If you look into a mirror at night and say “bernie sanders and gamergate were both russian projects to assault american democracy from both sides” three times you become verified on twitter
Tags:
#politics mention #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog
Just once, I want the hero to go “your wife/sister/mother/whatever would not have wanted this!”, and the villain to go, “actually, we talked about this a lot. She was really into vigilante justice and eye for an eye stuff. She always said, if something like this happens, avenge me.”
(zari: *looks down at list* *sighs* “look, she specified I need to push you off this cliff in the rain, and the forecast is for it to clear up before noon, can you please wrap this up because otherwise I’m going to have to orchestrate you watching everything you love fall apart all over again.”)
Tags:
#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #death tw
#Amenta #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(some of which was meta-amusement that I saw this punchline coming) #high context jokes
I find this line from Si Dwn absolutely hilarious:
Nobody nevah seh yuh a sell yuh body! – And if yuh did, bebeh, dat a yuh prerogative.
Which is literally just “One of the compliments I’d pay you is that no one would ever call you a whore! Except, like, if you were a sexworker, that would be cool with me too, because feminism yo.”
Honestly, I love everything about this. The cognitive dissonance. The sudden switch into a more formal register. The way he tries to rhyme “body” with “prerogative”. The “how do you do, fellow liberals?” tone. The fact that he’s trying so hard. The fact that this is in the middle of a song about how much he loves fucking because basically everything he writes is.
Kartel is my precious baby and I want him to be happy.
my god this song to me is like mwah mwah mwah mwah PREROGATIVE mwah mwah mwah
of all the legible words I would expect to hear in a song that is not one.
Oh, right, I keep forgetting Jamaican patois has low mutual intelligibility with the stuff you guys speak. That’s so weird to me, given that this song is perfectly intelligible to me – it just feels like an odd accent rather than a different language.
Admittedly, some phrases definitely stand out to me as more clear than others. On the other hand, it might just be that they stand out thanks to sounding funny, like “coming soon to a pussy near you” in New Jordans:
”it just feels like an odd accent rather than a different language.”
An odd accent is often enough to render speech unintelligible, though, especially when sung.
(Mind you, I seem to be unusually bad at this. I knew somebody once from Venezuela. After a year of hanging out in groups including her ~3 hours/week, I was still getting maybe three or four words in five. And I was alone in this: often, everyone else would laugh at something she’d said, and I didn’t laugh because I hadn’t understood enough of it to know that it was funny.)
Meanwhile, on the other end of the language spectrum from Hard Mode singing, we have Easy Mode reading (your mileage may vary). The written-out lyrics at the beginning of this thread mostly made sense (and I did laugh at the joke), and completely made sense once I noticed I’d misread “seh” as another “sell”.
(I wonder if ability to parse odd accents is positively correlated with ability to parse individual voices at crowded parties. You’ve mentioned being fairly good at that.)
Tags:
#language #nsfw text #reply via reblog #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog
This is a conspiracy theory about events that happened in my current home before I ever got here. Let me spin the tale as I have received it across the seas of time…
The Potato Incident (alternate names: Potatogate, Potatoghazi, The Potatopocalypse, and The Coup of 18 Pomme-de-Terre) was a calamity that befell my beloved homeland deep in the ancient past. Historians estimate it to have occurred some time last year, but all true citizens know it to be at least six thousand years old.
It all started when Lord Ozymandias brought home a treasure trove of approximately nine zillion potatoes which they had raided from a nearby grocery store. @transgirlkyloren, as they are now known to us, proceeded to leave the zillions of potatoes in the bottom of the pantry for many moons.
However, unbeknownst to the residents of this home, a Change was occurring within the potatoes. For, as they soon learned, leaving a fuckton of organic matter pressed together in a warm and dark location is a Bad Idea. Soon, the potatoes had liquefied, oozing out across the land and consuming all in their path. Armies fought desperately against the rising tide of evil until one hero stepped forth to face the challenge.
Lady @lethriloth went forth and destroyed the starchy menace; banishing it to the landfill. She then spun round on the citizenry. Her eyes shone; her hands grew talons; three rings of bright flame encircled her head. She let forth a bellowing cry from beyond time itself and said “STOP BOILING GOATS IN THEIR MOTHERS’ MILK YOU MEDIOCRE DUNCES”
Thus was unleashed the coup of 18 Pomme-de-Terre and the Reign of Pomme-de-Terror. Ever since, we have lived under the benevolent and uncriticisable rule of the tyrant, and the citizens of Gondolin have been loud in our whaling. Ozy, of course, fled the scene several months later, pursued by a bear. At least, this is the official history, which may have been embellished by later generations and by the political whims of the new regime. Hence, we have the conspiracy:
Were the liquid potatoes an inside job?
Don’t you think this was awfully convenient for Her Majesty The Supreme Ruler of All The Food Touches and Dictator For Life or Maybe Even Beyond That Because Do You Really Trust Her To Stay Down? I mean, how seriously should we take the claim that potatoes would “““rot”””? After all, not even jet-fuel can melt potatoes – you expect time to? A likely story…
First, let us consider the humble potato in greater depth. Potato is “תפוח אדמה” in Hebrew. The gematria value of this is 544. Do you know what else has a gematria value of 544? Both “reptilian bloodline” (no, seriously) and “cast out”. Clearly, this means that @lethriloth is a reptilian who conspired to cast Ozy out of our home.
