We’re at the end of the first theme week here, and I’d like to get a sense of what you thought of it. What did you like, what would you change? What you like to see in the future?
I thought the “So what is…” posts you made were really great resources – it’d be great if you had a separate links page that collected them for easy access when they get pushed down by other posts. Something I’d definitely like to see is a clear tagging system, because right now there’s not a lot organizing the blog’s content. “Personal stories” (although I’m sure there’s a better way to name that tag), “resources” or “guides”, and “blog meta” might be good ones to start with?
Yeah, I was thinking about the kind of structure that should be here. The “So… What is _____, Anyway” posts seem like they could turn into an ace-friendly sex ed library if there’s enough of them on enough topics. I might even haul them over to Asexuality Archive at some point. I’m not sure yet. It doesn’t feel like they belong there, though.
Tagging is also definitely useful, although Tumblr doesn’t make that easy. (You have to post an ask, then you can tag it. You can’t tag it before you post it.)
@biggestdisappointmentinwarfare said: I could do with a summary post after a theme week. Or a master post of resources on the topic (where to find guides, toys, information). I like reading all the different experiences and learning that there are others with exactly the same problems, but yet are somehow different. Or solved differently.
Do you mean something like a weekly table of contents? Would better tagging help here?
@brin-bellway said: I really liked the informative posts, but it was also nice to see people connecting and sharing their experiences. I didn’t really participate myself, partly because of finals and illness (luckily in that order) and partly because I don’t do vanilla masturbation, and talking about solo kink before a kink overview seemed like putting the cart before the horse.
Yeah, that’s a problem with a topic that has many interconnections like this. I can imagine someone this week thinking the opposite, where they don’t want to talk about kink, because to them, it’s more masturbation than kink. How can I better encourage people to bring something up that might be relevant, even if a different theme might fit it more closely?
@brin-bellway said: Also, given that this posted at 3:40 AM Eastern, I suspect your queue is still having timezone issues.
Nah, that was just me posting after midnight.
“How can I better encourage people to bring something up that might be relevant, even if a different theme might fit it more closely?”
Well, the problem wasn’t so much about it better fitting a different week as it was about better fitting a later week, or rather, the post would rely on a broader context that didn’t yet exist (at least not on asexualactivities). If something ends up working better for an earlier week, I might be able to use “last time on” links to post(s) from that week to give some context.
—
Another thing: I know I was a voice in favour of Disqus, but now that I’ve considered actually leaving a comment, I find myself worried that nobody will see it. The number of Disqus comments on a post can’t be seen from the dash, or even the front page. It’s not like a Blogspot or a WordPress, where anyone reading the post is going to automatically see whether there are comments on it. As far as I can tell, it looks like you can’t get a side-wide comment subscription for sites you don’t moderate, which means that even if you use comment subscriptions, you have to manually check every post at least once (to subscribe to it) on the off chance somebody might comment there.
This is a place for aces, graces, and demis to talk about those things that you might feel uncomfortable bringing up in other ace circles. Masturbation. Kink. Sex toys. Partnered sex as an ace. Things sex ed didn’t teach you, but you’re curious about. Sexual activities, non-sexual intimacies, and so on. If it’s inappropriate somewhere else, it’s probably appropriate here.
This space is for aces, by aces, and about aces. There are other places on the Internet that talk about these topics, but very few that explore them from an asexual perspective, in language that makes sense to aces. If you’re not ace, you’re welcome to read what’s here, and may respectfully ask questions or engage in conversations, but always keep in mind that this place is not about you. If you’re disrespectful, intrusive, invasive, or offensive, we will show you the door.
Leave your shame and embarrassment and judgement at the door. No question too weird, no topic too icky. We’ll talk about anything that’s safe and respectful.
That means some of these topics might be outside of your comfort zone. And that’s okay. If it’s not your thing, it’s not your thing, but maybe the next topic will be more your speed. We have a “Don’t yuck my yum” policy around here. That means that it’s uncool to slam someone else for liking something you don’t like. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to say anything about it. You might think some of these things are “weird”, but keep in mind that someone else probably thinks something you like to do is “weird”, too.
