sexuality and lack thereof

~ Brin ~ 1 Comment

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h-sleepingirl:

sinesalvatorem:

Question for the mind control fetishist community that is inexplicably over-represented among my followers:

I’ve recently become curious about the theory I’ve heard that asexual people who have kinks often have an autophilic sexuality. That is, their primary sexual interest is tied to them achieving some specific state. They’d have the same range of sexual response as allosexuals, but in response to achieving their preferred state to varyingly precise degrees.

For example, some asexuals are into amputation, or depictions of amputees. They often are more interested in being amputees themselves than in other people who are amputees. Often they’ll enjoy fantasising about being amputees, and further prefer situations where they can pretend to be amputees, and sometimes even desire actual amputation.

And I just remembered that lots of people who follow this blog are part of the mind control kink community! Which always surprises me, because I don’t think I post any mind control related content, and am honestly really sexually boring. But, like, I’ll totally give you guys more shout outs if you can help me learn about this.

My question is: Are asexual mind control fetishists more interested in being mentally controlled/impaired or in controlling others / the mental impairments of other? The autosexuality theory implies that asexuals should overwhelmingly prefer to be controlled/impaired, or be most aroused by the thought of their own altered mental state.

Also, autosexualities are in general correlated with being transgender. Are asexuals in the mind control kink community more likely to be transgender or feel gender dysphoric?

Right now I’m just curious about whether there’s any anecdotal support for this random thought, in case it’s worth doing a survey of. Would anyone be willing to tell me if their personal impression of the community supports or debunks this hypothesis? @acemindbreaker, @brin-bellway, @bannableoffense, @enscenic and anyone else who might have an opinion on this.

Here you go, a sample size of one!

I consider myself asexual (I get squicked by sexual things despite sometimes being sexually active), mind control/hypnosis fetish from a very young age (like a paraphilia, I need to think stuff about it to get off), and somewhat gender wonky in some indeterminate way.

Before puberty and probably before age 18 of so, I was solely “autosexual” in the way you describe it: my sexuality was entirely about hypnosis or mind control and how “deep” I would go into it would theoretically correspond with level of arousal and sexual enjoyment.

I figured, since I had an interest in kink as well and was sexually active, that this meant that I was solely a submissive.

As I got older I started experimenting with switching roles (hypnotic and not) and for the most part it was a service top type thing for a long time, until cc and I really got going.

I discovered a love for dominance, especially ownership and most importantly for this, objectification.

When I hypnotize cc, I am objectifying her in that I’m using her as porn and that’s part of what turns me on. I’ve always liked looking at porn of hypnotized or mind controlled subjects (as we do) and for a long time I sort of thought it was because I was projecting myself into their place.

Not always, I think. Definitely used to be that way. But then I discovered enjoyment of just seeing it as third party porn and getting off to it in that way, separating it from myself.

I still consider myself a bottom-leaning switch, and there is nothing quite like being hypnotized, but there is a different intensity in hypnotizing someone else that I’ve grown to love as well.

In terms of gender, I’m still figuring it out. I questioned being trans as a teenager. I’m pretty comfy in my AFAB body nowadays but not always and I’ve never felt like a strong pull towards the concept of gender one way or another, or a tendency to fluctuate.

Gender of my partners doesn’t matter to me, it’s the D/s vibe I get. (I’ll admit I tend to prefer male dominants and female submissives, just as a matter of looking at numbers.)

Tags:

#(April 2018) #this one doesn’t really count as an aglet but it’s interesting #sexuality and lack thereof #nsfw text #asexuality #gender

Anonymous asked: would be good if individuals could just easily adjust their own sex drives up or down as wanted, really. I mean, I know there are medications with either effect, but I don’t mean like that, I mean like you’d adjust a setting in a piece of software.

~ Brin ~ 1 Comment

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theopjones:

brin-bellway:

theopjones:

brin-bellway:

argumate:

it would indeed be very handy!

I think like most emotions it would be kind of self-reinforcing, in that once you’re at one end of the scale the other end seems unappealing, but it would still be good to have the option available.

…do people normally find a given level of libido self-reinforcing?

Only middling-libido!mes want to stay that way long-term; I get sick of high libido after ~1 day and of low libido after ~1 week. (Unless I’m too distracted by other things to notice the vague sense of being incomplete that happens when my libido is too low for too long, which is how I spent the month of April. But even that is more “being sufficiently fucked up that your damage-assessment mechanism is also damaged”, rather than actually being okay with it.)

Mind you, when I see other people complaining of loss of libido, they’re almost always talking about practical effects and not the inherent badness of having an ego-syntonic part of your psyche go missing, which makes me wonder if maybe ego-neutral libidos are more common than typical-minding would lead me to believe.

Kind of my feeling is that I often get the feeling of IQ reduced by 25% around hot woman + weird effects on inhibitions (both reduced and increased. Which is sort of self-reinforcing. 

But is also why I agree with the anon that I don’t really like a lot of my sex drive. 

I would kind of like it if I could turn off my feelings of sexual and romantic attraction 2/3rds of the time. And thats a lot of the reason. I often don’t like a lot of the effect that it has on me.

And I also wish I could shut off a lot of inappropriate times I’m attracted to someone or a lot of the feelings of unrequited crushes and such.

…okay, in hindsight I guess I should have figured my other divergences would imply divergence here as well. I had…kind of forgotten that sex drives could have interpersonal effects, since mine doesn’t really.

(I wish you good luck and good coping.)

Yah. 

For me its very difficult to separate any feeling of sex drive from attraction to particular people that I find hot.

While I haven’t actually had sex yet, even when jerking off, its pretty difficult to separate the feeling of sex from individual attraction. Its pretty much inseparable from fantasizing about the people I find attractive.

Tags:

#(October 2017) #conversational aglets #sexuality and lack thereof #nsfw text #is the blue I see the same as the blue you see #asexuality

~ Brin ~ 1 Comment

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somnilogical:

brin-bellway:

somnilogical:

beaniemilliner:

Real talk; where are the good hypnosis communities at

Getting real tired of transphobic shit etc. and would like somewhere to hang out and be into hypnosis without having to put with garbage people

Neither @brin-bellway nor @bannableoffense are garbage people to my knowledge. (Though they may separately be sanitation workers.)

@adzolotl manages to hypnotize trans people without them being annoyed. (Though perhaps they’re too hypnotized to??)

And … none of them seem to know each other in a hypnosis-y way. But they may be able to *direct* you to community things if you ask?

>>(Though they may separately be sanitation workers.)<<

Well, I have been experimenting with dumpster diving…

>>And … none of them seem to know each other in a hypnosis-y way.<<

I’m aware of Banny, though I don’t read her blog. I’m aware of @adzolotl​, too, and I do read his blog. (I’m not sure we’ve ever had more than short, shallow conversations about it, though.)

>>But they may be able to *direct* you to community things if you ask?<<

The only members of hypno-fetish Tumblr I follow myself are @tennfan2​, @ellaenchanting​, and @hypnoticharlequin​, because I try to keep the amounts of naked people, non-con porn, and Discourse on my dash relatively low, and all of those really limit your options. (However, since the Discourse is often about social justice, and the hypno-fetishist is almost invariably on the pro-SJ side, you may actually find the amount of Discoursing around here reassuring.) I also read @diaryofasnowflake manually sometimes.

Tennfan, Ella: I seem to recall you’ve both done welcoming-wagon-type stuff before, right? Can you help show Beanie the ropes, so to speak?

>>#does tagging people violate the NAP?<<

The what? If you mean something about revealing somebody’s kink without their consent, all of the people you tagged have been pretty open about it on Tumblr, so it seems reasonable to me.

The NAP is the non-aggression principle. Which is an ethical rule that says that it is immoral to instigate aggression against someone. (Unless they want to be aggressed. Self-defense and attempts at de-escalation are also usually considered moral here.)

The tag was self-deprecation about my hesitancy in tagging people in things because my brain worries that it will harm them. Which it probably won’t. If it did, I think I can count on them or someone close to them to tell me.

The mechanism of amusement sprung from the contrast between (the central examples of (the most conceptually available, not the most common uses of) the NAP such as acting in self defense when people hit you or shooting someone who has tresspassed on your property) and (tagging someone in a tumblr post).

