being a humanities major who’s friends with stem majors is so funny because you’ll ask your friends what they’re doing today and they’re like “UGH it’s so stressful i have to stabilize the reactor core for my nuclear power midterm and then i have to build the supercomputer from i have no mouth yet i must scream for my electrical engineering homework :/ what about you” and you’re like “oh well i have to read a fun little book and write an essay about gender.” and they still think you have it worse
Being a stem major who’s friends with humanities majors is ALSO funny bc you ask what’s goin on with them and they’re like “oh yeah my day’s pretty good! I only have to read 50 pages for this one class today and half a book for another one. It’s much better than last week where I read three books and wrote a 10 page paper about their overlapping motifs for one class while also researching a niche period of time that our library doesn’t have any resources on. How’s it been for you?” and you’re like “oh I have a lil packet of fun math puzzles due tomorrow.” and they look at you like you’re carrying the weight of the universe on your back
#everyone is like this when they find out I’m studying accounting #Me: ”I’m training to get a job where I sit in a cozy cubicle and line up numbers neatly :)” #Everyone: ”we’re so glad you’re taking this bullet for society” #Me: ”did you know that‚ thanks to poor wording in rules intended to prevent offshore tax evasion #U.S. tax law effectively forbids investing in most index funds if you’re a non-resident? but there are a few meta-loopholes‚ like–” #(and you know what the weirdest part is? even *other accounting students* do the thing) #(people in my current tax certification course keep trying to commiserate with me about things I did not find unpleasant) #adventures in University Land #is the blue I see the same as the blue you see #(P.S. on one particularly memorable occasion‚ the person grateful I was taking the bullet for society was a *nursing student*)
(status: I acknowledge that this is psychological damage from an extended period of financial hardship during formative years, but I nonetheless mostly endorse it)
Hmm. I seem to be having a bunch of thoughts and feelings about this.
There seems to be a…maybe “divide” is too strong a word, I don’t know. But…like, I called it “fuck-you money vs fuck-me money” in a post a while back. Even when the actions are the same, there’s this psychological difference in how people can approach it.
When I see FIRE people, they always frame it in terms of *freedom*. (It’s right there in the acronym: Financially *Independent*, Retiring Early.) But to me, it strikes me as being a thing about *safety*. “Enough money that you can run your household solely off the interest from your investments” can protect you from a lot of different problems, and *that’s* why the idea appeals to me.
A few weeks ago I saw some distant acquaintance-of-an-acquaintance on Tumblr (I don’t recall who) advising a young person with a high-paying job and relatively low expenses (Silicon Valley programmer, I think, or something like that) to go on some trips and enjoy themself, because they weren’t going to have this much disposable income again until their forties if not later. And it felt like a very weird framing to me, because…the way I see it, if future-me doesn’t have money to spare, then neither do I. I don’t have spare money unless I can afford to feed myself, and I can’t truly afford to feed myself unless I can afford to feed *all* of my selves.
16-year-old me got to eat because 7-year-old me’s dad put away some “”extra””, and eventually that “”extra”” was all he had left. Where is 33-year-old me getting *her* food from?
Because if the source isn’t me, then I don’t trust it to come through for her. I want to do all I can to make sure that, no matter who is or is not willing to employ her or for how much, 33-year-old me (and 44-year-old me, and 55-year-old me…) is fed and housed and so forth.
(This was going to be a tag ramble, but then I thought it should probably stay with the post if somebody reblogs it to respond or something. I’m just going to leave it in tag format.)
#this post probably partly inspired by my first anniversary of non-freelance employment #which is coming up soon #I think I will celebrate by scheduling the dental checkup I have been putting off for ~3 years because I didn’t feel I could afford it #(yes government healthcare does not cover dental) #(OHIP has some very weird-looking exceptions) #(this is probably the result of some kind of complicated political negotiation that I’m not sure I want to know the details of) #anyway a dental checkup seems like a good compromise between celebratory and practical #(and [practical celebrations are easier to enjoy]/[I find myself drawn to practical gifts these days anyway including gifts I buy for myself]) #((that safety thing manifests here especially)) #((the things I dream of buying these days are always things that protect you from something)) #((checkups that protect you from tooth damage and electric cars that protect you from rising oil prices and solar-powered phone chargers that protect you from power outages)) #((this I am much less sure I endorse)) #((I mean I think it is good to want practical things but it would also probably be good if I felt safe enough to want a few non-practical things too)) #(((sometimes on especially bad brain days I can’t even bring myself to play Flight Rising))) #(((that is currently the most common cause of my FR hiatuses))) #(((it used to be the most common cause was that I felt like playing some other game instead)))
#I will put this in the tags though: #I was reading my Tumblr archive recently and *damn* 2014!me was having a hard time #she didn’t talk about it much in public but occasionally she couldn’t quite hold it in anymore and it leaked out into a post #I felt very sorry for her #basically what I’m saying is #hi 2022!me #I hope you’re in a good enough position that you can feel sorry for me rather than going ”yeah I still know that feel” #(but if so please do still provide for farther-future!us) #(just with a healthier frame of mind) #(maybe buy solar chargers *and* video games)
I won’t lie to you: I do still know that feel. Things haven’t really changed much for us financially: still a slow bleeding kept at bay by unpredictable one-time cash infusions, still with a-home-in-good-repair being a cherished but distant dream. Still taking some gigs at $1.30/hour, though only the especially easy ones now. We graduated last year, and the diploma’s been *exactly* as much of a waste of time and resources as we feared it would be, though I have not quite lost hope altogether. I have made only $309 in deposits to my retirement fund, in the time since I was you.
