attack of the clones leaves plausible room to theorize that there’s a raging death stick addiction epidemic going on in the jedi temple, and by “plausible room” i mean that i personally can overthink star wars faster than a hummingbird can beat its wings

in attack of the clones, obi-wan is approached by a drug dealer in a bar, and is offered death sticks for purchase. this immediately after anakin (the least helpful individual in space) helpfully shouts JEDI BUSINESS, BACK TO YOUR DRINKS and obi-wan is wearing distinctive jedi robes and is carrying a lightsaber, which even a slave kid (anakin, when he was more helpful) from the rural portion of the galaxy could recognize.

factor to note: the jedi are here in an enforcement capacity, they are actively chasing a criminal. the jedi clearly have the legal capacity to operate as law enforcement, although i doubt they operate as local coruscant law enforcement. but they are still quite literally government contracted law enforcement wizard monks, and death sticks are implied to be an illegal substance, and given the context of the bar, we can assume they’re a party drug.

drug dealers do not typically go “would you like to buy drugs” to random people, especially people very obviously in uniform, carrying a weapon, here (which everyone knows, thanks to anakin) on official business. official business that involves law enforcement, because that is obi-wan’s job, he is literally stopping a hired assassin. so what we can assume is that this guy is either really dumb, really high, both, or that he has an active market of jedi who buy death sticks from him, and that market is so stable he is bold enough to walk up to random jedi #5 and offer him illegal drugs. hence, there might be a solid number of jedi doing death sticks.

factor to note: it’s mentioned in the prequels that the force was growing darker, more clouded and more hostile for the jedi to use. in legends, it’s said that death sticks could hamper a user’s ability to touch the force, so you could connect the two and say that death stick usage spiked because the force had really, really awful vibes suddenly. and then you send THAT vulnerable population, where they become MORE vulnerable.i can wring all of this out of a one-off gag scene, you have no idea what kind of insane thoughts about star wars i can make up.


That, or it was just Obi-Wan’s dealer.


#Star Wars #meta #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #drugs cw


I still want to write the fic where an outsider has all these preconceptions about what the Force is and then goes into a room with a bunch of Jedi who are tearing into each other like bitchy old academics.

“Ooh, look at Master Structuralist over here with his ever-so-deep ‘everything is attachment actually’ reading”

“I don’t want to hear that from someone who calls every new opinion ‘new depths of their relationship with the Force’”

“The Jedi Order is a social construct–”

“Could you stuff the po-mo and pick up a book once in a while? These aren’t new ideas! You are not a pioneer because you asked one question!”

“I think you could all benefit on more reflection on how our rooting in the Force is actually deeply sexual–”

“If I have to hear one more word about lightsabers being penis envy you are going to be one with the Force immediately.”



#I’m 100% into this and want annual conferences about the force and what it means to be a jedi#everyone keep asking very passive-aggressive questions after every presentations#at one point a lecturer says ‘I know this because the Force told me so’ instead of listing their sources and the whole room groans#a scholar who isn’t force-sensitive shows up and half of the jedi are like ‘who even is this guy’#a LOT of rage is being released in the force at the same time#the only moment everyone in the room makes an appreciative noise is when the lunch break is announced#a huge debate blows up during the break because someone mentions it could be good to invite a nightsister next year#someone storms off mumbling about heresy and not taking part in this debacle @obiwanobi

yes please I need more jedi symposiums with knights who had different views than consulars who have different views than shadows. Temple-centered jedi versus those who lead frequent diplomatic or medical missions versus exploratory and research jedi who spend most of their time in uninhabited wild space and the outer rim.

There is absolutely no way an organization that large doesn’t have factions that understand the force differently–my 15-person philosophy class couldn’t agree on a single thing we read all term.



Anakin shows up once, pulls up his PowerPoint and it just says “I am the Chosen One.”

The room immediately turns into chaos.



dear god why would you leave this in the tags

#Obi wan was pissed that his past presentation on Jedi/Mandalorian cultural parallelism was laughed out#so he put Anakin up to it just to send the room into a tailspin#Anakin LOVED it#he got to sword fight an eighty year old snake#and force chuck a dude into a wall#he officially never misses one of these anymore#every year he just goes up and says the most controversial thing he can to get the room to riot#the year after its ‘the more midichlorians you have the closer you are to the force’#he almost got stabbed by an old monk from the far side of dantooine#for that one#the council keeps letting him speak because it’s way less embarrassing to blame the fights on Skywalker#than admit everyone at an academic conference wants to murder each other#they did get a Nightsister to come to the conference btw#it was very enlightening and everyone liked her#the problem was that Anakin’s presentation that year was#‘master/student bonds are no different than lovers bonds in the force’#and#the Nightsister took REAL offense to that#Anakin is like 30% sure he got cursed#totally worth it for the look on Obi-Wan’s face tho#the Nightsister came back the next year#she brought friends!#they’re not sure if she did that because they were interested in the academics or if she wanted backup to beat the shit out of Anakin#but the council likes both cases#so they see this as an absolute win!