—

[ https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Non-aggression_principle ]

Tags:

#(February 2017) #conversational aglets #sexuality and lack thereof

Ella Reads Hypnosis Research (So You Don’t Have To)

~ Brin ~ 1 Comment

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ellaenchanting:

brin-bellway:

tennfan2:

ellaenchanting:

Do you want to do hypnosis? Do you want to do hypnosis WITH SCIENCE? 

As much as research tends to lag behind what people are actually doing with hypnosis, the last few years have actually seen a pretty big increase in research done on and scientific curiosity about hypnosis. My personal theory is that this is because there’s an increasing number of studies coming out saying that hypnosis is A THING in and of itself (outside of, although often in addition to, the influence of factors like authority and cultural expectations).  The hypnosis that shows up in research is obviously differently-applied (and often narrower) than what we tend to do as hypnokinksters/hypno-enthusiasts. A lot of hypnosis research relies on old, old methodologies and constraints of trying to standardize procedures.  Still, I really like peeking in at the research that is happening and seeing if I can learn anything. 

Join me, won’t you?

Referenced article (for those playing along at home): https://www.researchgate.net/publication/307604862_Nuances_and_Uncertainties_Regarding_Hypnotic_Inductions_Toward_a_Theoretically_Informed_Praxis

Keep reading

All of you should, obviously, read this.

Also, “facilitative sensory stimulation” is now a fetish on FetLife, which we all should add. It’s the greatest euphemism I’ve heard in a while.

Ella: I’m incredibly curious about what a facilitative sensory stimulation suggestion is and cannot get to the referenced article. Kinesthetic inductions? I have someone imagine they’re on a mountain and play the sound of yodeling in the background? I have no clue. 

Okay, so I looked into the article you couldn’t reach (yay university subscriptions!). While it never actually uses the term “facilitative sensory stimulation”, I skimmed the article a bit and found this quote regarding debriefing:

Subjects in the experiential expectancy modification conditions were told the following:

“We tried to help you become hypnotized by making sure that you would have the first few experiences I suggested to you. Remember when I told you to see colors on the wall and to hear music? Whenever I said to imagine a color, we turned on a colored light that made the room look a tiny bit that color. When I told you to imagine that you could hear music, we turned on a tape. We did that only for the lights and the music. Everything else you did entirely on your own, and you did very well indeed.”

So that’s probably what facilitative sensory stimulation means: making the first couple “hallucinations” happen in reality as convincers.

(Sorry to burst anyone’s bubble. But hey, now you know what they were on about!)

Thanks @brin-bellway! I figured it was something like this. I’ve tried something similar and have had it both work and backfire. (When it backfired it was because the person perceived it as me tricking them because I thought they were stupid- so better rapport and a better on-the-fly explanation may have helped.)

So briefly- Tip #6: Use convincers! But not to the point where your subject thinks you’re being an ass!

Tags:

#(December 2016) #conversational aglets #sexuality and lack thereof #the power of science

30 Days of Hypnosis Kink: Day 7

~ Brin ~ 1 Comment

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brin-bellway:

ellaenchanting:

bannableoffense:

Day 7: Are you a trance junkie (short term) or do you prefer a one hypnotist relationship (long term)? Why or why not?

I’m just gonna

stop

and really take apart that term.

“trance junkie”

Really? Someone who likes getting tranced a lot and doesn’t have consistent partners for that… that’s what you call them? A “trance junkie”? 

what a loaded question, comparing people without consistent partners to…

well

you know what, I’ll be blunt. I don’t have consistent trance partners. I’ve never had that, unless my partner was a subject and I played the hypnotist role. So I find enjoyment where I can, when I can, with whom I can, and as time and my schedule permits. I have friends I play with more than others, but, for the most part, that comes down to me, myself, and my tumblr account.

Would I like a long-term relationship with a hypnotist? Of course! It would be absolutely wonderful, for rather self-evident reasons; trust, rapport, and learning are all established with repetition, time spent, and getting to know what the other likes and enjoys and working with that, exploring that. Hell, like I see so many people do here on Tumblr. Why wouldn’t I want something like that?

