Both, but I think I’m fighting a losing battle: I fairly often encounter statements that are completely nonsensical *unless* you interpret “porn” as necessarily being video (and in many cases, as being necessarily mass-produced and for-profit).
Tags:
#sexuality and lack thereof #reply via reblog #language #survey #nsfw text?
So it turns out as a movie it is pretty problematic and shitty but a good 25% of it is Alan Rickman wearing swishy cloaks trancing (or something like it) ladies who realllllyyyyyy seem to enjoy it. But he just keeps whining about healing the world and science and stuff.
This is for science.
And medicine.
Not sexy at all.
SHE WANTS THE T. (T=trance)
Goddamn that little handhold in a hypno context can just be the most intimate thing.
Ugh Hans Gruber Snape Mesmer Rickman stop making me love you.
Not sexual. Nope.
NOTE This character is pretty much moaning at this point. Because getting your blindness treated is hawt.
Prettttttty sure I do something like this in trance.
I guess this could be kinky but she’s already blind.
Like I said, there’s a lotta dis.
AW YEAH GET IT GURL AND BY “IT” I MEAN YOUR VISION AND THERFORE AN EYEFUL OF SEXY HYPNOTIST ALAN RICKMAN.
ALL THE FRENCH ROYAL LADIES WANT THE T.
Same.
Wait I think I saw a porno like this once.
WHAT THE FUCK HE IS MAKING A ROOM FULL OF FRENCH LADIES HAVE AN ORGASM. THIS MOVIE IS NOT EVEN PRETENDING MESMERISM ISN’T SEXUAL. WHAT IS GOING ON. WHY IS THIS MOVIE SHITTY/GREAT?
YOU TOO ALAN?
GREATEST.
MOVIE.
SCENE.
EVER.
In conclusion: Thank you, Dr. Mesmer. You hoped your work would cure suffering and disease, and eventually your legacy resulted in freaks like me getting off on it. And you got a shitty biopic that was kinda hot in a weird way, even by hypnofetishist standards. Mazel tov.
Also, Alan Rickman can get it.
SWAG
You hoped your work would cure suffering and disease, and eventually your legacy resulted in freaks like me getting off on it.
To be fair, this was totally a thing at the time. Consider, for instance, this extended quote regarding the morality of “animal magnetism”. which is basically a bunch of medical commissioners being extremely suspicious of how much resemblance hypnosis bears to sex. I think there might be other choice quotes in that book, too, but that was the easiest one to find.
(The book’s an interesting read, regardless. The late-1700′s conception of hypnosis described in the historical sections is pretty much unrecognisable from a turn-of-the-millennium point of view (my turn-of-the-millennium point of view, anyway), and even the “modern-day” (1890′s) sections are very different.)
WOW, thanks for that kickass link!!!!
Tags:
#(March 2015) #conversational aglets #sexuality and lack thereof #nsfw text #history #long post
So I’ve been (very slowly, I know) thinking over the post asking for recommendations to share. Yesterday it occurred to me how many trials and tribulations I had in learning to masturbate, and I wondered if maybe I could help people in my past selves’ situations skip over some of that shit.
But honestly, the main takeaway I got from the learning process (other than the outcome) was that the whole thing is a complete mess and it’s a goddamn miracle anyone ever manages to find a technique that works for them.
I used to resent Scarleteen for telling me “masturbation usually doesn’t work the first few times you try it; keep trying, it gets better with practice” and sending me off on a wild goose chase for a while in my late teens. But it turns out that, in a way, they weren’t wrong: while the genital-focused methods they recommended have never done much for me, the method that *is* right for me *also* didn’t work at first and got better with practice.
(Trouble was, I had so much learned helplessness built up around masturbation from previous wild goose chases that for a long while I hardly ever practised. You know how long it took me to reach a skill level where I could reliably achieve effects that were, not just “neat” or “better than nothing”, but actually *satisfying*? *Three years*! And almost all of that time was in making “you know, I *could* masturbate, *that* might help with the sexual frustration” an available thought (instead of reverting to my old habits of distraction and waiting it out); if I hadn’t had to deal with that, I suspect I could have reached a sufficient skill level in a month or three.)
I guess the best I have for actionable advice is to focus your practice on methods with a high prior probability of working (things that are a good fit with what you already know about your sexuality, things that have worked for a lot of other people, or ideally both), and on things that are at least *somewhat* enjoyable even when they don’t satisfy your libido. That second part helps with cultivating a lower-pressure mindset: it’s easier to get the motivation to practice if there’s something pleasant to it (rather than just a gamble at it becoming pleasant *eventually*), and that also makes it easier not to get frustrated and give up too soon. (Although, unfortunately, I still have no idea how to tell how soon is too soon to give up. Hell, for all I know, there’s some trick to making genital-based masturbation work for me that I just never worked out, or never practised that particular trick long enough.)
