sexuality and lack thereof

~ Brin ~ 2 Comments

Goddammit, it’s a goddamn roleplay blog.

*headdesk*

(so you know how I mentioned a couple months ago that sometimes I poke around somnophilia stuff in hopes of finding a kindred spirit? saw a suspiciously Relatable post in the Tumblr somnophilia tag today (though the actual post was from March). I look at their about page: not much there, their name is Deleisthai and they’re a fluid demigirl and that’s about it. nothing relevant.

so I’m about to get up the nerve to message them and ask them about it when I see there’s a page labelled “Rules”, and I look at it and it’s a bunch of roleplaying rules. I had assumed the label “indie dirk strider” on their sidebar was a metaphorical comparison, but no, it’s literally a fucking Homestuck RP, and that post didn’t have the curly brackets that–judging from the blog’s front page–they use to indicate OOC.)

Tags:

#aaggghhh #I didn’t even know there still *were* RP Tumblrs #I thought they went out of fashion around 2013 #oh look an original post #sexuality and lack thereof

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Why do porn blogs that seem like bots follow me on tumblr? – Quora

Link ~ ~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

{{Title link: https://www.quora.com/Why-do-porn-blogs-that-seem-like-bots-follow-me-on-tumblr }}

ilzolende:

thegestianpoet:

fishbone76:

In case you wanna know why so many porn blogs follow you.

absolutely the most riveting part of this is that the person writing this response opens with “I post one picture a day of my goats” 

So what you’re saying is that Tumblr needs to put nofollow attributes on links in the notes? (Is that a theme thing or a Tumblr thing? IDK.)

I’ll believe that this is part of it, but I don’t think this is the whole story. Vanilla porn bots seem pretty indiscriminate, but kink porn bots didn’t start following me until I started leaving notes on legit blogs about the same kinks. That seems more advertisement-like.

(Either way, I block them. It may or may not limit their spread, but if nothing else my follower count is more accurate.)

Tags:

#reply via reblog #Tumblr: a User’s Guide

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

responsible-reanimation:

eoskara:

When you think about it, what was the motivation for kinks in the environment of evolutionary adaptedness? 

Dunno, but I think that “virile, manly strangers impregnating your spouse” was only added in as a hilarious curveball.

(Terrible ass-pull theory: it’s good to spread your genes far and wide, and therefore good to be attracted to a range of weird stuff?)

My personal favourite ass-pull theory:

Kinks are the beginning of the atrophying of the human sex drive.

Yes, the decoupling of “if pleasurable PIV, then procreation” wasn’t widespread until very recently, but decoupling the other way–“if procreation, then pleasurable PIV” happened a long time ago. Humans are smart, communicative, and capable of enduring short-term discomfort in pursuit of long-term goals. Therefore, the procreative act need not be pleasant, nor need it be intuitive: humans will do it regardless.

My heavily warped sex drive presents no barrier whatsoever to my reproductive success. I learned how to reproduce from other people, and if I chose I could perform these learned actions for the sake of obtaining children, without ever actually enjoying it.

When it no longer matters whether something is broken, it is free to accumulate damage. Kinks are the result of this entropy.

Tags:

#I mean my lack of desire for children *does* present a barrier to my reproductive success #but that’s another matter #reply via reblog #sexuality and lack thereof #pregnancy cw #just so story cw

Anonymous asked: on the ableism thing: kink can also be appealing to neurodiverse people and trauma survivors. For example ND people could find relationships in which they are taken care of and controlled to be reassuring if they are bad with self control and responsibility, for autistic people it can be a sensation thing, for people bad with intuitive social cues there’s the fact that there are strictly defined safewords and “codes” of ethics, etc. But radfems would say this proves it’s bad…

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

lizardywizard:

fierceawakening:

on the ableism thing: kink can also be appealing to neurodiverse people and trauma survivors. For example ND people could find relationships in which they are taken care of and controlled to be reassuring if they are bad with self control and responsibility, for autistic people it can be a sensation thing, for people bad with intuitive social cues there’s the fact that there are strictly defined safewords and “codes” of ethics, etc. But radfems would say this proves it’s bad…

1000000% agree

Kink is often for people who can’t do relationships and sex in the supposed standard way. Radfems also want something nonstandard, but THIS IS THE PROPER NONSTANDARD THING, I TELL YOU

and I just sit here and facepalm sadly

“Kink is often for people who can’t do relationships and sex in the supposed standard way” yes yes yes yes