“trance junkie”

good god…

The usage of “trance junkie” is really weird here- I’ve heard the term thrown around in non-kinky hypnosis communities but only as a slightly self-effacing way to say you really enjoy being hypnotized. So, like, 95% of my tumblr feed (myself included) would qualify. I’ve never heard it used as a way to describe someone who doesn’t have a long-term partner- that doesn’t even really make sense outside of kink and, as @bannableoffense pointed out, is kind of judgemental.  

The first time I encountered the term “trance junkie”–and I wish I could remember who wrote this blog post so I could go check if it’s as bad as I remember; all I know is that it was some Blogspot or maybe WordPress I didn’t read regularly, and I sure wasn’t going to start reading regularly after that–it was…well. There’s “complaining about people who use you for sex and show no indication that they give a shit about whether you enjoy it too”, and then there’s “kinkshaming people who are into hypnosis for the sensations and don’t have control or intimacy kinks”, and it seemed to me they were skirting dangerously far into the latter.

Even if you seem on the surface to share a kink with someone, even if you seem on the surface to like complementary roles, you can still be sexually incompatible on that axis. Furthermore, some people’s kinks are best fulfilled solo, and not all such people have figured that out about themselves yet. I note that from what I’ve seen, it’s fairly common for asexuals who like sex but don’t get anything extra out of it being partnered sex (as opposed to masturbation) to have a troubled sexual relationship in which they find this out the hard way, and the thing that causes them to break up is usually that one or both partners feel like the allosexual is being “used” by the asexual.

And you know what? I was lucky enough to hang out in the asexual community, to hear about that story being played out over and over by different people, before ever having sex myself. Which means if I ever try partnered kink, I get to go into it knowing there’s a chance that partnering might not be for me, and that that’s a valid form of sexuality that wouldn’t mean there’s anything wrong with me, and it wouldn’t make me evil. Not everyone gets that advantage.

So yeah, even without getting into the addiction comparison, I flinch at that term too.

@ellaenchanting replied to this post with:

Brin- This all makes sense to me. I also think people can have needs met in a relationship even if the kinks are different if they’re compatible- for example I have a top who has a huge control kink and I have a huge intimacy kink but we’re both hypnofetishists and somehow it works! :) BUt also- lots of talking.

Tags:

#(May 2016) #conversational aglets #sexuality and lack thereof #asexuality #nsfw text?

brin-bellway asked: Huh, you found out hypnosis was real *before* finding out it was a fetish? I did it the other way ’round. I wonder what differences that causes. (Like how, while *intellectually* I believe there are people whose kinks actually can’t be satisfied in real life, my experiences have left me with a visceral skepticism towards the idea. My first thought when someone says their fetish can’t be acted upon is always “When *I* said that, I was wrong: maybe you’re wrong too.”)

~ Brin ~ 1 Comment

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tennfan2:

My answer to this is a qualified “kind of.”

When I was a kid, hypnosis was totally compelling to me – any time I saw it, heard about it, anything, I could not at all pull myself away from it.

I was also obsessed with the Atlanta Braves, but the mere mention of Paul Assenmacher did not leave me hanging on every word, you know? (Dale Murphy is another question.)

So on some level, I knew my interest in hypnosis was something other than a hobby. It was literally always in the back of my mind. It still is, actually.

I was a young, young child when this started. I had no idea that I was a fetishist. At the same time, though, it always did feel “dirty” to me for reasons that I get now, but had no way of knowing at the time.

Anyway: hobby before I *knew* it was a fetish, but not by much.

Here’s a question for the crowd: is your hypnosis fetish something you were born with?

 

gigglisgallery:

Hypnosis in movies and stories was always compelling to me. But I “knew” that was just fantasy.

I saw hypnosis as a real thing, but something used for therapy, and stage magic, and stuff like that, and that was intriguing, but not in any kind of fetish sense.

When I found the mcstories site, I saw it had lots of hypnosis stories, but I after trying a few, I found them boring and tended to skip them. Stories involving fantasy elements and scifi gizmos were more interesting, and hot, because they were more believable (giggle). 

(Though to be fair, hypnosis stories often have things like, “And now your boobs grow three cup sizes” and they do, instantly, due to the power of hypnosis. Things like that just destroyed my ability to take the stories seriously. )

Then – much later – I stumbled across hypnofetish sites, and had that lightbulb moment: “Whaaaaat? Hypnosis really can be used in this way? OMG give me it NOW!”

