#Runescape #horses #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #unreality cw? #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
I’m not sure what I expected, but seeing people with those toy horses that are just a horse head on a stick so you can “ride” it doing actual horse show routines, including jumps of a height that actual horses would probably think twice about, was NOT it.
and dressage too! That canter pirouette was *chefs kiss*
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#oh my god #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
one of the best parts of horses and the horse world are the dramatic names, it’s honestly my favorite. i want my professional job to be naming racehorses stupid things. i write fiction about racehorses sometimes, and the best parts aren’t the dramatic crime scenes, they’re the the racehorse names i get to come up with. like:
i have literal lists dedicated to this
I had an extremely vivid dream a few months back that I was trapped in a fire tower (to watch for wildfires) that was surrounded by wildfire and my manager emailed me and told me I had to legally name every single horse owned by the national park service and enter them all in a database as the flames grew closer.
The dream mostly consisted of trying to figure out the Secret Horse Naming Rules of the Offical Horse Database so that I could name all Sixteen Thousand Horses. Rules included “Must contain real, whole words” “No Profanity” and “No repeats at all ever, for any horse that ever lived”.
I kept thinking of new things like “I’m pretty sure I know more swear words than the Horse Database” and “I bet there aren’t horses named just strings of random nouns” and “I bet I can gives horses last names”
Some of the names I remember, as the flames howled around the tiny tower and I was filled with vengeful rage:
Valid-To-Eat-Fingers-O’Malley
Dishwasher
When You Are Engulfed In Flames
dinosaur chicken nugget
The First Third Of The Bee Movie Script Before I Hit The Secret Character Limit
No horse in these races can have the same name as any other horse that has ever entered in the history of horseracing. They had appropriate ones at first. Then, slowly, like profiles on the Gaia forums, all the good user IDs URLs horse names got taken. Currently, they’re being named by rich old white guys. If our generation ever starts participating in this, I anticipate solemn-faced announcers on ESPN498 speculating on the Vegas odds for x_FURY-666-WRATH_x.
Not necessarily. If you’re creative enough, you can invent a euphoninic name that no one has ever used before. Or, if you aren’t, you can just make a computer do it for you like ilzolende did.
For the longest time, Starcraft the horse was what you got if you looked up “starcraft” on Wikipedia.
Not even a disambiguation page! You just went straight to the horse.
It took so many edit wars to get it to the current state where Wikipedia finally accepted that most people typing “starcraft” into Wikipedia are looking for the video game, not the horse.
No horse in these races can have the same name as any other horse that has ever entered in the history of horseracing. They had appropriate ones at first. Then, slowly, like profiles on the Gaia forums, all the good user IDsURLshorse names got taken. Currently, they’re being named by rich old white guys. If our generation ever starts participating in this, I anticipate solemn-faced announcers on ESPN498 speculating on the Vegas odds for x_FURY-666-WRATH_x.
I look forward to TheRealDrizztDo’Urden69 taking the Triple Crown.
Not necessarily. If you’re creative enough, you can invent a euphoninic name that no one has ever used before. Or, if you aren’t, you can just make a computer do it for you like ilzolende did.
I look forward to Ilzolende taking the Triple Crown.
Can I train you, ilzolende? I want to be the very best, like no one ever was….
NPC: My brother’s mare, named Light, is the fastest horse around. Party Summoner: That’s right. I’ve never seen anything go faster than the speed of Light.
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#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #I feel like this is a cliche joke even though I don’t think I’ve ever actually encountered a variant on this before #but I laughed anyway
No horse in these races can have the same name as any other horse that has ever entered in the history of horseracing. They had appropriate ones at first. Then, slowly, like profiles on the Gaia forums, all the good user IDsURLshorse names got taken. Currently, they’re being named by rich old white guys. If our generation ever starts participating in this, I anticipate solemn-faced announcers on ESPN498 speculating on the Vegas odds for x_FURY-666-WRATH_x.
I look forward to TheRealDrizztDo’Urden69 taking the Triple Crown.
Not necessarily. If you’re creative enough, you can invent a euphoninic name that no one has ever used before.
Or, if you aren’t, you can just make a computer do it for you like ilzolende did.
