things got a little heated in the gc today

I really do love when people say that a particular food, or food combination, or style of eating/serving food, is a CRIME, when what they mean is that it strikes them personally as weird or unthinkable.

As long as they say it humorously, of course. I just really get a kick out of imagining someone being ridiculously “sentenced to death” for putting carrots on their sandwich. 😅


#that one post with the thing #food #is the blue I see the same as the blue you see #Australia #language #(I *mostly* say ”bell pepper” but) #(since acquiring more exposure to other English dialects I occasionally say ”capsicum”) #(if the sentence flows better with a one-word term for bell pepper) #death tw?


one of my favorite lotr facts is that gondorians speak sindarin as a first language and yet when faramir was talking to frodo and sam about cirith ungol he was like “we don’t know what’s in there.” like faramir. cirith ungol is sindarin for “pass of the spider.” do the math


some of my favorite tags on this post



Don’t forget that Frodo also speaks Sindarin, which makes this even worse.

Faramir: Hey, don’t go up the Spider Stairs.

Frodo: Why? What’s up the Spider Stairs?

Faramir: We don’t know, Frodo. We just don’t know.


to be fair, you’d assume the name means “there’s a lot of spiders here,” not, “there is one spider the size of a draft horse here.” so you go up expecting to have to shoo a lot of skeeter eaters out of your tent, and instead you have to figure out how to rope and shoe godzillarantula.


Hmmm…They do live in a world where godzillarantulas feature prominently in mythology and history (Ungoliant plunged the world into darkness, scared the crap out of Sauron’s old boss, etc) and existed within the last century in Mirkwood. Assuming they ever talk to anyone who’s been to Mirkwood. They… probably know they were giant spiders in Mirkwood pretty recently? It’s hard to figure out how much anyone in Middle-earth has been talking to anyone else when we didn’t actually see it.

On the other hand – what if it’s the giant evil spiders’ prominence in history/mythology that’s causing trouble? What if lots of evil/nasty things/places get called “spider” just to indicate how nasty and evil they are, rather than any association with literal spiders, and it’s just… overloaded? Maybe the bad part of town in Minas Tirith is the Spider District. Maybe every tavern trying to be edgy calls itself the Spiderweb.

Actually spider/Ungoliant references could be really appealing to Gondorians trying to be edgy. They’re dark and evil! Plunged the world into darkness! But they AREN’T involved in the war they’re actually fighting, they aren’t directly associated with Sauron at all, so getting too interested in them would be creepy without being potentially treasonous. Because no one’s ACTUALLY going to worship those dangerous but not epic spiders up in Mirkwood, and no one’s heard anything from any proper spawn of Ungoliant in ages and ages.

In fact, spider/Ungoliant references might be appealing to ORCS trying to express that something is nasty and creepy! Nobody likes Ungoliant.

Maybe Faramir’s been to fourteen different Spider Caves across Ithilien, and half of them he didn’t even see regular spiders in, they’re just dark and damp and may have had orcs at some point, or something, and at some point in history someone got spooked. So you know, it’s POSSIBLE Spider Pass has something to do with spiders? But really it just means people don’t like it.

(The problem with this theory is we never actually SAW anyone overusing spider references. But it’s plausible they would!)


“The average spider on Middle Earth is the size of a dinner plate” is a statistical error. The average spider on Middle Earth is smaller than a coin. Cirith Ungol (lit: Spiders Gorge), which contains a spider larger than a horse, is an outlier adn should not have been counted.






Come for the Tolkien linguistics, stay for the Spiders Georg reference


this map, by jonathan hull, shows all the places in the USA named after the devil or hell. assuming big giant awful spiders were a common thing in middle earth, it’s likely that there were a shit ton of Spider Stairways.


you don’t wander into Devil’s Lick assuming that satan himself is gonna give you a rimjob. you presumably also don’t head up Spider Stairs assuming an arachnid the size of a cottage is gonna try and eat your friend.


FUN FACT: A huge portion of the “Devil’s [OBJECT]” names in Wyoming are from a poor bastard called John Coulter, who was probably the first white man to see Yellowstone! He saw it because he got seperated from the Lewis and Clark expidition on their way back east, decided that with winter coming on, he should head south to stay ahead of the weather, rather than east to try to catch up with the party, and instead got lost inside the Yellowstone caldera, the COLDEST fucking part of Wyoming, with its scalding, posionous geysers, earthquakes, massive packs of wolves that weren’t afraid of people yet, and temperatures hitting as low as Negative 40, and naturally assumed that he had somehow taken a wrong turn into the Nnth Circle of Hell.

He lived, managed to get out of the caldera, took extensive notes on the landscape, eventunally met up with some Blackfoot tribesmen who gave him a horse and directions to the nearest european settlement, and he left, naming every single notable feature after hell or the Devil, because Wyoming is clearly His Infernal Country.

So as far as Frodo knows, “Spiders Pass” was just named by a particularly disgruntled and arachnophobic field cartographer.


#that one post with the thing #it got better #Middle Earth #language #names #spiders #Spiders Georg #maps #geography #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what #hell cw?


Recently heard a woman in the airport mention someone she clearly wasn’t very fond of and conclude with “May God be kind to him….someday.”

There are like nine different levels to those seven words. Truly an astonishing form of blessing-curse.


#language #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what


“Time for Plan B.”

“Dude, we’re on like Plan Ansuz at this point.  Plan Omega was a while ago.”


*several disasters later*

“Well, time for Plan Alep.”

“You mean Plan Aleph?”

“No.  No, I do not.”


“Looks like it’s time for plan so

“Plan そ?”


*increasing worried expressions*

“…plan… 祖… ?“

“Plan 麤”


“Alright. We’re fresh out of character systems. What now?”

*frantic scribbling* “Hold on…”

“Are you… inventing a fucking conlang? For the sole purpose of demonstrating how incredibly shit the situation is right now?”

“Yes. We’re on Plan Squeeble.”

“Plan Squeeble?”

“Plan Squeeble.”


Plan voiced palatoalveolar fricative


plan faciomanual click


Plan wumbo


#I didn’t actually laugh aloud but it still amused me enough to reblog #language



the only reason I want to visit Australia is to confirm whether “we’re not here to fuck spiders” is in fact a real saying really in use or if Australians on the Internet have united in the world’s most dedicated prank to get foreigners to use ridiculous phrases

Australians DIVIDED in the notes:

  • “oh it’s a southern thing”
  • “oh it’s a northern thing”
  • “it’s a rural thing”
  • “it’s a Sydney thing”
  • “it’s not a thing”
  • “it’s a real thing and super common and my father said it to me every night as a bedtime mantra”
  • “it wasn’t a real thing but after lying to foreigners about it often enough it became a real unironic saying”
  • “lying to foreigners is the only reality Australians know”
  • “some of us are here to fuck spiders”


#Australia #language #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #spiders #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what


My spouse and I just had one of those “wait your brain works HOW?” exchanges, and now I am BURNING TO KNOW HOW IT WORKS FOR OTHER PEOPLE:

Fellow speakers of this feral bastard language (English), rb and tell me in the tags: what is the delineation for you, if any, between evening and night?


#”evening” runs from sunset to when you start thinking about maybe going to bed soon #”night” is when it’s dark out #they overlap‚ but are not the same #language #surveys