And the hypnosis subgenre of mind control simultaneously got a lot hotter for me (but there’s still so much terrible stuff in there, sigh).

 

scifiscribbler:

Yeah, I think there’s a much broader gulf between the MC fetish and the direct hypno, and that expanding from MC to hypno (as GG and I both have) leads to a very different approach to hypnotic suggestion.

 

tennfan2:

I’m the polar opposite. Hypnosis as a subgenre of mind control? Obviously the other way around! (Kidding, kidding)

Mind control was pretty much never that appealing to me except when it looked and behaved like “classical” hypnosis.

That said, I also have rarely if ever gotten off on anything that feels “fictional.” Even when I got off on hypnosis in fiction, it was hypnosis that felt in some way accurate.

 

scifiscribbler:

See, this is the thing. I don’t think MC and Hypno are kink and subkink.

I think fantasy MC and real hypno are whole kink categories in and of themselves, with sufficient thematic overlap that a lot of people miss this.

And I think there’s a specific point where that needs watching, and it’s where inexperienced hypnotists and naive subjects cross from MC to real hypno without really grokking issues like consent, post-scene sub- and dom- drop, and the potential repercussions of deep conditioning work, because the MC fantasy stuff doesn’t have the ties to established kinks that teach this.

Mostly, though, I think that realising they’re disparate kinks can go a long way to helping people sort out what appeals and what doesn’t and feeling more able to specify the stuff they like.

Elsewhere on here the discussion that @ellaenchanting has been part of with retro/pop culture hypno is right there on stuff that walks the line.

I like both. But my life in kink got a lot easier when I realised there was this bg divide along the lines of which people liked or didn’t like aspects.

(yes, there are also subkinks for both that not everyone digs, but not usually in so polarising or definitive a fashion.)

 

brin-bellway:

Okay, going to try to respond to multiple things here.

tennfan2: I was a young, young child when this started. I had no idea that I was a fetishist. At the same time, though, it always did feel “dirty” to me for reasons that I get now, but had no way of knowing at the time.

Same, and if I implied otherwise, I didn’t mean to.

It feels weird to come up with a completely new phrasing for this when I can just quote my past self, so I suppose I’ll do that. Take it away, me of one year ago. (Note: the question I was answering was “If you had kinks, sexual fantasies, or sexual interests before puberty, how did you interpret them?“)

I thought it was just a fascinating topic, like the things I later learned to call perseverations* but much more stable. Sure, I had a sense of privacy about it, but I also (though to a lesser extent) tended to keep perseverations private. And sure, perseverations didn’t cause that twinging feeling in my chest and abdomen, but I figured that was probably some minor quirk that I would never have an explanation for. (I now think the twinging is my brain misinterpreting the “heat” of sexual arousal.)

For the record, the thing that made me re-evaluate this was not puberty, but rather learning from TV Tropes (at about age sixteen) that hypno-fetishism was a thing. (And dear *god* did my life make so much more sense after that. I wish somebody had thought to tell me sooner.) I didn’t really “bloom”: I mean, obviously my libido didn’t vary with menstrual phase back when I didn’t *have* a menstrual cycle, and for some reason I didn’t start having erotic dreams until I was fifteen, but in essence my sexuality is pretty much unchanged since the time of my earliest memories. 

*Note from the present day: these days (and even at the time, really), “special interest” seems to be a more common term for this autistic trait than “perseveration”, and you might be more familiar with it.

scifiscribbler: Mostly, though, I think that realising they’re disparate kinks can go a long way to helping people sort out what appeals and what doesn’t and feeling more able to specify the stuff they like.

The definition of “mind-control fetishist” in my internal dictionary is something like “person who genuinely prefers the stuff I subsisted off of as a child because I didn’t even have the concept of anything better”. Like, I do know there are honest-to-god MC fetishists out there, and I want to emphasise again the unendorsedness of this reaction, but when I encounter MC fetishists talking shop I am frequently struck with the urge to tell them “You don’t have to settle for this! There’s other stuff out there, and a lot of it is so much better!” *I* was settling, and I find it hard to tolerate erotic horror these days knowing there’s fluffier stuff I could be reading instead.

tennfan2: Here’s a question for the crowd: is your hypnosis fetish something you were born with?

