A fantasy book where many characters have dramatic High Fantasy epithets, but for incredibly non-dramatic reasons.
An adventurer known as The Herald of Dawn, but it’s because she tends to wake up naturally at 4 or 5 am and every single fucking time wakes up the whole damn camp before sunrise by banging pots and pans together while making herself breakfast.
A nobleman known as The Lord of Shadows, but it’s because his land is shaded from all sides by cliffs and mountains and all the other nobility are roasting this guy for not being able to grow or farm anything on his shitty, shady, no-sunshine-having estates.
A courtesan known as The Emerald of [location], but it’s because the county she was born in is known for manufacturing forged jewels and gemstones, and so far she is the fakest pretty thing to ever come from there.
An assassin known as The Kiss of Death, but it’s because he has somehow acquired every single known and documented STD in his mouth.
The Dark Huntress, named so to distinguish her from The Blonde Huntress.
A prince known as The Raven Prince, but it’s because he’s autistic and can and WILL tell you everything that is known about ravens, for five hours straight.
The Fallen King, named for falling off his horse, and deciding to build his kingdom there (because his horse ran off).
The Chosen One, ruler of a democratic state
Tags:
#overly literal interpretations #I didn’t actually laugh aloud but it still amused me enough to reblog #illness tw? #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
Brinens and Things 