So I was just thinking about those posts you get in the Discworld tag about the way belief works on the Disc and how Vetinari and/or Vimes is so integral to the way Ankh-Morpork works that they might just sort of… not ever die.
You know, the ones like ‘Vimes is going to become a god of policemen and he’s going to hate it”.
Well. What if it happens to both of them? There are two parts to the city, after all. ‘Proud Ankh’ needs taking down a peg or two (or seven) by Sam Vimes, and if anyone can terrify ‘pestilent Morpork’ into being better then it’s Havelock Vetinari. And they can drive each other mad with stealth puns for centuries, if they want.
Also, this would potentially make them literally Law And Order, and that just seems very fitting in a way that would probably annoy them both.
My favourite sort of riff on this is the idea that they aren’t there ALL the time, but if someone who’s taken over their authority or whatever starts fucking up, they become Active.
Sort of like Carrot’s comment in Men At Arms: when you need them, you REALLY need them, but when you don’t, best if they just go away and get on with things (in their cases, being dead). So when things are going all right it’s very quiet and ordinary.
And then when things start going WRONG suddenly you have things like the current patrician waking up to a Very Angry Manifestation of the Late Duke of Ankh, proceeding to remind him or her (would it be matrician, then?) about How Things Are Done (By Law).
Or the abusive Commander of the Watch coming into his or her office to find a calm man, thin man like a predatory flamingo there to discuss the virtues of temperance and accountability and not having his/her Watch-house and/or personal lodgings being literally struck from on high by a meteor (can’t be lightning, Vimes and Io can’t even exchange a civil sentence, but Vimes has always been good at getting around these things).
And yes in the mean time when things ARE quiet, they can watch everything and get on each other’s nerves and it’s basically like Colon’s office except instead of for old street monsters it’s for ancient legends of civil justice who can’t quite stand to even fade away and still have enough people believing and invoking them that they can stick around and growl when people get out of line.
I s2g DO NOT make me ship there two
Oh I like this!
And now I have headcanon:
Everyone knows when Vimes appears. There’s a scent of heavy tobacco in the air, a feeling like a thunderstorm that builds and builds and builds as he (his specter? his presence? whatever you want to call it, it’s terrifying to those who are unjust) stalks down the hall towards whomever requires a prod buttock.
Vetinari? No one knows when he’s coming. You’ll just walk into your office, and he will simply be there. The silent, black-clad figure, sitting in your chair, waiting for you (occasionally, there will be another, silent, black-clad figure, one with a smile and a scythe, waiting for you. DEATH, more than anyone, understands duty, and he and Vetinari exchange greetings whenever their paths cross). And the manifestation of the Patrician will nod to a chair, and the perpetrator will sink into it, unwillingly, and be subjected to-something, no one can ever remember quite what happens during these moments, only that they will be sweating afterwards and the chair behind the desk will be empty.
Tags:
#Discworld #fanfic #headcanons #amnesia cw
Brinens and Things 