I wish I could tell you that it gets better, but I know there’s no guarantee that a given person will have *any* method that works for them. Maybe try to make your peace with that idea in addition to the above practising; no individual is capable of the full range of possible pleasures, we’re all missing some stuff. Don’t get me wrong, masturbation *is* a very useful tool to have, and it’s worth trying to obtain that tool, but stressing out about whether you’re ever going to find something won’t help anything and might very well make it more difficult (by loading practice with negative associations).
(this is all assuming you even *have* a libido; I’m not sure which parts are different if you don’t, but I’m guessing it’s probably easier for you to be lower-pressure about it)
I don’t know if it gets better for you; all I can say for sure is, it got better for me. Lately I kind of want to go back, give my twenty-year-old self a hug, tell her it’s gonna be okay, and hand her a guide to self-hypnosis.
Very good points.
“Just keep trying!” is something my advice is often guilty of, as well. I wish there was a clear distinction between “You just haven’t gotten the hang of it, but you will with a slight modification” and “That just ain’t gonna work, try something completely different”. Maybe the advice should be more like “Try lots of different things lots of different ways, lots of different times!”
The line “no individual is capable of the full range of possible pleasures, we’re all missing some stuff“ is something important to keep in mind. I know what works for me and I know some of what works for other people. When I try what works for other people, it’s a mixed bag. Sometimes it works for me, but other things work better. Sometimes it doesn’t work at all and I don’t understand how anyone can do it that way because wow that’s just uncomfortable and I’m going to stop now. And sometimes it will be so close and maybe it would be great if I can just work out the one missing piece but nope that didn’t work after all but will it ever work and should I keep trying or not. Maybe the advice needs to suggest all of those things as options. But that can never catch all of the things that might work, and maybe none of the things suggested will, but something else might.
And so often, “Try something else” assumes that you’re in the right town to begin with, and you just need to find the right street. But as you found, maybe the ticket to success isn’t in Genitalville, but it’s in the next town over or maybe even on a different continent entirely. The standard guidebooks fall apart in that kind of scenario.
So, to readers out there: Do you have any suggestions for telling the difference between “You haven’t gotten the hang of it” and “That ain’t gonna work”? And how would you recommend finding what works, if what works isn’t remotely close to what everyone suggests? Ask | Submit
Tags:
#I realised last night that I never reblogged the moderator’s response to my submitted OP back in March #and therefore it isn’t in any of my copious backups #since I often go read it when re-reading my blog #and I’m a bit surprised asexualactivities hasn’t *already* been purged #I figured I’d better fix that ASAP #sexuality and lack thereof #nsfw text #asexuality #101 Uses for Infrastructureless Computers #The Great Tumblr Apocalypse #The Last Tumblr Apocalypse #(the following category tag was added retroactively:) #conversational aglets
There is a particular take on the destruction of Tumblr that I keep waiting for someone to write, but no one has yet. Which means I apparently need to do it myself.
The take is, essentially, that not only should adults have access to adult content – in itself, valid and true – but also it is important to cultivate SOME social spaces where the overtly/explicitly sexual overlap with the non-sexual. (Not all spaces; I still think it should be illegal to have sex on the sidewalk. But SOME spaces that enable the sexual and the non-sexual to exist side-by-side)
Part of what I think leads to the dehumanization of sex (and subsequently allows the stigma and shame to cling so heavily to it) is the complete bifurcation of life into SEX and EVERYTHING ELSE and never the twain shall meet. When we – at every turn – put all aspects of human life into one sphere, and sex into another, we dehumanize it. We remove the full subjectivity of people from it, which is a problem.
I think we need to actively cultivate spaces LIKE before-time!Tumblr where we can be people, and talk about what happened at work today, and the funny thing our dog did, and how our parents make us crazy during the holidays, and how dare they do X thing on Supernatural, and here’s a great version of that distracted boyfriend meme, and ALSO be able to talk about being horny on main, as the saying goes, and find the right porn clip to fap to. Or post nude selfies. Or hunt down that sweet, sweet NSFW Symbrock fanart.
Having spaces where the explicitly sexual and the non-sexual overlap is important to humanizing sex and, subsequently, de-stigmatizing it (which, it should go without saying, is particularly salient for marginalized people who often suffer way more heavily from sexual stigma)
I think this should be the final word on my NSFW blog before Tumblr purges it. Ironic as it is, on a blog that was created to separate my horny from my main.
But there’s a reason that the tag on @sinesalvatorem that this blog sprung forth from was “#is this nsfw?” Because sometimes you just don’t know, and spaces where you can exist at that boundary are important in themselves.
Tags:
#yes this #The Great Tumblr Apocalypse #The Last Tumblr Apocalypse #sexuality and lack thereof #(fun fact: according to Know Your Meme the first known use of the term ”horny on main” was someone on hypno-fetishist Twitter)
People complain a lot about the “hot political takes interspersed with anime girls” Tumblrs, but I find them less jarring than the “hot political takes interspersed with GIFs of ejaculating penises” Tumblrs.
