spiders

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

shittinggold:

quasi-normalcy:

balaclava-trismegistus:

balaclava-trismegistus:

Killed a spider n now I feel bad :/

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Why did you say that

Okay, so it takes 9 months to make a baby human; that’s about 3 kg.

A baby spider, by contrast, weighs about 1 mg; roughly 3 million times lighter.

So…you could give birth to a healthy baby spider in about…8 seconds? Like it’s not a big inconvenience.

tumblr user saturnine-powerbomb is on the other side of the cave, churning out spiders as fast as Georg can shovel them into his mouth

Tags:

#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #spiders #Spiders Georg #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what #unsanitary cw? #pregnancy cw? #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

writing-prompt-s:

There is a forbidden type of magic out there. It isn’t forbidden because it’s inherently evil, or forces you to lose your humanity, or requires human sacrifices – it’s just forbidden because it’s annoying as heck to fight against.

​

hestia-and-the-court:

“Ma’am, I really must insist that you pay for the room and board I’ve been giving you! It’s been a week!”“Fine, fine,” I grumble. “I have a few options for payment: I could give you paper money, cheap gaudy jewelry, chocolate coins, spiders, some pretty seashells-”

“Spiders????” he repeats, baffled.

“Spiders it is, then,” I agree equitably, and with a wave of my hand the bed I’ve been sleeping in for the last week turns into a writhing mass of various spiders.

Worth it.

—

“Stop right there! You’re under arrest for fraud, destruction of property, and-!”

I yawn. “Didn’t ask, don’t care.” A few gestures, and the guards’ swords are all transmuted into spiders, and then they’re too busy to worry about little ol’ me.

—

“You have insulted my honor and humiliated me in front of my children! I demand satisfaction! I demand a wizard’s duel!”

Shrugging, I say, “Sure, okay, whatever. Right here and now okay?”

The pompous wizard-noble blinks. “I- you don’t want to prepare? Get your wizard’s staff or anything?”

“Nah, I’m pretty good with somatic gestures.”

“Well, if you’re sure… here and now then! Have at you!” He slams his staff down on the ground dramatically, a small shockwave of fire radiating out from the impact.

So of course, I turn his staff into spiders.

“AHHHH WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK”

“So if you’re too busy screaming to cast spells, does that mean I win?”

“AUGH ONE OF THEM BIT ME”

“I’m taking that as a yes.”

—

After that, they start coming at me in waves, with cheap wands and staves and swords and bows bought in bulk, hoping to exhaust my magical reserves so they can get close enough to put a magic inhibitor on me.

They did not expect my reserves to be as vast as they were, not did they expect me to be able to transmute the inhibitors themselves into spiders.

“Didn’t you take Magic Basics in wizard college?” I yell at the panicking mages. “Inhibitors aren’t immune to magic until the moment they activate! Serious weak point in the design, tell your magitechnicians to fix that!”

—

So of course they try assassins next.

Poison fails, because I transmute any food and drink I get into spiders and then transmute them back. Pretty easy way to get rid of poison.

So then they try knives in dark alleys. The knives bruise through my full-body spider-silk outfit, but do not penetrate, and they only get one shot before they have bigger problems.

Next is killing me in my sleep. None live to report back that the human-shaped lump under the blankets is actually a mass of highly venomous spiders.

The kingdom throws everything it has at me, and I continue to walk away, heralded by the chittering of spiders and the screams of everyone else.

—

Finally, I stand before the king himself in his overly opulent throne room, and by now he is a broken shell of a man in the face of my unorthodox tactics.

Good.

“What do you want?” he practically sobs. “You’ve singlehandedly redirected the entire crown’s budget for the next three years into replacing every weapon you’ve turned into spiders. Much more and we’ll be invaded by our neighbors! We wouldn’t be able to resist being annexed! So what can I give you to make you stop doing this?!”

