Salvete, Gaius Iuli’us Caesar sum et pilorum album quam nivem habeo et aureos, sed interdum virides lauros et imperium Romanum construxi et eius eram quasi primus Caesar (sic merui nomen meum) et multi indicant mihi me Marcus Crassus similem esse (si non scitis Marcus Crassus, vobis opus est pecunia). Brutus non est filius meus quod est bonum nam ET TU, MI FILI???!?. Iamia sum sed dentes albos et rectos habeo. Pallidam cutem habeo. Etiam, maga sum magicum ludum, nomine Pigverruca, visitans quod desinam (ego sum MMCXIV), veni, vidi, vici. Classicus sum (si vos id non suspexistis) et multas togas emptas in Basilica Iulia habeo. Ratio amo et bellum Gallicum gero. Veluti, hodie omnia Gallia occupata. Omnia Gallia? Certe! Non est vicus parvus inter Aquarium, Babaorum, Laudanum et Brevisbonum. Ambulabam foris Pigverruca. Ninxit et pluvit et Gallia divisa erat in partes tres, quod me fecit felix. Marcus Porcius Cato me observavit. Digitum medium illo monstravi.
My Latin is pretty rusty, but I know enough to say that it’s a bunch funnier, so let me take a stab at translating. I’m breaking down the original so if I make any ridiculous mistakes through not having taken Latin in 15+ years, other people can correct me.
“Salvete, Gaius Iuli’us Caesar sum” – Greetings, all! I am Gaius Julius Caesar
“et pilorum album quam nivem habeo et aureos,” – and I have spears that are whiter than snow and golden
“sed interdum virides lauros” – but sometimes green laurels
“et imperium Romanum construxi” – and I built the Roman empire
“et eius eram quasi primus Caesar (sic merui nomen meum)” – and I was, like, its first Caesar (that’s how I got my name) [note: a more literal translation is “thus I earned my name”, but it’s obvious that this is a direct reference to the line “that’s how I got my name” in the original]
“et multi indicant mihi me Marcus Crassus similem esse (si non scitis Marcus Crassus, vobis opus est pecunia).” – and many people say to me that I seem to be like Marcus Crassus (if you don’t know Marcus Crassus, your work is money). [translator’s note: “your work is money” is not a phrase I’m familiar with. Google Translate suggests “you need money” as a more idiomatic translation. My best guess is it might mean something like “you work for your money instead of being a patrician with a family inheritance”.]
“Brutus non est filius meus quod est bonum nam ET TU, MI FILI???!?.” – Brutus is not my son, which is good because AND YOU, MY SON???!? [note: this is the more classically attested version of Caesar’s last words, famously quoted in English as “et tu, Brute?” or “and you [are killing me too], Brutus?”
“Iamia sum sed dentes albos et rectos habeo.” – I am a [vampire?] but I have white and straight teeth. [note: I’m more familiar with the Lamia as a Greek female monster similar to Scylla but with only one neck. However, Google Translate’s suggestion of “vampire” seems likely accurate from the obvious context.]
“Pallidam cutem habeo.” – I have pale skin.
“Etiam, maga sum magicum ludum, nomine Pigverruca, visitans quod desinam (ego sum MMCXIV), veni, vidi, vici.” – Also, I am a female witch [at?] a magic school, named Hogwarts, which I will stop visiting (I am 2094), I came, I saw, I conquered.“ [note: “Veni, vidi, vici” is famously what Caesar said when deciding to bring his army to Rome and become its ruler.]
“Classicus sum (si vos id non suspexistis) et multas togas emptas in Basilica Iulia habeo.” – I am classical (if you didn’t know) and I have bought many togas in the Julian Basilica.
“Ratio amo et bellum Gallicum gero.” – I love reason and I conduct the Gallic [French] wars.
“Veluti, hodie omnia Gallia occupata. Omnia Gallia? Certe!” – As if, today all Gaul is occupied. All Gaul? Definitely!
“Non est vicus parvus inter Aquarium, Babaorum, Laudanum et Brevisbonum.” – It is not a small village between Aquarium [pun: fish tank], Babaorum [pun: rum cake], Laudanum [pun: opium product] and Short Good.
“Ambulabam foris Pigverruca.” – I was walking outside Hogwarts.
“Ninxit et pluvit et Gallia divisa erat in partes tres, quod me fecit felix.” – It snowed and rained and Gaul was divided into three parts, which made me happy. [note: Caesar’s history of the Gallic Wars famously begins “Gaul is divided into three parts”.]