We accept submissions and asks (Including anonymous), so if you want to share what you do, how you do it and why you do it, or if you’re just curious about something, please feel free to write in. I see this space as mostly submission driven. It’s about what YOU want to talk about and what YOU want to know. A few ground rules, though:
18+ only for submissions and asks. If you’re under 18, someplace like Scarleteen would be a much better place to discuss these issues (Scarleteen is ace-friendly, too!).
This is not an advice site. We can answer general questions about general things, but I really can’t help with your specific scenario.
This is not a doctor’s office. If you have a genuine, pressing medical concern, talk to someone qualified about it. I’m not even pretending to play a doctor on the Internet, so what would I know?
Be open, be truthful, don’t be embarrassed or ashamed.
Assume positive intent. If someone says something offensive or exclusionary or otherwise troublesome, assume it wasn’t done maliciously. Correct them gently instead of launching a thermonuclear flame war.
No wankfodder. You can certainly be explicit (In fact, you’re encouraged to be as open and direct as you want), but avoid being deliberately pornographic for prurience sake. You can talk about porn, but don’t be porn. This isn’t Letters to Penthouse or the Lemon tag of AO3.
Content warnings would be appreciated! They allow you to get as detailed as you like without worrying about who’s reading, while at the same time, give people who aren’t interested a chance to turn away.
And so, with that, the ask box is ready for your questions and the submission box is ready for your posts!
(And one final note, if you are not comfortable with the topics which are being discussed here, I have flagged the entire blog as NSFW and I encourage you to block this so it won’t show up at all (I won’t be offended!). I will try to put appropriate content tags in the posts, and put potentially objectionable images behind a Read More.)
Tags:
#asexuality #sexuality and lack thereof #oh look an update
So, I think I might actually start a secondary blog about some of the things that have been getting discussed this weekend. I think it’s a topic worth being openly talked about, and I think it would be good to have a space specifically for that, so that people can stop worrying if what they’re talking about is appropriate and just say what they have to say.
(I also think it would be good to get the conversation off my main blog, because while I find it interesting, I’m sure it’s making a number of my followers uncomfortable.)
A couple of thoughts:
For aces, by aces, about aces.
Topics would definitely include masturbation/sex toys, including reviews/how-tos.
Additional topics can potentially include BDSM gear, partnered activities, talking about porn/erotic materials, and general sexual health/sex ed/anatomy, etc. Basically anything ace people are curious about or want to discuss, but don’t feel comfortable doing it in regular ace circles. Any other topics that should be explicitly called out?
Matter of fact and open, with a sense of “Yes, this is normal, yes, it’s okay to feel like that, it’s okay to do this” in most answers. Non-judgmental and inclusive (at least inclusive of ace-ID’d people).
Clinical where it needs to be, fun where it needs to be.
Deliberately not wankfodder. This isn’t Letters to Penthouse.
Open to questions from non-ace people about ace people, within limits. This will attempt to be a safe space for aces (at least as much as it can be on this site), so anyone disrespectful, etc., will be shown the door.
Anon submissions/asks would be on. 18+
Toy pictures allowed (including anatomically accurate models), but images of toy usage/porn not allowed (including pornographic images on packaging). Maybe use another toy as a demonstration stand in?
Maybe a discussion prompt once in a while?
I would probably need co-moderators. Any volunteers?
A couple of concerns:
As I’ve learned from my “An Asexual’s Guide To …” series, any time someone talks about topics like this, you will get a lot of non-ace people wandering by and offering their, um, “thoughts”.
I’d like it to be findable by aces who are interested in it, but I don’t want to be intrusive to those who are not. Are there good ways to do this?
So there it is. Thoughts?
I’d probably read it. I might participate, depending on which topics and how far the inclusivity goes. (When it comes to conversations about sex, I always feel like I’m being Too Weird and making people uncomfortable, even in places with relatively high Weird levels. The only place I didn’t feel like I was being intrusive was Ace Fet, which vanished off the face of the Internet a couple years ago without a trace.)
I think some sort of “Safe, Legal, Respectful” principle might be a good guideline as to what’s allowed. (Although, strictly speaking, “Legal” would probably be a bit flexible, as there are some places that outlaw the sale of “any device designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs”, for instance. Not to mention the countries that still have enforceable sodomy laws. Things like that.) And maybe a “Don’t yuck my yum” principle. (The big problem is that you can’t control the audience response on Tumblr. You can encourage and cultivate the first readers to be respectful, but after that, the “Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory” applies. And I don’t know how to fix that.)
