I started reading Carolyn Elliott’s Existential Kink because of this blog post, am 1/3 through, and cannot imagine a book that could more appeal to me while also belonging to a genre that will say, “What [this book] is presenting to you here is … a witchy, tricksy, feminine path to enlightenment that’s quite a bit different than the more publicly vaunted, masculine routes of asceticism, contemplation, and yogic saintliness.”

The ultimate operation the book is trying to perform on the reader, assuming the reader has preexisting masochistic tendencies they can amplify, is to get them to notice the pleasure they can potentially take in the most uncomfortable moments of their lives and reframe it as pleasure. 

The worldview/aesthetic the book tries to impart:

[I thought,] “God is one kinky-ass motherfucker. God—the divine—whatever He/She/IT is—creates this world, and this world is a gonzo horror show of war and rape and abuse and addiction and disaster. If God is running the show, God must like it this way!” Now, you might guess that a thought like that would lead to some kind of terrible nihilistic breakdown. But for me… actually, it didn’t. Instead, it made me smile—perversely—and gave me a feeling of lightness, play, and possibility. …
Well if God is a kinky freak and I’m a part of God like all these “spiritual” people say, maybe deep down I’m a kinky freak too. And maybe I can get more in touch with my divine nature by giving myself permission to like all the scary stuff in life, instead of just resenting it. …
I propose that all our suffering and stuckness in life comes from forgetting that we’re divine sparks playing a wild kinky game and that great miracles can come forth in our lives when we reverse the process of forgetting by deliberately reclaiming the pleasure of the game.

The title is well chosen! The book is trying to get the reader to treat life itself as one big BDSM scene that they can lean into if they want.

Which, this is a weird sell, but it happens that I’m totally into this and have been doing it on my own*, so having someone dump a whole framework of doing life that extends this is delightful and intellectually stimulating!

* I used to be normally socially anxious where I just felt awful, but these days when I’m uncomfortable because I said something stupid or cruel, or someone’s pushing my boundaries, 50% of the time I notice and go, “whoa, I’m uncomfortable, that’s interesting and nice in a way”. I do this simply because it’s better to feel nice and interested than awful. Raw misery is hard to spin this way, but anything complicated where there’s some human nuance in it provides a launchpad for this transition.

The author describes “orgasmic meditation” where she lies down for a time-limited period, focuses on the sensation as someone rubs her clit, and does not attempt to change the kind of stimuli she is receiving. There are obviously strokes she likes and strokes she is less into, and part of the point is to expand the range of things she can enjoy – going from “oh, not this one” to “yes, even this one”. And you can apply this same process to, well, life:

This practice of “getting off on every stroke” can, by analogy, be extended beyond the context of Orgasmic Meditation (or sex) and be applied to life, wherein one considers everything that happens as a “stroke.” As in, comments that other people make to you—those are strokes. Surprising situations that arise—those are strokes. A critical monologue from some inner voice—those are strokes.

Also very congruent with how I (would like to) think of life.

I would never recommend this book broadly. Either you’re open to being expansively masochistic like this appealing or you aren’t. But man is it good at articulating a cohesive is+ought framework that, if you could lean into it, can get you to do this top-down reinterpretation of more experiences as pleasurable.


#(I’m going to be ragging on this‚ so I want to say upfront that if you are someone who gets something valuable out of this then that’s great #and you should live your joy) #(I reserve my emotions here for the pattern‚ not the readers) #…okay maybe this is overly meta but I *am* kind of fascinated by my visceral revulsion at this? #it’s kind of trainwrecky‚ I think #somebody actually managed to combine #”zealousness-of-converts!Buddhists waxing lyrical about how being a p-zombie is the highest form of existence” #and ”those assholes in kink spaces who think that because *they’re* into BDSM that everyone with non-normative sexual interests is too” #(with a touch of salvia memory-game shit for flavour!) #I did not expect to see *those* synthesised #(and yet it makes so much sense in hindsight) #and I have to take my hat off to it even as I hate every fibre of its being #tag rambles #sexuality and lack thereof #is the blue I see the same as the blue you see #nsfw text #amnesia cw #death tw? #I don’t know‚ what’s the content warning for enlightenment


