asexuality

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

aisu10:

can people not say things like “everyone wants sex” or “they’re teenagers, of course they want sex” because guess what asexuals exist

this is the kind of language that caused me to feel lost and alone as a kid and its really not cool to see it casually thrown around on my dashboard

Tags:

#asexuality #the wondrous variety of sapient life #sapience makes everything complicated #including and especially sexuality #even this is too simplistic #though still a step up from #’everyone wants sex’ #(to which I generally respond) #(‘define sex’) #(‘that is a ridiculously narrow definition of sex’)

Asexual Groups

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

redbeardace:

tecmag-diams:

http://www.asexualgroups.com/

If you host an Asexual meetup, or are looking for one in your area, this new site might be of interest to you. I know that for North America it already has a pretty long list of groups.

So, I was going to put up a list of some ace websites I’d like to see people make.  Now a site like this doesn’t have to be on it!

And it looks to be more complete than the other such sites I’ve seen. (Nobody else ever told me there’s been K/W meetups for nearly two years.)

Bit annoying that you have to sign up for AVEN just to see the post, but okay.

Tags:

#asexuality #I was a bit startled when they knew what my icon was #until I realised they’d asked Gravatar if there was an icon associated with my email address #okay then #(turns out when they ask you for favourite dessert in lieu of a CAPTCHA) #(they mean it) #(I figured that was just their way of telling me the password was ‘cake’) #(but you’re allowed to say other things) #(and they go and put it on your profile)

Blogs Wanted!

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

asexualityexists:

As some of you may know, I have links to other asexual blogs and asexual-identifying individuals on several pages of my blog. However, many of those blogs are no longer active, and I’m looking to replace them.

If you identify as:

  • asexual
  • demisexual
  • grey-asexual
  • aromantic
  • demiromantic
  • grey-romantic
  • heteroromantic
  • homoromantic
  • biromantic
  • panromantic
  • any combination of the above, (asexuality-related identity I may have left out)

and are willing to answer questions/be listed as a resource, please let me know! Message me with how you identify, and I’ll add your blog to the appropriate page.

I’d also like to add blogs of individuals on the asexual spectrum with kinks/fetishes. They seem to be few and far between (or, at least, I haven’t come across many) but I’d still like to include some kind of resource for other aces.

Anyways, I’m always looking to update resources, and I’d really appreciate your help!

Thanks a bunch!

Are you checking reblogs, or does it have to be an ask?

>>I’d also like to add blogs of individuals on the asexual spectrum with kinks/fetishes. They seem to be few and far between (or, at least, I haven’t come across many) but I’d still like to include some kind of resource for other aces.<<

I think we generally stay pretty quiet. Fear, maybe, of how people will react. Embarrassment. I know I personally have always had a kind of instinctive sense of privacy about this (ask me about the Girl Scouts and the yo-yo sometime), even before I realised it was a sexual thing. (And I do consider it a sexual thing. I’ve seen several kinky aces say they don’t, but that’s not how I see it. I just don’t think it’s sexual in a way that precludes me being ace. I am not sexually attracted to anyone; what I am attracted to doesn’t matter ace-identity-wise.)

Thing is, it’s…I’m not sure what would be the best word here. Comforting? Powerful? To know you’re not the only one, that there are other people like you out there. And in order to know that, somebody’s got to speak up.

At first, the previous paragraph didn’t quite outweigh the one before it, and I nearly didn’t reblog this. Then I saw a post of that Shel Silverstein poem. I don’t think it was supposed to be a sign–the universe generally doesn’t work that way, in my experience–but I choose to interpret it as one.

So. This is me, being a hypnosis fetishist. I exist.

(I’m also aromantic, but those aren’t very hard to come by.)

{{archivist’s note: the Girl Scouts and the yo-yo}}

Tags:

#asexuality #kind of nervous about making this post #helps that as it happens this is the third time this week #(not *closeted* exactly) #(just shy) #(also not actually entirely comfortable with the term ‘fetishist’) #(I think L’s got some good points about ‘paraphile’) #(but it’s useful for communication) #people who can distinguish between their drive for sleep and drive for sex fascinate me #but it gets lonely being surrounded by them all the time #I do wonder if there are others #surely there must be #(culture tells you what’s restful) #(brain wiring tells you that ‘restful’ and ‘sexually satisfying’ are the same thing) #tag rambles

Sex Repulsion

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

faustianfantasy:

ace-muslim:

faustianfantasy:

-Snipped for length- {{archivist’s note: link to unsnipped version of OP}}

It is so very easy to be confused about Asexuality because it is about finding something that isn’t there, it is again defined by a lack of something. Sex repulsion on the other hand is very intensely defined by the presence of something, it is defined by a feeling that is not only easy to find and understand, but one that is pretty hard to ignore. The sense of repulsion that we as sex-repulsed people feel makes it pretty easy for us to identify as sex-repulsed, provided we have access to that terminology. In my experience, it is much easier to notice an active negative emotional association than an absent sexual orientation. So, I think that sex-repulsed people are led to think that it is less important to talk about.