Financially, we still don’t have the stability and security that we long for.
*Non*-financially, though, our position has improved. We’ve made new friends, and even mostly managed to keep the old, and (in addition to the non-practicality-related aspects) they’ve taught us (and we them) many useful things. I’m in better shape now: not *great* shape, but on a good day I can run for half an hour straight (almost two miles!), and even on moderately bad days I can do twenty minutes. I still work at the restaurant, but I’m allowed to mask at work now (I know, right, we thought that would *never* happen, didn’t even dare hope for it), and we were–by, admittedly, a terrifyingly narrow margin–not fucked over by the travesty that set the precedent that workplaces allow employees to mask.
(If this were two-way communication, I’d have opened with advice on getting higher-grade and more durable masks while they’re still easy to come by, so that the margin won’t be so terrifyingly narrow. But it isn’t, and I will have to content myself with knowing that it worked out for us in the end.)
(It didn’t work out, for a lot of people. A lot of people, in a lot of ways, are worse off now than they were in 2018. I do not live in as flourishing a world as we would hope.
But we, personally, were fortunate in this regard: we rose through the cracks of the problems that hit everyone, and that actually ended up counteracting a lot of the problems that were specific to us. It’s where most of the one-time cash infusions came from; it’s why I haven’t been sick–not *really* sick, not anything bad enough to make me wish I were unconscious–in over three and a half of the four years that separate us.)
((common-cold-induced depression isn’t normal, BTW. you know that weird non-depressive cold we had in December of 2017? yeah, that’s just what colds are like for normal people. sure does explain a lot about why people are Like That.))
The Ontarian government has announced plans to start covering dental care in a couple of years (a long enough delay that I’ve decided it’s still worth paying for a checkup this year, though I may skip next year). Our parents’ pensions will start trickling in next year, with the bigger ones starting in 2025. I still have a couple more ideas for how to break into an accounting career, and I still have the option of changing tacks and making a living in an unrelated field.
In the time since I was you, I have bought both a solar panel and a video game.
One way or another, we’ll get through this.
Remember, I love you.
#reply via reblog #oh look an update #adventures in human capitalism #adventures in University Land #in which Brin has a job #101 Uses for Infrastructureless Computers #covid19 #illness tw #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what #venting cw? #bragging cw? #kind of both
apparently duolingo shuttered tinycards sometime last year, which, like, yeah, that’s exactly why I never tried it and refuse to use any online flashcard stuff except as a data source for export
I’d never heard of tinycards in specific, but yeah, same.
VitalSource tried to get me to use their proprietary cloud-dependent flashcard system to study for my commercial-law class, and I said “fuck you” and used Mnemosyne instead. I regret nothing.
(I also backed up the textbook despite VitalSource’s attempts to stop me.)
I always wonder … why don’t people just use index cards?
Because the algorithm to determine how often one should review each card for optimal retention is sufficiently complicated that it’s much better to have a computer figure it out.
(It’s not the same frequency for each card, because one is bound to find some bits of information more memorable than others.)
Also, having thousands of index cards can get unwieldy.
#reply via reblog #amnesia cw? #adventures in University Land #(although it’s good for other things too) #(I have also been learning to match countries’ names to their locations and later I plan to learn the periodic table)
yeah so possibly this unintentionally contains a timeloop thing. you’re right that it was written in april but it also grew out of various sentences from my diary-ish notebooks. the line about october/april was written in october 2019 and was vaguely about seasonal depression / winter Sucks and april is when you can See trees starting to grow leaves again. then when i was putting the poem together in april obviously that resonated in…… a very different way. so i was like yeah ok sure. and now it’s october again and it has a whole new but not unrelated meaning!! poetry timeloop
#so yeah intent doesn’t really…… matter and usually i don’y reblog things onto this blog
#but this time it’s kinda interesting bcs i Did actually intend it Kind Of this way but then also the intent got Out Of Control!!!