Listen im just saying scribes ‘prev tagging’ their manuscripts is part of how we lost countless classical works but those who copied out the tags preserved fragments that r sometimes all we have so :// choose which side of history you want to be on

#this is both a joke and not a joke  #from an archiving standpoint copying out tags u want to preserve is far more effective than prev tagging!  #not that thats the point but at some level maybe it should be!a  #brother solitude referencing a work in his library is being strangled. brother gregory copy£  #copying the relevant sections ily  #tho more realistically i wish gregory had copied more not just chunks  #but that shit takes a while


#Tumblr: a User’s Guide #amnesia cw #101 Uses for Infrastructureless Computers #yes this #also yes I *am* going meta and copying out OP’s tags #they are good tags! #I went and checked because I was curious what level of seriousness she was operating on #and yeah that sounds pretty much like where I’m at #at this point my Tumblr *is* primarily an archive and if I reblog something that means I want it preserved #long after this website is dust in the wind‚ pieces of it will live on in my reblogs #and you can fucking quote me on that




shelley’s ozymandias but it’s about lost websites & broken links from bygone days of internet history

look on my works ye mighty and despair [geocities link]


Say no more!

I met an admin on an antique site,

Who said: two vast and broken hyperlinks

Stand in the cyan menu. To their right,

A glitter gif of Mickey Mouse still winks,

Whose pixel smile, and endless looped delight

Tell that its maker well those passions knew

Which yet survive, stamped on this lifeless shell:

The mind that shaped them, and the hand that drew.

And on the header green, pink words appear:

My name is Ozzie Mandias LOL

This is my homepage—come pull up a chair!

Little beside remains. Round the decay

Of QuickTime music tracks, boundless and bare,

The leveled geocities stretch away.


#poetry #amnesia cw



imagine how much information will vanish forever when discord eventually gets bought out by a company that destroys it and everyone abandons ship. can we please go back to putting info and other help on forums please

At this point, I’m pretty much convinced that going the Wikipedia route and incorporating as a non-profit is the only viable route for any long term tech project.


#yeah I don’t get the trend towards info/help Discord servers #(I don’t really get servers in general tbh) #also one is none #I keep chat logs and I highly recommend it #Discord #101 Uses for Infrastructureless Computers #amnesia cw


A sleight-of-hand magician routine that’s also a stand-up comedy set about ADHD. Like I’m just there complaining about how I always lose or forget stuff, I change subject as I lose your track of thought, then suddenly remember that I was holding a fan in my hand and –

Where the FUCK did it go??

I ask the audience if they saw where it went. Not in my sleeve, there’s just a handkerchief there. Nothing in my pockets. FUck, I don’t even have any pockets. No, wait, was it in the – [a dove emerges from an improbable place] aw fuck I forgot to return that to the vet.

Now distracted by tugging a comical length of handkerchiefs out of my sleeve, I’ll start telling the story of why, exactly, I was borrowing a pigeon from a vet in the first place. The story, which is lengthy, still doesn’t go on as long as the string of handkerchiefs.


#ADHD #story ideas I will never write #amnesia cw #embarrassment squick? #I didn’t actually laugh aloud but it still amused me enough to reblog #(I particularly like that last line)

{{previous post in sequence}}




anyway, fantasy universe where reincarnation is real but you keep absolutely none of the memories of your past lives and the only relevance is that your magical power is directly proportional to how old your soul is

secret cabals of wizards fighting over population growth because of their ideological commitments to particular distributions of magical power

“Do you know of Praidib’s law, Firem?” She was standing, talking, as if there was nothing more interesting going in the world

“Praidib…? What does that have to do with anything?!”

“A soul does not grow in power when not in a living body. It was quite ingenious, how Praidib proved it. I’m sure your classes at the university would have covered it eventually”

“If you hadn’t murdered them all? Yeah, maybe I’d have a more complete education.” I had nothing better to do than engage her, I suppose. I could not escape my bindings. “What’s your fucking point, Hillah?”