Compared to the often long and confusing process of identifying anywhere on the Asexual spectrum, noticing that sex is something that you don’t like seems less interesting. And why exactly should we talk about something that most people are perfectly capable of discovering on their own?

I think this is a really interesting commentary. In one of my comments on Sciatrix’s post at the Asexual Agenda, I wrote:

One thing that I’ve come to realize about myself is that as an aromantic asexual, I have basically no positive preference for any gender, not even in terms of aesthetic attraction, but my aversion is definitely strongest in regard to men (I’m a cis woman) so that it’s kind of a “negative preference”, and that does affect when I think about having even a queerplatonic relationship and what kinds of people I might or might not want to have it with. It’s very curious.

I thought of this again when reading faustianfantasy’s argument that sex-aversion or repulsion is a presence of feeling whereas asexuality in itself is an absence.

To explore this a bit further, I didn’t know about the concept of asexuality until I was 31; I knew what I was, but I thought it was just something about me, not that it was an actual sexual orientation that others shared.

When I thought about myself previously, I tended to define it as “not interested in sex” or “non-sexual”. I never singled out lack of sexual attraction as the distinctive characteristic. I suppose this is similar to how many allosexuals may conflate sexual orientation and sexuality.

Thanks to the reductionism of the asexual community, I’ve started to be able to tease apart the different aspects of my “not interested in sex”, determining which parts are due to lack of sexual attraction, which parts are due to not having a sex drive, which parts are due to being aromantic, and also which parts are due to being sex-averse (and there may be other aspects that I haven’t yet separated out!).

What I’m saying in my comment excerpted above is that I’ve got an absence on so many aspects (asexual, aromantic, non-libidoist) that my sex-aversion seems to literally be the only presence or preference that I have.

But I feel like it’s really difficult to try to feel my way around by what I strongly don’t like when everything about sexuality seems to be defined by what you do like (this of course gets back into positive and negative definitions of asexuality and the role of doubt and absence).

From my perspective, then, sex-aversion isn’t really any less confusing than asexuality itself and that’s why I’ve focused more on what I perceive as some societal pressures against talking about sex-aversion, because to me that seems the more obvious explanation for the relative lack of discussion. Obviously, others will have different perspectives.

Oh, I completely agree with what you’ve said about the pressures against writing about it, I might have been a little too quick on moving past that. But I do understand and agree, writing and posting the thing was difficult, and I imagine if I were more aware of the bigger Asexual community I probably wouldn’t have.

I’ve also thought about your last paragraph, I didn’t mean to imply that sex aversion/repulsion was any less confusing to think about or rationalize, it confuses me to think about quite a bit honestly. And I do believe that there is more to it that we just haven’t developed the language to discuss yet.

What I meant that it is more obvious to notice, I haven’t heard of anyone having a revelation about their repulsion besides having a name to ascribe it. And with so much of the discussion in the Ace community being about how to recognize various aspects of your sexuality, that might have discouraged discussion. If we somehow manage to apply the reductionism to sex-aversion, I will be as happy as anyone to have a chance to understand more deeply.

I haven’t heard of anyone having a revelation about their repulsion besides having a name to ascribe it.

I did. I would have been much better off throughout childhood and adolescence if the idea had existed in the cultural milieu that thinking sex is squicky could be both permanent (a valid opinion held by mature people, not just young children) and effortless (not a vow of chastity that took large quantities of willpower to uphold). Those were the two closest concepts to repulsion I was given, the first with a time limit, and it didn’t occur to me to look outside that before getting to know the asexual community and their ideas.

Once I hit puberty, I had two options: take the abovementioned vow, or accept the “inevitability” of wanting sex (which I was not willing to do; it seemed too not-me). So I ended up wasting a lot of effort on chastity that would’ve maintained itself just fine on its own. (Well, there are the kink fantasies, but the only reason I tried to suppress those is because I was worried they’d be a gateway to having vanilla intercourse. Now that I know that isn’t true, I’m fine with it.)

(Needless to say, I can’t identify with the common young asexual’s narrative of “wanting to want sex” at all. Or the “but abstinence is easy, why are you making such a fuss over it” one, for that matter, though in that case it’s much harder to tell what was different that caused those people to take that path while I took this one.)

