angels-are-watching:

Can we please talk about how our history teacher sent a barbie to the smithsonian as proof of the presence of man two million years ago

 

bonequeer:

pleas,e for the love of God read the whole letter, there are tears streamign down my face rn

 

derinthemadscientist:

Can we please talk about how your history teacher has done this sort of thing enough times that he has his own specimen shelf in the Smithsonian

 

theverysarcasticscientist:

“yours in science” tho

 

sinesalvatorem:

“B. Clams don’t have teeth” is the part where I lost it.

 

stimmyabby:

@zozi-writes

 

coffiend-jackalope:

The letter says:

“Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled “211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post. Hominid skull.” We have gien this specimen a careful and detailed examination and regret to inform you that we disagree with you theory that it represents ‘conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago.’ Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be the ‘Malibu Barbie’. It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in the field were loathe to come to contradiction with your findings. However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off to it’s modern origin:

  1. The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are typically fossilized bone.
  2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic centimeters, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified proto-hominids.
  3. The dentition patters evident on the ‘skull’ is more consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is with the ‘ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams’ you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time.This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your history with this institution, but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it. Without going into too much detail, let us say that:
  • A) The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has chewed on.
  • Clams don’t have teeth.

It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your request to have the specimen carbon dated. This is partially due to the heavy load our lab must bear in it’s normal operation, and partly due to carbon dating’s notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate results. Sadly , we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science Foundation’s Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name ‘Australopithecus spiff-arino.’ Speaking personally, I for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn’t really sound like it might be Latin.

However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly. You should know that our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your back yard. We eagerly anticipate your trip to or nation’s capital that you proposed in you last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it. We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the ‘trans-positating fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix’ that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.

Yours in Science,

Harvey Rowe

Curator, Antiquities”

—————————————————————————————————-

(sorry if there are misspellings or wrong wordings. this was long and i was reading it off my phone)

 

logic-and-art:

“I for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn’t really sound like it might be Latin.“

 

moonlitmoor:

@glumshoe


Tags:

#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #you’ve probably seen this before #(I know I have seen this one several times over the years) #(but it’s still funny)


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americanwizarding:

tastefullyoffensive:

(via meow99)

MEMO
FROM: The Desk of Regional Commander (South-West) Cesar Majano, AB-DENs  
TO: Field Captain John Walk
SUBJECT: Field Training the New Recruits

Captain:

Please see the attached report from the agents at the DSO. Apparently some of your recruits, out on a training mission, were spotted by Muggles on a desert walk-about. Please have words with the recruits: while we are extremely impressed with the detail of their transformations, we would ask they remember that it is not enough to simply look like a cactus. Proper cactus behavior is expected. Luckily DSO agents got wind of this issue through the Meme-Divination wing of those clever bastards over in the MRD and were able to quash the story before it broke. Now we only have this rather funny picture circulating and which I feel will be an excellent learning tool for your recruits both present and future. 

Sincerely,

-RC-SW Cesar Majano


Tags:

#”meme divination” #Harry Potter #ish

Planets i learned about via youtube while procrastinating my english essay

{{truncated OP by supplehearts}}

nihilsupernum:

nibblrrr:

#planet hd 188753 is my home

Soon after the onset of postlarval metamorphosis, the entity known to us as @nihilsupernum was placed into a vessel by his creators and sent to a planet 150 lightyears away; a quieter planet with only one sun, so he would find relief from the constant state of æsthetosexual arousal that had been surging through him uncontrollably for weeks without pause, threatening to rip apart even his physical form in violent ecstasy.  Now, in exile, he has slowly been growing stronger.  He is channeling his appreciation for that lone sun and its most intricate causal descendants into his presence on the æsthetic plane.  He is learning how to ride ever higher waves of beauty without getting crushed by their untamed force.

At night, he looks up, and gazes into the void between the wings of the Swan.  For beyond that veil of blackness lie that estranged cosmic furnace, and its twin companions, dancing in chaotic harmony.  A thought crystallizes within his mind, serene and pure:

One day, he will return home, and he will fuck three sunsets at once.

