Imagine walkin around in a suit with this like a big ol business man and someone fucking mugs you and takes it and they open it up when theyre at the safehouse and their shocked and disappointed face is highlighted by neon
black market glowstick salesman
Tags:
#oh my god #those mental images #their shocked and disappointed face is highlighted by neon
[Odo stirring for the first time was the most adorable thing ever. I would watch an entire cooking show if it featured Sisko the chef and Odo as his assistant.]
I’VE BEEN FRANTICALLY TWEETING ABOUT THIS ALL MORNING BUT HERE ARE ALL MY “THIS WILL NEVER HAPPEN” star trek series ideas:
– alexander rozhenko, summer camp counselor
– two ensigns get stuck in a galaxy-class ship’s luxury bathroom for a full series
– starfleet academy’s terrifyingly dedicated and obsessive marching band corps
– something about garak’s post-canon political career???
– elderly quark finally gets a moon and tries to build a theme park on it. MEETS FAILURE ALONG EVERY STEP OF THE WAY
– star zek
– fake reality tv series where every contestant but one person is a weyoun
– the adventures of lwaxana (this would require time travel or recasting lwaxana, but that isn’t an option, so)
-Captain Nog
-Dax’s 10th host
-an entire show that’s just about holodeck LARP group drama on an entirely unremarkable Starfleet ship
-Klingon Iron Chef
See, I really think if they’re smart they could do a lot of ideas like this with webisodes to accompany the main series, or to fill in gaps between seasons. Star Trek is such a rich universe and there’s so much room to spend a little budget and time exploring stories beyond the main ship and crew.
Tags:
#Star Trek #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(‘fake reality tv series where every contestant but one person is a weyoun’) #((I mean there are some other gems on that list)) #((but that was the one that cracked me up))
Okay, but what about those deep sea fish that produce light at a wavelength that *only they can see.* Predators that can somehow sense you in a completely undectable and unfathomable manner to you; they might as well be psychic.
YES, EXACTLY–vision is SUCH an asspull?? Sometimes it’s “”dark”“ and we can’t see anything. And also we’re impaired for plot reasons! Sometimes ALIEN WEAPONRY or otherwise-innocuous ship components are ”“too bright”“ and we yell and try to hide, subject to some sort of obscure, tortuous imperative. The rest of the time we can UNERRINGLY tell when anyone is trying to play pranks on us, the names and emotional/physical status of EVERY SINGLE BEING IN THE ROOM (or, when outside civilized warrens, ”“line of sight”“)–and yes, of course, can’t forget about our nigh-mythical fighting arts revolving around insane dodging skills.
And SNIPING. And also, god, fuck–don’t forget about completely arbitrary “”””atmospheric disturbances””” (fog, smoke–the new “ionic interference”) ALSO plottasatically rendering our abilities moot.
Plus, some people have more powerful Vision than others, but some people have a very short effective range of Vision. However, humans have come up with devices that “change the angles of refraction” of the “light” so that the naturally impaired have their skills enhanced–but they can always be knocked off their faces or be broken.
Also some people are terrible at normal Vision work, but have excellent night vision and are skilled at working under adverse conditions.
Oooh, and human art is almost entirely Vision based. Think about non-seeing aliens trying to access the majority of human art!
IM!!! SCREAMING!!! GLASSES. Glasses are SUCH another great Weird Alien Gimmick. God–you get all used to your Human friend and their bizarre abilities, you just start to really trust in and rely on them in tight places and problem-solving a little bit, then you get fucken marooned on a fucken planetoid somewhere and they just in this very small little voice, after you have pulled them from the wreckage and sat down to go over your options, inform you that they’ve lost their glasses.
Oh my god and an episode where we’re up against Evil Humans and our heros turn to their humans like ‘you can see them, right, you can tell when they’re near? you can counter them?’ and our hero is genuinely shaken and worried— they’ve got high-tech military mechanical enhancers, the devices strapped to their heads let them see anywhere, they can operate in near-absolute ‘darkness’, they can operate in near-lethal ‘brightness’, they can see through walls— not doors, not glass, but walls.
