I called Les Mis “Les Mis” today and this fuckin kid sitting near me was like “I hate when people call Les Misebrlebelseses ‘les mis’ it’s so lazy”
boy I read a 1,463-page book I will call it whatever the fuck I want, I will call it “Marius Pontmercy and Those Other Guys: A Novel” go back to your underclassman French course
Tags:
#Les Miserables #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog
They intended to dummy it out, but you can still access it if you strafe into the corner at the right angle. Doing this will bypass 3 nights of your stay and glitch out your room service to read 244 pizzas (the pizzas are actually infinite-use, the counter will not decrease).
Just go outside and punch the ground a couple times. Go back inside and build a noob tower up to the sitting area, it can’t be higher than 3, 4 blocks.
There are two things that are incredibly accurate about this comic:
In a century, I’m a space empress.
In a century, I’m still dropping Hamilton references.
…actually, now that you mention it, I could absolutely believe that century-old space empresses would make a habit of ancient pop-culture references, just in general. That particular reference is probably too obscure to communicate “Do not trifle with me, child. I was here long before your parents were born, and I have every intention of being here long after you are dust in the wind. You do not want to get in the way of that goal.”, but it could still serve as staying in practice for when it’s time to deal with other gerontocrats. (And there’s always personal amusement, of course.)
Tags:
#Parhelion #reply via reblog #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #it was interesting to listen to my brain attempt to synthesise what future!Alison would sound like #when I’m just reading her posts my brain gives up and just makes something up out of the stock voices #(though it’s worth noting that the thought-voice I read Alison’s posts in is both consistent over time and different from the default voice) #(but it has a very definite American accent because I tend to have trouble using thought-voices with accents different from mine) #(I did notice that after talking to her in-person and hearing her pronounce ”can’t” in the British manner) #(my brain started attempting to integrate that particular characteristic into her associated thought-voice) #(with limited success) #(anyway as I was saying:) #my brain actually made a proper attempt this time #and it’s always interesting to feel it scrambling to construct a thought-voice according to relatively precise specifications #even if it’s almost never as successful as I’d like #tag rambles
When I was in high school, they made us do “devotion” every morning.
Every
Fucking
Morning
They would march us into an auditorium and pack us together and scream at us for an hour about how much Jesus loves us, which is why He threatens us with fire, and if we don’t want to burn we have to let Him come inside our hearts and/or orifices.
Jesus Christ: Scumbag Boyfriend
And, as a Jewish atheist, I was too lesbian for this shit.
So I did the obvious thing, of course.
I hid
In my classroom
Where everyone else was hiding.
Alison Morais: A Fucking Genius
But then the teachers found us
Because, like, how could they not
And they decided that the appropriate punishment for five delinquent kids refusing to participate in forced-worship
…Was to make them lead worship services.
My Teachers: Also Fucking Geniuses
So then they marched the lot of us to the auditorium and said that we would each have to give a sermon on a Biblical passage of our choice.
And we would each have to speak, on stage, in front of the crowd, for five minutes.
We were told to vote on who was to go first. Everyone made the logical choice and voted for the person they thought would be best able to deliver a speech on short notice.
Translation: Those FUCKING ASSHOLES threw me to the wolves and I will EAT THEIR CHILDREN.
So then it was time for me to use my mouth to serve my scumbag boyfriend Lord and Saviour.
I read and commented on The Lord’s Prayer and made sure to really put OOMPH into it. I was FABULOUS. The crowd went wild; even though they usually hated this part of the day.
Charisma: 1
Honesty: 0
Achievement Unlocked: Standard-Issue Religious Leader
But! There was one problem! Remember that I was supposed to go for 5 minutes, right?
This took me 4.
I had no idea what to do for the last minute, so I just looked at the rest of Matthew 6 in case there was something good.
5 “And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 6 But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 7 And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words.
So then I started bullshitting
Because of course I did
And I basically was like:
You see this thing we do where we assemble each morning
And are forced to listen to the teachers pray at us
When clearly they’re praying for us to watch instead of for their own spiritual betterment?
And then the teachers were like:
Alison, what are you doing
Jesus is telling us that this is morally wrong
ALISON NO
He’s saying G-d hates it
Your mum hates it
Uncle Joe hates it
That creepy guy in the white van who sells chloroform-flavoured ice-cream hates it
ALISON STAHP
And if you do it you’ll be tortured in hell forever and ever; amen. Good night, Detroit! See ya!
ALISON GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE BITCH
But I was gone
Tags:
#storytime #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #Christianity
it’s kind of interesting to me, from a business standpoint that Tumblr in particular hasn’t adopted some form of transparency with regard to how they operate? Like, obviously, the user base of a social media site doesn’t need to know every little detail of how the site is run but imagine the goodwill that could be brought by a weekly or bi-weekly behind-the-scenes update as to the status of things?
e.g. “Replies are taking longer to reimplement than we had predicted due to a new coding method we decided to adopt for future site updates. We aim to have them back by x date. Thanks for your patience.”
little bits like that wouldn’t be unwelcome at all I think.
You realize those updates would just be “Kevin got wasted on pbr and pushed an untested code update to the master and now everything about replies are fucked and we don’t actually know how to fix it, cause the person who got it working in the first place quit after that dude wouldn’t stop wearing his tie as a belt.”
Website update: Nothing is fucking working properly because everyone is too busy shopping for unusual ties to wear as belts. I’ve been alone in the office for three months now. I fucking hate you david karp.
Yeah.
And then all they need to do is make that blog private so that you have to have a Tumblr to read it, and nobody would think if leaving Tumblr again.
Tags:
#The Great Tumblr Apocalypse #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog
Brinens and Things - Tumblr Mirror 