#also has anyone noticed that the line between what’s a kink and what’s a sexuality is very very blurry #and that sexualities are usually classed as kinks before they become Accepted Sexualities #but seriously #what is the political difference between ‘i’m only emotionally and sexually fulfilled in a relationship with another woman’ #and ‘i’m only emotionally and sexually fulfilled in a relationship with someone who will perform this role with me’ #it seems like it’s a sexuality if it involves a gender or sex of person and anything else is a kink #but that seems pretty arbitrary? #like i know that same gender love is what’s most visible and thus what gets the most hate but #whether something is a sexuality or a kink shouldn’t be defined by whether people are oppressed over it? #and people really do act like you can’t change your sexuality but you can change or give up your kinks #that your kinks are a secondary part of your sexuality #even though they may be obligate #even though they may change the entire way you relate to someone (lizardywizard)

Yes, this.

I’ve occasionally encountered people who want to reserve the word “kink” for things that are secondary parts of a person’s sexuality, and use “fetish” or sometimes “paraphilia” for the core stuff. (I’ve also met a few people–there might have been some overlap, I’m not sure–who view androsexuality and gynesexuality as being clusters of fetishes* that appear very commonly and often together, rather than putting them on a higher plane of “sexual orientation”.)

Neither group really seems to have taken off, though.

*For example, the gynesexuality cluster includes vulva fetishes, fetishes for various physical traits that estrogen causes, whatever hard-to-define thing the people with identity-based attractions to women are using, and so on.

Tags:

#reply via reblog #sexuality and lack thereof

~ Brin ~ 4 Comments

(Mentally composed this post last night, but didn’t post it because my computer was already turned off, and turning it back on would admit defeat.)

Procrastinating on falling asleep again because I’m afraid of hypnagogic amnesia. Brain is currently trying to come up with convoluted puns regarding “fuck the natural order”.

Tags:

#I would like to *cease* fucking the natural order #there is *way* too much nonconsensual memory play involved #sexuality and lack thereof #people who can distinguish between their drive for sleep and drive for sex fascinate me #oh look an original post #amnesia cw #not sure if this should have any other warnings

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

lizardywizard:

responsible-reanimation:

Does anyone else have, like, a detached anthropological interest in blogs full of very niche erotica that has no appeal for you?

Seeing what the most vital components are, seeing how it’s cross-pollinated with other fetishes, Discourse about it- it’s all such a blast.

I thought I was the only one!

I love reading about niche fetishes and kinks and sexual orientations. I’m fascinated by looners, sneeze fetishists, bug-chaser fantasies, even things that I personally find unpleasant like emetophilia, because I love seeing how the minds of other people work.

And especially the Discourse. I love the Discourse.

Oddly enough, even as a religious person myself, I enjoy examining cults and niche religions in a very similar way.

I don’t think “detached” is quite the right word in my case, but yeah. It’s fascinating, and getting a glimpse of that vast diversity often makes me feel better about things.

(What are looners? “Sneeze fetish” and “emetophilia” are both self-explanatory (and I’ve heard of them before anyway), “bugchasing” refers to STD fetishists if I recall correctly, but I don’t think I’ve encountered the term “looner” before.)

Tags:

#reply via reblog #sexuality and lack thereof #(<– you might find some interesting anthropological material in that kink tag) #the wondrous variety of sapient life

Reminder:

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

sinesalvatorem:

aarongertler:

Whenever you ask yourself the question: “Does anyone else ever do this weird thing // think these weird thoughts // feel this weird way?”

The answer is almost guaranteed to be yes.

There are a lot of people in the world. They all do and feel things every single day. Every minute for you is 7.1 billion minutes for other people. The collective human experience is vast, and even though we’ll never know about most of it, it still exists. 

The odds are very good that someone in the world, if you were to explain your circumstances, would gasp in recognition and explain that they, too, have exactly the same bad habit or strange fear or bizarre fantasy.

So: Whatever you’re feeling right now – whatever it is you’ve done – you have company. And even if you can’t see them, trust that they would like you if they were lucky enough to meet you.

#endorsed

Tags:

#I do take some comfort in this thought #when I am feeling that type of loneliness #but I would like to *actually* meet some rather than merely knowing the generalised likelihood of their existence #sexuality and lack thereof #(is where the loneliness currently tends to hit me hardest) #the wondrous variety of sapient life

30 Days of Hypnosis Kink: Day 7

~ Brin ~ 1 Comment

ellaenchanting:

bannableoffense:

Day 7: Are you a trance junkie (short term) or do you prefer a one hypnotist relationship (long term)? Why or why not?

