anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

freexcitizen:

1996hondaaccord:

victor-victorian:

enervat:

victor-victorian:

1996hondaaccord:

How to start a fight in any pub in Britain:

Say “chip cob”

what the fuck is a chip cob?

*chip butty

if you put chips in a cob it becomes a butty, everyone knows that

Ok what the fuck is a chip butty?

The wrong name for a chip cob

I am so glad George Washington told y’all to fuck of so I don’t gotta participate in whatever this BS is

Tags:

#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #despite never having told the Brits to fuck off I still don’t know what a chip cob/butty is #but that last line is funny anyway #(going to go look up what they’re talking about now)

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

memeufacturing:

if teenagers are ever being mean to you just pull out any miscellaneous item you have on you at the moment and make up some bullshit term to scare them

 

memeufacturing:

teenagers: we are going to punch you
me *pulling out spoon*: have you lot ever been Uncle Jimmied

 

memeufacturing:

teenagers: we are going to kick you
me *pulling out an electric toothbrush*: have you all ever experienced a Norwegian Christmas…

 

memeufacturing:

teenagers: we are going to unlawfully take your money
me *taking car keys out of my pocket*: say, have any of you ever had a Pacific Ocean Garbage Patch…….

 

memeufacturing:

teenagers: we are going to call you mean names
me *taking Costco brand pair of socks out of my purse*: it’s been a while since i gave someone a Tropic Of Capricorn………….

 

memeufacturing:

teenagers: we’re violent just for the fun of it !
me *microwaving a hard-boiled egg*: you’re all about to get a Matthew Broderick Jr.

 

memeufacturing:

teenagers: we are going to spread rumors about you
me *getting out my tube of rash cream*: don’t force me to give you a Chinese Whistling Garden

 

memeufacturing:

teenagers: we are about to physically assault you
me *pulling out cantaloupe*: seems like you rapscallions have never heard of the Screaming Astronaut

 

memeufacturing:

teenagers: we are going to commit felonies
me *pulling out handfuls of spaghetti*: I’m sorry you all have to experience the Kansas Turnpike …

 

memeufacturing:

teenagers: i am preparing to steal an automotive vehicle
me *taking out a roll of dental floss*: keep this sort of behavior up and you’re going to get the Rick Astley’s Crochet

 

memeufacturing:

teenagers: i plan to do acts of physical hooliganism!
me *takes a Bop It out of my pocket*: I don’t normally do this but I’ll enjoy giving you a North Carolina Senator G.K. Butterfield

 

ierohero:

if theres a day i dont reblog this assume i died

Tags:

#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog

some classics valentine’s day poems

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

teashoesandhair:

thoodleoo:

Achilles

roses are red

wine-dark is the sea

my boyfriend is dead

time for a killing spree

Oedipus

roses are red

a hue like no other

you know, valentine,

you’re just like my mother?

Catullus

my girl’s eyes are swollen

her sparrow is dead

but is that just a metaphor

for my dick instead?

Cato

roses are red

space is black like a void

who cares about love

Carthage must be destroyed

Poseidon

Roses are red

like bitter regret 

I’m god of the ocean 

let me make you wet ;)

Odysseus

My wife is at home

but babe, let’s forget her; 

I’ll show you a good time

‘cause Nobody’s better

Athena 

Roses are red

violets are red 

everything is red 

I love war

Apollo

Roses are red

but I haven’t got any

all of my lovers

have turned into botany

Prometheus

I’ve bought you some roses

‘cause babe, I’m a giver

say you’ll be mine

I’ll really de-liver

Zeus

Roses are red

violets are blue

shit, Hera’s coming – 

Tags:

#mythology #poetry #Happy Valentine’s Day from an aromantic asexual #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

sinesalvatorem:

rusalkii:

cherryskies:

everyone has that one story that sounds fake but isnt

@sinesalvatorem

all of them
your whole life

Hey! I will have you know that I am completely normal and believable! In fact, I was born normal and belie-

…Actually, no, that’s a fucking lie. Even my birth was engineered for dumb reasons.

Like, my due date was the 7th of February. However, I was late, because executive dysfunction. After I had been late for a while, the midwife started suggesting that they induce the birth.

Eventually, the 13th rolled around and she said she had Valentine’s plans with her husband, so she wouldn’t be available if my mother went into labour the next day. So my mum was like “fiiiiine” and they induced on the 13th.

Tags:

#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(‘however I was late because executive dysfunction’)

Strawberry Pop-Tart Blow-Torches

Link ~ ~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

{{Title link: http://www.pmichaud.com/toast/ }}

nonternary:

In 1994, Patrick R. Michaud and some accomplices (inspired by a Dave Barry column) turned a toaster and an “SPT” into a rudimentary blowtorch and documented it on the then-nascent Web.

This is now one of the oldest webpages still accessible.

“(see Fun With Grapes – A Case Study)”

“At this point, the researchers also realized that the heat could inadvertently melt the adhesive cellophane and cause the flaming SPTs to suddenly eject from the toaster. Unfortunately, this did not occur.”

Tags:

#food #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

91625:

prokopetz:

Thanks to heavy metal, I know how to proclaim dire prophesies and graphic death threats in like half a dozen Scandinavian languages, but I don’t know how to ask for directions to the bathroom.

WHERE IS THE SKULL WE SHIT IN

Tags:

#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog