menacepuck asked: i really want to name a horse “Patroclus”….like very specifically a black stallion (i don’t know a lot about horses but the vibes it would give off….)



one of the best parts of horses and the horse world are the dramatic names, it’s honestly my favorite. i want my professional job to be naming racehorses stupid things. i write fiction about racehorses sometimes, and the best parts aren’t the dramatic crime scenes, they’re the the racehorse names i get to come up with. like:


i have literal lists dedicated to this

I had an extremely vivid dream a few months back that I was trapped in a fire tower (to watch for wildfires) that was surrounded by wildfire and my manager emailed me and told me I had to legally name every single horse owned by the national park service and enter them all in a database as the flames grew closer.

The dream mostly consisted of trying to figure out the Secret Horse Naming Rules of the Offical Horse Database so that I could name all Sixteen Thousand Horses.  Rules included “Must contain real, whole words” “No Profanity” and “No repeats at all ever, for any horse that ever lived”.

I kept thinking of new things like “I’m pretty sure I know more swear words than the Horse Database” and “I bet there aren’t horses named just strings of random nouns” and “I bet I can gives horses last names” 

Some of the names I remember, as the flames howled around the tiny tower and I was filled with vengeful rage:

  • Valid-To-Eat-Fingers-O’Malley
  • Dishwasher
  • When You Are Engulfed In Flames
  • dinosaur chicken nugget
  • The First Third Of The Bee Movie Script Before I Hit The Secret Character Limit
  • Farto
  • If-I-Survive-This-Not-Even-God-Will-Escape-My-Wrath
  • Ugly Steve

I woke up before I knew if I made it out of the fire.


#horses #names #fire #dreams #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog

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