I’m just gonna

stop

and really take apart that term.

“trance junkie”

Really? Someone who likes getting tranced a lot and doesn’t have consistent partners for that… that’s what you call them? A “trance junkie”?

what a loaded question, comparing people without consistent partners to…

well

you know what, I’ll be blunt. I don’t have consistent trance partners. I’ve never had that, unless my partner was a subject and I played the hypnotist role. So I find enjoyment where I can, when I can, with whom I can, and as time and my schedule permits. I have friends I play with more than others, but, for the most part, that comes down to me, myself, and my tumblr account.

Would I like a long-term relationship with a hypnotist? Of course! It would be absolutely wonderful, for rather self-evident reasons; trust, rapport, and learning are all established with repetition, time spent, and getting to know what the other likes and enjoys and working with that, exploring that. Hell, like I see so many people do here on Tumblr. Why wouldn’t I want something like that?

“trance junkie”

good god…

The usage of “trance junkie” is really weird here- I’ve heard the term thrown around in non-kinky hypnosis communities but only as a slightly self-effacing way to say you really enjoy being hypnotized. So, like, 95% of my tumblr feed (myself included) would qualify. I’ve never heard it used as a way to describe someone who doesn’t have a long-term partner- that doesn’t even really make sense outside of kink and, as @bannableoffense pointed out, is kind of judgemental. 

The first time I encountered the term “trance junkie”–and I wish I could remember who wrote this blog post so I could go check if it’s as bad as I remember; all I know is that it was some Blogspot or maybe WordPress I didn’t read regularly, and I sure wasn’t going to start reading regularly after that–it was…well. There’s “complaining about people who use you for sex and show no indication that they give a shit about whether you enjoy it too”, and then there’s “kinkshaming people who are into hypnosis for the sensations and don’t have control or intimacy kinks”, and it seemed to me they were skirting dangerously far into the latter.

Even if you seem on the surface to share a kink with someone, even if you seem on the surface to like complementary roles, you can still be sexually incompatible on that axis. Furthermore, some people’s kinks are best fulfilled solo, and not all such people have figured that out about themselves yet. I note that from what I’ve seen, it’s fairly common for asexuals who like sex but don’t get anything extra out of it being partnered sex (as opposed to masturbation) to have a troubled sexual relationship in which they find this out the hard way, and the thing that causes them to break up is usually that one or both partners feel like the allosexual is being “used” by the asexual.

And you know what? I was lucky enough to hang out in the asexual community, to hear about that story being played out over and over by different people, before ever having sex myself. Which means if I ever try partnered kink, I get to go into it knowing there’s a chance that partnering might not be for me, and that that’s a valid form of sexuality that wouldn’t mean there’s anything wrong with me, and it wouldn’t make me evil. Not everyone gets that advantage.

So yeah, even without getting into the addiction comparison, I flinch at that term too.

Tags:

#asexuality #reply via reblog #sexuality and lack thereof

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~ Brin ~ 2 Comments

{{previous post in sequence}}

*switches blockquote to italics*

*presses “preview on blog” button*

*preview shows the original ask as anonymous (I sent it non-anonymously) with raw-code apostrophes and quotation marks, shows the original answer as my own contribution, and does not show anything after the original answer*

…you know what, I’m just going to leave it. Remind me never to use blockquotes again.

(On the other hand, when I press the “edit” button, make no changes, and press “preview on blog”, it does the same thing, so it might not reflect what would actually happen. Still not sure I want to risk it.)

Tags:

#oh look an original post #oh look an update #Tumblr: a User’s Guide #sexuality and lack thereof #(I didn’t originally tag it that) #(but I want anyone looking through that tag to see these two posts before the messed-up one) #(so they know what to expect)

~ Brin ~ 3 Comments

{{previous post in sequence}}

Okay, so apparently while my previous post looks fine on the dash, if you look at my blog my use of a blockquote fucks up the order of the thread (the answer to the original ask doesn’t appear until just before my blockquote). I’ll try editing it to italics.

{{The WordPress import was likewise fucked up, but this time I was able to fix it.}}

Tags:

#oh look an original post #oh look an update #Tumblr: a User’s Guide #sexuality and lack thereof #(I didn’t originally tag it that) #(but I want anyone looking through that tag to see these two posts before the messed-up one) #(so they know what to expect)

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