I pause and pretend to consider, tapping a finger against my chin thoughtfully. “You know, you sent my brother off to war a few years back. That conflict with the Yughs up north, I believe. He didn’t want to go, so your guards forced him at spearpoint. I haven’t seen him since.”

He seizes on that, as I expected. “Yes, yes, I’ll have him returned right away! Tell me his name and I’ll honorably release him from duty and have him escorted safely home!”

“Oh?” I raise one sardonic eyebrow. “Are you able to bring back the dead now, oh wise and glorious king?”

He pales, and it’s the most satisfying thing I’ve seen in years.

“You have nothing I want,” I growl, letting the anger slip through for the first time in years. “You cannot bring him back, you cannot make up for my loss with all the riches in your kingdom. The only thing I want is to take everything from you, the way you did to me. Your kingdom will bleed out of resources, one of the neighboring countries you’ve been trying to conquer for decades now will take advantage and annex this place, and you will either be executed or forced to work for a living for the first time in your life.”

I glare at him, and he refuses to meet my eyes. “You will lose everything you ever cared about in your life. One spider at a time.”

I transmute his throne and crown into spiders (non-deadly; he doesn’t get to escape my wrath that easily), then turn and walk away, ignoring his screams and sobs.

—

And that’s why, when the Yughs finally annexed the kingdom I grew up in, they preemptively made Transarachnomancy a forbidden magical art. Not sure how they intend to enforce that, mind, but I’m not looking to challenge that. I’ve gotten what I wanted; if some other aspiring mage wants to try and follow in my footsteps, that’s not my problem.

Besides, in terms of magical skill, I’ve always been an outlier anyway. Most mages would be lucky to turn just one knife into a spider at a time; I can turn ten thousand with a few gestures. I doubt anyone will outdo my legacy.

But hey, if you want to try and surpass Georgia of the Spiders? Feel free. I’ll welcome the competition.

​

werechicken:

IM

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sniperct:

bb7018fb4bcd9002aa0dde5c6aaa2b4473c699c9

​

anagramofbrat:

Amazing A+ no notes

Tags:

#that moment of dawning comprehension at ”I’ve always been an outlier anyway” #storytime #spiders #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #Spiders Georg #murder cw? #death tw? #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

mistergandalf:

one of my favorite lotr facts is that gondorians speak sindarin as a first language and yet when faramir was talking to frodo and sam about cirith ungol he was like “we don’t know what’s in there.” like faramir. cirith ungol is sindarin for “pass of the spider.” do the math

mistergandalf:

some of my favorite tags on this post

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theelvenkingshalls:

Don’t forget that Frodo also speaks Sindarin, which makes this even worse.

Faramir: Hey, don’t go up the Spider Stairs.

Frodo: Why? What’s up the Spider Stairs?

Faramir: We don’t know, Frodo. We just don’t know.

jumpingjacktrash:

to be fair, you’d assume the name means “there’s a lot of spiders here,” not, “there is one spider the size of a draft horse here.” so you go up expecting to have to shoo a lot of skeeter eaters out of your tent, and instead you have to figure out how to rope and shoe godzillarantula.

ceescedasticity:

Hmmm…They do live in a world where godzillarantulas feature prominently in mythology and history (Ungoliant plunged the world into darkness, scared the crap out of Sauron’s old boss, etc) and existed within the last century in Mirkwood. Assuming they ever talk to anyone who’s been to Mirkwood. They… probably know they were giant spiders in Mirkwood pretty recently? It’s hard to figure out how much anyone in Middle-earth has been talking to anyone else when we didn’t actually see it.

On the other hand – what if it’s the giant evil spiders’ prominence in history/mythology that’s causing trouble? What if lots of evil/nasty things/places get called “spider” just to indicate how nasty and evil they are, rather than any association with literal spiders, and it’s just… overloaded? Maybe the bad part of town in Minas Tirith is the Spider District. Maybe every tavern trying to be edgy calls itself the Spiderweb.