Tags:

#asexuality #reply via reblog #possible TMI

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

oldfuckingspook:

weremalade:

a dangerous gang of queers with a tough asexual member whose preferred weapon is heavy blunt objects. they call hir the “ace of clubs”.

“Four of a Kind”

  • The Card Sharps – A street gang based out of St. Louis, MO. and known for tagging their territory with street art portraits reminiscent of face cards. Typically these feature celebrities, historical figures, and politicians, but city authorities are uncertain if these figures are viewed positively or negatively by the gang. Many consider the Card Sharps borderline vigilantes, as their victims are overwhelmingly sexual predators who have skirted justice, anti-LGBTQIA+ activists, and the more violent among the abortion clinic protesters.
  • Ellen Hinson – An asexual trans woman of 28 years old and standing at 5’9 (when she’s not wearing her signature 5 inch stiletto pumps in bright red suede) with Harlow-blonde hair and bright blue eyes and looking like a silver screen vixen, Ellen is known in the community for volunteering as a face-painter at elementary school carnivals. She works as an optometrist, but spends her nights and weekends at Busch Stadium. She pitches for a community team— and heaven help you if you call her a softball player. But to the St Louis Police Dept, she’s known as the Ace of Clubs. While the alias has never been traced back to her, Ellen is responsible for the carefully-fractured kneecaps of the enemies of the Card Sharps— always carried out with a leather-wrapped Rawlings baseball bat. 
  • Katraine Webb – A second generation Dominican-American, age 34, Katraine has only begun to use the word ‘asexual’ to describe herself in the past 4 years, but she and her common-law husband Levi have both acknowledged her identity as such— without giving it a name— since they began their relationship in 1997. She is 5’6” and heavyset, and though she worked as an over-the-road truck driver for much of her life, she changed careers to open her own nursery in 2008, when treatment for melanoma left her without the use of her right eye. She teaches bonsai classes on Thursdays, but her weekends are devoted to snipping limbs of another type. She typically follows up on the people for whom a few innings with Ellen proved less than fruitful. At this writing, she is responsible for six unsolved deaths and two disappearances, and the people of the metroplex have come to fear the Ace of Spades. 
  • Lux Alexander – An asexual Scottish-Kiowa two-spirit, age 24 and standing at 5’7, Lux is working on her masters degree in communications at St. Louis University, with plans of working in social media. She lives a solitary life, as her parents (a highly successful public relations entrepreneur and her schoolteacher husband) took an early retirement and relocated to Denver. Lux remained, worked some years as a swimming instructor while her parents paid for her housing needs, and then invested her extra income in a classmate’s startup. When the startup took off, she reaped the benefits, set up a saving account and began building a retirement fund. With her parents continuing to pay tuition and rent, she began to amass a small fortune, and used it to purchase equipment and studio space for her own vlogging business. Having cashed the bonds that her parents purchased for her each year, she now provides the Card Sharps with a stream of untraceable cash. In return, they provide her studio with security while she films her LGBTQIA+ education series for YouTube. The Ace of Diamonds is all but unknown outside of the gang itself.
  • Eli “Gran” Wilcox – A 64 year old former Air Force Colonel, Gran prefers “they” pronouns. They are 5’6” and weigh roughly 100 pounds soaking wet, and in their retirement they run a specialty bakery and catering business, partially funded by donations from Lux. Their bakery’s basement is used as a community storm shelter— and a base of operations for the Card Sharps. They don’t take part in the activities of the gang, but nevertheless provide its members with treats of all sorts. As they are medically trained, they are occasionally a boon to gang members injured on the job, when approaching a hospital would garner suspicion. Gran stitches up stab wounds and bullet holes, but they are also available to members who need a shoulder to lean on. Gran is entirely nonviolent. However, curiously, after Ellen spent a tearful evening sampling their newest macaron recipe and recounting her boyfriend’s infidelity, she later spotted the same boyfriend maneuvering with crutches and a swollen nose. He assured her he had slipped on his iced-over front steps. Gran is not an official member of the gang, but they are considered an honorary Card Sharp, and is occasionally referred to as the Ace of Hearts.

Tags:

#story ideas I will never write

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

8ad-jokes:

Who wants to take part in a little experiment for me?

I want to see how people measure up to the Kinsey scale, it’s a rating for sexuality.

http://vistriai.com/kinseyscaletest/

Fill in these (okay maybe somewhat weird) questions and add your result? 

 

doktorivan2:

X nonsexual *<*

 

rosekanaya:

X also

what a surprise

 

chrc:

2 Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual.

No surprise here.

 

wigmund:

0 Exclusively Heterosexual

 

hypotheticalwoman:

I got an F. Possibly because I am asexual but haven’t always been, and I still find people aesthetically hot.

