prokopetz:

How you expect the “no weapon forged by mortal hands shall slay me” loophole to go down: playing with the definitions of “weapon”, “forged”, or possibly “mortal”.

How it actually goes down: the blacksmith who forged the sword is a giant spider – strictly speaking all of their limbs are feet.


Tags:

#spiders #fun with loopholes #story ideas I will never write #violence mention #death mention

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randomitemdrop:

mcnostril:

I have discovered the truth about chainmail bikinis, and it is imperative those wearing such armor do not think about it too hard or they may inadvertently cross the line between Sexy Hero and Homicidal Pervert.

Item: enchanted chainmail bikini/headband/anklet set


Tags:

#art #comics #clothing #fun with loopholes #…nsfw?

existentialterror:

I’m watching an old livestream vod of some people who are really good at Geoguessr (because, I dunno, that’s where I’m at in my life now) and it’s really funny – so partially there’s this incredible real-world knowledge of, like, looking at the landscape and being like “I’m getting Spain vibes”, or knowing not just the flags but the colors of the flags, or the one guy who’s memorized all the traffic dividers of many different countries…

But then there are also these Goodharted things in from how google maps works in different countries, and it’s just thrown in alongside the others. It paints this wildly Nightvalian picture of the world. Such as:

  • Germany loves to make entire buildings blurry.
  • In Nigeria, a car follows you around everywhere (“the follow car”, you know.)
  • There are rifts over the sky in Senegal.

Tags:

#geography #games #fun with loopholes

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wepon:

deathcarpets:

thisobscuredesireforbeauty:

Thousands of starlings over Rome.
Source

someone kicked the cable on the skybox and it’s just static

“the sky above the port was the color of television, tuned to a dead channel.”


Tags:

#yeah basically what wepon said #(the part of me that tried to read Neuromancer too young and bounced off of it #is glad to know that it actually *is* possible for the sky to look like that) #(*googling* …wait are you telling me he *meant* static?) #(my whole adulthood I’ve figured he must have been thinking of one of the other ways dead channels can look) #((given that blue and black would both be much easier for a sky to pull off)) #which ~11-year-old me in her inexperience was unaware of) #birds #fun with loopholes #overly literal interpretations #just-literal-enough interpretations

transgenderer:

It really annoys me that skillshare makes the people it sponsors call it an “online learning community”, because like. As far as I can tell it is in no way a community. AFAIK It’s just a bunch of videos!

 

sigmaleph:

anything that has more than 2 people is a community

 

the-dao-of-the-zerg:

This thread is now a community

 

argumate:

an online community no less

 

theothin:

and I just learned things about skillshare from it!

 

the-dao-of-the-zerg:

By our powers combined, we are an “online learning community”!

 

sigmaleph:

we should start advertising on youtube


Tags:

#I didn’t actually laugh aloud but it still amused me enough to reblog #fun with loopholes #overly literal interpretations #advertising

rationalists-out-of-context:

I attempted to come up with a medical claim I was one in a trillion confident in, considered “if your head gets chopped off you will die”, and then remembered that I literally have contingency plans set up in which my head gets chopped off to increase my life expectancy


Tags:

#death tw #I didn’t actually laugh aloud but it still amused me enough to reblog #101 Uses for Infrastructureless Computers #fun with loopholes #cryonics

necarion:

prokopetz:

RPG with one of those “humans can’t use magic” settings where the party consists entirely of human magic-users, each with an increasingly strained explanation for why they technically don’t count as human.

A spell backfired on me and I started growing feathers on my arm. I am not a featherless biped.


Tags:

#story ideas I will never write #fun with loopholes

Anonymous asked: y’know what I wish? I wish theists who do that thing where they act like any atheist they encounter or hear of is their defiant teenaged child, dissing religion to shock them personally and not out of any sincere belief, would get a fucking grip.

argumate:

sincere disbelief, really

 

argumate:

invertedporcupine said: There are cases where it’s not an act. Some of these people live in serious viewpoint bubbles. I have seen, verbatim, the claim “Even the craziest atheist believes in souls” written in all seriousness.

ironically the craziest atheist probably does believe in souls

 

cromulentenough:

I was taught that atheists all ACTUALLY believe in god, but they’re lying and saying they’re not because they don’t like the rules. when you push them they all deep down believe, even if they’re lying to themselves. (hence that ‘no atheists in foxholes’ thing.)