“Marcus Porcius Cato me observavit. Digitum medium illo monstravi.” – Marcus Porcius Cato [the Younger, a famous opponent of Caesar’s ambitions] stared at me. I put my middle finger up at him.“
The year is 50 B.C. All Gaul is occupied by the Romans. All? No! One small village of indomitable Gauls still holds out against the invaders. And life is not easy for the Roman legionaries who garrison the fortified camps of Babaorum, Aquarium, Laudanum and Petibonum…
(introductory spiel to every volume of Astérix)
Tags:
#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #My Immortal #language #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
actually you know what that’s exactly it i would rather someone add 5 parantheticals after every sentence than use tone indicators it’s 1. accomplishing SO much more in terms of clarity 2. extremely funny to look at depending on how they’re used
observe:
“is this real? /gen” — i thought /gen meant “general” for ages. i would not be able to understand this on first sight a few years ago and is thus ineffective
“is this real? (genuine question)” — i fully understand this without issue
“is this real? (genuine question) (can’t tell) (very realistic) (looks real) (scary) (photoshop?)” — is not only incredibly clear it’s also very funny to read all of these thoughts stapled together while also in their own parentheses. it’s also the most useful because now i can actually address all parts of what they are asking me with as much specificity as BOTH of us need
Tags:
#I didn’t actually laugh aloud but it still amused me enough to reblog #language #got a point there #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
A friend of mine uses they/them as the default pronoun for any stranger she’s discussing. It’s fun. Today she they/themmed the Pope.
POST CANCELLED APOLOGIES TO THE POPE.
the pope has pronouns in bio, actually
Tags:
#gender #language #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what #I *have* noticed this becoming a thing #I haven’t actually adopted it yet but it’s rubbed off on me enough that #it feels kind of weird to call Tumblr OPs I’ve never talked to by gendered pronouns #even when they’ve clearly provided those pronouns #we are always living through history I guess #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
I didn’t know about zeugmas until just now! That is so awesome, everybody:
zeug·ma ˈzo͞oɡmə/
noun
a figure of speech in which a word applies to two others in different senses (e.g.,John and his license expired last week ) or to two others of which it semantically suits only one (e.g., with weeping eyes and hearts ).
The 4 approaches to “orphaned etymology” problems in fiction
1. Obviously we can’t call it French toast if there’s no France so we’re just gonna replace it with something else.
2. The word abattoir sounds too French so it wouldn’t make sense for it to be here without a France. Even though we use English without there being an England.
3. This is called a Ming vase because when you tap it it makes a “Ming!” sound.
4. I am JRR Tolkien and every single word I write has a fictional etymology attached to it that I am translating into English for your convenience.
Tags:
#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(approach number 3) #language #writing
#surveys #names #language #I am aware that I am *supposed* to pronounce it ”archive” #but there are already like three other websites that people around me call ”the Archive” #(you’ve got your Internet Archive‚ your Archive of Our Own‚ your Erotic Mind-Control Story Archive) #and we need some more fucking disambiguation
actually all of these are wrong. who says waughter. water has the same vowels as father not the same vowels as daughter
I say [ˈwɔɾɚ]. and I’m a normal american guy, who just likes to grill burgers and corn, drink a can of beer and/or corn, have a good time with boys and 91.7 megaacres of corn, as well as other wholesome american activities. a dialect of american so good it’s general. inferior dialects can’t compete with our C4 carbon fixation cycle
Tags:
#what *are* vowels? #we just don’t know #language #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(”inferior dialects can’t compete with our C4 carbon fixation cycle”) #home of the brave
How do you pronounce “??” In your head on its own?
Tags:
#I don’t know how to verbally describe the sound effect #nor do I know of a good way to find or make a similar-sounding recording #surveys #is the blue I see the same as the blue you see #language
Is there a word for that like, “bright darkness” you get in winter?? When it’s been snowing or it’s supposed to snow past sunset and the sky isn’t Dark Enough. One of my favorite things
Thanks to @raindropwindow and a handful of articles, it’s called snow albedo, skyglow, snowglow, or just light scattering! It’s the result of moon- or artificial light reflecting off ground snow, low clouds, or ice crystals.
that nsfw snow…
Tags:
#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #juxtaposition #snow #language #pretty things #landscapes
Characters being compared to dogs always use terriers or pitbulls or something for their metaphors. “They grab on and they don’t let go” “They keep worrying at it until it’s dead” etc.
Anyway, I want to see collies used as metaphors. Albert Payson Terhune style. “He was like an attack dog–making slash-and-run attacks, cutting them up worse every time, never staying in range long enough to get hurt but circling back over and over.”
He was like a beagle – AAAUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *breath* AUUUUUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Tags:
#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #dogs #language #overly literal interpretations
Brinens and Things 