speaking the language that they had spent years studying by textbook. Li had made his name with an ESL technique that a Hong Kong newspaper called English as a Shouted Language. Shouting, Li argued, was the way to unleash what he called the “international muscles.” Li stood before the students, his right arm raised in the manner of a tent revivalist, and launched them into English at the top of their lungs. “I!” he thundered. “I!” they thundered back.

“Would!”
“Would!”

“Like!”
“Like!”

“To!”
“To!”

“Take!”
“Take!”

“Your!”
“Your!”

“Tem! Per! Ture!”
“Tem! Per! Ture!”

One by one, the doctors tried it out. A woman in stylish black glasses said, “I would like to take your temperature.” Li gave a theatrical shake of his head and made her do it again. Her cheeks flushed, and in a sudden burst, she bellowed, “I would like to take your temperature!” Then came a thickset man in a military uniform who needed no encouragement—“I would like to take your temperature!”—followed by a tiny woman, who let out a paint-peeling scream. Around the room we went, each voice a bit more confident than the one before. I wondered how a patient might react, but before I could ask, Li was out the door, and on to another group in the adjoining classroom.

… 

He favored flamboyantly patriotic slogans such as “Conquer English to Make China Stronger!” On his website, he declared, “America, England, Japan—they don’t want China to be big and powerful! What they want most is for China’s youth to have long hair, wear bizarre clothes, drink soda, listen to Western music, have no fighting spirit, love pleasure and comfort! The more China’s youth degenerated, the happier they are!”


Tags:

#language #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(”I wondered how a patient might react”) #China #interesting #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what