ive always hated when a vampire story is trying to distance itself from traditional lore or common perception and the vampire turns up their nose and says “and no. I don’t turn into a bat” like they’re so offended that you’d even suggest that they could do something so cool. well congratulations you’re uncool and boring goodbye
“Can you turn into a bat?”
“God, no, I wish,” sighed the vampire. “That’d be fucking badass.”
#hey it took him a while but he eventually managed it
#vampires #Twilight #Batman #juxtaposition #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog
You look around the lecture hall and notice all the other students have fallen asleep. You look towards the lecturer, who has now stopped talking and is staring straight at you. “I don’t know how you’re still awake, but I guess we do this the hard way.” He says before pulling out a sword.
#the Jones and Tolkien bit is great‚ but as for the OP: #it’s played for laughs / as a demonstration of how stupid the villainous lecturer is #after ”I don’t know how you’re still awake” it cuts to a wide view of the class #in which I am blatantly wearing much higher-grade respiratory protection than everyone else #what could possibly be the difference that caused me to be unaffected by his soporific when everyone else succumbed? #truly it is a mystery #story ideas I will never write #juxtaposition #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what