Depends on your definition. It doesn’t really make sense to me to claim anyone was born with a hypnosis fetish per se, because you’re not born knowing what hypnosis is.

You are, on the other hand, born knowing what sleep is. While a version of me raised in the late 1700′s would probably not have had a hypno-fetish (the conception of hypnosis at the time was not restful at all), I think any version of me would enjoy dozing…I was going to say “a little too much”, but that makes it sound like it’s wrong. Enjoy dozing to an extent that normal people would not. The ways in which this desire manifests depend on what’s available in the surrounding culture, but the core remains the same.

 

scifiscribbler:

Yeah, this neatly speaks to what I mean. Hypno kink and MC kink are neither of them better or worse, but they can be better or worse for individual people, and an awareness of both helps.

I’m glad you’ve found what you’re after. Similarly, I’m glad I know they’re different things, because I get different things out of both… even when collaborating with the same people.

Tags:

#(April 2016) #conversational aglets #sexuality and lack thereof #people who can distinguish between their drive for sleep and drive for sex fascinate me #nsfw text

Experiment- Please Help!

~ Brin ~ 1 Comment

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ellaenchanting:

ellaenchanting:

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is tumblr_n31ndga8yz1t3453ho1_400.gif

@banana-pie-gaige reminded me of an experiment I’ve been wanting to run.

Loose conjecture: I have a book of sleeping tips that suggests that people close their eyes and slowly trace the outside ridges of the United States to trick the brain into starting REM. REM, or dreaming sleep, is often a period where people can be lightly suggestible- for example, you can talk to dreaming people and sometimes influence what happens in their dreams. There’s also the eye flutter that some subjects have when they go under and the eye movements people tend to have when you ask them to imagine a visual image when hypnotized- these may or may not be REM related (or require hypnosis at all).

Hypothesis: You can trigger tranceyness by having someone close their eyes and move them around in a circular way because this mirrors REM. Mirroring REM triggers a person’s mind to start dreaming which increases suggestibility.

Why this is probably bullshit: REM eye movements often look different  than someone tracing the borders of the Unites States. People usually go through other sleep stages before getting into REM- you usually only jump in to REM when you’re sleep deprived. (My one time dreaming while hypnotized- which was awesome- was when I was up late and likely sleep deprived.) Moving eyes in a REM-ish way wouldn’t necessarily trigger REM or sleep or tranceyness or anything in particular. If this did put people to sleep or even made them dream,. this wouldn’t necessarily equal a useful hypnotic state.
But what if it did?

That would be cool, huh?

Tumblr peeps- this is what I’d you to do:

Would you kindly:

1. Set an alarm for 6 minutes.

2. Close your eyes.

3. Relax. If you know how, let yourself sink into a light trancey/meditative state.

4. Imagine you can see the continental USA land formation. Gently and comfortable trace around the edges with your eyes, starting at the top right hand side with Maine. Don’t try and think or stop thinking- thoughts can just happen all by themselves. You can just lazily notice anything that happens.If nothing much happens, just let yourself enjoy the break.

5. Write me feedback about what, if anything, happened. It’s OK to tell me nothing really happened- that’s useful information!

I’ll tell you guys if we collectively discover something cool. :)

Also- please let me know if you have ideas or if this is a thing you solved in 3rd grade.

Tagging people who may be interested: @soundshypnotic, @brentrx, @mistermindwiper, @tennfan2, @banana-pie-gaige, @zanythoughts, @bannableoffense, @i-dontshaveforsherlock-holmes, @brin-bellway, @mr-prism, @mrs-prism, @hypnoticharlequin

Feel free to repost, anyone- I’d like to get a lot of minds on this if possible.

Hey everyone!

First of all, thank you SO MUCH to @brentrx, @friedcherryblossomprincess, @hypnoticharlequin, and @brin-bellway for trying this out for me! I really, really appreciate you guys taking the time to do this and write out your responses. Thank you for helping me out!

