Naming Conventions

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In this day and age, the convention of giving all of one’s children their father’s name is outdated and oppressive, not to mention limited in the family situations it handles. But the alternatives have their own shortcomings.

My spouse and I decided to keep our own names when we got married, and kick the can down the road for when we actually have children. But we’re going to have to decide how to handle it eventually, so I’ve been thinking about our options.

What’s so important about determinism? It’s not like I’d resent losing a coin toss more than I’d resent just automatically losing every possible coin toss.

Kind of personal preference, I guess? To be honest I don’t like my spouse’s last name, and maybe that’s my real rejection to doing a coin flip. If you’re equally OK with either last name then it could be a good option. Definitely worth considering; it has many good properties.

Personally, I’m fond of the idea of doing hyphenated surnames in which maternal halves are matrilineal and paternal halves are patrilineal: mother X-Y and father A-B have child X-B.

It doesn’t cover everybody, but it seems like pretty much any naming scheme would have coverage problems (except union names, but that’s more of an absence of a scheme, “pick whatever you want”). I think of it as a “sure, you can do whatever you want, but if you *want* a default option, here it is”. (And one can use it as a starting point, adapting it into variants like “lesbian couple who give their kids both maternal halves, and flip a coin to decide the ordering”. (Or “–and pick whichever ordering sounds better”, etc))

(context: happily born-hyphenated, not planning on having kids but that doesn’t mean I haven’t considered the thought experiment of what their surnames would be)


#reply via reblog #names #fertility cw?

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@acemindbreaker, hello and welcome!

(and thank you for the massive spike in my activity page, it’s very flattering)

Acemindbreaker Icon

replied to your post “i didn’t ship you with nonternary, i’m curious about how you can be…”

Why are you so much like me?


Which ways are you thinking of?

(Looking at your blog, I see you’re aro-ace, autistic, formerly homeschooled, Canadian (though not by immigration?), dislike queer gatekeeping, and your kinks are cousins to mine.)

(Was going to make this a footnote, but didn’t seem right to have a footnote longer than its paragraph: I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s room for debate about whether I’m technically autistic, and it’s definitely not official (my parents didn’t seek diagnosis when I was a kid because they didn’t want me to get stuck with a stigmatised label, and I’ve never been in a situation where the benefits of being official might outweigh that), but I’m certainly somewhere in the neighbourhood.)

acemindbreaker replied to your link “Smashwords – Sleepwalkers: Deluxe Edition with Bonus Material – a book…

Oh, yes. Erotica for the genital-repulsed fetishists is really rare.

I know, right? One of the nice things about text-based porn is it’s easier to skim those bits. (that and easier pausing/rewinding, and hyperlexia)

acemindbreaker replied to your photoset “coeur-de-porcelaine: pansexualpagan: kaylamariesmiley: …

Um, most pregnancies are not “nine months of pain”. If you’re experiencing chronic pain throughout pregnancy, something is wrong and you should talk to your gynecologist about it.

I wonder if this is related to the thing where anti-dysmenorrhea advocates treat it as a half-the-population issue, completely ignoring the existence of people who menstruate without being dysmenorrheic (*cough*). It’s tempting to exaggerate the scope of the issue in the hopes of being taken more seriously. (And sad to think, rightly or wrongly, that one wouldn’t be taken seriously if one were honest about the scope, as if the real version of the problem isn’t bad enough.)


#acemindbreaker #replies #nsfw? #sexuality and lack thereof #okay I’m late for bed I’d better go #be back in the morning #fertility cw


I’m on vacation at Disneyland, ama

Are you going to buy a stuffed animal at Disneyland for your future child? My parents did that while visiting Disney during their first trying-to-conceive stage, and I always liked being able to tell people that I’d had my Winnie the Pooh teddy for [current age + 1] years.


#reply via reblog #Disney #fertility cw?

Muslimah: wearemagneton: new-muslimah-usa: I don’t care what Islam says, Allah…



I don’t care what Islam says, Allah will understand when I get an Epidural. Don’t even think I’d go “all natural” on that.

Becca swelled up like a toad frog — everyone thought she would have twins.

And I already sleep on my side, so, it’s okay.


[more menstrual stuff]

You vomit? Yikes. The more I hear about other people’s menstrual problems, the luckier I feel. Even at its worst, it’s not bad to the point of incapacitation: a bit of acne here*, a bit of chocolate craving there, bit of cramping here and there**, mildly enhanced anger which doesn’t even get an opportunity to happen most cycles with my wonderfully un-stressful life. And none of those happen reliably every time: there have been months when the only thing my reproductive organs inflicted on me was the bleeding***.

*According to Mom anyway. It just looks like ordinary adolescent stuff to me.

**Mom thinks I’m lucky because I can tell when I’m ovulating by the secondary cramps. Not seeing how it’s worth even relatively minor pain.

***Which is annoying all on its own. Especially when you’re scheduled for a swim class or a road trip on a heavy-flow day and internal-use stuff squicks you. (I just have to suck it up and use the tampons when that happens.)


#pm   #the kid   #Generic Rambling