[context: “Planet HD 188753 has 3 suns you should have triple shadows and there would be almost daily eclipses. and no matter which direction u face on the planet u would always see a sunset”]


Tags:

#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #nsfw? #I don’t know #something like that

Hentaiculture: The Vampire Duchies Of Otdykh

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smut-theory:

(Content warning: Hypnosis, bondage, neither of those being what you were thinking of, vampirism, polyamory, sort-of romanticizing mental illness,  enormous cultural ruses, pandering to submitters [maybe])

This is a new column, where we will be building and detailing a hentai-focused or otherwise lewd culture. We’ll start with the condensed core idea, for those who prefer the short and sweet little nugget they can then build up in their own minds. Then, we’ll go into less necessary details, building up the world and culture and society. And then, at the end, a review from the author, explaining the decisions made and why. 

 

THE SHORT AND SWEET

The Vampire Duchies of Otdykh are known to foreigners as a cold, barren, windswept place, divided up between immortal predators, where all humans are the thralls of a cruel, blood-thirsty master who controls their minds and drinks from their hearts. This is all a ruse. Vampires have the power of hypnosis, not mind control, and cannot force someone to go against their own wishes or alter their thoughts. And they feed from people’s hearts, meaning that even more important than getting people’s blood, is getting those people to LIKE them. Instead of cruel masters, vampires are service tops.

When a band of vampires hungers, they will take a handful of villagers and spirit them away to the vampire castle or manor. The villagers will be hypnotized into a deep, relaxing trance, be bound in restraints (to prevent them wiggling during the blood draining process and causing injury), and then fawned over, having all their needs cared for better than they could do to themselves if they were not bound. In their deep, relaxed hypnotic trance, they are sexually pleasured at whatever pace they find comfortable, or simply massaged if that is their preference. They’re fed opulently, by vampires and vampiresses in sexy Gothic outfits, to keep their body recovering the blood they lose. All the while, they are encouraged to offload any troubles or burdens from their minds to their ‘masters’, who listen attentively and provide support, encouragement, or advice, which sometimes is more effective due to the trance. After a week or so, the villagers are freed from bondage and trance, happier but probably a bit lightheaded, given an excuse note to show their employer, and sent back on their way.

Vampires themselves reproduce through converting other humans into vampires intentionally. Since vampires are so fundamentally insecure, this is not something to be taken on lightly, as it’s kind of like inflicting a mental illness on someone so they can understand you better – for this reason vampires only do it to people who know what it entails, and usually only offer to people who seem insecure anyway. Vampires organize in small bands of 3 to 8, and rely on each other for emotional support much more than tangible service. Everyone in the band is lovers with everyone else, romancing as equals, their presence able to assure one another ‘it’s okay, don’t listen to those thoughts that people don’t like you, because I am here and I prove you are worthy of love.’


DETAILS

Many stories about how terrible vampires are were spread by vampires themselves, for two reasons: to keep their lands from having an influx of people they can’t afford to take care of, and so they don’t feel like people are laughing at them for being wusses. The need to be liked is stronger the closer a person is to a vampire, so for faraway people they will never feed on, it’s okay to be feared instead of liked when the alternative is being a laughingstock. They also spread the story that direct sunlight will kill them – it doesn’t kill them, but it makes them as disoriented and confused as a drunken seven-year-old who just stumbled out of a showing of Eraserhead, which not only makes them vulnerable to being killed by anyone who wants to, it’s humiliating and they don’t want others to see them that way.

Vampires are insecure down to a physiological level: their need for other people to LIKE them, especially the ones they feed on, especially especially those under their ‘control’, is as real as living things’ need for oxygen. Tales of the experience of a newly-risen vampire, overwhelmed with the thirst for the blood of the living? Yeah, that’s because it sounds cooler than an overwhelming wave of “Oh God oh God what if they don’t like me I want them to like me so bad!” Blood from a human who actually likes the vampire is exponentially more fulfilling, physically and psychologically, than any other. Blood from someone who likes you is as filling as, say, a 3-course meal from a restaurant with 3 Michelin Stars, after 2 weeks starving in the desert. Blood from someone who hates or fears you is like trying to chase off heroin withdrawal by huffing paint thinner.