I look forward to Ilzolende taking the Triple Crown.
No horse in these races can have the same name as any other horse that has ever entered in the history of horseracing. They had appropriate ones at first. Then, slowly, like profiles on the Gaia forums, all the good user IDsURLshorse names got taken. Currently, they’re being named by rich old white guys. If our generation ever starts participating in this, I anticipate solemn-faced announcers on ESPN498 speculating on the Vegas odds for x_FURY-666-WRATH_x.
I look forward to TheRealDrizztDo’Urden69 taking the Triple Crown.
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#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog
what the actual fuck? how does one train a horse to jump off that high of a cliff? did the eventers start this? how many people died? i am so interested.
i feel like i’m the only one who disapproves of making horses jump into water from that great of a height … even if they’re trained it must have been terrifying and i can only imagine the kind of injuries horses sustained
Oh no, I think we all disapprove. I sincerely doubt anyone is reblogging this thinking, “hey, let’s bring horse diving back!” I hope, at least, that we’re all pretty glad to see this be a thing of the past, but we can still admire the bravery of the girls and the horses – if you watch the old videos, it’s pretty cool how the horses ran up the ramps at liberty and leapt off. I’ve done some research on this, and from what i can tell, there are no recorded horse injuries. The statistics I’ve found showed that the girls broke bones pretty much annually, but everything I’ve ever read says there were zero horse injuries. Of course, just because they weren’t recorded doesn’t mean they didn’t happen. Probably they did, but tbh… I think a lot more horses get hurt in the show jumping ring and on cross country courses every year than ever got hurt doing this. Horses die on cross country every year, and on the racetrack. Once the horses were trained and knew the routine, I kind of doubt it would be more terrifying than any of the other dangerous and unnatural things we ask horses to do – like running around with humans clinging to their backs, letting people shoot guns from their backs, chasing cows with big giant horns, jumping over ditches and into water on cross country courses… I have no idea how they trained for this and it wouldn’t surprise me if it was pretty aversive and possibly downright cruel training (a lot of american horse training back then was), but I also have no doubt that a horse could be taught to do this, and to do it eagerly, using positive reenforcement – and some of what I’ve read claims they DID train with food rewards, at least in part – here’s one testimony from a former diving girl:
They went when they were ready. I can’t say the groom would not try to encourage the horse a little bit by gently nudging or pushing, but he wouldn’t dare do anything drastic. That would have upset me to no end. I wouldn’t want to be on a horse that was agitated. My life depended on that horse doing that in a calm way, so there was no electrical devices or trap doors or anything like that during my time.
Lorga (another diving horse) did take a long time. I remember Lorena Carver saying ‘Come,’ with carrots in her hand. But you waited. Sometimes it was five minutes.
…
I would ride the horse until he got out of the tank. Lorena Carver would be standing on the stage of the tank and the horse knew to go to her, get his reward, and the blanket was thrown on quickly. That was the end of the act.
You [the customers] could go in the stalls, along the walkway towards the end of the Pier and in front of the Ballroom, and see the horses through glass panels and how they were kept and fed. They were very well kept. They would ride the horses on the beach in the morning and they loved to go in the water and run along the waves. We didn’t keep them if they didn’t like the water. I would have noticed if there had been anything unkind because I love animals. They were never in any way hurt or disrespected. In fact, they were taken care of better than the riders were! The ASPCA gave us plaques of approval that were always on the dressing room wall. When Gene was in the show with me he’d bring me a towel, but the horse was the one that got the blanket! The horse was the star.”
Don’t get me wrong, I think diving is pretty damn unnecessary, super dangerous, and I’m very GLAD it’s pretty much a thing of the past. But what bothers me more than the act itself, actually, is that the horses were kept stalled all the time and led lives on the road traveling in horse vans constantly – that’s a stressful and unhealthy life for any horse (even if the horses don’t know it), and it’s a life that plenty of show and race horses still lead today. Anyway, I think this diving stuff was ballsy as hell and to me it’s a cool part of horsey history that I enjoy learning about. I in no way advocate it today. Sonora, the diving girl who went blind, wrote a book that’s a fun read if you’re interested in learning more. This article is a fun, brief summary as well :)
Brinens and Things 