itsbenedict:

• Bad Luck Brian: Have you ever had a string of ridiculously bad luck?

Have I ever told the story of why I’m terrified of bees? Like, the conventional wisdom is that they don’t bother you if you leave them alone, sure, but… when I was five, I was playing out in the yard, and I got stung, and BOY that hurt. And my mom gave me the standard wisdom to reassure me- and also dropped a factoid that most people only get stung once in their whole lives, so I’m all set now because that’s how probability works for sure.

SO later that same day, Mom takes me to watch my cousin’s baseball game. And even though I was five, I could already tell that baseball was incredibly boring to watch, so I wandered off to the field nearby to pick dandelions, and GAAAAAH I stepped on a bee and got stung again. I feel shocked and betrayed and also I feel a lot of pain from a bee sting on my foot. Mom marvels at the unfortunate coincidence, and reassures me, and we go home.

And then I get out of the car, and walk across the lawn to the front door of our house, and BAM. THIRD TIME IS THE CHARM, THE HAT TRICK, LIGHTNING STRIKES THRICE, A FUCKING BEE STINGS ME AGAIN

i haven’t trusted those little yellow fucks since

• Bee Movie: What’s your weirdest ship?

since perinaldo, my life has never known peace. the following day, snake people started manifesting in my house.

But no yeah I don’t tend to really ship stuff unless it’s obviously canon or whatever. The closest thing to a crack ship I have is like… there’s discourse around Mei and Junkrat from Overwatch, and frankly yeah, those two would never get along- and most of the girls in that series I can’t see going for Jamison. There’s a couple plausible Junkships, I think- Sombra, Lucio, and D.Va all seem like they’d gravitate to his wild attitude.

i didn’t ship junkrat and d.va but then i saw this comic and now,

• We Are Number One: If you were a fictional character, would you be a villain?

short answer: YES

less short answer: i would go all in on the mad scientist supervillain aesthetic, but my evil schemes to take over the world would never be that evil, because i don’t want to be a dick, right? i’m thinking like a Dr. Doofenshmirtz situation. probably the heroes vanquish me at the end of season 1 and then i fall into that “becomes the team’s weird uncle” role

(or at least it would seem that way until the series finale where it turns out i’ve been preparing a scheme all along and manage to usurp the new big bad’s power source, OH SHIT, WHAT UP KIDS, BET YOU DIDN’T SEE THE GUY NAMED BENEDICT BETRAYIN Y’ALL, GAHAHAHAHAHA)

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Tags:

#bees #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(”BET YOU DIDN’T SEE THE GUY NAMED BENEDICT BETRAYIN Y’ALL”) #home of the brave