Actually spider/Ungoliant references could be really appealing to Gondorians trying to be edgy. They’re dark and evil! Plunged the world into darkness! But they AREN’T involved in the war they’re actually fighting, they aren’t directly associated with Sauron at all, so getting too interested in them would be creepy without being potentially treasonous. Because no one’s ACTUALLY going to worship those dangerous but not epic spiders up in Mirkwood, and no one’s heard anything from any proper spawn of Ungoliant in ages and ages.

In fact, spider/Ungoliant references might be appealing to ORCS trying to express that something is nasty and creepy! Nobody likes Ungoliant.

Maybe Faramir’s been to fourteen different Spider Caves across Ithilien, and half of them he didn’t even see regular spiders in, they’re just dark and damp and may have had orcs at some point, or something, and at some point in history someone got spooked. So you know, it’s POSSIBLE Spider Pass has something to do with spiders? But really it just means people don’t like it.

(The problem with this theory is we never actually SAW anyone overusing spider references. But it’s plausible they would!)

wordswithkittywitch:

“The average spider on Middle Earth is the size of a dinner plate” is a statistical error. The average spider on Middle Earth is smaller than a coin. Cirith Ungol (lit: Spiders Gorge), which contains a spider larger than a horse, is an outlier adn should not have been counted.

iwilltrytobereasonable:

OH MY GOD

superstressedspidergirl:

@dendritic-trees

theleakypen:

Come for the Tolkien linguistics, stay for the Spiders Georg reference

roach-works:

this map, by jonathan hull, shows all the places in the USA named after the devil or hell. assuming big giant awful spiders were a common thing in middle earth, it’s likely that there were a shit ton of Spider Stairways.

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you don’t wander into Devil’s Lick assuming that satan himself is gonna give you a rimjob. you presumably also don’t head up Spider Stairs assuming an arachnid the size of a cottage is gonna try and eat your friend.

gallusrostromegalus:

FUN FACT: A huge portion of the “Devil’s [OBJECT]” names in Wyoming are from a poor bastard called John Coulter, who was probably the first white man to see Yellowstone! He saw it because he got seperated from the Lewis and Clark expidition on their way back east, decided that with winter coming on, he should head south to stay ahead of the weather, rather than east to try to catch up with the party, and instead got lost inside the Yellowstone caldera, the COLDEST fucking part of Wyoming, with its scalding, posionous geysers, earthquakes, massive packs of wolves that weren’t afraid of people yet, and temperatures hitting as low as Negative 40, and naturally assumed that he had somehow taken a wrong turn into the Nnth Circle of Hell.

He lived, managed to get out of the caldera, took extensive notes on the landscape, eventunally met up with some Blackfoot tribesmen who gave him a horse and directions to the nearest european settlement, and he left, naming every single notable feature after hell or the Devil, because Wyoming is clearly His Infernal Country.

So as far as Frodo knows, “Spiders Pass” was just named by a particularly disgruntled and arachnophobic field cartographer.

Tags:

#that one post with the thing #it got better #Middle Earth #language #names #spiders #Spiders Georg #maps #geography #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what #hell cw?

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

beast-glatisant:

beast-glatisant:

the only reason I want to visit Australia is to confirm whether “we’re not here to fuck spiders” is in fact a real saying really in use or if Australians on the Internet have united in the world’s most dedicated prank to get foreigners to use ridiculous phrases

Australians DIVIDED in the notes:

  • “oh it’s a southern thing”
  • “oh it’s a northern thing”
  • “it’s a rural thing”
  • “it’s a Sydney thing”
  • “it’s not a thing”
  • “it’s a real thing and super common and my father said it to me every night as a bedtime mantra”
  • “it wasn’t a real thing but after lying to foreigners about it often enough it became a real unironic saying”
  • “lying to foreigners is the only reality Australians know”
  • “some of us are here to fuck spiders”

Tags:

#Australia #language #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #spiders #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

whumpster-fire:

prokopetz:

If you’re describing a thing as being the size of another thing and you need to qualify the size of the thing in order to convey the size of the thing, it’s a bad thing to compare the thing to. “It was the size of a small—” no. Find a thing that’s the same size as the thing.