Yoda was banned and no one will talk about why



It happened six hundred years ago so no one knows but theories range from “he ate all the snacks” to “he personally instigated a duel meant to settle whether channeling the force through combat meditation is more effective than through regular meditation but the duel got out of hand and everyone but him lost at least one limb”

the truth is that he was never actually banned, he’s just been saying it so he doesn’t have to go. he started all the rumors himself



After Mortis anakin’s presentation is just standing ahsoka on stage solid 5 minutes and then as she’s rolling her eyes and about to hop off Morai flies past a window and anakin clicks to the next slide and it just says “the bird is the light side and it’s stalking my padawan”





#Star Wars #story ideas I will never write #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #violence cw #murder cw

Job Offer


Anakin: [dramatic and villainous] Join me, Master! I’ll give you one last chance!
Obi-Wan: …fine. 
Anakin: I – [Dramatic John Williams Score cuts out] Wait, what?
Obi-Wan: I said all right, then. [puts his cloak back on]
Anakin: [mouth agape] Wh– no, Master, you – 
Obi-Wan: You offered, didn’t you? I mean if the Jedi Order and Republic are over, as you say, I suppose I’ve got to find employment somewhere
Anakin: [with gears visibly turning in his head] Well – but – it’s just. I’m talking about the Dark Side, Master, you know that, right?
Obi-Wan: Yes. What else could you have possibly been talking about?
Anakin: I…right, of course. So…you’re just, fine with becoming a Sith Lord, just like that. 
Obi-Wan: [smoothing out his sleeves] Hmm? I mean, I suppose, you know. Whatever you want to do. 
Anakin: That…this doesn’t make any sense. 
Obi-Wan: See, those were my thoughts exactly! 
Anakin: [confused as hell] …yeah, so…why…
Obi-Wan: [scrolling on his phone] I, too, thought to myself “goodness! That certainly looks like Anakin pledging his life to a Sith Lord, but that, that makes no sense whatsoever! We were just about to win the war, and at any rate I just saw him only a handful of hours ago. Becoming a Sith, at this moment of all moments, would be possibly the stupidest, least-thought-through decision he’s ever made, even including that time he ate those leftovers that had been in the conservator since before we left for Christophsis.” 
Anakin: [makes a face] 
Obi-Wan: But then I thought, “well, Obi-Wan, you’ve known Anakin a very long time, surely if he’s doing something this drastic, it must be for a very good reason indeed. A reason that is based on solid facts that he has thought through at length after having gotten many hours of restful sleep. It’s not like he’d turn to the Dark Side because he’s panicked about something and refuses to talk to anyone about it in any actionable detail, and has decided to place all his proverbial eggs in one basket that happens to belong to a Sith Lord who orchestrated this entire war from the start!” Because of course that would be idiotic. And if that were the case, Anakin should probably just shut up and get on the ship and go help his wife before I have to do something I very much wouldn’t like to have to do to him. 
Anakin: [opens his mouth] [closes it] [unintelligible mumble]
Obi-Wan: So, very well then. Sith Lords it is. Do I need to do anything immediately, or shall we just get on to murdering people?I I must say I don’t own many dark colors, but I’m sure we can stop at a store at some point during our killing spree. 
Anakin: W– no, I mean, Obi-Wan, you can’t…like…be that way. That’s not…you’re…you.
Obi-Wan: What way is that, Anakin? Did you or did you not ask me to join you? Hmm? I said I accept. I presume you are a man of your word. Whom shall I kill in cold blood? [draws his lightsaber]
Anakin: I…you should. I just. [mumbles again]
Obi-Wan: What’s that? I couldn’t quite hear you. [leans in slightly] Would it bother you to see me behaving in such a way? Would it disappoint you, or possibly even tear your heart into pieces to watch your Master fall so far and do such terrible things? Would you do anything, forgive anything even though that is objectively insane, in the off chance that I might see reason, because I am behaving so far beyond anything you know of me?
Anakin: [looks away and stares] [more mumbling, scuffs his boot on the ground]
Obi-Wan: …well?!
Anakin: [pouting and picking up his cloak, already walking away] I said I’ll get in the ship! 