(another reason i was infuriated by that post that suggested only white male atheists don’t believe for intellectual reasons, poc/ women don’t believe because they were harmed by the religion’)

 

nuclearspaceheater:

If by “soul” you mean the locus of your consciousness, morality, and cognition, which cannot be destroyed without destroying you, then yes, souls are absolutely real. They’re called “brains”, and we really should just start calling them souls to emphasize that point. (Eg, “exposure to lead is known to cause permanent soul damage, especially in bullet form.”)

This is in alignment with my other point of noting that if a lich is someone with their soul in a material phylactery, then we are all already degenerate lichs whose phylacteries are our bodies and who do not yet have access to immersive proxies, but who can already act by proxy without endangering our phylacteries (and by extensions, souls) by various forms of telecommunication, which would make one a form of cyber-lich.


Tags:

#religion #discourse cw? #if I were one of those people who puts a bunch of cryptic-but-accurate descriptors in their header #I would absolutely be adding ”cyber-lich” right now #worth putting up with the entire rest of this thread for that last post #fun with loopholes #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what #death tw?

meg-moira:

writing-prompt-s:

“May you have a life of safety and peace”, said the witch, cursing the bloodthirsty warrior.

The words of the slain hold tremendous power.

It’s why any sensible warrior is a master of swift endings. Such as an arrow through the eye or a clean separation of head from shoulders. In a pinch, a slit throat will do. Though it really is best to avoid giving your enemy the chance to make even garbled curses out of their last bloody breaths. For even those without the slightest touch of magic have been known to make a curse stick if it’s uttered on the cold brink of death.

Eindred the Bloody collected curses in the same way that other warriors collected scars. Even in the wild chaos of battle, he was known to take a knee, pressing his ear to a felled enemy’s laboring lips.

May your every loved one die screaming in pain.

I hope you die with your eyes stabbed out and your heart in your hands.

You will never know happiness.

Your existence will be suffering.

May your greatest enemy rise from the grave and never leave you alone.

The last was his most recent curse, and Eindred wondered if it meant some great murdered brute was tracing his steps, waiting to catch him while he slept.

Eindred crossed the peninsula with a company of barbaric warriors, gaining a new curse from every enemy he felled. Not all of them would stick, he knew. But some undoubtedly would. And he would deserve every one.

Others in his company treated him with to wary, sidelong glances, because surely it was dangerous to travel with one so cursed as he. But Eindred was a force in battle, relentless and unstoppable as an icy winter gale, and so they swallowed their complaints, and contented themselves with leaving a wide berth on either side of his scarred, patchwork arms.

Eindred was marching at the back of the company when they came upon the village. It was a collection of squat, wooden homes tucked beneath a snow capped mountainside. From thatched rooftops, wisps of smoke from cooking fires rose, painting the blue sky in pale, meandering strokes. 

This company tended to leave such settlements alone, and Eindred was glad for it. No warriors would be found in tiny mountainside villages, and though he might live to fight, he had no interest in wholesale slaughter. 

This time, however, the company leader – a silent, brutish man, held up a hand.

Their company was running low on food, it turned out, and even from a distance, the warriors could see the village’s sheep – a trail of white spots on the green hillside.

Eindred was disappointed when, ultimately, violence erupted in the quiet village, though he did not lay down his thick handled blade.

The shepherd boy had refused to give up his master’s sheep, and when he shouted, a blacksmith had burst from his home, wielding a great hammer in his hand. 

The battle was short. 

When all was done, four lay dead. The shepherd, the blacksmith, and two young men who’d foolishly taken up crude wooden spears. The rest of the villagers huddled, terrified in their homes. The warriors expected to slaughter the sheep with no further trouble, but when they turned back to the field, an individual stood blocking their way.

