(status: I acknowledge that this is psychological damage from an extended period of financial hardship during formative years, but I nonetheless mostly endorse it)
Hmm. I seem to be having a bunch of thoughts and feelings about this.
There seems to be a…maybe “divide” is too strong a word, I don’t know. But…like, I called it “fuck-you money vs fuck-me money” in a post a while back. Even when the actions are the same, there’s this psychological difference in how people can approach it.
When I see FIRE people, they always frame it in terms of *freedom*. (It’s right there in the acronym: Financially *Independent*, Retiring Early.) But to me, it strikes me as being a thing about *safety*. “Enough money that you can run your household solely off the interest from your investments” can protect you from a lot of different problems, and *that’s* why the idea appeals to me.
A few weeks ago I saw some distant acquaintance-of-an-acquaintance on Tumblr (I don’t recall who) advising a young person with a high-paying job and relatively low expenses (Silicon Valley programmer, I think, or something like that) to go on some trips and enjoy themself, because they weren’t going to have this much disposable income again until their forties if not later. And it felt like a very weird framing to me, because…the way I see it, if future-me doesn’t have money to spare, then neither do I. I don’t have spare money unless I can afford to feed myself, and I can’t truly afford to feed myself unless I can afford to feed *all* of my selves.
16-year-old me got to eat because 7-year-old me’s dad put away some “”extra””, and eventually that “”extra”” was all he had left. Where is 33-year-old me getting *her* food from?
Because if the source isn’t me, then I don’t trust it to come through for her. I want to do all I can to make sure that, no matter who is or is not willing to employ her or for how much, 33-year-old me (and 44-year-old me, and 55-year-old me…) is fed and housed and so forth.
—
(This was going to be a tag ramble, but then I thought it should probably stay with the post if somebody reblogs it to respond or something. I’m just going to leave it in tag format.)
#this post probably partly inspired by my first anniversary of non-freelance employment #which is coming up soon #I think I will celebrate by scheduling the dental checkup I have been putting off for ~3 years because I didn’t feel I could afford it #(yes government healthcare does not cover dental) #(OHIP has some very weird-looking exceptions) #(this is probably the result of some kind of complicated political negotiation that I’m not sure I want to know the details of) #anyway a dental checkup seems like a good compromise between celebratory and practical #(and [practical celebrations are easier to enjoy]/[I find myself drawn to practical gifts these days anyway including gifts I buy for myself]) #((that safety thing manifests here especially)) #((the things I dream of buying these days are always things that protect you from something)) #((checkups that protect you from tooth damage and electric cars that protect you from rising oil prices and solar-powered phone chargers that protect you from power outages)) #((this I am much less sure I endorse)) #((I mean I think it is good to want practical things but it would also probably be good if I felt safe enough to want a few non-practical things too)) #(((sometimes on especially bad brain days I can’t even bring myself to play Flight Rising))) #(((that is currently the most common cause of my FR hiatuses))) #(((it used to be the most common cause was that I felt like playing some other game instead)))
#I will put this in the tags though: #I was reading my Tumblr archive recently and *damn* 2014!me was having a hard time #she didn’t talk about it much in public but occasionally she couldn’t quite hold it in anymore and it leaked out into a post #I felt very sorry for her #basically what I’m saying is #hi 2022!me #I hope you’re in a good enough position that you can feel sorry for me rather than going ”yeah I still know that feel” #(but if so please do still provide for farther-future!us) #(just with a healthier frame of mind) #(maybe buy solar chargers *and* video games)
Hi, 2018!me.
I won’t lie to you: I do still know that feel. Things haven’t really changed much for us financially: still a slow bleeding kept at bay by unpredictable one-time cash infusions, still with a-home-in-good-repair being a cherished but distant dream. Still taking some gigs at $1.30/hour, though only the especially easy ones now. We graduated last year, and the diploma’s been *exactly* as much of a waste of time and resources as we feared it would be, though I have not quite lost hope altogether. I have made only $309 in deposits to my retirement fund, in the time since I was you.
Financially, we still don’t have the stability and security that we long for.
*Non*-financially, though, our position has improved. We’ve made new friends, and even mostly managed to keep the old, and (in addition to the non-practicality-related aspects) they’ve taught us (and we them) many useful things. I’m in better shape now: not *great* shape, but on a good day I can run for half an hour straight (almost two miles!), and even on moderately bad days I can do twenty minutes. I still work at the restaurant, but I’m allowed to mask at work now (I know, right, we thought that would *never* happen, didn’t even dare hope for it), and we were–by, admittedly, a terrifyingly narrow margin–not fucked over by the travesty that set the precedent that workplaces allow employees to mask.