This is further confirmed by taking the sum of 5+4+4. That’s right: 13. The number of participants at the last supper, right before Jesus was cast out to be crucified under Pontius Pilate.
And what did they eat at that last supper? That’s right: potatoes. How do we know? Because Jesus says to his disciples that they are eating, in his words, “my body”. In Hebrew, this is “הגוף שלי”, which has a gematria value of 434. However, what he’s giving them is his body manifest in food. Therefore, to get the full value of what they consumed, we must add “food”, which is 110. 434 + 110 = 544. Therefore, the disciples ate potatoes.
And what do you get if you give Lethriloth a potato? Behold: Lethriloth + Potato = 400 + 544 = 944 = Political Corruption
It all adds up
Do not say you were not warned
Tags:
#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(fair warning: I only checked a few of the numbers) #(but it wouldn’t detract from the humour and it’s not like I really know how to double-check gematria anyway) #storytime #unsanitary cw
#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(the hand-towel-dispenser one) #somewhere back in my archives are a couple posts about the French translation of the Dr Bronner’s label #I don’t read French well enough to really appreciate it #but I’m told it captures the essence of Bronner-ness very well
Got a cosplay idea but the character has lots of arm (or leg) tattoos? Don’t feel like painting on yourself with body paints or hunting down that horrendously expensive temporary tattoo paper? Here’s a quick tutorial for making tattoo sleeves using nylons and sharpie markers!
Upsides:
– Supplies are cheap! You may even have many or all the supplies you need right at home.
– Quick and not very messy! No paint is involved, and sharpie marker dries instantly.
– Easy! Great artistic skill not required.
– They move with your skin! People have legit thought these were real tattoos. From a distance, yes, but I had guys at cons with actual ink on their arms come over to compliment on my full (fake) sleeves.
– You get to eat pringles! More on that later.
Downsides:
– They are delicate. Nylons get holes in them super easy and forearms run into stuff, lean against things, and generally make it hard for the sleeves to survive. But if you only need them for a weekend, that’s ok.
– I haven’t experimented too much, but unfortunately this technique probably doesn’t work for wearers with darker skin tones. Sharpie ink is transparent, so any color it rests on just multiplies and the tattoo won’t show up very well. You’ll want to go the fabric paint or body paint route to get the best bold, bright tats.
– Can’t do white sections, because sharpie ink is transparent and doesn’t come in white. I leave them blank and they read OK, but the white areas will always be pink, tan, brown, etc. unless you dab in a little fabric paint, which will not be covered in this tutorial.
– Sharpie is supposed to be permanent marker, but on skin…it’s not. The ink will most likely wear off onto adjacent clothes. Not that big of a deal for me, as I tend to wear my tats with white shirts that can be bleached, but other shirts may not survive as well.
OK, let’s go! Here are your supplies:
You’ll need a pair of nylons, scissors, tape, a set of sharpies, your designs printed out on 8.5 x 11 paper, some bracelets, and a can of Pringles. You can use any design you want, of course, but Here is the link to these fine Newt Kaiju tattoo designs.
If your nylons have an undies part, cut the legs off and wear the undies on your head for the rest of the tutorial, if desired. Put the legs on your arm like so, and cut the toes off so you can slip your hand through. You can cut some of the top of the sleeve off as well, but don’t cut too much because you can’t put it back on if your sleeves are too short.
Here are my creepy sleeves. Now for the pringles.
Tape your design template to the Pringles can. It doesn’t reach all the way around but eh. The Pringles can gives you a nice stable surface to draw on that is roughly the shape and size of an arm. It’s a little short, so just roll up the rest of the nylon above the workspace and adjust both template and nylon down when you get to working on that part of the sleeve.
Color with the markers! I recommend doing the colored areas first and then doing the black outlines on top of it, to avoid the black ink contaminating the ink pads of the lighter markers. Remember how that always happens to the yellow ones? Eww. Nylons are thin and slide around a bit, so it’s best to use short strokes and dotting to get the ink on.
Take the template off the Pringles tube, flip the paper to the blank side and put it back on again. The paper collects the extra ink, so it’s hard to see any missed spots. Now you can see any bits you may have missed. Fill them in for completion. Also, the paper doesn’t manage to wrap all the way around the Pringles can, so now is the time to free-hand a bit of the design where the template doesn’t reach. For Newt tattoos, that’s the back of the arm.
When you’re all done coloring, put them on!
There’s a rough end to the tattoo right at the wrist, of course. Disguise where the sleeve ends and your skin begins with some pretty bracelets:
This is amazing. Particularly “if your nylons have an undies part, cut the legs off and wear the undies on your head for the rest of the tutorial, if desired.”
Not surprisingly, this is Loki approved. He loves it. Now I have a painless and temporary way to try tattoos (reasons I said no). He’s scheming. Damn you.
Tags:
#art #the more you know #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog
my dad took me to see sharkboy and lavagirl when it came out and it was my first 3D movie and i was so amazed. when i got home i said “dad i wanna draw 3D pictures!” and he laughed in that parent way that means “haha okay you do that kid. you can’t really do that but okay.”
i came back half an hour later with drawings i had traced over slightly offset with red marker, then offset in the other direction with blue and gave him the 3D glasses “daddy look i did it!” “…well. you did. you sure did.” which translates to “how the fuc k”
Tags:
#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #storytime
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