I think, in general, that this place would have to work against the idea that something is “weird” or “icky” or whatever. I mean, for many people, masturbation itself is too icky to talk about. Many people think sex toys are weird. And that’s okay. What’s not okay is turning that “This is not for me” into “No, you can’t have it either”. If it’s not your thing, skip to the next post. If none of the posts are your thing, unfollow or even block.
I think it would be good to have some of those “Too Weird” things talked about in a place that’s a safe environment, presented in a way that says “This is out there. If you’re interested, great. If not, maybe the next topic will be more your style.” Sort of like a sexualized asexual 60 Minutes. (If that makes any sense.)
“good idea, but what part about this is 18+??? if there’s going to be a large piece of sexual health and sex ed happening, i think it would be most effective if it’s safe for minors, the people who would be most in need of sex ed? i think? i’m not sure what you meant by 18+ but that sounds like the worst idea, the rest sounds pretty great”
Okay, so I was angry about this at first, but upon reflection I think it simply demonstrates a rift in people’s understanding of what this project is supposed to do.
See, sex ed is broad. It deals in generalities: it can, say, tell you that pornography is a thing that exists, but it won’t recommend specific pieces of erotica. (And indeed, any sex ed trying to be available to minors wouldn’t dare make such recommendations.)
I know many people who advocate for “inclusive” sex ed, but there is no such thing. Don’t get me wrong, some sex ed is less exclusive than others, but every sex education resource has to draw the line somewhere. They might discuss only the most common form of sexuality, or the top two, or the top several, but people with rare manifestations of sexuality will always be sacrificed on the altar of the greatest good for the greatest number.
I can’t contribute to a sex ed blog. When it comes to sex education, I am not and never will be a participant: I’m collateral damage. And maybe that’s worth it, but that is the price you’d be paying if you go the sex ed route.
I, on the other hand, interpreted this idea as being about a space for asexuals to discuss their sexualities. (I was going to say “the presences, rather than the absences”, but apparently some people conceive of their asexuality as a presence?) Such a space is not inherently exclusive of me. The risk is high, as I mentioned in my previous post on this reblog chain, but it could have a place for me.
@katakacat, tagging you to make sure you get the whole post. I didn’t want to add this as an edit because then people who have already read the original might miss it.
I swear I’m going back to studying after this, but it occurred to me I didn’t make it all that clear why the non-18+ thing in particular bothered me.
IME, obscenity rules are enforced more strictly the weirder you are. Something can be considered fine when a vanilla person says it, but someone saying the analogous thing about a kink gets smacked down as inappropriate.
At my level of out-there, there is very little I would dare say in an environment trying to be safe for minors. Almost any statement, no matter how innocuous the normal-person analogue would be, risks censure and penalties.
Tags:
#reply via reblog #sexuality and lack thereof #asexuality #oh look an update #I hope I haven’t crossposted
So, I think I might actually start a secondary blog about some of the things that have been getting discussed this weekend. I think it’s a topic worth being openly talked about, and I think it would be good to have a space specifically for that, so that people can stop worrying if what they’re talking about is appropriate and just say what they have to say.
(I also think it would be good to get the conversation off my main blog, because while I find it interesting, I’m sure it’s making a number of my followers uncomfortable.)
A couple of thoughts:
For aces, by aces, about aces.
Topics would definitely include masturbation/sex toys, including reviews/how-tos.
Additional topics can potentially include BDSM gear, partnered activities, talking about porn/erotic materials, and general sexual health/sex ed/anatomy, etc. Basically anything ace people are curious about or want to discuss, but don’t feel comfortable doing it in regular ace circles. Any other topics that should be explicitly called out?
Matter of fact and open, with a sense of “Yes, this is normal, yes, it’s okay to feel like that, it’s okay to do this” in most answers. Non-judgmental and inclusive (at least inclusive of ace-ID’d people).
Clinical where it needs to be, fun where it needs to be.
Deliberately not wankfodder. This isn’t Letters to Penthouse.
Open to questions from non-ace people about ace people, within limits. This will attempt to be a safe space for aces (at least as much as it can be on this site), so anyone disrespectful, etc., will be shown the door.