(If this were two-way communication, I’d have opened with advice on getting higher-grade and more durable masks while they’re still easy to come by, so that the margin won’t be so terrifyingly narrow. But it isn’t, and I will have to content myself with knowing that it worked out for us in the end.)
(It didn’t work out, for a lot of people. A lot of people, in a lot of ways, are worse off now than they were in 2018. I do not live in as flourishing a world as we would hope.
But we, personally, were fortunate in this regard: we rose through the cracks of the problems that hit everyone, and that actually ended up counteracting a lot of the problems that were specific to us. It’s where most of the one-time cash infusions came from; it’s why I haven’t been sick–not *really* sick, not anything bad enough to make me wish I were unconscious–in over three and a half of the four years that separate us.)
((common-cold-induced depression isn’t normal, BTW. you know that weird non-depressive cold we had in December of 2017? yeah, that’s just what colds are like for normal people. sure does explain a lot about why people are Like That.))
The Ontarian government has announced plans to start covering dental care in a couple of years (a long enough delay that I’ve decided it’s still worth paying for a checkup this year, though I may skip next year). Our parents’ pensions will start trickling in next year, with the bigger ones starting in 2025. I still have a couple more ideas for how to break into an accounting career, and I still have the option of changing tacks and making a living in an unrelated field.
In the time since I was you, I have bought both a solar panel and a video game.
One way or another, we’ll get through this.
Remember, I love you.
Tags:
#reply via reblog #oh look an update #adventures in human capitalism #adventures in University Land #in which Brin has a job #101 Uses for Infrastructureless Computers #covid19 #illness tw #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what #venting cw? #bragging cw? #kind of both
Remember, if it’s been at least 2 months since your last covid vaccine (whatever it was), and you are over 18, you qualify for the new covid bivalent booster. This booster specifically targets Omicron B.A.4 and B.A.5., which are the dominant strains in the US, and account for over 98% of new covid infections.
As of a couple days ago, this was authorized for emergency use in the US. Your local vaccination place should be getting these in stock within a week or two.
Covid is still a threat. Get vaccinated if you can.
Excellent info!
Here is an article in case people want to read more about that sort of thing.
#I got a fourth dose of univalent in July so I’m not eligible until January #I stand by my decision: *I* have a respirator‚ but I get a lot of indirect exposure through my family members and #frankly it’s a miracle Brother hasn’t *already* brought one Omicron or another home from work #in order to worry about the long term you have to make it through the short term first #I’ve made notes on the family calendar for the 5th-dose eligibility dates of me‚ Dad‚ and Mom #and I’ll be keeping an eye out for changes in that date: #Ontario often starts with a long dose interval but then shortens it later as supplies catch up #(Brother hasn’t even had a *third* dose‚ let alone a fourth‚ and could go for the bivalent as soon as they’re rolled out) #(but I don’t know that there’s anything I could say that would make him *more* likely to do it rather than less) #(my best bet might be to stay silent and hope he comes to the conclusion on his own) #PSA #covid19 #vaccines #illness tw #home of the brave #our home and cherished land #reply via reblog
Also, interesting note on Lucy’s condition. Stoker is actually subverting what was a common trope in that time period.
It was a common for characters in novels to fall ill, often from tuberculosis, which had similar symptoms as what Lucy is experiencing- paleness, loss of energy, difficulty breathing. A victorian reader would quickly recognise these symptoms, and the trope they are suggesting.
But in this case, nope, it’s not that rascally consumption this time, Lucy’s got a case of the vampires, lads.
#Dracula #vampires #puns #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #illness tw #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what
Sure, monkeypox has now spread across all of Canada, but don’t worry! Historically it hasn’t been very contagious!
Tags:
#every fucking news article† is like this and it makes me wonder whether #their fingers are just pressing keys by reflex with no conscious input into their writing #if they actually think it’s not a big deal they should provide Actual Reasons instead of contradicting themselves every paragraph #at least I can take comfort in the thought that there’s a distinct possibility that #–one way or another– #within years my immune system won’t be orthopox-naive anymore and I’ll be in a lot less danger from smallpox lab-leaks-and/or-bioterrorism #(†except arguably Kelsey Piper’s: she technically does use the ”historically it hasn’t been very contagious” line but #overall her article does at least sound like a person wrote it) #illness tw #monkeypox
Making new parts is fun. Fixing old parts is less fun. This, in a nutshell, is why at-home fabrication has never been more popular. It turns out if you lock a lot of weirdos inside their houses and tell them that they might die if they talk to another person face-to-face, what they do is immediately go on AliExpress, and type “CNC router” into the little search box. Social scientists are still amazed.
Of course, there are downsides to turning your boring residential home into a scale-miniature version of an actual workplace where trained and experienced professionals work. For one thing, trained and experienced professionals work at a real machine shop instead of an IT department, and as such they have no interest in spending thousands of dollars to run off a crappy bushing adapter at home when they could instead eat dinner, drink a single beer, and think really hard about tolerances.
The other thing is the mess. When you cut up a piece of metal, the shavings don’t just disappear into the ether. What they actually do is turn into a mist of razor-sharp death, which you then cut yourself on a thousand times a week. And don’t think you can clean it up, either: all that swarf will be there when you’ve died of heavy-metal poisoning and your home is passed on to another bunch of suckers. Vacuums can’t touch it, not unless they like to blow out their motor windings, so pro-tier home machinists simply stage an arson when the pile gets too big and move into a new house with the insurance money. Hey, if you tool a little bit of magnesium once in awhile, it’ll be a really pretty fire, too.
Come to think of it, if the fire is big enough, that means you’ll get to buy a whole new set of tools all over again. Which will be really good for the brand new shop layout! No more having to drag heavy tools around because you forgot to put the lathe next to the mill. Which is good: if your friends come over to help you move it, they might breathe on you, and then you’d both die.
Tags:
#storytime #unreality cw #poison cw #illness tw #death tw #I like the juxtaposition here between ”getting fucked over by breathing metal fragments” and ”getting fucked over by breathing viruses” #very dynomight-better-air-quality-is-the-easiest-way-not-to-die.html
My brother, listen, do not be afraid. I have descended into Hell to talk About forgiveness. Yes, Pilate, with you. With others too – with everyone who’s here. But you first. Even Judas, my old friend, Must wait a while for me. We have a while; The sempiternal agony of Hell Exists outside of human history. Souls killed in every century are here Millennia before and after you. You stand among those millions who share An everlasting sentence for the crime Of “just doing your job.” Your job killed me. Your job ripped my skin open with a lash And drove me, bleeding, shambling up the hill Where your job drove an eight inch iron spike Through each hand and each foot, and hoisted me Towards the sky and left me there for hours To slowly suffocate. You did your job To many more like me. Their names were all Forgotten as they rotted on the cross Unburied. Hell is teeming with the souls Who did their job, who served the empire well – Not just your empire, all the ones that rose And fell, before and after your own Rome’s. You asked me once what truth is. That is it. That is the truth about your whole life’s work. You know this and it sears worse than the flames. But that is not why I descended here. I’m here about forgiveness. Listen. Please.
In the beginning was the Word of God. That’s me. Like you, I had a job to do. By me all things were made, and without me Was nothing that was made. The universe Was my life’s work, the empire that I served. My father’s will for Mankind was my law. One act of disobedience was enough To sentence every one of you to death. I did my job, and did it thoroughly: The hands that made the stars built every tomb. They sculpted tumors, planted neat rows Of plagues in human lungs and skin and guts, Conducted rousing symphonies of storms, Earthquakes, tsunamis, fires, and wrote In stone: if you survive all this, the time itself Will kill you. Yet this law, My Father’s Law, No – our law, I share blame for it – forbade The dead to die. Infinities of pain, We gave as punishments for finite crimes. My father made me judge, and I looked down On human beings. I saw their sinfulness And built sparse Heaven and a crowded Hell. I thought this law was justice ‘til the day I learned what it is like to be condemned.
Pontius, I have no right to punish you. I killed you. I killed everyone you loved. I tortured you, but this ends here. You’re free. All Hell breaks out today. I will not judge. From now on, I refuse to do my job. I am not Christ the King. I abdicate. How you repay your debt to those you killed Is your own cross to carry – they decide Whether they will forgive you when you meet In Paradise. And Pontius, I forgive You for my death, of course. How could I not? But I’m not here to tell you that, I’m here To ask, to plead, for what I don’t deserve From everyone in Hell, but first from you. Brother, when we last met I said to you That you would have no power over me Were it not given from above, but now I bow my head, give power from below. I beg you for the one gift only you Can give me: I have sinned against you, please Brother, can you – will you – forgive my sins?