Otdykh vampires pretend – even to their mortal subjects – they are only vassals of a great and secretive Vampire King, and that’s why their polities are merely “duchies”. This is another lie. Yeah, centuries ago they tried to have a Vampire King, but it just didn’t work – the crushing psychological need to have that many people like you is completely overwhelming. The last would-be Vampire King, four hundred years ago, went on a crying jag that lasted a couple weeks, long enough to send him into a torpid sleep that he hasn’t risen from since. The other vampires visit his castle and leave little presents outside his coffin sometimes, in case he’s occasionally poking his head out. Don’t let that give you the idea that vampires are incompetent rulers, though – with smaller groups of vassals, they do very well, responsive to their people’s needs (though keeping odd office hours), and the satisfaction they have after feeding from someone who actually likes them, even from just getting affirmation of their subjects’ appreciation and loyalty, is an elation greater than anything they could experience in their mortal lives. When the first republics arose, there was a treatise by an Otdykh-ian political philosopher decrying it due to the obvious superiority of absolute monarchy at meeting the needs of subjects; this confused the hell out of pretty much everyone else in the world.

Vampires also have a large influence on the culture and art of Otdykh, beyond the fact that vampire artists have a lot more experience at it than the human ones and sort of lead tastes and trends. During their blood-draining spa sessions, they encourage people to write horror stories and create art and architecture in the Gothic style, talking up anyone who has an interest in those genres. Partially, this is to aid their efforts to keep the real nature of vampire rulership a secret. Mostly, it’s because vampires all think horror stories and Gothic art are fucking cool as Hell. After all they do for the human population, and the little they ask in return, people are more than willing to go along with those requests. Those vampires are pretty likable folks, after all! Of course, it’s inevitable, after the invention of mass communications, that the secret gets out eventually. The plan the vampires have come up with is, as soon as the secret gets out, start broadcasting the truth about their feeding sessions, inviting everyone to come and join, in the creepiest tone of voice and most dead-eyed expressions they can manage, and play it off as a “obvious ploy by monsters to trick people into their lair” kinda deal.

The relationships between vampires in their groups are the most important ones they have, as the only people they can relate to as equals, and completely drop all pretense around, and who understand what they are going through. Given every one of them can produce just as much mental anguish as alleviate it, their poly-amorous organization is almost necessary to ensure that SOMEONE has their shit together at any given time.


COMMENTARY

The first installment of this column was originally going to be something completely different, that I realized was just too specific and futa-intensive to be the first installment. Then, on reading the reader submission in response to “Finding My Common Thread I”, I thought to myself, “Yeah, I HAVEN’T seen any hypnosis stuff that isn’t about mind control.” This would be a better choice for the first column – and, plus, it had a guaranteed audience of at least one, who was underserved by the current market!

Since this has to be about a culture, it’s a worldbuilding exercise after all, it can’t just be “a person hypnotizes someone to relax them” – it has to be a culture where it happens often. As the other culture was going to be fantasy-based, and I may want to link them with opportunities to others to contribute to an overall “setting”, fantasy was a good idea here instead of sci-fi. What fantasy creatures can hypnotize people? Naga/lamia, vampires, and mind flayers. Mind flayers are really a D&D thing, naga are supposed to be about crushing power, so that leaves vampires. 

So, why do vampires hypnotize people, but not control them? For their benefit. Why are vampires doing things for other people’s benefit? Well, maybe instead of blood, they feed on happiness – so they need to make people happy. They are service tops! Now, vampires who appear powerful but are secretly emotionally vulnerable are always popular, and since this is about not being sinister, I decide “I need people to like me” is a better way to put it than “feeds on happiness”, and I say they need the blood too, to make it more defined and tangible (and throw a bone to anyone with a bloodplay kink). Vampires are associated with Russia and Eastern Europe, so I name the country “Otdykhat”, which Google Translate tells me means “relax” with the connotation of “like what you do at a spa.” Then, about thirty seconds after I post, someone who speaks Russian wakes up in the middle of the night and informs me this is the infinitive verb form, and it should be “Otdykh”, so I fix it hopefully before anyone notices.