“Listen Dale, I’m telling you this thing was the size of a goddamn house! I mean, not like a big house, not mansion-sized, but definitely a modest single-family bungalow… okay fine, yeah Bill, maybe more like a large garden shed, but come on, that’s a pretty big garden shed dude. Stop trying to steal my thunder man. Let’s go with… a small garage. Single car, but with a little extra space for the lawn mower.”

“It was the size of a small cement mixer. Not like the truck, I mean the little ones with the handcart bases. But, you know, that’s still well outside the realm of okay sizes for a spider.”

“The blast affected an area the size of a small country… no, not the Vatican City, smartass. Or one of those really tiny island countries. Not a little city state, I mean big enough to be called a country out of more than courtesy. But one of those small countries that the news always compares to Rhode Island if it ever gets mentioned.

…Why don’t I just compare it to Rhode Island? Because Rhode Islands aren’t a SI unit of area measurement, that’s why! I’m trying to combat Americentrism here!”

“It was about as big as a small freight train. Not a short regular-gauge freight train, mind you. A narrow-gauge freight train. Maybe like 2 ft gauge, 2 ft-6? I dunno, I ain’t no railroad expert, or a giant death worm expert for that matter.

“It was about as big as a small freight train. HO Scale to be precise.”

“It was about as long as a small breadbox. I’m talkin’ a one-loafer max, Joey, no baguettes. You’d have to saw a baguette in half to fit it in the damn thing.”

“It was as long as a short yardstick. Whaddya mean what’s a short yardstick, you went to Catholic School too didn’t ya? After the nun smacks ya with it enough you got a short yardstick!”

“It was the size of a small bobcat. No, no, I mean the animal, not the piece of construction equipment. Jesus, can you even imagine that? I’m telling you if it were the size of a skid-steer loader I wouldn’t be standing here arguing with you about it.”

“It was the size of a small moose. But you know, moose are a lot bigger than most people think they are. So picture about how big you think an average moose is, and you’ll be pretty close.”

“It was the size of what $1200 a month gets you in New York these days.”

Tags:

#I didn’t actually laugh aloud but it still amused me enough to reblog #fun with loopholes #overly literal interpretations #spiders

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

prokopetz:

How you expect the “no weapon forged by mortal hands shall slay me” loophole to go down: playing with the definitions of “weapon”, “forged”, or possibly “mortal”.

How it actually goes down: the blacksmith who forged the sword is a giant spider – strictly speaking all of their limbs are feet.

Tags:

#spiders #fun with loopholes #story ideas I will never write #violence mention #death mention

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

prokopetz:

Concept: an RPG setting where the ruling class consists of talking spiders with a penchant for fancy hats. Not anthropomorphic spiders – just regular-looking spiders, about the size of a largeish dog, that are sapient and capable of speech. The setting isn’t a horrifying arachnid dystopia or anything; it’s actually a fairly conventional high fantasy milieu, except that all the royals, most of the hereditary nobility, and a fair chunk of the gentry are spiders, with all the cultural strangeness that implies.

(Stairs are considered lower class – the spiders climb, of course – so wealthy humans build multi-level dwellings with no stairs and develop their free-climbing skills in order to imitate their eight-legged neighbours. The spiders, for their part, pointedly ignore the handholds cunningly disguised as decorative moulding, because it’s rude to draw attention to a person’s disability.)

 

kholden83:

But what about the servants? How does the human maid get upstairs to dust Lord Huntsman’s rooms?

 

prokopetz:

Two options:

1. The servants’ passage have stairs, obviously – but of course, no gentleman would be caught dead rubbing shoulders with the help.