I am once again reminded that other peoples’ experiences of the internet can be very different from mine.
Now I’m wondering how many people reading this fall into the “this is a reminder of how different other people’s experiences can be” camp and how many into the “god, do I know that feel” camp.
(Personally, I’m in know-that-feel.)
Tags:
#there is a time and a place for reading hot political takes and it is *not* while looking for porn #look I get that you want to demonstrate your SJ-ness in order to reassure people that #just because you write *fiction* about women getting brainwashed doesn’t mean you support The Patriarchy in actuality #but you could just *link* to your politics blog from your porn blog #reply via reblog #is the blue I see the same as the blue you see #sexuality and lack thereof #nsfw text? #(the following category tag was added retroactively:) #our roads may be golden or broken or lost
Hmm, time to cause a years-long PR disaster by accidentally starting a rumor that 95% of rationalists have a transformation fetish
It’s true, but only because we’re all trans women
“Accidentally”
anyone who says they don’t have a transformation fetish is just unaware of how many kinds of transformations there are
Tags:
#…honestly that’s a fair point #(I’m sure there are exceptions to every rule and all that but) #I don’t tend to *identify* as a transformation fetishist but I’ve definitely #encountered some transformation porn that made some very good points re: why it should appeal to me #nsfw text? #sexuality and lack thereof
For some reason this morning I was thinking about l’esprit d’escalier (or, no, we’ve started calquing that into “staircase wit”, haven’t we?), and this one post I read maybe a year or three ago.
I think the blogger (I don’t recall who it was) was talking about being “good, giving, and game”: that when negotiating a sexual relationship, it’s good to be open to doing things that, while you really don’t *mind* doing them†, you don’t find erotic yourself (but your partner does).
And the example they used was how they once encountered a man whose primary fetish was painting women’s fingernails while they were under sedation. And this, they said, is someone who is probably only going to be satisfied in a relationship with someone good, giving, and game: after all, women in the audience, would *you* get off on having a man paint your fingernails while you were under sedation?
And I don’t think I ever commented with “Well, actually…”, and I kind of regret that.
—
(To be fair, there’s still a GGG aspect there, since I don’t care about fingernail painting. And while in *theory* being sedated is hot, in practice sedatives tend to come with side effects (unconsciousness, amnesia, non-lucidity, sometimes all of the above) severe enough that it’s not worth taking them recreationally. (though in fairness to *that*, I *am* pretty sure the question was phrased as “would you get off on it” without reference to “and would you be willing to do it IRL”, and the 5 – 10 minutes or so on dimenhydrinate where you’re high but haven’t lost consciousness yet *are* definitely erotic) And it would make a good segue into a related negotiation point of “sometimes kinks are compatible even when they’re not pointing at the same thing”. And–I think this was the thing that actually stopped me, since at the time I probably still *could* have responded–it felt like something of an asshole move to fight the hypothetical when they could just as easily have picked some other obscure fetish such that nobody in the audience *did* find it appealing.
But it was still kind of a prime comedic moment that they picked *that* example when talking to a group including *me*.)
—
†Not to be confused with sexual acts you’re *grudgingly* willing to do, which are generally a bad idea.
Tags:
#oh look an original post #people who can distinguish between their drive for sleep and drive for sex fascinate me #sexuality and lack thereof #drugs cw #nsfw text #(and I think it’s close enough to put it in here too:) #high context jokes
7777-character limit, which seems pretty workable even though I don’t really understand why there’s a character limit at all (though I notice a lot of the articles about Mastodon were written by people accustomed to Twitter who think 500 characters is a lot). Downsides: not currently accepting new accounts, some of the admin’s attempts to signal safety are of a kind that–from past experience–I actually parse as hostile instead (in a “will probably turn you in to the Thought Police” kind of way).
Still, proof of concept, and it’s possible Anthracite isn’t actually as scary as the people whose signals she’s using. (She does at least appear to have zero obscenity laws as long as you use content warnings and cuts, which is very important to me in a venue because…well, here is a quote from a PM I sent a while back regarding why I wasn’t going to move to Imzy:
“IME, obscenity laws are enforced more strictly the less sexually mainstream you are, and as someone who is about as non-mainstream as it gets, the strictures on me get very tight very fast once they start existing at all. (Good thing I’m not into bondage, or it’d probably cause a paradox. :P) It tends to work out that if straight people can’t have sex, then gay people can’t kiss and fetishists can’t talk, and dammit I *like* talking.
Basically, I don’t trust any site with any obscenity rules at all to let me post the thing I just posted {{note: the thing in question was this}}. (And woe unto anyone who tries to distribute [things that are in a grey area between porn and sex toys] like half the people in my kinky Tumblr‑sphere do.)”)
Tags:
#3dspacejesus #replies #our roads may be golden or broken or lost #sexuality and lack thereof #(the following category tag was added retroactively:) #Fediverse
Brinens and Things 