Now that we have non-sinister, emotionally vulnerable vampires as service tops, I figure that the rest should be exactly what you expect the aesthetics and associations of vampires to be – misty moors, castles overlooking villages of human subjects, Gothic architecture, all that – but invert expectations about dominance. So, the village ruled by the vampire is run very well, since the vampire cares more about their opinion of him than a human ruler (and I can joke they accidentally invented Moldbug, who thinks it works this way everywhere else). And instead of being an oligarchy at the top, the band of vampires is at the bottom, mutually supporting each other. With that in mind, I cast them as a sort of mentall illness support group, calling to mind comments from people with personality disorders or other such conditions who talk about how amazingly incredibly good it can feel for their specific needs to be met. Hopefully, by tying it to blood consumption (which everyone expects vampires to have) and not making it any specific personality disorder, people who want that dynamic of mentally-ill mutually-supporting polyamory can focus on that primarily, but those who don’t can just see it as “well, it’s pretty much like drinking blood”. I add a bondage element because it goes well with the concept of a “service top” that I see even less than I see service tops: someone who is bound not to make them helpless, but to show they have no need to help themselves. If there is a name for this, I’d love to know it; “power bottom” is definitely not it.

From there, it’s just filling out a couple of details – think of a couple of common things people deal with, and imagine what they do. For a joke I wanted to make in the original Hentaiculture, I was going to say that television had been invented, so I could say that they had telenovelas that were completely fucking bananas. So, if vampires are keeping up appearances of being evil, TV is going to be a problem – I’ll say, they plan to act really obviously like North Korea, so people say “well, that’s an awful attempt at pretending everything is fine”.  The old “lying by saying true things in a way that makes people think you’re making it up” trick is always funny to me, so it’s in. Now that I have established they influence culture to keep their secret, specifying they keep everything looking dark and Gothic just because they think that shit looks cool is a character-building dial-back: some of the stuff they do for their Secret Goal, some of it they do because it’s just neat. While dialing back, I see an opportunity to not make it a unified kingdom, and show their system breaking down and failing in a way that doesn’t hurt a lot of people: they are well able to rule small areas, and that is all nice and cool, but they can’t handle having a lot of people under them, so they don’t have Maximal Rulership.

 

So, did it work? Did you enjoy the vampire duchies, or the format in which they were presented – and what could be done to either to make them better? What sorts of cultures, fetishes, or combinations thereof would you like to see in the future? Please, let us know!

Aww, for me? That’s so sweet!

Re: whether the pandering* worked,

While I do platonically love worldbuilding, the nature (to me, anyway) of broad overviews rather than detailed scenes is to be limited in hotness. It’s got some promise as a foundation on which to build, though.

I’m rather sensitive to repetitive descriptions in erotica, so to me you seem slightly too fond of the word “relax”. Also, I can’t quite place my finger on it, but the piece has a vaguely unpolished feel to it. I mean, that does make sense, since you couldn’t have started writing it longer than a day or two ago, but I thought I’d mention it.

*I’d have used “bottom” rather than “submitter”, but I suppose there’s no point in starting that argument again.


Tags:

#there are few cases in which gifts of porn to someone you barely know can be appropriate #but one of them is when you are interacting on a kink blog #hence the ‘aww’ reaction #reply via reblog #sexuality and lack thereof #nsfw #long post #vampires


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sinesalvatorem:

rusalkii:

cherryskies:

everyone has that one story that sounds fake but isnt

@sinesalvatorem

all of them
your whole life

Hey! I will have you know that I am completely normal and believable! In fact, I was born normal and belie-

…Actually, no, that’s a fucking lie. Even my birth was engineered for dumb reasons.

Like, my due date was the 7th of February. However, I was late, because executive dysfunction. After I had been late for a while, the midwife started suggesting that they induce the birth.

Eventually, the 13th rolled around and she said she had Valentine’s plans with her husband, so she wouldn’t be available if my mother went into labour the next day. So my mum was like “fiiiiine” and they induced on the 13th.


Tags:

#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(‘however I was late because executive dysfunction’)

a tale of trees and espionage

comparativelysuperlative:

unrealthings:

melody-sillermoon:

emberglows:

okay story time:

my professor (lovely man, married to our TA, 5’2″, about as intimidating as a muffin) is a dendrologist by trade, so he studies trees. it was about three hours into our social sciences course, last lecture before exams, everyone was frazzled and exhausted, so he told us about his most exciting/in-depth research to date to cheer us up.