2. The setting has made great strides in folding-ladder technology. (Just don’t leave one sitting out in plain view – so déclassé!)

 

sinceredoubt:

So my understanding of medieval history and society isn’t the best, BUT to my knowledge, feudalism and the social hierarchy of the time was at least partially an answer to the question of how to fund, maintain, and equip heavy cavalry. (And heavy infantry, and castles,and share power..). Okay, it’s way more complicated than that, but the interesting thing for us about the spider upper class is

1. Did (at least some of) the spider nobility historically fight as knights and ride horses?

OR

2. Was the development of spider nobility due to some other useful development, militarily, socially, ect.?

As fun as it is to imagine spiders riding around horses it seems a bit impractical? At least in the sense that it’s hard to imagine a spider holding a lance like a knight. But maybe they’re really good scouts. Spiders are probably naturally attuned to defending, if not managing, a castle, as it’s all one big death trap. So it’s not impossible that they have a similar role to human nobility.

I guess it also depends on what species of spiders we’re talking about, but that could lead to some regional/national flavor. Why people lead by bird-eating spiders developed differently than say black widows, or jumping spiders, will be the subject of historians and sociologists, even pop books such as Guns, Germs, and Silk.

 

prokopetz:

That’s an excellent question, and one I’m going to toss back to the crowd as a prompt: how did spiders end up dominating the ranks of nobility in this setting?

 

thepockyman:

There was very little central authority among the humans as in the not too distant past a great empire had fallen leaving the largest human nations as petty kingdoms.

The spider take over however was not by force but was economic. Spider silk is incredibly strong. Cloth woven from it is as strong as a Kevlar vest. Once the most intelligent spiders noticed how useful the silk was to humans it wasn’t long before they began to sell it. Spider armor and ropes dominated the markets allowing the spiders to transition to other goods, notably arms.

By this point high ranking and rich spiders were entering the human nobility. Some were gifted titles in return for service, others simply bought their way in. After this it would only take a couple generations for the spiders to begin consolidating new spider centric Kingdoms.

Of course it was not the great noble spiders that were making silk for the market. That “honor” belonged to the spider commoners, who before the adoption of human hierarchy served because they were smaller than the soon to be nobles and did not want to be eaten.

 

prokopetz:

I think this one is my favourite because it posits a hierarchy among the spiders themselves. Historically, hunting was often a privilege reserved for the nobility (hence the development of “heroic poacher” myths in the mould of Robin Hood et al.); here, that practice is reflected in the non-web-building hunting spiders lording over their web-building subordinates. Presumably webs function as an analogue for argriculture in this scenario, with web-building serfs tending their hunting masters’ “crops”. Many high fantasy settings feature giant, non-sapient insects – perhaps the weavers raise them as livestock? What would a spider noble’s hunting preserve look like?

(I’m picturing differences in fashions as well. The “noble” hunting spiders would be as described above; the weaving spiders, conversely, would on average be about the size of a hefty housecat – with adorably squeaky voices to boot – and, rather than the high, stiff hats of the nobility, would favour soft cloth and knit caps in a variety of patterns. Can you picture a housecat-size orb weaver spider sporting a beanie or a cabbie hat?)

Now here’s a fun one: if there are spider commoners, how did the respective species’ social classes integrate – or not, as the case may be – following the spider nobility’s economic takeover of the human petty states?

 

korrasera:

I don’t know but all I can think of now is the idea of spider commoners starting a revolution to seize the means of production…because they are the means of production. If that doesn’t already upset the idea of the huntsmen spiders being in charge in the first place.

 

prokopetz:

An important rule of RPG setting design: if there’s a class revolution in the offing, position your timelines such that it doesn’t boil over into open war until after the player characters have had a chance to get invested. If at all possible, arrange matters in play so the inciting incident can somehow be their fault.

