TMI

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

myprettynightmare:

Anyone else terrified that they are toxic and manipulative and just can’t see it? Or is that just me?

Tags:

#tag rambles #TMI #abuse cw #…sort of but not in the way this seems to mean #lately it’s been bothering me a lot that…look #if I had the option of being toxic and manipulative and *chose* not to take it #that would be one thing #but I don’t #because I’m *not smart enough* to successfully manipulate people #it takes a certain kind of cleverness to hurt people and get away with it #that I don’t possess #it sounds weird but it bugs me #even the position ”scum of the earth” is one I could only aspire to #I get so tired sometimes of always being the least terrifying person in the room #but also: #if you can be terrifying enough to scare people into submission and not know it #then you don’t get to take any sort of pleasure in that capacity #not even the twisted power-tripping kinds of pleasure #perhaps the people who’ve hurt me *weren’t even enjoying themselves* #perhaps they *still believed* they could-only-aspire-to-scumbag #zero-sum situations are bad and all #but it’s negative-sum that most chills me deep down #that I might have hurt people and *not even benefited from it* #an interaction that nothing good came out of at all #not even good things at somebody else’s expense #I wonder if I’ve ever been in a fight that both sides believed they’d lost #I wonder if any of the people I am haunted by are haunted by me #neither of us ever getting even the visceral satisfaction of knowing the blow struck

Deeper For Me: I’m Changing My Major to Kink

Link ~ ~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

{{Title link: http://deeperforme.blogspot.it/2016/03/im-changing-my-major-to-kink.html }}

ellaenchanting:

hypno-sandwich:

deeperforme:

     Oh my god last night. Oh my god, ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod last night…

I’ve lost my virginity three times: Once when a woman touched me, with intent, for the first time (my first intercourse, only a week or two later, is almost an afterthought in my memory); once when I pinned a submissive girlfriend to the carpet and first saw that look in her eyes; and once when I hypnotized someone for the first time. After each one, the world changed.

…

Read on for my pre-NEEHU opus, about fighting programming that says it’s wrong to spend all this time, money and energy pursuing kinky sex. I put in video clips and quotes!

If we’re friends…
If you follow me…
If you read one thing about kink…
If you care about joy and love and living free from fear….
Read this.

On embracing something joyous. :)

“Opening yourself up to desire and passion takes courage. Makes you silly and vulnerable, like Alison in her underpants. My friend has a line about how much safer it is just to fantasize alone in the dark – besides the obvious risks of going out and doing things, you also risk having your cherished masturbation fantasies touched by disappointment, embarassment, sadness, all the complications that come with doing things with real people, in the real world.

The upside? Having my wildest dreams come true.”

…I honestly can’t tell if there’s something wrong with this post, or if it just caught me at a really bad time.

When I talk about losing my taste for mind-control-as-such and focusing more on the sedation aspect, I describe it as uncovering something buried under desperation and ignorance of other options. I still think that’s true, but today (just today, literally a few hours ago) it occurred to me there might be something else to it as well.

It’s also more convenient. When all I had were tales of mind control and people telling me it couldn’t be done, I was most attracted to the most common type of porn. Now that I know a great deal of it can be done, I’m most attracted to the safest acts.

Perhaps that’s not entirely a coincidence. Perhaps my reaction to learning my wildest dreams could come true was to stop having wildest dreams. My dreams are tamer, these days. Oh, the thought of partnered sex still scares me, but it’s nothing compared to the terror I’d feel at wanting to enact that.

I don’t like this theory. I don’t like the way it carries the implication that the way I am now is wrong. I’m happier now than I was, more hopeful now than I was, and it feels more right and true. I neither want nor want-to-want to play in the deep end of the proverbial pool: I like sticking to the shallows. Is that wrong? If my not wanting-to-want it is at all a factor, even partially and subconsciously, in my not wanting it, does that change the answer?

(I keep thinking of those people who say you haven’t lived until you’ve done psychedelics (and risked coming back wrong), that the simplistic highs of sedatives are not and should not be enough. I wish I were confident enough to tell that idea to fuck off. I wish I were not so worried that telling the idea to fuck off would be the wrong move.)

Tags:

#sorry Divney #pretty sure this isn’t a response you were looking for #sexuality and lack thereof #I have tried to polish this thought process from its original form into #something comprehensible to people who aren’t me #don’t know to what extent I succeeded #TMI

Experiment- Please Help!

~ Brin ~ 2 Comments

ellaenchanting:

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is tumblr_n31ndga8yz1t3453ho1_400.gif

@banana-pie-gaige reminded me of an experiment I’ve been wanting to run.

Loose conjecture: I have a book of sleeping tips that suggests that people close their eyes and slowly trace the outside ridges of the United States to trick the brain into starting REM. REM, or dreaming sleep, is often a period where people can be lightly suggestible- for example, you can talk to dreaming people and sometimes influence what happens in their dreams. There’s also the eye flutter that some subjects have when they go under and the eye movements people tend to have when you ask them to imagine a visual image when hypnotized- these may or may not be REM related (or require hypnosis at all).