“Think of the consequences, Firem. The archmage’s soul is ten thousand years old. After the population explosion of the Blue Renaissance, two-thirds of the people in this world have souls less than a hundred years old. Less than one percent of the power that will be wielded by whichever lucky child happens to inherit that soul. And as long as that soul is embodied, it will continue to accumulate power and have a ten thousand year head start on the vast majority of the world. You have seen what people with power do to those without”

“His power certainly didn’t stop you from killing him”

“Nobody should have that kind of power, my dear. Not me, and not him, and not you. But how do you stop it? How do you even begin to slow down a soul’s accumulation of power? Why, Praidib’s law, of course.”

“So you think you’ve solved soulcaging? Is that your big plan?”

“No, of course not. Soulcaging is impossible. If you want a soul unhoused… you deny it a body. There’s a billion souls in the world today. Soon, there won’t be a billion bodies to house them. Or a hundred million. Or even twenty million. I’ve run the numbers. I know how long it took civilization to build up to its current numbers. I have given us time to catch up”

Twenty million. That was what she was planning? That was what her weapon would do? Wipe out hundreds of millions of lives? I could not say anything

“The vast majority of the souls embodied will be, why, the vast majority,” she continued, seeing my lack of reply “The children of the renaissance, with less than a century’s worth of power to them. But they can even out. They can age. The problem will not be solved, not entirely, but…”

“But nothing! In another millennium, those souls will be lucky to have aged another century, and the archmage’s soul will still be ten thousand years old! And every body it has, it will still be an unmatched wizard. You’ve accomplished nothing except mass murder.”

“I told, you dear, I run the numbers. I am well aware. There will still be some great mages being born… but we need not let them live.”

“You… fuck. That device you used earlier. You can track souls by age.”

“Indeed,” she smiled. “I can, and so can my disciples. When our dearest archmage pops up again, he or she will be lucky to make it six months. My organisation will rebuild the world, and for as long as they exist, we will be on even footing. Not me, of course. This is my last life for a while now. But humanity. And when we fail, because we will fail eventually, at least we’d have made the odds closer. I don’t know how many tens of thousands of years it will take, but… best start now”

And saying so, she threw her hands to the sky, and called upon death.

“No, sorry, OK, this just doesn’t make sense”

“Does it really? Or are you just refusing to-”

“No, it really doesn’t. Like, this is not an ethical argument against mass murder, we can hash that out later, just… I can see why you’d want a population below the number of souls, sure. You want a certain number of souls not incarnated and gaining power, and you think you can bias which souls that is with constant selective murder. What makes no sense is dropping the population to, what, two hundredths of the historical maximum? less? The rate at which total human magical power accumulates is proportional to population. If you want new souls catching up to old ones, you want them gaining more power over time, not less. That means a population slightly under a billion, but not much smaller”

“I…what?” She started rifling through some papers in a nearby desk. “I could swear… crap crap crap.”

“Are you sure you didn’t mean you actually wanted to kill twenty million people, rather than leave twenty million survivors?”

“Shut up. Maybe. Look, I outsourced this to Satrean, his notes weren’t super clear, I might’ve… shit.”

“Gods fucking above, Hillah, did it not come up at any point how many people you were going to kill?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, have you ever run a secretive organisation of assassins that’s trying to upend the world order? You compartmentalise information! You don’t have an all-hands meeting every Fireday to talk about your doomsday plans!”

“Well, I apologise for implying you should put your ability to figure out what actually are your goals and how you achieve them above your cloak and dagger roleplaying. I’m sure it’d ruin your fun to double-check.”

“Shit, shit, shit… look, yeah, OK, it makes more sense the other way, you’re right. Do you mind staying tied up to that chair a couple hours more, I need to recalibrate this whole thing”

“Are you going to let me go if I say I do mind?”