(the few of us who actually showed up were like “ok sir im sure its fascinating” but in our minds we were totally like its trees what. is. exciting. about trees. You might be wondering the same thing – the acorns? the leaves? the roots? BUT NO. IMMA FUCKIN TELL YA.)

ANYWAY we settle in, he had a few pictures loaded up from his field work (we were chuckling at this point…. ‘hehehe field work’ i giggled to my frend. its trees.) and began to tell his tale. it’s long, imma warn you, but……. god. just read it.

theres an species of tree called the cucumber tree (Magnolia acuminata, if ya wanna get all Latin-y). its super endangered, in our region there’s only ~280 that are registered by the government, yadda yadda yadda. my prof thought that was tragic (i know) but also strange, because when he was writing his thesis about local trees years ago, he kept coming across cucumber trees in really random places. we’re talking like backyards, independently-owned nurseries, etc. WHICH IS IMPOSSIBLE because, according to tree law (i know) it is very strictly protected by the government, and thus super “illegal to possess, transport, collect, buy or sell any part of a living or dead member of a listed species if it originates from wild sources.” essentially, the govt takes control over growing the trees and anyone who independently raises them is breaking the law (i know)

so he’d ask people “do you have a permit for these trees?” and they were like “uh no, it’s just a tree someone sold me, i think it looks nice, are you gonna arrest me?” so he’d be like “nah nah nah just tell me who sold it to you”

eventually, months/years later, someone did, and turns out it was like this underground sort-of illegal tree dealing club (i know). so my prof went, got a bit of funding from the government, who were getting pissed at independent cucumber tree numbers, and THIS IS WHERE IT GETS INTO THE GOOD SHIT I STG.

he infiltrates the tree trafficking organization. he buys a cucumber tree from an independent nursery, raises it for months, ensures he gets noticed by the traffickers, and then INFILTRATES it and convinces its leader to LET HIM JOIN. he has to pay like a steep entrance fee, which he does (and it blows my mind that the government of my country paid money to illegal tree dealers), but then he is given full access to records and maps because they think he’s one of them, not a SECRET AGENT.

now this part blows my mind because the tree lords don’t even have to try very hard to find cucumber trees because government agents MARK THE TREES AND DISTINCTLY TAG THEM SAYING THIS IS ENDANGERED DO NOT TOUCH. so, ya know…………. it’s a bit obvious. my prof hangs out with the members so much that he figures out their “hit spots”. these are where the trees are relatively secluded and unguarded. (he writes all this shit and numbers down for his research.)

BUT THATS NOT ENOUGH BECAUSE THE GOVT SAYS HES WASTING THEIR FUNDING IF HE DOESNT HAVE PROOF and they are willing to take LEGAL ACTION for misuse of funding (my prof doesn’t have the money nore time nor power to take them to court, which would also blow his cover). so my prof literally STAKES OUT a copse of cucumber trees at a recognized wildlife reserve for. DAYS. he camps there, and watches the trees, is about to give up, he’s going off an unreliable rumor from the traffickers that a harvester would be going there within the next week. finally, this guy comes and takes the cucumber tree seeds from the CLEARLY MARKED trees by the government, and my prof takes pictures (we are shown these pictures, most of us are speechless at this point). dozens of candid shots of a man my grandpa’s age with a grocery store bag, garden shears, and a ladder, clipping away the illegal seeds and then going on his merry fucking way.

so my prof has the proof, he’s been undercover for months now at this point, he writes up his report, gives it to the government who is like…….. “oh shit”, helps them draft up a new LESS COMPLETELY FUCKING OBVIOUS way of marking endangered trees (so that way non-tree-lovers wouldn’t damage them further, etc.), and then never returns to the tree traffickers. he’d given them a fake name, address, everything….. he disappears.