Hypothesis: You can trigger tranceyness by having someone close their eyes and move them around in a circular way because this mirrors REM. Mirroring REM triggers a person’s mind to start dreaming which increases suggestibility.

Why this is probably bullshit: REM eye movements often look different  than someone tracing the borders of the Unites States. People usually go through other sleep stages before getting into REM- you usually only jump in to REM when you’re sleep deprived. (My one time dreaming while hypnotized- which was awesome- was when I was up late and likely sleep deprived.) Moving eyes in a REM-ish way wouldn’t necessarily trigger REM or sleep or tranceyness or anything in particular. If this did put people to sleep or even made them dream,. this wouldn’t necessarily equal a useful hypnotic state.
But what if it did?

That would be cool, huh?

Tumblr peeps- this is what I’d you to do:

Would you kindly:

1. Set an alarm for 6 minutes.

2. Close your eyes.

3. Relax. If you know how, let yourself sink into a light trancey/meditative state.

4. Imagine you can see the USA land formation. Gently and comfortable trace around the edges, starting at the top right hand side with Maine. Don’t try and think or stop thinking- thoughts can just happen all by themselves. You can just lazily notice anything that happens.If nothing much happens, just let yourself enjoy the break.

5. Write me feedback about what, if anything, happened. It’s OK to tell me nothing really happened- that’s useful information!

I’ll tell you guys if we collectively discover something cool. :)

Also- please let me know if you have ideas or if this is a thing you solved in 3rd grade.

Tagging people who may be interested: @soundshypnotic, @brentrx, @mistermindwiper, @tennfan2, @banana-pie-gaige, @zanythoughts, @bannableoffense, @i-dontshaveforsherlock-holmes, @brin-bellway, @mr-prism, @mrs-prism, @hypnoticharlequin

Feel free to repost, anyone- I’d like to get a lot of minds on this if possible.

Not sure how you knew, but empirical kink is absolutely my thing.

“Would you kindly:”

I see what you did there.

Anyway, my results:

My mind did not wander very much: trying to remember exactly how the outline of the United States goes is a fairly occupying task. I noticed a couple minutes in that the movement of my arm was a bit jerky, as it tends to be in trance. Following up on this, somewhere around Arizona or southern California I tried ceasing to consciously move my arm to see what would happen. Sure enough, my arm continued moving up and to the left, in small jerking movements.

I continued on through the flat stretch of Canadian border, around the Great Lakes, and back to Maine. During my second lap of the East Coast, it felt at times like I was more guiding my arm than actually moving it.

At the tip of Florida, I tried ceasing my conscious movements again. Again, my arm continued up and to the left.

Before I had a chance to try pausing at a point where the next section wasn’t up and to the left, the alarm went off.

So, neat and pretty fast-onset ideomotor effect, but I didn’t get any imagery, nor did the picture of the U.S. in my mind’s eye seem any more vivid than my mind’s eye normally does (which is not that much; I’m towards the low-detail end of the spectrum).

Notes regarding confounds: I got about 8.25 – 8.5 hours of sleep last night (low end of normal for me), I was neither on any stimulants nor in withdrawal from them (I’m not caffeine-dependent; I customarily have some chocolate at this time of day, but I waited until after the experiment), I looked at the linked picture right before the experiment to refresh my memory of the outline, my brother walked in during the experiment (I tried to ignore him, but I was a little distracted worrying he would ask what I was doing and I wouldn’t have a non-embarrassing answer). (He didn’t ask, though I don’t know whether he noticed or what he thought about it if so.) I have avoided looking to see if there are other responses to this post because I didn’t want to contaminate my answers. (I’ll read them afterward, assuming there are any.)

P.S. Okay, so the consensus of the other respondants seems to be that the verb “trace” does not indicate moving one’s hand? Am I the only one who interpreted it that way? Well, this is awkward.

(I hope I’ve given you some interesting data, even if I may have misunderstood the provided protocol.)

Tags:

#reply via reblog #sexuality and lack thereof #for science! #TMI #now it’s time for that chocolate #(perhaps it will soothe the awkward)

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~ Brin ~ 1 Comment

{{previous post in sequence}}

Related to the previous post, but seemed just different enough to merit its own thing:

Sometimes I think I should write a bit of sex-ed article. Something in that kind of style. Something that treats my experience as normative, with lots of false-inclusive “we”s and “you”s, and expressions of diversity and its greatness that don’t extend far enough to cover the reader.

“The most obvious sign that you’re experiencing sexual arousal is a sharp, twinging feeling. This can occur anywhere along an imaginary line down the middle of your torso. Most people feel it in the chest or stomach area, some in the genitals, and a few at the base of the neck. There are also some people who can feel it in any or all of these areas at different times, sometimes depending on what they’re responding to. These are all fine: all bodies are different, and all bodies are okay!”

There would be no mention of people who perceive this sensation as heat. Depending on what level of alternate-universe I was going for, I might replace all instances of “hot” with “sharp”.

Tags:

#sexuality and lack thereof #oh look an original post #TMI