(Honestly, if you’re not interested in affording your players the opportunity to be personally responsible for kicking off the Arachno-Communist Revolution, what are you even doing here?)

 

shelderon:

I’m fan art-ing someone’s basic concept for an RPG.

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“I say Mr. Weaver, you are terribly behind quota this month.”

 

prokopetz:

That’s just… awesome.

Tags:

#story ideas I will never write #spider #bugs #long post #adventures in spider capitalism?

Hidden Walmart guide

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

gomjabbar:

i’ve been getting a lot of comments about how i pulled off my last Hidden Walmart exploit so i thought i’d go ahead and make a basic guide on how to do it. i’m no expert and be aware that you do this at your own risk

What is a Hidden Walmart?

most people have at least one walmart in their city. but what if i told you that there’s nearly always an extra walmart that you can’t see? to understand why, you need to dial the clock back to 1967. the founder of walmart, sam walton, had finally begun mass expansion across the US. it had already opened nearly 30 stores, and was at no sign of stopping. sam walton was projected to become a tycoon with his fair prices and business skills, but there was one thing holding him back: bubble-gum.

sam walton was a fervent believer that bubble gum was made from spider eggs. he was convinced that spider eggs were ground up and mixed into the sticks of chewable candy, but also was sure that bubble gum companies would cut back costs on their spider-proofing technology with the anti-sugar hysteria that was still sizzling in american suburbia, causing some embedded spider eggs to make it through the proofing process. sam walton theorized that the spider eggs would be mutated by human bodily fluids and give birth to a race of giant superspiders that would hatch from the inside of its victims and wreak havoc on his country. but sam walton was also notoriously circumspect, and was determined to preserve the legacy of his grocer chain at all costs.

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after only a few years into the expansion of walmart stores, sam walton signed a behind-the-scenes contract with the stuhler construction company. the agreement obligated the construction firm to build a near-identical, underground walmart directly underneath the original. the only differences between the “Hidden Walmart” (HWM) and the “Root Walmart” (RWM) are that the Hidden Walmart is devoid of entrances and exits of any kind. in addition, every Hidden Walmart is fitted with a very primitive scanner designed to detect the presence of any arachnid buds, which would then lead to the underground building to saturate itself with high doses of gamma radiation if the scanners read anything.

the intention was clear: sam walt wanted to create a series of underground walmarts designed to persist and thrive while the surface world was ravaged by overgrown spiders. obviously, the spider apocalypse never happened, but for legal reasons the walton family today is still obligated to honor sam’s corporate order, so even the newest walmart stores today have hidden counterparts. the walmarts themselves are devoid of any staff, and it’s unknown how exactly anyone was supposed to enter the buildings (the area around the Hidden Walmart is always filled with cement), but this is where my tip comes in, because believe it or not, there is a way to get into your local Hidden Walmart.

Preparation

if you do not prepare for your venture into a hidden walmart, you risk death, or at least serious injury. thankfully, prep is minimum, and can change the outcome of your exploration. it’s advised you wear thick clothing, because the Hidden Walmart will be at least one mile underground, and devoid of sunlight. anything warm will do, but it’s crucial, and i mean crucial, that you wear a pair of reebok walking shoes. it’s not known why, but they seem to be one of the main things that allow you to enter any Hidden Walmart. anything made before 2001 will not work. generally, white pairs work the best, but i don’t think you need to be a stickler for color.

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the other thing you’re going to need is a bag of flaming hot cheetoes. just trust me on this. i’ll explain why later.