His hair was dark – as the hair in these parts tended to be, and his face was sharp, both nose and cheeks splattered with freckles. Golden eyes beheld the warriors, and he watched them with a steady, measured gaze. Without the slightest hint of fear, he stood before them, his simple robe fluttering in the icy mountain’s breath, and said: “These are simple people. They have little in way of money or goods. It wasn’t for nothing that the shepherd, blacksmith, and teenagers died. They need these sheep. And I cannot allow you to take them.”

The other warriors in the company laughed at the young man’s foolishness – for that was what it looked like to them. Eindred did not laugh, however. Though the stranger’s voice was light, the air stirred around him. 

It was rare to encounter one who commanded magics. Rare – but not impossible. And so Eindred alone was unsurprised when the young man turned his golden eyes to the heavens and summoned great branches of lightning which cleaved the skies above them. The world erupted and the men around Eindred screamed.

Eindred, who’d expected something like this, had already begun running. 

Later, he would think it odd that the witch hadn’t bothered to move. But in the heat of battle, with lightning splitting the field at his back, Eindred’s attention had narrowed to the rough point of his blade – and then, the crimson place where it pierced the witch’s chest.

The skies silenced as Eindred pulled the wet, crimson blade free of its target. 

It took just a moment for the witch to fall, but in that single, infinite moment, Eindred was subjected to the full weight of that golden gaze.

Legs folding beneath him, the witch crumpled, collapsing back onto the wild, wet grass. Eindred knelt beside him, grimly eager to hear the curse and be done with it. Surely a curse at the lips of one so powerful as this would finally bring an end to things? 

To take one’s own life was an unspeakably shameful end for a warrior such as he. But a curse? Well, one couldn’t help how the wrong curse might speed things along.

The witch’s black hair was damp from the dew in the grass, and when he turned, it stuck to the side of his face and neck. His mouth opened and closed. Holding his breath, Eindred leaned in.

“-my hut…it’s just past…the next hill over,” the witch whispered. “In it, I keep medicines and herbs. For the villagers. And travelers who pass.”

Eindred shook his head. He didn’t understand.

Impossibly, the witch smiled. When he lifted a hand, Eindred twitched, expecting to be struck.

The witch’s bloodied finger, however, did nothing more than tap his chest. And then, in a wet, rattling breath, the witch, with his great power finally spoke his curse. 

“May you live a life of safety and peace.” 

Eindred sat, his thick, scarred knuckles braced in the dirt as the cold mountain wind whistled down the hillside at his back.

“What?” he whispered. 

But the young man’s golden eyes were blank and empty, and the other warriors lay dead in the field. Only the relentless wind snapped and whistled in answer.

Eindred left.

Within a month, he’d joined up with another company. And it soon became clear  the witch’s death rattle had been a curse of great power indeed. For wherever Eindred traveled, peace inevitably followed. Enemy warriors surrendered and when they didn’t, members within Eindred’s own company had sudden changes of heart. As for Eindred himself, not a single person would raise a blade against him, and Eindred had never been the sort who could raise his own blade against one who had no wish to fight.

And so for another month he wandered, hapless, without even the dark purpose of collecting curses which had driven him for the last several years. 

He’d been raised with a sword in his hand, brought up knowing full well that his job in life would be to cut short the existence of any who stood against him. Not even thirty, and his soul was exhausted, worn ragged by such an life. And so, he’d sought a way out if it. Eindred had accumulated a terrifying number of curses – curses which would surely have felled lesser men than he. Before everything had gone wrong in the tiny village, he’d been sure it was only a matter of time before they overcame him.

But now, the witch’s single curse had overpowered them all.

Eindred was safer than he’d ever been in his life. He’d never known such a quiet, terrible peace. 

After another month, he returned to the mountainside village. He didn’t have any good reason to return – other than perhaps the distant hope that a villager’s rage might be enough to overcome the curse. As he climbed the grassy hillside, he resigned himself to potential death by club or rake.

Keep reading


Tags:

#storytime #fun with loopholes #death tw #murder cw #violence cw