In this day and age, the convention of giving all of one’s children their father’s name is outdated and oppressive, not to mention limited in the family situations it handles. But the alternatives have their own shortcomings.
My spouse and I decided to keep our own names when we got married, and kick the can down the road for when we actually have children. But we’re going to have to decide how to handle it eventually, so I’ve been thinking about our options.
What’s so important about determinism? It’s not like I’d resent losing a coin toss more than I’d resent just automatically losing every possible coin toss.
Kind of personal preference, I guess? To be honest I don’t like my spouse’s last name, and maybe that’s my real rejection to doing a coin flip. If you’re equally OK with either last name then it could be a good option. Definitely worth considering; it has many good properties.
Personally, I’m fond of the idea of doing hyphenated surnames in which maternal halves are matrilineal and paternal halves are patrilineal: mother X-Y and father A-B have child X-B.
It doesn’t cover everybody, but it seems like pretty much any naming scheme would have coverage problems (except union names, but that’s more of an absence of a scheme, “pick whatever you want”). I think of it as a “sure, you can do whatever you want, but if you *want* a default option, here it is”. (And one can use it as a starting point, adapting it into variants like “lesbian couple who give their kids both maternal halves, and flip a coin to decide the ordering”. (Or “–and pick whichever ordering sounds better”, etc))
(context: happily born-hyphenated, not planning on having kids but that doesn’t mean I haven’t considered the thought experiment of what their surnames would be)
#reply via reblog #names #fertility cw?