Anon submissions/asks would be on. 18+
Toy pictures allowed (including anatomically accurate models), but images of toy usage/porn not allowed (including pornographic images on packaging). Maybe use another toy as a demonstration stand in?
Maybe a discussion prompt once in a while?
I would probably need co-moderators. Any volunteers?
A couple of concerns:
As I’ve learned from my “An Asexual’s Guide To …” series, any time someone talks about topics like this, you will get a lot of non-ace people wandering by and offering their, um, “thoughts”.
I’d like it to be findable by aces who are interested in it, but I don’t want to be intrusive to those who are not. Are there good ways to do this?
So there it is. Thoughts?
I’d probably read it. I might participate, depending on which topics and how far the inclusivity goes. (When it comes to conversations about sex, I always feel like I’m being Too Weird and making people uncomfortable, even in places with relatively high Weird levels. The only place I didn’t feel like I was being intrusive was Ace Fet, which vanished off the face of the Internet a couple years ago without a trace.)
I think some sort of “Safe, Legal, Respectful” principle might be a good guideline as to what’s allowed. (Although, strictly speaking, “Legal” would probably be a bit flexible, as there are some places that outlaw the sale of “any device designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs”, for instance. Not to mention the countries that still have enforceable sodomy laws. Things like that.) And maybe a “Don’t yuck my yum” principle. (The big problem is that you can’t control the audience response on Tumblr. You can encourage and cultivate the first readers to be respectful, but after that, the “Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory” applies. And I don’t know how to fix that.)
I think, in general, that this place would have to work against the idea that something is “weird” or “icky” or whatever. I mean, for many people, masturbation itself is too icky to talk about. Many people think sex toys are weird. And that’s okay. What’s not okay is turning that “This is not for me” into “No, you can’t have it either”. If it’s not your thing, skip to the next post. If none of the posts are your thing, unfollow or even block.
I think it would be good to have some of those “Too Weird” things talked about in a place that’s a safe environment, presented in a way that says “This is out there. If you’re interested, great. If not, maybe the next topic will be more your style.” Sort of like a sexualized asexual 60 Minutes. (If that makes any sense.)
“good idea, but what part about this is 18+??? if there’s going to be a large piece of sexual health and sex ed happening, i think it would be most effective if it’s safe for minors, the people who would be most in need of sex ed? i think? i’m not sure what you meant by 18+ but that sounds like the worst idea, the rest sounds pretty great”
Okay, so I was angry about this at first, but upon reflection I think it simply demonstrates a rift in people’s understanding of what this project is supposed to do.
See, sex ed is broad. It deals in generalities: it can, say, tell you that pornography is a thing that exists, but it won’t recommend specific pieces of erotica. (And indeed, any sex ed trying to be available to minors wouldn’t dare make such recommendations.)
I know many people who advocate for “inclusive” sex ed, but there is no such thing. Don’t get me wrong, some sex ed is less exclusive than others, but every sex education resource has to draw the line somewhere. They might discuss only the most common form of sexuality, or the top two, or the top several, but people with rare manifestations of sexuality will always be sacrificed on the altar of the greatest good for the greatest number.
I can’t contribute to a sex ed blog. When it comes to sex education, I am not and never will be a participant: I’m collateral damage. And maybe that’s worth it, but that is the price you’d be paying if you go the sex ed route.
I, on the other hand, interpreted this idea as being about a space for asexuals to discuss their sexualities. (I was going to say “the presences, rather than the absences”, but apparently some people conceive of their asexuality as a presence?) Such a space is not inherently exclusive of me. The risk is high, as I mentioned in my previous post on this reblog chain, but it could have a place for me.
So, I think I might actually start a secondary blog about some of the things that have been getting discussed this weekend. I think it’s a topic worth being openly talked about, and I think it would be good to have a space specifically for that, so that people can stop worrying if what they’re talking about is appropriate and just say what they have to say.
(I also think it would be good to get the conversation off my main blog, because while I find it interesting, I’m sure it’s making a number of my followers uncomfortable.)
A couple of thoughts:
For aces, by aces, about aces.
Topics would definitely include masturbation/sex toys, including reviews/how-tos.