 

kiwitank:

5Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual.

 

chandeluresinsicily:

Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual.

 

p much

 

luce-felice:

X – Nonsexual

 

thewatersglow:

5.

 

swedenmark:

X-Nonsexual

 

felkasmiejesiezajerkoniakiem:

f

i’m gonna CRY

 

losttimessix:

X-Nonsexual

 

pure—insanity:

3: Equally heterosexual and homosexual.

 

thedoeeyedmonster:

X – Nonsexual

 

shorthairednymph:

F – The test failed to match you to a Kinsey Type profile. Either you answered some questions wrong, or you are a very unusual person.

 

audio-distortion:

3 Equally heterosexual and homosexual.

 

johanirae:

2 Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual. Hmmmm.

 

justice-turtle:

F.

I’d be more surprised if the test had managed to categorize me, given that I can’t even categorize me. *g* Transgender man bordering on genderfluid, mostly asexual (demisexual or gray-ace), romantically/sometimes-sexually into men to the point that when I need a single word I identify as gay, but enough into women romantically that I can’t swear that’ll never overlap with the demisexuality, even though my experiences with sexual attraction have always been with men.

X.

(I’m so ace, I bought an asexuality ring even though I didn’t know about them at the time and can never be bothered to wear jewellery that doesn’t have some purpose or meaning. (Okay, so that was probably bad impulse control in the face of cheap shinies rather than some subconscious psychic link.))

It didn’t complain of contradiction when I answered “true” to both “I can’t decide which I find more attractive” and “I find women more attractive than men”. (I can’t even decide whether I can’t decide.) Why those are even both there, I don’t know.

Why is it relevant whether I’m submissive? I was tempted for a moment to go through all the permutations to see if there’s any combination where the answer changes depending on submissiveness, but then I realised there’s 2^13 combinations (if I figured right) and that’s way too much work for a whim. (It did not change with the combination I had.)

Tags:

#asexuality #Kinsey

I found a really really great sexuality test. Post your results. For shits and giggles.

Link ~ ~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

ceilingtheo:

:(((( I reached the question where you had to choose between relationships that are “Intellectual. I’m much more interested in the mind.” or “Affectionate. I’m SUCH a cuddleslut!” and then I just stared blankly at the screen for a couple of minutes, BECAUSE I JUST WANT TO HAVE ABSTRACT DEBATES WHILE SNUGGLING. I like sex, but I would gladly give it up forever if I could have all of the intellectual discussion and cuddles.

(Results, for the record: You scored 76 Heterosexuality, 36 Homosexuality, and 29 Asexuality!)

bohemu:

You scored 51 Heterosexuality, 28 Homosexuality, and 75 Asexuality!

lulz, IF THERE WAS ANY DOUBT

youwereamazingtoday:

You scored 22 Heterosexuality, 83 Homosexuality, and 27 Asexuality!

FINALLY, CONFIRMATION!

citri:

You scored 80 Heterosexuality, 23 Homosexuality, and 0 Asexuality!

lol oop

7266:

You scored 69 Heterosexuality, 13 Homosexuality, and 61 Asexuality!

rofllll i blame it on the disgust that i had at the questions about cuddling

time to become an insufferable tumbly ace

airandangels:

I know, the words ‘cuddle’ and ‘snuggle’ just gross me out. Even if I do actually want to, like, lie around with arms round each other all cosy and quiet and affectionate, I’m not fucking calling that ‘cuddling’ or ‘snuggling.’

Edited to add my result:

You scored 76 Heterosexuality, 36 Homosexuality, and 35 Asexuality!

You are either straight or bisexual (with an interest in the opposite gender) with a moderate to high sex drive.The higher your score in heterosexuality, the more you are attracted to the opposite gender.

A higher asexuality score means that you place a bigger emphasis on the emotional aspects of a relationship and less on the physical.

justice-turtle:

13 Heterosexuality, 60 Homosexuality, and 71 Asexuality.

A bit skewed by various factors, I think, but better than a lot of online sexuality quizzes…

18 Heterosexuality, 21 Homosexuality, and 73 Asexuality.

Two problems come to mind:

1: What do “sexual fantasy” and “sexual activity” mean? Things that personally give me warm fuzzy feelings twinges of pain that I think were meant to be warm fuzzy feelings but the wires got crossed, or things that would normally be called sexual? Because there’s no overlap between those two categories at all.

2: Answering “No” to the question of “Would you ever willingly have sex with someone of the opposite gender?” requires you to claim you’re either gay or straight. There’s no plain “No”. It didn’t actually object when I skipped that question, though, despite not explicitly saying it wouldn’t (unlike the ideal relationship questions).

Tags:

#sexuality and lack thereof