“Worth a try. Anyway, going back to that argument we tabled about the ethics of mass murder…”


#reincarnation #storytime #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #fun with statistics #fun with loopholes #death tw #amnesia cw #murder cw




Okay so friendly reminder that if we lived in a past-lives verse (so one where we all remember our past lives and no one shares past lives) we would remember …. big drumroll….

14 people

so that’s the average, right, all humans who ever lived divided by current population

but presumably the distribution is not even, we shouldn’t expect the total number of souls has always been ~8 billion. If, say, new souls pop up whenever a new human is born and there isn’t one going spare, you’d expect most souls to have originated in the 20th century and have had at most a couple lifetimes, so conversely some souls must have more lives?

about one average human lifespan ago (so, the 1950s) there were about 2.5 billion people. five billion less than now. That was also a global high in population, so assume at that point there were as many souls as humans, that means two thirds of all souls originated between now and then and have had… what, a life, life and a half each on average? if you say life and a half, the five billion newest souls account for 7.5 billion of all the lives ever, which means those remaining 2.5 billion souls have about a hundred billion lives split between them, so averaging like 40 lives (and probably there’s still a big skew there but this post is already not careful enough, I’m not going to extend this all the way to the industrial revolution or whatever). Still not at “I was 600 peasants” territory though.

(decent chance i fucked up the math or the logic somewhere, etc)

oh also i think most of your lives should be profoundly unmemorable because you died in infancy


#reincarnation #fun with statistics #death tw #amnesia cw #(I’m not saying this is *true*) #(but if I *were* on precisely my second life‚ that would honestly explain a lot)

{{next post in sequence}}



In honor of the final part of qntm’s The Antimemetics Division coming out, I made some inscrutable memes. (And one old one.) I don’t think any of these constitute spoilers. Enjoy!


#qntm is very good at writing the kind of fiction that he writes #but the kind of fiction that he writes feels like having acid dripped into your brain #his time-travel meta is excellent but I cannot honestly recommend his fiction unless you are *exactly* the right sort of person #if you *are* that sort of person then you should absolutely go for it #(that being said I do kind of like the concept of) #(the guy who spun off a temporary disposable fork to hold a meeting) #((the meeting being so top-secret that even *he* couldn’t know what went on in it)) #(and then the alpha self gets assassinated mid-meeting and the fork is like) #(”welp guess I gotta be alpha now‚ *somebody* has to”) #(”wait fuck I have no idea how to care for the vessel I’m sleeved in”) #(”what does this thing even *eat*”) #SCP Foundation #tag rambles #amnesia cw #death tw


Take it from someone who has been around the fandom block: is dying.

all the signs are there. 

if you have no other record of any fics you have there… you might wanna… like… do something about that. 



Whoops. I did not intend for this post to blow up in the way it did. I’m not saying this is gonna happen tomorrow or even this year. I don’t have any inside information, and I’m purely basing it off of past experience. They could surprise us. Who knows?

The signs I’m seeing are based off of watching other fandom-driven websites in their end days.

The biggest glaring red flag: they no longer have any visible active moderation team or admins that are working on specifically. Reports are going unanswered on everything from plagiarism to abuse to page-breaking ads. Emails are not returned. Twitter mentions are never addressed.

Based off of their limited Twitter activity, all of their resources appear to have been funneled to FictionPress, leaving to flounder. If a website does not have anyone actively attending to it, it will eventually die.

The abuse alone could drive users from the website. When users are receiving repeated death threats and they have no way of curtailing the abuse or banning abusive users from messaging them, users will eventually just leave. Admins would have the capability of blocking the IP addresses of people sending abusive reviews and messages, but… what admins?

The code update that went through a few years ago that broke many old fics was never fixed. Many users are reporting major issues in uploading fics. The more they leave the site unattended, the more things will break.

The domain is registered through 2028, but if they keep going in the way that they are sooner or later it’s just going to wind up as a barely-functioning corpse of a website.

I am convinced that the only reason they leave it up is to collect ad revenue. If users continue to leave due to abuse and unreliable service, that ad revenue is going to tank.

I’ve seen this happen to so many websites over the years, and they rarely – if ever – get a revival.