Queering the HWM

now you have the necessary stuff, so let’s get to Hidden Walmart spelunking. first you’re going to need to pick a walmart, which shouldn’t be hard. once you’ve arrived at the Root Walmart, you’re gonna need to find the hardware section, which will either be labeled simply “Hardware” or “Home Detailing Appliances”. find a nail gun in the aisle, generally any will do. after finding it, you need to lie it perpendicularly against the bottom part of the rack, at least between 90° and less than 180°. from there, you’re gonna want to find a corner in the aisle. if there is no corner, you’re probably just gonna have to find another store. when you get to the corner, you need to bend over, rear facing the wall, and touch both feet with your hands. hold that pose for about 20 seconds, and you’ll feel a weight pulling on you. keep holding. what’s happening is the nail gun‘s mapping is starting to collide with yours, causing you to build up speed. at exactly one minute, let go, and if you do it right, you should clip through the ground at long enough of a distance until you suddenly pop right into the Hidden Walmart. you’ve done it.

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Arrival

i’m not gonna lie. there isn’t much to do at a Hidden Walmart. the merchandise at it will be as old as the walmart above it, meaning you won’t be finding anything new unless the walmart is ~2 years old. visiting Hidden Walmarts is a way of exploring the untouched and, depending on the walmart’s age, traveling back to the past. one thing i forgot to mention: if you visit the Hidden Walmart and you have eaten in the past 3 – 5 hours, do not enter the makeup or book sections of the store. those are generally where the spider-egg scanners are positioned. it’s a primitive technology that hasn‘t been developed since the 60s, and it’s been known to mistake still-digesting organic matter in a person’s body for spider eggs. if you pass those areas after recently eating, you risk enduring lethal amounts of radiation.

Finishing the Adventure

so you’ve explored the Hidden Walmart, and seen everything there is to see. but there are no doors or exits! how do you get home? this is where the flaming hot cheetos bag comes in. technically, when you’re in the Hidden Walmart, you’re still in the Root Walmart as well. consider it like the Root Walmart unknowingly giving you a “preview” of the Hidden Walmart, although your body in the Hidden Walmart is very much real. however, when someone “previewing” a Hidden Walmart makes a sound at a high enough decibel, the Root Walmart automatically reacts by ripping the visitor in the HWM out of the store and back into the original. the human voice isn’t capable of that, but the loud popping sound of a flaming hot cheetos bag is. i don’t know why it’s specifically flaming hot cheetos. some of my friends have said the capsacin in the snack make the air inside more brittle and loud, but i don’t know if that’s true. at any rate, it ought to take you back to the original walmart so you can return home.

this is an amateur guide, like i said, but hopefully this should give you guys a kickstart into the world of Hidden Walmarts. if you have any extra advice you’d like me to add onto the guide, please message me! happy HWMing!

EDIT: fellow HWMer circutspit has just notified me saying that it’s also for the best that you avoid all canines for at least a week after visiting your local Hidden Walmart. for some reason, the process of noclipping leaves an odor that’s undetectable to most animals except dogs, and they just happen to attack anything that smells of it. thanks for the tip!

Tags:

#unreality cw #death mention #food mention #spider #body horror #storytime #I often enjoy reading video-game guides even if they’re for games I don’t play #and I’ve found that this can extend to fictional video games

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

jimintomystery:

prince-bergs:

downtroddendeity:

prince-bergs:

real talk why do so many fantasy universes think giant spiders are necessary

The sad part is there’s a decent chance a large proportion of them can be blamed on one spider.

The tarantula that bit JRR Tolkien as a child.

He swore he didn’t have a spider phobia and the experience had nothing to do with the man-eating giant spiders in The Hobbit, the even more giant and even more man-eating spider in Lord of the Rings, or the unholy eldritch spider from outside creation that plunged the world into darkness and made literal Satan scream like a little kid in the Silmarillion. Very few people believe him.

Given LotR’s influence in the fantasy genre, there is a high probability that tarantula is the progenitor of even more fictional spiders than Ungoliant was.

wow fuck that one tarantula

“fantasy universes have too many spiders” factoid actually just statistical error. Georgs Spider, who bit JRR Tolkein & is to blame for menacing over 10,000 fantasy universes, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

Tags:

#spider #Lord of the Rings #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #Spiders Georg