Then we have a heroic scene where the crew’s human is the scrappy, desperate underdog for once instead of the cool and collected superbeing. It is super cool. The human and the captain probably mack wildly on one another in medbay after this. Roll credits.
Mysterious, somewhat exasperated Human: the ‘light’ enters the sensitive paired apertures in our faces, passing through biological lenses and chambers to stimulate specific nerves we call ‘rods’ and ‘cones’. one set of nerves tells us the volume of light we’re perceiving, while the other estimates the wavelength frequency. the total input creates in our mind a continuous sonarscape of immense complexity, where we can perceive ‘textures’ that are impossible to understand with mere sound or touch. this is why my people’s communication devices are small, flat, silent boards: we ‘read’ the patterns of light they emit as language and ‘watch’ the patterns of light they emit as sonarscapes.
And they just keep on making up new bullshit rules for how light works, like
Navigator: Warp drive engaged. We are approaching 90% of the Lorentz limit.
Human: What now?
Navigator: Oh, uh, it’s really complex, but lemme try. So, matter can only move so fast through space, right? Like absolutely, nothing can ever ever possibly go faster than like about 3 hundred million meters per second–
Hagrid, what are you doing here? Where’s — James — and Lily?
Peter. Wah! Harry? I can take him. I’m his godfather! Dumbledore says he goes to Lily’s sister. Man, seriously? FUCK Dumbledore!
I’m his legal guardian. I can’t. He needs me! I can’t lose him, I’m all he has. I’m so sorry… Hagrid, give me Harry. Please don’t make me. Sirius, no! Stupefy.
Shit. Hey kid. Let’s go. Dear Remus, First: I apologize. Second: I kidnapped Harry. HELP. Don’t tell the order. -Padfoot
Ok but hasn’t it been shown that a single stupefy wouldn’t be enough to have an effect on hagrid due to his giant blood?
clearly this means that hagrid pretended that the stupefy knocked him out, gently laid down on the ground so the baby wasn’t jostled, and pretended to snore while sirius ran the fuck away
possibly interrupting himself mid-snore to offer advice
*Hagrid sits up*
“SUPPORT ‘IS LI’IL HEAD, YE GREAT IDIOT!”
*lies down*
*Sirius climbs on motorbike*
*Hagrid sits up again*
“DON’ FERGET TO BURP ‘IM AFTER A FEEDIN!”
*Motorbike zooms off*
*Hagrid sits up, cups hands and yells*
“AN’ MAKE SURE ‘E SLEEPS ON ‘IS BACK!”
*lies down again for another five minutes for good measure*
Tags:
#Harry Potter #comic #fanart #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog
PREMISE: It was the best of thyme, it was the worst of thyme… good thing these two cops can tell the difference. Thyme Cops follows the adventures of two police officers who are experts at identifying whether or not a particular herb is, in fact, thyme. The series was cancelled after just one season, as many viewers were disappointed that it was not about time travel. Viewers’ confusion was compounded by the fact that the show was advertised exclusively on the radio, and was almost never mentioned in print.
CHARACTERS: Kendra Zucco is a veteran detective and a thyme traveller–a thyme traveller being someone who travels in social circles with other people who really like thyme. Her partner is Vic Quail, a rookie cop who was has become lost in thyme–which is to say he spends every waking hour thinking about thyme because he likes it so much. Viewers rightly complained that the show’s creators seemed to be going out of their way to mislead people into thinking that the show was about time travel.
NOTABLE EPISODE: In the pilot, Zucco and Quail have to use Zucco’s new invention, a thyme machine, to travel back in thyme to prevent a thyme paradox from causing a tear to appear in the very fabric of thyme. “Travelling back in thyme” refers to walking backwards through a field in which thyme is being grown; a “thyme paradox” is what Zucco and Quail call it when you get confused and your head starts to hurt because you can’t even understand why you like thyme so much; the “tear in the fabric of thyme” was a reference to the crimes of a rogue thyme enthusiast who was sneaking onto thyme farms to rip up all the plants; and Zucco’s “thyme machine” turned out to be a DeLorean whose trunk was filled to the brim with dried thyme. Viewers who had closed captioning turned on realized what the show was actually about immediately, but it took most people until the end of the episode to catch on, as the word “thyme” was only spoken, not shown, until the graphic with the show’s name appeared in the end credits. (S01.E01 – “The Land Before Thyme”)
CATCHPHRASE: “It’s go thyme.”/“Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the… thyme.”
