Bad Luck Brian: Have you ever had a string of ridiculously bad luck?
Have I ever told the story of why I’m terrified of bees? Like, the conventional wisdom is that they don’t bother you if you leave them alone, sure, but… when I was five, I was playing out in the yard, and I got stung, and BOY that hurt. And my mom gave me the standard wisdom to reassure me- and also dropped a factoid that most people only get stung once in their whole lives, so I’m all set now because that’s how probability works for sure.
SO later that same day, Mom takes me to watch my cousin’s baseball game. And even though I was five, I could already tell that baseball was incredibly boring to watch, so I wandered off to the field nearby to pick dandelions, and GAAAAAH I stepped on a bee and got stung again. I feel shocked and betrayed and also I feel a lot of pain from a bee sting on my foot. Mom marvels at the unfortunate coincidence, and reassures me, and we go home.
And then I get out of the car, and walk across the lawn to the front door of our house, and BAM. THIRD TIME IS THE CHARM, THE HAT TRICK, LIGHTNING STRIKES THRICE, A FUCKING BEE STINGS ME AGAIN
i haven’t trusted those little yellow fucks since
Bee Movie: What’s your weirdest ship?
since perinaldo, my life has never known peace. the following day, snake people started manifesting in my house.
But no yeah I don’t tend to really ship stuff unless it’s obviously canon or whatever. The closest thing to a crack ship I have is like… there’s discourse around Mei and Junkrat from Overwatch, and frankly yeah, those two would never get along- and most of the girls in that series I can’t see going for Jamison. There’s a couple plausible Junkships, I think- Sombra, Lucio, and D.Va all seem like they’d gravitate to his wild attitude.
i didn’t ship junkrat and d.va but then i saw this comic and now,
We Are Number One: If you were a fictional character, would you be a villain?
short answer: YES
less short answer: i would go all in on the mad scientist supervillain aesthetic, but my evil schemes to take over the world would never be that evil, because i don’t want to be a dick, right?i’m thinking like a Dr. Doofenshmirtz situation.probably the heroes vanquish me at the end of season 1 and then i fall into that “becomes the team’s weird uncle” role
(or at least it would seem that way until the series finale where it turns out i’ve been preparing a scheme all along and manage to usurp the new big bad’s power source, OH SHIT, WHAT UP KIDS, BET YOU DIDN’T SEE THE GUY NAMED BENEDICT BETRAYIN Y’ALL, GAHAHAHAHAHA)
Tags:
#bees #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(”BET YOU DIDN’T SEE THE GUY NAMED BENEDICT BETRAYIN Y’ALL”) #home of the brave
i always know when a fic writer has never experienced a hickey
How? It’s not like you’ve experienced one either.
“[Character A] licked and nibbled [Character B]’s collarbone, leaving dark purple spots along the way.”
either they’re tossing away the meaning of “nibbled” for the advancement of smut or they have a solid misunderstanding of hickeys. it takes like four or five straight seconds of hard suction to make a spot “dark purple”.
okay so two options here:
“[Character A] licked and nibbled [Character B]’s collarbone, leaving faint pink spots along the way.”
OR (and this one is better imo)
“[character A] sucked on the skin of [character B]’s collarbone harder than a vacuum on high power, leaving behind appropriately dark purple hickeys”
“[Character A] puckered their lips and absolutely Hoover™’d the life out of [Character B]’s entire neck. ‘You DirtDevil™’ [Character B] said with a breathy sigh.”
Tags:
#(oh right I was going to reblog this) #nsfw? #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog
And okay, my first though was “and the galaxy was saved because even Anakin Skywalker would struggle to keep trusting Palpatine with that music playing in the background”
Anakin think he’s gone COMPLETELY insane (maybe he’s finally been electrocuted too many times and its fried his brain). He doesn’t tell anyone though because he can still fight just fine just… everything is a lot more musical. He doesn’t want to be thought crazy and taken off the front lines.
Once he figures out what the various musical cues mean he actually finds them useful in figuring out how dangerous a situation is. Also battles are so much cooler now and boring landscapes are slightly less boring because at least now they have mood music. Yep, he can live with this.
(Although he is always confused why the ominousness that is The Imperial March starts playing at some of his decisions)
Anakin: I’m so worried about something. I should probably keep my feelings to myself and attempt to solve my problems by working with Palpatine. He seems like he has my best interests at heart.
Music: DUN DUN DUN, DUN DA-DUN, DUN DA-DUN!
Anakin: [pauses] [looks around] Uh…OK. I mean, I’ll…go talk to Obi-Wan?
Music: [hopeful woodwind instruments]
Anakin: …and be open and honest about my life and what is bothering me, and try to work out a non-violent resolution to my problems?
Maybe Obi-Wan hears the music, too, and then the day is saved.
Obi-Wan: [walking away] Welp, guess it’s off to kill Grievous I’m sure Anakin will be fi –
Music: [Duel of the Fates]
Obi-Wan: OMG not this shit again [runs back down the hall towards Anakin]
Anakin: [running back towards Obi-Wan] Obi-Wan I just heard that Ominous Music again and also I secretly married Padme and she’s pregnant and I haven’t slept in 6 days and I keep thinking she’s going to die and I AM FREAKING THE FUCK OUT and if you leave I will 100% end up killing everyone and –
Obi-Wan: – oh my God! OK…it’s OK, I heard my own ominous music a second ago when I was getting ready to leave and so I won’t and we’ll fix th –
Anakin: – I heard mine when I thought about maybe talking to the Chancellor instead of y–
Palpatine: [sidling up behind them smugly] Everything all right, gentlemen?
On a non Star Wars note, there’s a Space Center– basically this Star Trek simulator–near my university, and you do full scale missions in replicated federation ship bridges with uniforms and roles like Captain and first mate and tactical and navigation; it also has really epic background music. And the three rules of the missions are: 1, if you have to die, go out with style (this is in the captain’s manual, too); 2, get into it/ham it up; and 3, the background music doesn’t exist. You can, however, “get a bad feeling.”
So, like, every time the music gets all tense and stuff and you know something is about to go down in the plot of your mission, you get to shout “I have a bad feeling about this, Captain!” And the music legit does act like a guide for what’s happening in the story. One time the music went out and it was so disorienting, and our first mate just turned to the rest of us and screamed “I DON’T KNOW HOW I’M FEELING ANYMORE CAPTAIN!”
wen u have a $100 gift card 2 da ethiopian supermarket
Tags:
#food #paired post #(I’m never sure what order to do paired posts in) #(I’m doing them chronologically here because I personally read my dash in chronological order) #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog
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Tags:
#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(I promise)
my favorite d&d thing is when someone flubs like a really obvious perception roll or something and the dm gets to be like, “well, you’re pretty sure you’re in a room but you could be wrong”
it is either really wet or really dry, you’re not entirely sure
One time a guy in our party rolled a nat 20 on a perception check, but there was nothing around he didnt already see, so the DM said “You’re not quite sure, but for a few seconds it seems like you’re standing on a giant’s table, surrounded by 5 Giants. Your party seems to look stiff and fake, and Large papers and Dice are strewn around you. Then, everything goes back to normal.”
I used to play 3.5, where Trapfinding was a rogue thing. Whenever our rogue flubbed a trapfinding roll, our DM would say, in a cheery voice, “You detect none of the traps!”
one time, my COMPLETELY non-magic using rogue rolled a nat 20 for arcana while checking out a magical sword and the dm was like “somehow… many years ago while robbing a house, you came across one very specific book about magic this one time and memorized it god knows why”
Tags:
#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog
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