…there was a full minute of stunned silence from us students at this point, during which he grew more and more nervous (again, he’s a muffin) and all of us students are just like……. “whoa.” we asked him what happened to the remaining illegal cucumber trees & if he turned the tree dealers in to the government, and that is when he smiles a little bit and shows us the last few pictures. because here’s the kicker… he never turned the smugglers in. he burned all the data he collected, defied the government pressuring him to turn them in, and the only reason he’s not incarcerated is because his work is so prominent in certain circles now & universities love him, that there would be an uproar if he got arrested. he’s like a fucking anti-hero and then he tells us (i’ll never forget, it’s the most inspirational green-thumb thing in the world) “it may be ‘illegal’, but those who risk their liberty to ~save the world~ should never be reprimanded, no matter what those in power say.”

we are all stunned. some of us are considering dendrology as a field we’d now be interested in pursuing. he clicks his slide one final time, before we leave our last lecture and, since he had an asthma attack (lil muffin) he didn’t attend our exam, so i never see him again…………

and there, on the slides, the last picture? THERE HE IS. in his own backyard. with his equally lovely TA wife. both grinning innocently, standing underneath a……. FUCKING. FULL GROWN. ILLEGAL. CUCUMBER TREE.

Renegade botanist story, yasssss

@sednamode

It’s the kind of story that stays good even if it’s fake, but this does accurately quote Canadian tree law (i know).


Tags:

#storytime #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #yeah I went googling and that was pretty much the conclusion I came to #our home and cherished land

boston

pervocracy:

Coworker: Hey Cliff, how do you spell “Korea?”

Me: K-O-R-E-A.

Coworker: What?  No.  Korea, like a job.  I’m looking for a new korea.

This reminds me of the beefa story.

Girl: I saw a beefa yesterday!

Kid!Mom, who has recently moved to Massachusetts from New Jersey: A beefa?

Girl: Yeah!

Kid!Mom: Is that some kind of cow?

Girl: No, no! A beefa! You know, *sticks out front teeth*

Kid!Mom: …a beaver.

Girl: Yes!

Kid!Mom: You mean a beaver.

Girl: Yes! A beefa!

Kid!Mom: *long sigh* *wonders what the hell her parents have gotten her into*


Tags:

#my home away from home #(that is my Massachusetts tag) #language #accents

facts-i-just-made-up:

zainisaari:

NASA Boeing 747 with Space Shuttle Endeavour on her back 

The mid-air mating of a space shuttle with a 747.

Though their offspring will be sterile like a mule, Space Shuttles and 747s are close enough genetically to reproduce together, leading some scientists to believe they have a very recent common ancestor, possibly the Bell X-1. 

Rudimentary social characteristics in both Shuttle and 747 groupings however make the mating a sort of taboo. If caught, the shuttle will face ostracization from its herd. The 747 my actually be dismantled by others of its kind. And the offspring not only faces social isolation, but runs a high risk of deformity:

Of course these risks are nothing compared to the recorded instance of a biplane mating with a tank:

That’s an Antonov A-40 Krylya Tanka btw and it’s real.


Tags:

#pretty things #proud citizen of The Future #(and for the addition:) #storytime

wackd:

rincewitch:

70sscifiart:

“Re-imagining four common products from 2010 as if they were designed in 1977: an mp3 player, a laptop, a mobile phone and a handheld video game system. I then created a series of fictitious but stylistically accurate print ads to market them.”

From Alex Varanese.

More images in the Alt1977 series can be found here.

this is Extremely My Shit

oh my god the description text


Tags:

#if caught time travelling pin the evidence on Photoshop #was already a tag

Revolutionary Cooking Methods

sinesalvatorem:

Mum: …And then you have to move all the stakes around in the sauce so that the flavour gets distributed evenly.

Me: What’s with this talk of “even distribution”? That’s Communism! Do you want us to get invaded again?

Mum: Yeah, yeah. Just keep turning them. Move the ones on the bottom to the top.

Me: For how long? How long must we indulge these revolutionaries?

Mum: For as long as possible. The ideal would be permanent revolution, but I think 10 minutes should suffice.

Me: *takes an icepick out of the draw and brandishes it* You take that back, you Trotskyite!

Mum: *rolls eyes*

Me: Ugh. Why do I even care if the flavour is evenly distributed?

Mum: Because you never know which piece of meat you’re going to get.

Me: ….That is the sanest argument for economic leftism I’ve heard all year.

Mum: Alison, it’s the second of January.

Me: Well, yeah. It’s just that the leftists were hung over yesterday from celebrating the long-awaited overthrow of 2015.


Tags:

#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #they just materialise #human nature will create its own icepicks


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