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diaryofasnowflake:

What are some advantages of BDSM and D/s fiction?

You can get dark.  In real life BDSM, we play with the idea of non-consensual relationships, or completely one-sided ones, but we all know that at the end of the day, you’re talking about two people consensually exchanging power and caring for one another.  That’s the way it should be, but when you’re just reading to get off, you can make it really twisted without the same moral problems.

Also, I’m a mind control fetishist, so fiction allows for some fantasy scenarios that simply could not happen in real life.  

What are the risks?

Getting confused as heck.  When I was 14 and found hypnokinky erotica for the first time, I assumed that the fact that I was turned on by these fantasies meant that I wanted them in real life, even though I knew them to be abhorrent.  Plus, these websites often had disclaimers, saying that these were fantasies only and that acting on them meant you were sick.  I didn’t know that they were referring really to the non-consensual aspects, and that there was a way to satisfy these urges without running off a moral cliff.

So when fiction becomes predominant, and there aren’t counter-messages of what consensual BDSM looks like, it can be a real humdinger to work through it all.

These days, I actually bristle at so-called consensual BDSM porn.  First of all, it doesn’t do much for me; I get all that in real life.  Second of all, it comes off as moralizing, and that’s incongruous with writing that’s supposed to get people off.  Third of all, then you get the likes of 50 Shades of Grey.  The reason I hate that series is twofold: 1) It presents a creepy, messed-up relationship as consensual BDSM, making all its mistakes and insinuations about what it means to be kinky all the more messed up.  2) It has become a cultural reference point to refer to kink, and that shit IS NOT ME.

TL;DR: Kinky fiction is fun, but you have to learn the skills to separate reality from fantasy from BDSM play through other means, and misinformation or confusion can spread in the meantime.

 

brin-bellway:

I wonder how much of it coming off as moralizing is because of you not being into it? I’m having trouble thinking of moralizing examples, but then my reaction when I first discovered consensual hypno-kink erotica was “oh my god, where have you been all my life”. It’s very possible that the only reason I’m not rolling my eyes at stories trying to get all their ethical ducks in a row is because I happen to genuinely prefer ethical situations in my porn, right down to my id, and so I feel kindly disposed towards it.

(Or possibly I just haven’t read any of the really moralizing ones, especially since I still don’t have a better means of obtaining porn that at least sort of fits my tastes than “wander through seas of non-con and occasionally hit one by blind luck” (or the indirect word-of-mouth version, “wander through seas of recs for non-con and occasionally hit a rec by blind luck”).)

 

tennfan2:

Reblogging for finding other people who like consensual (even romantic) hypnokink erotica. We do exist!

(Also, the moralizing stuff does exist and it’s just exhausting.)

 

darthkyra:

We do exist indeed!

 

dancercoder:

yes yes yes

too much dubcon turns me off

and there are ways to slip in consent that aren’t awkward

 

serena627:

@spiralturquoise

 

brin-bellway:

I..seem to have accidentally hijacked your post, diaryofasnowflake. Sorry about that.

(Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to hear from the rest of you guys, and maybe we can get together and talk recs sometime, but I’m not sure if this thread is the right place to do it.)

 

diaryofasnowflake:

Ha, no worries.  I appreciate the passion with which people are approaching this post, and to clarify, not all consensual kinky porn bothers me as “moralizing,” but those stories clearly exist, e.g. 50SoG name-dropping BDSM and throwing in protocols to legitimize unhealthy practices.  Yes, my disinterest with some consensual stories also amounts to personal taste.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to see all different flavors of power exchange in fiction, folks.  Theeeee endddddd.

(Update, re: wandering through seas of non-con hoping to get lucky (so to speak): there has since been some progress in this field [link 1; link 2], and I encourage anyone who *does* go a-wandering to add some tags and help there be even more progress.)

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Tags:

#(November 2015) #conversational aglets #sexuality and lack thereof #nsfw text