I wrote a post [link] about time standing still during the plague, so it makes sense that that was the first meaning that hit me. I can see *multiple* COVID-related interpretations, though: one could also interpret it, not as waiting for the spring of 2020 that never came, but as waiting for the metaphorical blooming of a post-plague world (which *could* potentially happen during a literal springtime too).
The second interpretation that occurred to me was a Northerner moving to the Southern Hemisphere, the experience of the local Octobers carrying what they still think of as a certain essential April-ness.
Also I just took the exam for my penultimate semester and late next month I start my final semester, so…obviously it depends on how much 2020 Bullshit I have to deal with in the next few months, there could well be delays, but the single most likely month for “what month am I going to officially receive my diploma” is April 2021. Next spring will likely be a metaphorical spring for me personally, the blooming of the next stage of my life, entering my career.
Plus there’s that seasonal-depression interpretation, which I did not think of on my own but yeah I can see that.
#reply via reblog #poetry #time #death tw #covid19 #is the blue I see the same as the blue you see #illness tw #adventures in University Land
Being 18-25 is like playing a video game where you’ve skipped the tutorial and you’re just sort of running about with no idea how anything works
Being 25-30 is like later on in the game when you’ve figured out how things work, but have made poor leveling decisions along the way and are now horribly underpowered for what you’re supposed to be doing.
Being 30-35 is coming to the conclusion that if wildly swinging a sword at random while screaming has gotten you this far, may as well keep at it.
#I’m 26 and #yeah pretty much #sometimes I wonder if sending a message back to 18-year-old me telling her to major in accounting would actually result in a better timeline #or if I needed to take the long road to that realisation #maybe I should just tell 18-year-old me to take up MMO merchanting as a hobby and trust her to come to the appropriate conclusions herself #still‚ though‚ maybe there are universes out there where I figured it out sooner and took fewer fallthrough courses #I can see her now‚ sitting at the dining room table with a work-issued laptop‚ remotely updating their databases #until it’s safe to return to her cubicle #meanwhile here I am preparing to go out there #and serve rotting food to those few assholes who insist on getting takeout in the middle of a plague #spraying everything down with sanitiser after each one #(except sometimes they show up one after another and there isn’t time) #go home and spend 40 minutes carefully decontaminating #wipe down the laundry basket with store-brand Lysol after I put my uniform in the wash #every time I hug my mom I wonder if by doing so I am sealing her fate #(she insists that I not lock myself in my bedroom until and unless I start showing symptoms) #tag rambles #in which Brin has a job #covid19 #illness tw #death tw? #adventures in University Land
#I’m glad that people without previous exposure are able to appreciate this #personally I’m flashing back to having to write a ten-page single-spaced term paper after reading this book #(well‚ the ninth edition of this book) #(which still has dinosaurs but less adorable ones than these) #I’d never written a term paper before #I was given no warning before signing up for the course that there would be a term paper #I mean the book itself was fine and the teacher loved my paper so all’s well that ends well I guess #but god was that a stressful six weeks #adventures in University Land #dinosaur #adorable #tag rambles
i read this as the beginning of a list, not as a question
#first thought: ”I mean I *do* have a bit of a sadistic streak” #second thought: ”wait this was a *question*? I thought it was a concept” #third thought: ”how dare you assume it must be a reaction to something traumatic” #fourth thought: ”…the people who laid off my dad in 2006” #fifth thought: ”……the people who forced my dad’s *ancestors* to become a mercantile caste #thereby accidentally creating what was effectively a breeding program selecting for accounting talent” #(if the way to obtain enough resources to feed/house/etc lots of kids is to be good at your job) #(and all the jobs available to you are in finance) #(and this keeps on being true for many generations…) #tag rambles #adventures in University Land #evolution #Judaism #adventures in human capitalism #anger management
wait I’m confused, what is a star worshipper and why does this make you feel broken (don’t have to answer if you don’t wanna, just curious)
I was using “star-worshipper” to mean people for whom looking at the night sky inspires awe. They tend to go on about how light pollution is bad for the soul and I’m not complete as a person until I’ve seen the Milky Way with my own eyes. I’ve heard this sort of thing enough over the years that I’m now sensitised to it: even things that, taken on their own, are value-neutral or only mildly charged statements about stargazing and the absence thereof tend to make me bristle because they invoke all these other memories of proselytising star-worshippers. (There have also been at least one or two statements in the textbook that were more than mildly charged.)
Now that I think about it, making the entire link and only the link italicised might have obscured the fact that it was a link. The last couple paragraphs of the linked post explain why it makes me feel broken.
lizardywizard said: ah yeah I was on mobile and that didn’t even show up as a link for me for some reason! (no offence taken!)
#(June 2016) #conversational aglets #(I’m going to start queueing these again) #(there seem to be quite a few of them) #replies #adventures in University Land #is the blue I see the same as the blue you see