Tags:
#Christianity #poetry #that one post with the thing #hell cw #death cw #murder cw #illness tw
I’ve been wearing my respirator for a while now and I put on a normal trifold mask because I need to do a lot of talking and I forgot how hard it is to get a seal on these things. I keep on adjusting it because I breathe and get a jet of air in my eye.
right? that’s the worst part imo
Have you tried putting a strip of medical tape (or a band-aid) over the top edge?
It’s still more annoying to seal than an elastomeric, but a lot less annoying than trying to seal a mask *without* tape.
andmaybegayer replied: “@brin-bellway haven’t tried that, I’ll have to keep a roll in my bag of masks”
Tags:
#conversational aglets #illness tw #the more you know #recs
Right. Elastomeric half-facepiece respirators as an alternative to disposable filtering facemasks. I highly recommend getting one.
Mug for scale, in both cases.
Basic pitch: since I got this I have been much less anxious wandering out and about in the world and I have not worried nearly as much about infection as I have while wearing practically any other mask, because you can fit-check yourself every time you put it on and be practically assured that everything you breathe is going through your filters. This is also cheaper and produces less waste than disposables in the long run, and are more comfortable for long-term wear. Downsides are that it’s pretty big and bulky, and some models are particularly hard to talk through, it requires some basic maintenance, and you might not be able to get the one you want if you have very particular needs or if you absolutely must have filtered exhalation as stock.
Longer pitch: What’s different about these masks, pros, then cons, in more detail, plus what to look for when buying, and finally less-effective semi-reusable alternatives that are less eye-catching.
#have you heard the Good News of our Lord and Saviour #no but seriously they’re right and they should say it and also I learned some new things from this post #love the concept of a normie-passing/office-dress-code-compliant mask hiding a silicone seal on the inside‚ might have to look into that #I’d vaguely heard of the HF-800 already but I might have to look *more* into that‚ God knows my speech clarity needs all the help it can get #(even though it *would* suck to have to give up my beloved 7502) #(I hate changing models on my prosthetics) #(the glasses I’m wearing right now were discontinued in 2012 and I was like ”what do you *mean* you *discontinued* my *body part*”) #(I have backup glasses that are as similar as I could find) #(and nobody *else* can tell when I’m wearing them versus my primaries) #(but *I* can tell and it’s Terrible) #I *want* box filters but they’re literally twice as much as discs and I don’t think I can stomach the extra $12/pair #given that I’ve managed *this* long on carrying an umbrella and a plastic bag everywhere and being careful when dishwashing #(*knocks on wood*) #tag rambles #illness tw #proud citizen of The Future #disappointed permanent resident of The Future #transhumanism #the more you know
I’ve been wearing my respirator for a while now and I put on a normal trifold mask because I need to do a lot of talking and I forgot how hard it is to get a seal on these things. I keep on adjusting it because I breathe and get a jet of air in my eye.
right? that’s the worst part imo
Have you tried putting a strip of medical tape (or a band-aid) over the top edge?
It’s still more annoying to seal than an elastomeric, but a lot less annoying than trying to seal a mask *without* tape.
Tags:
#the first draft of this reblog had no text in the main post body and the tags #”potential-future me who works as an office receptionist is nodding and grumbling along with this post” #”I am reblogging it on her behalf” #but then I thought ‘wait does Kali know about the tape trick’ #’I should check that’ #illness tw #the more you know #reply via reblog #recs
This kind of acausal compliment makes me want to share my Halloween costume from last year:
Tags:
#relatable #clothing #proud citizen of The Future #(I think the plague doctors of old would be pleased to know what we have been able to build on their foundation) #(I especially think about this when I see people wearing bifold ~N95s) #(it’s most blatant there: you can *see*‚ at a glance‚ how this object partakes of the same Platonic essence as a plague doctor mask) #(but better‚ more perfected‚ closer to the heart of #the thing the plague doctors took the first fumbling steps towards with their limited understanding and their limited manufacturing tech) #(it’s so beautiful) #((I wish I’d kept a copy of a picture I stumbled across once)) #((some news article I think)) #((a picture from a COVID ward‚ of a group of doctors gathered around a patient’s bed)) #((and these people‚ the plague doctors of our era)) #((were wearing elastomeric P100s just like mine)) #((or rather‚ I am wearing one just like theirs)) #((it is *so* beautiful‚ what we have been able to build)) #tag rambles #illness tw #covid19
Brinens and Things 