But again – they could surprise us. I’m not counting on it, though. Nobody’s home anymore.



This is well-timed, because I logged on there a couple months ago to back up all my old fics. Put in my username and password. Someone else’s account information loaded up. I literally logged into some stranger’s account with my own user info. My fics were there, but the profile (including the user ID number) was someone else’s. I took a bunch of screenshots and sent in a support email aaaaaaaand nothing. I managed to snag all my fics and that’ll be it for me for that site. I don’t know wtf is going on there but it ain’t good.



Reblogging again because my friend mentioned being locked out of her account and blocks people from copy pasting, so she was afraid her fic would be lost forever when the site eventually goes down.

If you are in danger of losing all your old things, I found a reddit thread with a number of work arounds so you can get your fic off the site.



As of 26 March 2021, the staff of FictionPress have confirmed they are migrating FFN to the same server – which is extremely bad news for that server and for FFN as a whole. 

Lots of technical stuff is going haywire too based on using the Inspect tool in Google chrome. 

Get your fics while you can.



Hey! If you didn’t know you can copy and paste from ffn’s mobile site. If you want to copy paste from the browser for convenience sake go to



The librarian in me just went into panic mode. Boosting this post!



There’s another way to get your old fics! And it’s pretty simple too:

1) Go to the “Publish” button on the sidebar

2) Select “Manage Stories”

3) Click the title of the story you want to save

4) Select “Preview” at the top of the editor

5) Copy and Paste the first chapter into a word doc, and go through each chapter to copy then as well.

If your story is broken into a lot of chapters, this might take a minute, but it’s worth it if the site is going down

Hope this helps! ♥️



There’s an even easier way of archiving fics. There are tons of free applications and websites you can use to directly save the fic as a PDF/HTLM/ePub/etc file. This is the application I use (usable on both Mac and PC). Also, this website lets you save fanfics as ePub files. This is much easier and quicker than copy-pasting fics.

I for one am going to go on an archive binge of all my favorite fics, just in case.



@tsuisou-no-despair, this post might be worth paying attention to.

Adding to the downloader rec list:

If you’d like to make sure that all the original formatting is preserved, I highly recommend SingleFile [Firefox, Chrome, Edge]. My local FFNet archives are SingleFile-based: works great, and means I don’t have to worry about whether the format translation to ePub or PDF or what-have-you broke anything. (I haven’t tried the specific downloaders mentioned above, but I know the downloaders I *have* tried often struggled to translate webpages into non-HTML formats without losing images or information-conveying fonts or other such issues.)

SingleFile is also handy for a wide variety of other use-cases involving manual downloading of individual webpages. (For use-cases involving automated mass-downloads, you’d want to look at wget (here’s some Dreamwidth-specific tips) or grab-site.)

This isn’t super relevant *yet*, but for anyone who stumbles across this post later *after* FFNet has completely collapsed and is thinking they might be too late: here are links to a scrape of FFNet from 2012 and a more barebones-formatted scrape from 2015. You might want to dig around in those and see if the stuff you were worried about is in there. And if all else fails, ask around and maybe you can find someone who saved a copy.


#101 Uses for Infrastructureless Computers #amnesia cw #recs #reply via reblog #FFNet



ugh when your phone dies your authenticator accounts die with it, that’s a nuisance.

Authy stores your authenticator codes in the cloud, which seems like an unacceptable security risk until you have a phone die with no way of restoring from backup and it took all your 2FA codes with it.

If you’re using Google Authenticator, I recommend Authy with a complex passphrase instead unless you’re Snowden-level paranoid.

Back when I used Google Authenticator, I put TOTP on as few accounts as possible precisely because I was worried about the lack of backups.

Then I learned about andOTP, and now I put TOTP on everything that allows it and keep an export file in my backups. The password on the export file is a bunch of gibberish kept in a KeePass vault.

(*SMS* verification, however, is still bullshit.)


#reply via reblog #recs #Brin owns *two* 2010’s computers now #101 Uses for Infrastructureless Computers #amnesia cw?