menacepuck asked: i really want to name a horse “Patroclus”….like very specifically a black stallion (i don’t know a lot about horses but the vibes it would give off….)
one of the best parts of horses and the horse world are the dramatic names, it’s honestly my favorite. i want my professional job to be naming racehorses stupid things. i write fiction about racehorses sometimes, and the best parts aren’t the dramatic crime scenes, they’re the the racehorse names i get to come up with. like:
i have literal lists dedicated to this
I had an extremely vivid dream a few months back that I was trapped in a fire tower (to watch for wildfires) that was surrounded by wildfire and my manager emailed me and told me I had to legally name every single horse owned by the national park service and enter them all in a database as the flames grew closer.
The dream mostly consisted of trying to figure out the Secret Horse Naming Rules of the Offical Horse Database so that I could name all Sixteen Thousand Horses. Rules included “Must contain real, whole words” “No Profanity” and “No repeats at all ever, for any horse that ever lived”.
I kept thinking of new things like “I’m pretty sure I know more swear words than the Horse Database” and “I bet there aren’t horses named just strings of random nouns” and “I bet I can gives horses last names”
Some of the names I remember, as the flames howled around the tiny tower and I was filled with vengeful rage:
Valid-To-Eat-Fingers-O’Malley
Dishwasher
When You Are Engulfed In Flames
dinosaur chicken nugget
The First Third Of The Bee Movie Script Before I Hit The Secret Character Limit
Brinens and Things 