So- this was basically an exploratory mission to see what would happen if people faked REM-ish eye movements while conscious. The answer, unfortunately, was nothing consistently. @friedcherryblossomprincess had the most interesting results with some involuntary eye movements and better sleep that night, but her already being sleep deprived was a huge confounding factor. Other reactions ranged from mildly trancey arm movements to general annoyance. :)~

As a hypnotist, I am often not brave enough about trying new things. I have a million theories and ideas but tend to stick to the tried and true because I worry about what will happen if things don’t work. I already don’t fit most people’s hypnotist profile (female, quieter, mousy, not particularly eloquent) so I sometimes give myself less leeway to be creative or different. I’m explaining this because I really want the people who participated to know how cool it was for me to be able to test out something potentially harebrained in a less risky way. This is something I would have never tried out face to face. I’m so thankful  to you guys for giving me a chance to explore!

(my writeup)

Tags:

#(February 2016) #(still a *little* embarrassed about having misunderstood but oh well) #((if you compare the version of the OP in this post and the version in the WordPress copy you can see)) #((that she later edited the bit about tracing to be less ambiguous)) #conversational aglets #sexuality and lack thereof

SCC Prompt Set #166

~ Brin ~ 1 Comment

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diaryofasnowflake:

What are some advantages of BDSM and D/s fiction?

You can get dark.  In real life BDSM, we play with the idea of non-consensual relationships, or completely one-sided ones, but we all know that at the end of the day, you’re talking about two people consensually exchanging power and caring for one another.  That’s the way it should be, but when you’re just reading to get off, you can make it really twisted without the same moral problems.

Also, I’m a mind control fetishist, so fiction allows for some fantasy scenarios that simply could not happen in real life.  

What are the risks?

Getting confused as heck.  When I was 14 and found hypnokinky erotica for the first time, I assumed that the fact that I was turned on by these fantasies meant that I wanted them in real life, even though I knew them to be abhorrent.  Plus, these websites often had disclaimers, saying that these were fantasies only and that acting on them meant you were sick.  I didn’t know that they were referring really to the non-consensual aspects, and that there was a way to satisfy these urges without running off a moral cliff.

So when fiction becomes predominant, and there aren’t counter-messages of what consensual BDSM looks like, it can be a real humdinger to work through it all.

These days, I actually bristle at so-called consensual BDSM porn.  First of all, it doesn’t do much for me; I get all that in real life.  Second of all, it comes off as moralizing, and that’s incongruous with writing that’s supposed to get people off.  Third of all, then you get the likes of 50 Shades of Grey.  The reason I hate that series is twofold: 1) It presents a creepy, messed-up relationship as consensual BDSM, making all its mistakes and insinuations about what it means to be kinky all the more messed up.  2) It has become a cultural reference point to refer to kink, and that shit IS NOT ME.

TL;DR: Kinky fiction is fun, but you have to learn the skills to separate reality from fantasy from BDSM play through other means, and misinformation or confusion can spread in the meantime.

 

brin-bellway:

I wonder how much of it coming off as moralizing is because of you not being into it? I’m having trouble thinking of moralizing examples, but then my reaction when I first discovered consensual hypno-kink erotica was “oh my god, where have you been all my life”. It’s very possible that the only reason I’m not rolling my eyes at stories trying to get all their ethical ducks in a row is because I happen to genuinely prefer ethical situations in my porn, right down to my id, and so I feel kindly disposed towards it.

(Or possibly I just haven’t read any of the really moralizing ones, especially since I still don’t have a better means of obtaining porn that at least sort of fits my tastes than “wander through seas of non-con and occasionally hit one by blind luck” (or the indirect word-of-mouth version, “wander through seas of recs for non-con and occasionally hit a rec by blind luck”).)

 

tennfan2:

Reblogging for finding other people who like consensual (even romantic) hypnokink erotica. We do exist!

(Also, the moralizing stuff does exist and it’s just exhausting.)

 

darthkyra:

We do exist indeed!

 

dancercoder:

yes yes yes

too much dubcon turns me off

and there are ways to slip in consent that aren’t awkward

 

serena627:

@spiralturquoise

 

brin-bellway:

I..seem to have accidentally hijacked your post, diaryofasnowflake. Sorry about that.

(Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to hear from the rest of you guys, and maybe we can get together and talk recs sometime, but I’m not sure if this thread is the right place to do it.)

 

diaryofasnowflake:

Ha, no worries.  I appreciate the passion with which people are approaching this post, and to clarify, not all consensual kinky porn bothers me as “moralizing,” but those stories clearly exist, e.g. 50SoG name-dropping BDSM and throwing in protocols to legitimize unhealthy practices.  Yes, my disinterest with some consensual stories also amounts to personal taste.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to see all different flavors of power exchange in fiction, folks.  Theeeee endddddd.

(Update, re: wandering through seas of non-con hoping to get lucky (so to speak): there has since been some progress in this field [link 1; link 2], and I encourage anyone who *does* go a-wandering to add some tags and help there be even more progress.)

Tags:

#(November 2015) #conversational aglets #sexuality and lack thereof #nsfw text

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

rationalists-out-of-context:

So you’re telling me, all those years in which I’d be in a car desperate for the bathroom and they wouldn’t pull over, and I’d be frantically coming up with the dirtiest fantasies I could imagine, leaning against the window thinking about a spider queen stepping on me, and I thought it helped – all those times, it was PLACEBO, because I don’t have a PROSTATE?

…hmm. I’ve only encountered this from the other direction (having to *avoid* thinking too hard about sexy stuff when I *do* get to a bathroom), but I *have* encountered it. I don’t have a prostate (…as far as I know; barring some particularly subtle intersex condition), but I’m not sure how it could be placebo, since I wasn’t told to expect it.

Tags:

#reply via reblog #sexuality and lack thereof #is the blue I see the same as the blue you see #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what #unsanitary cw?

some mildly interesting things from the SSC survey

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

cptsdcarlosdevil:

mysticfurywerewolf:

oligopsalter:

i need to clean the dataset in a more systematic way – someone has no doubt already done this, but it’s good practice – but here’s a few things that struck me as interesting. note that i looked at a bunch of things and didn’t correct for that, that i looked at them in a sloppy way, and that of course i went right for mindkilling stuff.

for all the talk about consequentialism and scrupulosity, metaethics has approximately zero effect on how good of a person you think you are

nrx types should switch their conspiracy theories away from the jews puritans and towards quakers

comments section regulars are skewed in the way i’d expect, but i’m a bit surprised there are so few of them. imagine if we deployed even a fraction of argumate’s power…!

ressentiment is small but real (sample above straight cis men only; cis women have opposite trend but obv noisier) but the real trend is that the real incels have no opinion on feminism. (all nonresponse results are correlated with each other so that could be a part of it, idk. i said i was sloppy!)

everybody’s penis is huge

neat!

i’m still baffled by the graph for “find kink at least a little bit sexy”:

(last one is “explicitly none of the above”)

like, 6% even-a-little-furries?! how???

am i furry friends georg?! (i mean, trans, so yes, but.)

but even more puzzling, more doms than subs?!

like, confirmed by next question:

ssc truly is a bizarro world.

(i’d love to know if at least all the trans people are furries, and if the doms are super gross and thus outside my circles, but the sex data is unfortunately not in the public data set.)

Lactation fetish is more popular than foot fetish or furries? Only 12% like leather? It’s leather! Who is not at least a little bit turned on by chicks in leather?

I suspect the Dom Mystery might be that the single most common set of kinks among straight guys IME is like… lowkey dom? Like, they like tying you up, calling you a slut, being a bit forceful, maybe a bit of spanking, but they are really uninterested in most BDSM stuff. And those guys are usually not switches.

What do the 36.7% of people who don’t get off on any of the Generic Kinks jerk off to? I’m sort of concerned that the other 64% of us has made all the porn kinky and now they have no material. 

I can’t speak for everyone who took the SSC survey and checked off “none of the above” on the Generic Kinks list, but I can speak for one of them:

It’s not that I don’t *have* fetishes, it’s that I have *very specific* fetishes that weren’t on the list. Good porn can indeed be tricky to find, but making more vanilla porn won’t help me at all: I’m not into that either.

Tags:

#sexuality and lack thereof #reply via reblog #survey #nsfw text?