TRIVIA/MISCELLANY: The show received excellent reviews, even from those who stopped watching. In the words of one disgruntled viewer, “It was actually really good, I just felt tricked.”
#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #puns #oh my god #I’m in the middle of reading the Hypothetical Police Procedurals archive #quality stuff #read it in chronological order for full effect #(this is the *third* show that tricked people into thinking it was about time travel) #(but the others didn’t do it as beautifully as this) #(wait sorry this is actually the second of the three chronologically) #(I only read it third because I didn’t start off in chronological order) #(but anyway this is great)
Headcanon that McGonagall is offended on a personal level that Umbridge loves cats.
This literally got 600 more notes just while I was at dinner what the fuck
How has nobody thought about this before tbh
Ok but imagine McGonagall in cat form prowling around the castle, in strategically chosen places so that Umbridge will come across her.
Umbridge takes the cat back to her office and feeds it a little saucer of milk. The cat starts coming back to Umbridge’s office around the same time every night, until eventually Umbridge gets into a little routine of setting out a saucer of milk for the cat before bed.
McGonagall now has all the best secrets on Umbridge, all of the results of the evaluations, and most importantly, is in a perfect position to spy on the ministry for the Order of the Phoenix.
All because Umbridge is obsessed with cats.
The mental image McGonagall lapping up that milk while full of burning hatred for Umbridge amuses me in ways I can hardly describe.
Ever since reading Jingo, I’ve been wondering what happened in the other leg of the trousers of Time.
All we really know is that the Klatchians attack Ankh-Morpork, take the city, and a bunch of people die.
Carrot dies. Littlebottom dies. Reg Shoe dies…more, or again, or something. Dorfl and Detritus both die, within minutes of each other, which makes me reallycurious about what kind of firepower the other guys had. Vimes dies.
Vetinari presumably gets killed or captured, which means captured, which means he’s fine. And pity the poor invaders who have to occupy a city that contains Sybil Ramkin. I can never keep track of what order the books happen in, but if Moist was in the city when the army was arriving he proceeded to manage not to be. The wizards will notice that the city fell when they miss the next daily delivery of a week’s worth of food.
The thing is, though, this isn’t all that destabilizing. I mean, mass death, bad, but the city has a procedure for this. When the bodies have been carted away and buried or tossed in the Ankh to make it that much cleaner, the first Morporkian voice you hear belongs to the most Morporkian person there is.
“Meat pies! Sausage inna bun! Hot dogs! Onna stick!”
Because when the invaders are battering down the walls, you open the doors and sell them things and before you know it they’re as Morporkian as you are. There’s most of a national anthem about it. Ankh-Morpork the province of Klatch is going to be worse than before. Most of the Watch and a lot of bystanders are dead, and Vetinari can’t keep the Guilds handled until he gets back in power. But it’s still Ankh-Morpork. And even with half our favorite characters gone, well, the Turtle moves.
But it’s surrounded on all sides by all those other small towns, and it’s where the courthouse is.
“You know how half the people from that seaside town always say the other half look a bit…off? Queer narrow heads with flat noses and bulgy, starry eyes? Well, we’ve finally got a discrimination case.”
“Alien mind control isn’t usually admissible, but if you can get one of their psy-beam operators to testify as an expert then we’ll talk.”
“I’m not signing a search warrant based on a dream you had, no matter how many people had the same one!”
“That case out of Punxsutawney has been on today’s docket every day for months. Did someone leave the groundhog on again?”
“Turns out a town made entirely of people who secretly worship Ba’al Berith might have some establishment of religion issues. Who knew?”
What if aliens visited Earth during the Jurassic Period, found it to be occupied with a bunch of mean, giant lizards and thought “Well, fuck this planet” and never came back?
what if when humans went out into the galaxy all the aliens panicked because if the dinosaurs’ tiny fur snacks now had spaceships and laser blasters and interstellar colonies then what the fuck were the dinosaurs up to???
Brinens and Things 