i think fiction should be nicer to characters’ alters
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#god‚ so much #one example off the top of my head: while the Artemis Fowl books had been going downhill for some time #the exact moment I gave up in disgust was when I realised they had casually killed off Orion offscreen between books #that poor kid deserved better #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
sometimes people are like “yeah this person was terrible at [art form] here look at the evidence to prove it” and link to something i find completely indistinguishable from highly-celebrated award-winning examples of the same kind of art
I assume this is about Rebecca Black’s FRIDAY which everyone said was horrible, unlike any other pop song of the time that was mass-produced and therefor “good”
various examples of people being described as terrible poets, most recently Samuel Derrick
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#I enjoy the fact that I actually did know exactly what this post is vaguing about #( https://thingofthings.substack.com/p/weird-people-of-history-samuel-derrick ) #((it’s not a secret: OP linked it in another branch)) #I did think the poem was bad but #(a) I’m not sure how much of that was priming and #(b) I would not be surprised if there are many highly-regarded poems that are (to me) equally bad #also back in the day I listened to ”Friday” without knowing its reputation because someone asked me what colour it was #and I could not finish it #so there’s that #art #is the blue I see the same as the blue you see #Nazi cw? #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
me holding a gun to a mushroom: tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit
mushroom: can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters
me cocking the gun, tears streaming down my face: I’M NOT FUCKING SCARED OF YOU
Hey OP? What the FUCK does this mean?
decay exists as an extant form of life
That’s a terrifying answer, have a nice day
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#fucking *finally*! #it’s *back*! #that one post with the thing #death tw? #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
indeed Socrates is said to have proposed that his ‘penalty’ for his conviction should be that he be dined at private expense like an Olympic victor for the rest of his life.
Same thing. You say poisoned, I say dined at public expense for the rest of his life.
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#death tw #poison cw #fun with loopholes #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #light a man on fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
Look, if I know anything it’s how to cultivate a personal image as a crazed lunatic who makes incomprehensible statements, and he’s been doing that job well
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#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #computer generated text #discourse cw? #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
A nearly complete 1st century BCE carnyx found in 2004 at Tintignac, France (the one in the left picture, with a reconstruction in the right). Fashioned as a snarling boar, the carnyx was a war horn used by the Iron Age Celts between c. 200 BCE and c. 200 CE
fun fact, the first reconstruction of the carnyx was built in Scotland in the early 90s, and John Kenny brought it to my dad’s photographic studio (our house) to have publicity pictures taken. I was very very young, but I had a precocious interest in history, and Kenny showed me the detailed boar’s head, which had an articulated tongue that would give the effect of a subtle ululation when it was played. He played it for us in our garden, and I can still remember the sound. It sounded like a trumpet, if a trumpet was a wild prehistoric animal capable of throwing back its head and howling. It sounded like something great and tusked and angry and brass that knew what blood was and wanted it.
I don’t know how old I was when I heard it, I think it must have been after its debut at the museum, but I do remember Kenny telling us we were among a very small handful of people who had heard the carnyx in 2,000 years. I remember my nextdoor neighbour’s pigeons all taking off from his loft, and the wide silence that rang out afterwards, that more often came in the wake of foghorns from the harbour. I wonder, in retrospect, what all those people packed around us in their tenements in the poor part of Leith thought they’d heard. what does an ancient celtic war horn sounds like, floating through the window while you’re doing the dishes?
#birds #juxtaposition #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
No joke is one-size-fits-all, but adding “but I remain optimistic” at the end of any somewhat-speculating statement makes it funny, taking a different tone in each.
Adding it to the end of something positive gives it an unexpected twist – implying that whatever the good thing that happened was, it wasn’t what you expected or hoped to happen, but you’re yet to give up hope of whatever the fuck you’ve now vaguely implied towards might still happen. “He survived and is expected to make a full recovery, but I remain optimistic.”
Adding it to a neutral statement implies that you think something can be done about it, funniest if the statement is something that obviously can’t be affected. “Apparently it’s tuesday tomorrow, but I remain optimistic.”
And the bleakest, most hopeless statements just become bleakly funny by the grim absurdity. “About 30 seconds remain until impact, and the chances of any of us surviving the crash are zero. But I remain optimistic.”
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#I didn’t actually laugh aloud but it still amused me enough to reblog #death tw #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
This is why aliens don’t want us in their Starfleet.
Are you fucking kidding this is why aliens should be begging us to join their Starfleet. The precision?? The CONTROL?? The absolute mastery this driver has over their 20+ ton of steel is superhuman. This person could weave a mothership through an asteroid belt without making a single scratch on the hull. Foh “aliens don’t want us” aliens should be sucking our dicks.
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#oh my god #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
i think goncharov is definitely a real movie in the riverdale universe i think jughead loves it
“the mandela theory is real and riverdale but only applies to jughead who is the sole person who can remember martin scorsese’s goncharov” is i think exactly the sort of thing that would happen. they should hire us to write this show
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#Goncharov #Riverdale #I don’t go here but #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #unreality cw? #amnesia cw? #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
Brinens and Things 