Additional topics can potentially include BDSM gear, partnered activities, talking about porn/erotic materials, and general sexual health/sex ed/anatomy, etc. Basically anything ace people are curious about or want to discuss, but don’t feel comfortable doing it in regular ace circles. Any other topics that should be explicitly called out?
Matter of fact and open, with a sense of “Yes, this is normal, yes, it’s okay to feel like that, it’s okay to do this” in most answers. Non-judgmental and inclusive (at least inclusive of ace-ID’d people).
Clinical where it needs to be, fun where it needs to be.
Deliberately not wankfodder. This isn’t Letters to Penthouse.
Open to questions from non-ace people about ace people, within limits. This will attempt to be a safe space for aces (at least as much as it can be on this site), so anyone disrespectful, etc., will be shown the door.
Anon submissions/asks would be on. 18+
Toy pictures allowed (including anatomically accurate models), but images of toy usage/porn not allowed (including pornographic images on packaging). Maybe use another toy as a demonstration stand in?
Maybe a discussion prompt once in a while?
I would probably need co-moderators. Any volunteers?
A couple of concerns:
As I’ve learned from my “An Asexual’s Guide To …” series, any time someone talks about topics like this, you will get a lot of non-ace people wandering by and offering their, um, “thoughts”.
I’d like it to be findable by aces who are interested in it, but I don’t want to be intrusive to those who are not. Are there good ways to do this?
So there it is. Thoughts?
I’d probably read it. I might participate, depending on which topics and how far the inclusivity goes. (When it comes to conversations about sex, I always feel like I’m being Too Weird and making people uncomfortable, even in places with relatively high Weird levels. The only place I didn’t feel like I was being intrusive was Ace Fet, which vanished off the face of the Internet a couple years ago without a trace.)
Tags:
#sexuality and lack thereof #reply via reblog #asexuality
I was wondering today, how come I’ve never seen mind-control fetishists talking about BBC Merlin? And only seen one piece of erotic fanfiction set in that universe?
That show had such ridiculous quantities of mind control. When it wasn’t plain mind-control magic, it was zombification (in both the “resurrection” and “enthrallment” senses simultaneously, though–at least in the case I’m thinking of–not in the “non-sapient” sense). Or love spells. Or possession. Or mind-altering parasites. Or getting their wills broken the mundane way, with torture.
One time, in series 4 IIRC, there was a five-episode streak in which somebody got mind-controlled in every episode. Not a five-episode arc involving mind control: five individual plots. It was almost half the season.
(I started laughing at episode 4 of the streak, when they said the Lamia could control men’s minds. Mom asked what was funny, and I had to take a moment to try to see it from the outside, how suspicious it would seem that I was the first one to notice despite not really paying that much attention. *I* knew it was because my salience mechanisms were attuned differently than hers, but would she be able to work that out? I don’t want my mom knowing my kinks.
After a moment, I decided I could pass it off as coincidence that I just happened to be paying attention at the right times, and told her about the streak. When the “next time on” showed the abovementioned zombification, she was laughing too.)
Was I just in the wrong places at the wrong times? Is that why I never saw anyone discussing this?
Tags:
#for anyone hanging out in the tag who knows the answer to this: #erotic mind control #I don’t know why I was thinking about this on this particular morning #but I was and I figured why not say something #I don’t know the etiquette for putting kink talk in the general fandom tag #I know it’s rude to do it for shows aimed at children but I don’t know about general-audience #I’m compromising by tag-rambling long enough that it shouldn’t go in the public tag #BBC Merlin #oh look an original post #sexuality and lack thereof #nsfw text
#… #…I have been to this aquarium #I still prefer the Boston Museum of Science but nice try #my home away from home #tentacles #sexuality and lack thereof #(particularly the lack thereof in this case) #(I do not actually have a tentacle fetish myself)
Anyone roleplaying that in a #relatable way is possibly likely to actually experience the thing, though? So might be worth messaging them anyway.
You know, I was starting to wonder that myself. They haven’t posted anything since June, but what the hell, I’ll try messaging them. ((and make sure to write everything in the standard doubled-parentheses OOC notation, to make it clear that I’m not asking Del, I’m asking Del’s author))
Tags:
#lizardywizard #replies #sexuality and lack thereof
Brinens and Things 