so for nanowrimo this year i decided to not write a novel but instead write a screenplay for my dream project, A MUPPET ODYSSEY, which is homer’s odyssey but it’s muppets, a la muppet christmas carol. i didn’t finish it :( but here’s some of it.
that’s from the teaser. this is the first scene:
odysseus makes it to the castle in phaeacia:
thanks for reading a muppet odyssey. if you enjoyed please hit that subscribe button and petition disney to let me write a muppet odyssey
SING, MUSE!!!
Tags:
#oh my god #fanfic #Muppets #Iliad #(close enough) #mythology #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog
[footage of the inside of an ordinary Eastern-European home, taken with a handheld phone camera, the man filming is walking from the living room to the back door of the house]
man, narrating in russian: Every fucking year, this time of the year, the pond at my backyard gets infested. What do ponds get infested with? Frogs? Poisonous weeds? Geese? No. Not my pond.
[The man opens the back door, stepping out into a garden. Three or four nude, human-like figures dash from the borders of a pond back into the water.]
man: Rusalki! I don’t know where they come from or how they get here, and I can’t afford to hire an exterminator every year. I can’t let my cat outside anymore. Last year a rusalka managed to drown a whole deer in my pond, the stench was unbearable.
[He walks as he speaks, approaching the pond. There are several eerily beautiful female beings peering at him from under the surface, their long hair floating in the murky water. Their eyes are gleaming in an unhuman way. The man holding the camera stops to film them.]
man, calm and deadpan: What the fuck are all of you staring at. Get jobs or something.
[One of the rusalki, smaller than the others and clearly not a fully matured adult, slowly reaches out of the water with her white, thin hand, grasping his ankle. He appears unconcerned.]
man: You can’t drown me, you little idiot. You’re too small. Shoo!
[A loud thud startles the rusalki, making them scatter. A second thud makes it clear these are the approaching footsteps of something massive. The man turns around and points the camera at what appears to be a house, walking past above the treeline with chicken-like legs]
man, now yelling: IF YOUR HOUSE SHITS ON MY YARD AGAIN I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD-
Imagine ye olde tales of sirens, but like if the sirens calling for sex were about as effective as your average porn bot. Less of a mythical creature, and more of a regular nuisance.
You and the gang pass by these misty islands and there’s a billboard in the water reading “Hot sirens in your area! Just jump off your starboard bow and say hi ;)” and nobody really talks about it, you just keep hoisting the sails and privately hope that whatever poor woman had her photos stolen for it isn’t suffering because of it
Yet somewhere you suspect there are sailors that inexplicably keep falling for it because there’s always a new billboard every week
Loving the idea that the sirens will like. Run out of billboard money if they don’t eat enough people
imagine what it must be like to do scholarship on the odyssey when your name is odysseus. big brain move like who is going to disagree w odysseus’ takes on the odyssey. nobody
Tags:
#puns #mythology #I didn’t actually laugh aloud but it still amused me enough to reblog #I can only assume that OP walked into that one on purpose
Hey, we’ve already got it started in Florida, just come join me we’re almost Λορεμ ιπσθμ δολορ σιτ αμετ, ηασ ει vιδισσε δισπθτανδο cομπλεcτιτθρ, σιντ λαορεετ ιντερπρεταρισ εαμ ιδ.
#I love the meta-level here that this post is actually totally comprehensible thanks to machine translation #proud citizen of the Future #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what #amnesia cw?
[OPENS FRIDGE, REMOVES TUPPERWARE CONTAINER LABELLED “Pomegranates from land of dead do not eat”]
[I REMOVE A SECOND CONTAINER LABELLED “Fairy apples do not eat (Autumn Court)]
[I APPROACH THE BLENDER]
Hi there, and welcome to my channel!
Today we’re going to be playing with Fae loopholes: see, the rule is, for each “seed” you eat, you’re stuck in the underworld for a month… and for each “bite” you take of these fairy apples, you’re bound to the Autumn Court for a month…
My plan? Well, if I turn it in to a smoothie, you definitely can’t measure it in “bites”, right? We’ll also be finding out whether the underworld defines a seed as a whole object, or if it’s still a seed once you blend–
Ugh, BRB, angels are trying to thwart me again. This keeps happening!
Tags:
#fae #food #mythology #fun with loopholes #storytime #poison cw?
the battle of the frogs and the mice! it’s an ancient greek parody of the iliad (some ancient sources even claim that homer himself wrote it, which is impossible but also incredibly charming to imagine)
the plot is that crumbsnatcher, the prince of the mice, stops for a drink of water and meets the king of the frogs, who offers him a tour of his kingdom. but when crumbsnatcher is riding the king’s back through the pond, a snake appears! the frog king goes under the water to avoid it, drowning crumbsnatcher in the process, so the mice declare war on the frogs
it features all the things you’d expect in an epic (epic language, scenes of putting on armor, and even an aristeia for the mice), and it has the most delightful conclusion when zeus prevents the mice from killing all the frogs by throwing a thunderbolt at them and, when that doesn’t work, sending crabs to scare them
sententia antiquae has a delightful translation of it here!
i kinda feel bad for oedipus b/c everyone assumes he chose to fuck his mom when in fact he went out of his way to avoid it. he left his hometown and distanced himself from his parents because he was afraid he would somehow get tricked into fucking his mom. everything could have been avoided if his adopted parents told him he was adopted.
also the point of the myth is supposed to show how despite your best efforts no mortal can thwart fate but also? what the fuck? the whole thing was an oracle telling laius that his son was going to murder him and fuck his wife. that shit came out of nowhere. he didn’t offend the gods or anything. they just decided for no reason other than the world is fucked up sometimes.
i have been informed that oedipus’ dad, laius, did in fact bring a curse upon himself for kidnapping and raping king pelop’s son chrysippus.
i stand by my stance that it’s still ridiculous to punish oedipus and jocasta for laius’s crimes. also why would the godss curse oedipus for fucking his mom when they tricked him into doing it in the first place? fucked up.
did u guys ever watch the BBC drama “Atlantis” where the main character is a modern guy who accidentally travels back in time to Ancient Greece
and tbh it’s full of him having moments where he realises this is a myth
like this woman comes to him and asks for help because her husband is trying to kill her baby so he helps her smuggle the baby out of the city to be taken in by another family and the other family ask the baby’s name and she says “Oedipus” and the guy is like
oh fuck
and then he meets a girl called Medusa and the whole time is just like shit shit shit then she goes missing and they track her to a cave and he is like “guys this is gonna sound weird but does anyone have a mirror”
BEST MOMENT is he meets a guy who says “Hi I’m Pythagoras” and he blurts out “THE TRIANGLE GUY” and Pythagoras is just HEART EYES like “YES I LOVE TRIANGLES HOW DID YOU KNOW”
Tags:
#mythology #incest cw #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(Pythagoras) #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what
Brinens and Things 