Characters being compared to dogs always use terriers or pitbulls or something for their metaphors. “They grab on and they don’t let go” “They keep worrying at it until it’s dead” etc.

Anyway, I want to see collies used as metaphors. Albert Payson Terhune style. “He was like an attack dog–making slash-and-run attacks, cutting them up worse every time, never staying in range long enough to get hurt but circling back over and over.”



@animatedamerican yes EXCELLENT.

“He was like a bloodhound–not actually that violent at all, but his reputation did the work for him.”


“He was like a corgi: by all signs unaware that a fight was even happening, just enthusiastic and delighted to be involved.”


“He was like a labrador– so known for being friendly and having a soft mouth that everyone forgot that he was actually quite large and had teeth.”


“He was like a poodle – much smarter than you’d expect for someone with such flamboyant hair ”


“He was like an Irish Wolfhound – he could do more damage being friendly than most people could do in a blind rage.”




#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #dogs #language #overly literal interpretations


things I, a highly educated adult don’t know off the top of my head:

  • which months have 30 days and which have 31
  • what the Nth letter of the alphabet is


basically nobody knows the second one ime, it just doesn’t come up often enough

months though. those are important. we’re in a month right now.


aw fuck, again? it keeps happening. when will it end.


midnight on the 30th.


no I mean when will we stop having months


oh! beginning of day 0 of the new calendar.


#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #time #overly literal interpretations




this pride month I am wishing everyone a very stop overanalyzing yourself and just have fun with it. have gay sex. don’t have any sex. try on a new gender. stop caring about gender at all. talk to your doctor about hormones. go on a date. break up with the person you dont love. whatever it is you have been putting off doing by dithering about it in your head. just do that and fully experience how it feels without trying to put it into words. if you still need a word for it later there will be one. they aren’t going anywhere. but people were here before language and there’s only so far language can go in giving you a fulfilling human experience. so if you are hiding behind finding the right words for whatever it is your heart wants i hope this month you get the courage to just do it instead.


on the other hand. this guy gets it

[ID: tags reading “ur right I can unclog the shower on my own. Thank you for giving me the courage I need.” End ID.]


#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #overly literal interpretations #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what


1. Sue someone; doesn’t matter who or why. Or get sued if you’d rather.

2. When listing off your claimed facts, open with “Plaintiff is a natural person, residing at [location].” This will look like you’re just establishing jurisdiction and will raise zero eyebrows.

3. For the rest of time, you can call yourself an “alleged human.”


#fun with loopholes #overly literal interpretations #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what



If you’re describing a thing as being the size of another thing and you need to qualify the size of the thing in order to convey the size of the thing, it’s a bad thing to compare the thing to. “It was the size of a small—” no. Find a thing that’s the same size as the thing.

“Listen Dale, I’m telling you this thing was the size of a goddamn house! I mean, not like a big house, not mansion-sized, but definitely a modest single-family bungalow… okay fine, yeah Bill, maybe more like a large garden shed, but come on, that’s a pretty big garden shed dude. Stop trying to steal my thunder man. Let’s go with… a small garage. Single car, but with a little extra space for the lawn mower.”

“It was the size of a small cement mixer. Not like the truck, I mean the little ones with the handcart bases. But, you know, that’s still well outside the realm of okay sizes for a spider.”

“The blast affected an area the size of a small country… no, not the Vatican City, smartass. Or one of those really tiny island countries. Not a little city state, I mean big enough to be called a country out of more than courtesy. But one of those small countries that the news always compares to Rhode Island if it ever gets mentioned.

…Why don’t I just compare it to Rhode Island? Because Rhode Islands aren’t a SI unit of area measurement, that’s why! I’m trying to combat Americentrism here!”

“It was about as big as a small freight train. Not a short regular-gauge freight train, mind you. A narrow-gauge freight train. Maybe like 2 ft gauge, 2 ft-6? I dunno, I ain’t no railroad expert, or a giant death worm expert for that matter.

“It was about as big as a small freight train. HO Scale to be precise.”

“It was about as long as a small breadbox. I’m talkin’ a one-loafer max, Joey, no baguettes. You’d have to saw a baguette in half to fit it in the damn thing.”

“It was as long as a short yardstick. Whaddya mean what’s a short yardstick, you went to Catholic School too didn’t ya? After the nun smacks ya with it enough you got a short yardstick!”

“It was the size of a small bobcat. No, no, I mean the animal, not the piece of construction equipment. Jesus, can you even imagine that? I’m telling you if it were the size of a skid-steer loader I wouldn’t be standing here arguing with you about it.”

“It was the size of a small moose. But you know, moose are a lot bigger than most people think they are. So picture about how big you think an average moose is, and you’ll be pretty close.”

“It was the size of what $1200 a month gets you in New York these days.”


#I didn’t actually laugh aloud but it still amused me enough to reblog #fun with loopholes #overly literal interpretations #spiders