#Star Wars #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog



ok but anakin and obi-wan talking like danny and rusty from ocean’s eleven when they spend too much time together 

listen, sometimes reaching a planet takes a lot of time and rex thought that cody was kidding when he told him to NOT let the two generals spend all their time together

and that’s how you get obi-wan and anakin finishing each other sentences but also not even speaking an understandable language to anyone else but them and saying shit like ‘ she has your…?’ ‘yeah’ ‘that means that she’s…’ ‘yeah’ ‘well you better…’ ‘yeah’ 

or ‘you wanna…’ ‘all yours’ ‘where should we…’ ‘start with the deck’

and they don’t even explain anything to rex? one time he asked them a question and they answered the exact same thing at the exact same time without even blinking, even clones don’t do that 

cody only sighs when rex calls him desperately and says ‘they’re doing the weirder-than-usual ‘one mind in two bodies’ thing, aren’t they?’ and rex is almost shaking and screaming ‘THEY’RE FREAKING ME OUT CODY’  

#rex saw anakin having an argument with obi wan for 3 entire minutes #and the whole time obi wan didn’t even look up from his holopad or OPEN HIS MOUTH #anakin ended up saying ‘you’re right of course you’re right I’m glad we had this conversation’ #rex cursed the eccentric space wizards and their creepy telepathy bullshit

because @obiwanobi‘s tags deserve to be rebloggable.


#Star Wars #headcanons #I didn’t actually laugh aloud but it still amused me enough to reblog


i hope rey is revealed to be obi wan’s granddaughter not because i have strong feelings about it but because if she is that seems to imply that in the star wars universe british accents are genetic


#Rey’s voice subtly bothered me and eventually I figured out why: #she sounds *posh* #like‚ people in a galaxy far far away having British accents sure why not #not really any weirder than having them speak with American accents #but it should not be a *posh* British accent #Rey is extremely not posh #portraying her voice like this is a *terrible* translation of the Galactic Basic #Star Wars #accents


scott lang, completely misunderstanding peter parker’s power: hey if u want man we could get tiny and just like hang out, i don’t know if you’ve ever been in a lego castle but it’s pretty sweet

peter parker: u have no idea how much physical pain having to turn this offer down is causing me but,



Scott Lang, upon realizing Peter Parker can’t shrink: oh okay no biggee, we’ll just make the LEGO castle big



Peter, ready to cry from joy: do you like Star Wars? Because I have a replica… and my friend Ned and I got it to fly…

Scott Lang, a mechanical engineer and nerd: kid you are my people




Peter: we didn’t want it to crush any buildings so we brought it out here!




#and then Tony wonders when the hell HE became the responsible one#and promptly abandons his responsibilities#and jumps in his armor#to go zoom around the life size death star#pretending he’s Luke doing the trench run (via)



It got better!



I was gonna SAY, Tony would fly out there, look at the thing, and go…. No, this isn’t life size. Impressive though. Okay, bugs, put on these helmets, we’re taking this into orbit and doing this at 1:1 scale.



Sam: Barnes is gonna make an awesome Chewbacca.

Bucky: -.-



Guardians arriving back in Earth orbit for a visit:

Rocket : When the **** did Earth get another moon?

Peter Qull (with an indescribable look on his face, but knowing his entire life has built to this moment): That’s no moon!


#Marvel #Star Wars #fanfic #it got better



Star Wars never really explores the cool time-keeping situations that you can end up with in a society that spans multiple planets: 

  • planets with no moon that don’t have a time increment between days and years
  • planets with a dozen moons where understanding their cycles involves university courses
  • multi-planet star systems where the position of the other planet features prominently in calendar systems
  • tidally locked planets with no days (or years, really, because even though they’re orbiting a star they wouldn’t have significant changes in seasons)
  • and not only do they not have days or years, they have no cultural concept of those things and are bewildered by the rest of the galaxy’s obsession with measuring time
  • planets with years so long that they’re useless as a way of measuring age, so people give their age in months instead
  • planets with like 6 hour days where people are used to sleeping frequently for only a couple hours at a time
  • the space equivalent of jetlag involves adjusting to a new day length, not just a new time zone
  • when two planets have slightly different day lengths, the days shift relative to each other, so if you travel frequently between two such planets, sometimes the days line up perfectly and sometimes you have to deal with 12 hours of “jet”lag

And there are tons of interesting cultural implications that go along with using Coruscant time as a standard throughout the galaxy:

  • standard Coruscant dates have basically no correlation to seasons on planets with different year lengths, so to even guess at the weather during a historical date given in standard time you need to do calculations
  • everyone has a different age in local years and standard years, and a different birthday
  • some planets have days much longer or shorter than standard days, so your standard birthday might be spread over a few local days or vice versa
  • stuff like being old enough to drive – it tends to go in round numbers of local years, so even on planets where the rule is “about 18 standard”, you have some planets where it’s actually 17.36 standard years, or 19.1, or whatever works out nicely in local years
  • planets that follow Coruscant standard time and totally ignore natural phenomena on their own planets
  • up to and including days – they force themselves into sleep cycles with nothing to do with the sun rising and setting
  • planets that refuse to use standard time even in official settings, and pilots hate having to travel there because the space port is always chaotic because no one knows what time it is
  • the Separatists try to switch to another time system than Coruscant standard and it’s a total mess but it would be embarrassing to switch back
  • the Rebellion learns their lesson from this and doesn’t try to change the standard time system even though the New Republic government is no longer based on Coruscant
  • people pay less and less attention to standard time as you get farther from the core
  • planets with similar natural time cycles to Coruscant have more prosperous economies and produce more prominent and successful people, although the effect is subtle enough that it goes unnoticed until someone randomly decides to check for correlation

Apparently there’s an entry in one of the official Legends atlases that says Taanab has a 46-hour day. Literally nothing else in canon that I know of does anything with this. I’ve occasionally pondered using it in something, but I always come back to the same question: how the fuck does a farming planet settled by humans function if its day doesn’t match up to human circadian rhythms? Changing the length of day-cycle your body expects is fucking *hard*. Now, a 48-hour day I could see working okay with some adaptations, but 46? No. You’d have weeks where half the planet was farming in the dark.

(I wonder if anyone has ever done experiments on small babies to check whether a circadian rhythm is nature or nurture. Probably they have.)

IIRC it’s “generally mostly nature, but different proportions of nature and nurture in different individuals”. “What time of day you expect to sleep”, “what day length you expect to have”, and “how flexible each expectation is” are all axes along which people vary.

(Most people expect a day length *slightly* longer than 24 hours but by a small enough margin that it’s not a big deal (I guess once it’s close enough to be not-a-big-deal there’s not much pressure to fine-tune it further? maybe?): expecting a day length significantly different from 24 hours sucks about as much as you’d think.)

Depending on the timescales involved and how common moving between planets is, you might wind up with slightly different strains of human adapted to each planet’s length, or maybe just end up selecting for flexible circadian cycles.

(Personally, I suspect I have a baseline noticeable-but-weak circadian cycle masked and/or reinforced by general autistic routine-loving. I strongly prefer to sleep at a consistent time in the short term but have only a weak preference for diurnality in the long term, and pay more attention to artificial cues than to natural ones. I wonder how I’d do on one of those planets that follows Coruscant time and to hell with its own world’s rhythms.)


#Star Wars #reply via reblog #circadian rhythms #is the blue I see the same as the blue you see #evolution



he was on TATOOINE you fucking loser



Obi-Wan can find an invisible planet hidden by a devious Sith Lord, Anakin can’t find his ex-best friend on his own home planet while the guy is still using his own damn name.

I know we give Obi-wan a lot of shit for leaving Luke with his real surname but Anakin really is that stupid



the perfect hiding place: the sandiest fucking planet that anakin would never set foot on again



I’d like to remind everyone again that it’s literally canon that Vader can’t step foot on Tatooine because the desert gets into his creaky old man robot joints and makes his suit break down

aka the sand is coarse, rough, irritating, and gets everywhere



i  d o n t  l i k e  s a n d



okay but what if everyone was like ‘vader, kenobi’s on tattooine. he’s obviously on tattooine. he’s been there for years. he’s just right fucking there, we all know it.’ and vader is just desperately shaking down jedi like they’re magic eight-balls and he wants a better fortune. like ‘no i don’t like that try again’. 

kenobi’s just sitting there in his pile of sand like a smug fucking bastard. he doesn’t need to hide jack shit. he went to the tattooine board of tourism and got them to print up flyers that say ‘COME TO TATTOOINE, WE HAVE SAND’ and luke is probably going to be safe until his midlife fucking crisis at this rate.

palpatine finds vader aimlessly checking behind pieces of furniture in some shitty space motel on kamino

‘he’s on tattooine,’ palpatine says. 

‘nuh uh,’ vader says, and peers under a couch.



peers under a couch



This is the best Star Wars post I have read in a while.


#Star Wars #headcanons #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #my past self has good taste #torture mention